Breaking Down Walls.
Twenty-Five
I V Y
After the doctor had been in to run some test I got told that I could go home tomorrow, just in case anything else were to happen, Zack smiled and replied to the doctor for me, I haven’t really spoke much and if I had it’s only been to Zack. I was still going through everything in my head, hearing what everyone said to me whilst I was in the coma really affected me, I didn’t realize I was so important to everyone but above that the things that Alex would say to me, why have I never noticed he felt that for me, I don’t even know how I feel about him but I know I really do need to talk to him, I miss my best friend. I kept wondering where Dylan was while I have been here he hasn’t visited me like the rest, maybe he’s been busy or maybe he’s found other friends, I hope when I get home I can talk to him, because I want him in my life. I feel like I need to apologize for what he saw, and then thank him for saving my life. I’m glad I know how people feel about me now, but I still don’t see it, to me these demons are still here, telling me I should have died, and that when I get home I should cut and pinch and burn myself. I know that I will probably fall back into my habits but this time I will do it with people I know love me. Me and Zack spoke about mom and dad, and I now understand he feels the same not that I doubted for a second that he did, he said he’s going to try and be there for me a lot me than he has been. And that he is sorry that he never noticed that I was losing myself. He told me that it wouldn’t happen again.
Everyone but Alex is going to get some food, this I guess gives me a chance to talk to him, find out what’s in his head, since I woke up he hasn’t said much to me. Not that I expect him to. I know he’s upset and probably angry that I didn’t tell him anything. Everyone gives me a kiss on my head and exits the room. Leaving me and Alex in complete silence, he was looking over at me from the corner of the room he looks like he was trying to get inside my brain, I gave him the same look neither one of us were talking I’m not sure who would break the silence first Or who would be the first to walk out of the room.
A L E X
I had no idea why I couldn’t talk to her, maybe it’s because I felt like I couldn’t read her face, I know I have been looking straight at her for the past 5 minutes but I can’t find the right words to say all I keep thinking about is the fact that she might know how I feel about her, or she might not. I want her to talk first maybe then I will know. Part of me hopes she didn’t then we could just carry on like normal but I don’t think that has happened at all. She’s looking straight back at me, neither of us know what to say to each other but Ivy is the first one to stop this silence that’s hanging over us.
“So gaskarth, are you going to talk to me?” Her voice quiet and rough
I walk over to her bed and take a seat looking at her arms
“Why Ivy? Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“I couldn’t you had other stuff going on, I didn’t think it was important. I could control it”
“Nothing was more important that your health, I thought you could trust me”
“It’s not about trusting you Alex, you know it’s not like that. I didn’t know how to tell you, or how you would react. Apparently I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets”
I guess this means she could hear us, she heard what I said she knows, I look at her for a reaction, but nothing she sits up. I have no idea what she is thinking.
“Well I wouldn’t have reacted as bad as you think I would have, you know I’m not like that. Yeah I was keeping a secret I didn’t even know I had Ivy, I didn’t know how I felt for you Jack put it in my head and then this happened I guess I realised what you mean to me, and what you have meant to me for a long time, now I don’t know what to do because I have no idea how you feel and it’s really fucking with my head Ivy”
“I wish you would have told me before Alex, and right now I don’t know how I feel, I mean I’m not saying I don’t like you It’s just I haven’t got my head around it. I don’t know if you’re just saying it because you feel sorry for me”
“That’s not the case Ivy, I do really like you and I probably shouldn’t”
“Why shouldn’t you?”
I think I messed up, why do I say stupid things.
I V Y
“Why shouldn’t you?”
I know exactly why he shouldn’t I’m too messed up for him not just that Zack might hate him for it
“You know what Zack is going to be like about you now, imagine if he found out how I feel, he would fucking kill me, and if there is a chance for us I’d quite like to be here for it”
“Is it just about Zack? Or is there something else?”
“I know what you’re thinking and it’s not about any of this, just about Zack I promise”
“Alex, do you like taking risks?”
Now what am I doing? Why would I even ask that?
“Depends what the risk is, and who it’s for?”
“Well, would you risk Zack just to you know…Be with me?”
“I think I would”
“Well then, why are you so worried?”
“I don’t understand what you’re getting to Ivy? Do you want to be with me or are you just winding me up?”
“I want to be with you, I think I like you too Alex, it’s strange because until you told me how you felt I didn’t know I had any sort of feelings for you Lex”
I didn’t have a chance to say anything else before I knew it Alex had me pulled into a hug he pulled away to look at me taking my face in his hands then looking down at me and pressing his lips to mine softly. That’s when I felt it the feelings I had for him growing. The worry of Zack was gone and everything that was wrong with me felt like it was lifting to. It’s weird how much I feel for this boy now.
After the doctor had been in to run some test I got told that I could go home tomorrow, just in case anything else were to happen, Zack smiled and replied to the doctor for me, I haven’t really spoke much and if I had it’s only been to Zack. I was still going through everything in my head, hearing what everyone said to me whilst I was in the coma really affected me, I didn’t realize I was so important to everyone but above that the things that Alex would say to me, why have I never noticed he felt that for me, I don’t even know how I feel about him but I know I really do need to talk to him, I miss my best friend. I kept wondering where Dylan was while I have been here he hasn’t visited me like the rest, maybe he’s been busy or maybe he’s found other friends, I hope when I get home I can talk to him, because I want him in my life. I feel like I need to apologize for what he saw, and then thank him for saving my life. I’m glad I know how people feel about me now, but I still don’t see it, to me these demons are still here, telling me I should have died, and that when I get home I should cut and pinch and burn myself. I know that I will probably fall back into my habits but this time I will do it with people I know love me. Me and Zack spoke about mom and dad, and I now understand he feels the same not that I doubted for a second that he did, he said he’s going to try and be there for me a lot me than he has been. And that he is sorry that he never noticed that I was losing myself. He told me that it wouldn’t happen again.
Everyone but Alex is going to get some food, this I guess gives me a chance to talk to him, find out what’s in his head, since I woke up he hasn’t said much to me. Not that I expect him to. I know he’s upset and probably angry that I didn’t tell him anything. Everyone gives me a kiss on my head and exits the room. Leaving me and Alex in complete silence, he was looking over at me from the corner of the room he looks like he was trying to get inside my brain, I gave him the same look neither one of us were talking I’m not sure who would break the silence first Or who would be the first to walk out of the room.
A L E X
I had no idea why I couldn’t talk to her, maybe it’s because I felt like I couldn’t read her face, I know I have been looking straight at her for the past 5 minutes but I can’t find the right words to say all I keep thinking about is the fact that she might know how I feel about her, or she might not. I want her to talk first maybe then I will know. Part of me hopes she didn’t then we could just carry on like normal but I don’t think that has happened at all. She’s looking straight back at me, neither of us know what to say to each other but Ivy is the first one to stop this silence that’s hanging over us.
“So gaskarth, are you going to talk to me?” Her voice quiet and rough
I walk over to her bed and take a seat looking at her arms
“Why Ivy? Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“I couldn’t you had other stuff going on, I didn’t think it was important. I could control it”
“Nothing was more important that your health, I thought you could trust me”
“It’s not about trusting you Alex, you know it’s not like that. I didn’t know how to tell you, or how you would react. Apparently I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets”
I guess this means she could hear us, she heard what I said she knows, I look at her for a reaction, but nothing she sits up. I have no idea what she is thinking.
“Well I wouldn’t have reacted as bad as you think I would have, you know I’m not like that. Yeah I was keeping a secret I didn’t even know I had Ivy, I didn’t know how I felt for you Jack put it in my head and then this happened I guess I realised what you mean to me, and what you have meant to me for a long time, now I don’t know what to do because I have no idea how you feel and it’s really fucking with my head Ivy”
“I wish you would have told me before Alex, and right now I don’t know how I feel, I mean I’m not saying I don’t like you It’s just I haven’t got my head around it. I don’t know if you’re just saying it because you feel sorry for me”
“That’s not the case Ivy, I do really like you and I probably shouldn’t”
“Why shouldn’t you?”
I think I messed up, why do I say stupid things.
I V Y
“Why shouldn’t you?”
I know exactly why he shouldn’t I’m too messed up for him not just that Zack might hate him for it
“You know what Zack is going to be like about you now, imagine if he found out how I feel, he would fucking kill me, and if there is a chance for us I’d quite like to be here for it”
“Is it just about Zack? Or is there something else?”
“I know what you’re thinking and it’s not about any of this, just about Zack I promise”
“Alex, do you like taking risks?”
Now what am I doing? Why would I even ask that?
“Depends what the risk is, and who it’s for?”
“Well, would you risk Zack just to you know…Be with me?”
“I think I would”
“Well then, why are you so worried?”
“I don’t understand what you’re getting to Ivy? Do you want to be with me or are you just winding me up?”
“I want to be with you, I think I like you too Alex, it’s strange because until you told me how you felt I didn’t know I had any sort of feelings for you Lex”
I didn’t have a chance to say anything else before I knew it Alex had me pulled into a hug he pulled away to look at me taking my face in his hands then looking down at me and pressing his lips to mine softly. That’s when I felt it the feelings I had for him growing. The worry of Zack was gone and everything that was wrong with me felt like it was lifting to. It’s weird how much I feel for this boy now.
Notes
I'm honestly so sorry that I haven't updated, I was on holiday this week and has no internet! I've also started work now so updates will be slow, hopefully not this slow though!
I really hope everyone enjoys this chapter please tell me what you think, I know some of you have been waiting for this!
-Kay
Thanks too
Iktsohs - For commenting!
Hops on black Pegasus of rainbow feels to ride next story
9/6/14