Breaking Down Walls.
Twenty-Three
R I A N
I was the fourth person to go and see Ivy, no one was talking to me apart from Carol, she was talking to me about how Ivy was fine when she left this morning and how bad she felt. No one should have felt bad this was no one’s fault obviously Ivy had something in her head and she didn't want to live anymore. It’s hard when you've lost your parents and then your brother is going away for 6 weeks when he’s been around for you for a year. I felt sorry for her, she couldn't handle whatever was going on.
I look at her lying on the bed and see why everyone was in shock, but I knew that this must have been happening, she’s not strong enough to deal with everything, I don’t understand why everyone was so shocked, at 17 and going through what she is dealing with I would have done that. I’m not close to Ivy at all, I mean we talk and it’s always nice but we don’t talk about our personal lives with each other, because that’s not what she wants to do and that’s okay. I’m not hurt by it she shouldn't have to trust everyone in the band just because we see each other all the time, it would be unfair to expect that, truth is I wouldn't want to be close to her, not in a horrible way but I’d rather be the friend that she can talk about random stuff with not just her life or my life, I want to be the friend that when foo fighters has a new song out we both get excited and listen to it, without having to say how we are both feeling. I’d rather be that friend. I know that I’m not going to be good at talking to her whist she’s sleeping, it’s awkward although everyone else has done it I find it difficult, she can’t reply to me and it sucks, but it’s best to give it a go right? I text a seat next to her.
“um, hi then Ivy we know that I’m going to suck at this but everyone else had done it apart for Jack, I wonder how he’s going to be when he sees this. I think you have a lot of explaining to do when you wake up but that’s not what I’m here to talk about, Zack’s really messed up right now lil one, he doesn't know what to do to help you if you were to wake up maybe you could tell him how to help, this is honestly tearing him apart, you’re his little sister, he feels terrible that he even left you, so does everyone. We are going to try our best not to leave you for a little while, we just want you to be okay and to be better, we will help you with whatever you need and whenever you need it, but I’m going to shut up now because I’m not sure what else to say but just wake up soon Ivy please? Then we can begin your path to recovery. I’ll talk to you later Ivy.”
I walked out of her room not knowing what else to do, god I’m awkward. I see Jack stand up and walk to her room I take a seat over by Alex and Dylan.
“Hey guys” I thought I’d start a conversation considering these two weren’t going to.
“Alright Ri”
“Hi Rian”
“You two okay? I mean part from Ivy”
“Well no I’d rather her be here, but apart from that situation I’m okay I think”
Dylan was first to answer, but there was no reply from Alex, I waited for his reply. 5 minutes of waiting he opens his mouth to speak.
“It’s crazy, a time like this makes you realize that someone could just leave quickly, they could just not exist anymore and these people” he points towards the other people within the waiting room. “Won’t even know or even care but us here, we will it will affect our lives, for another 10 years probably but then we will move on, and slowly forget about her to just like these people, but there are some people that will never forget, like Zack it’s his sister he won’t ever be able to forget that she’s gone and she isn't going to be here anymore, this could ruin his life. I don’t like the thought that I would forget Ivy but I probably would after a while, I’d just become use to not having her here, not hanging out with her, not talking to her. It’s a scary thought.”
Tears start forming in Alex’s eyes, this would be the first time he’s cried in front of people for a while. I jump up and put my arms around him he just grabs hold of me and shakes with tears, what he said was true, he was crying because he knows it is, also I think the thought of him losing her made him cry even harder, this lasted for about 5 minutes until Alex’s eyes dried up and he just went back to being Alex, I looked beside me to see that Dylan had gone, probably to get someone to drink. I sat back next to Alex but he didn't say another word so I told him I was off to ring Zack and see if I could ring him. After about four tries there was no answer again I walked back in taking my seat next to Alex, Jack came back and took the seat on the other side of Alex, that’s when we saw Zack walk back in to Ivy’s room I notice Jack giving Alex a questioning look.
“I have no idea, Jack we all tried calling him when you were in there but no answer I guess he just needed time”
Which was probably true, Zack’s not good at talking to us about things, especially when it’s this big, we had no idea where he had been, and we weren't expecting him to tell us anything at all. We knew that in about half an hour we would be asked to leave, that’s when waiting time was over. I wondered if that meant Zack as well which I don’t think it did but maybe he would go home tonight we’d have to find out in the morning.
Z A C K
After being outside for what seemed like 3-4 hours I finally had the courage to go back to the hospital, I wanted to see how she was. She needs me right? I’m her brother. It takes me about 20 minutes to get back to there and I walk straight to her room, I notice that Rian, Jack and Alex are staring at me, probably wondering where I went but I was not in the mood to be questioned I just wanted to see Ivy.
I will never get used to the scars on her arm I pick up her arm and look over them touching a few with my hands, wondering how she had hid this for a year, not even showing anyone, it led me to wonder how many others she has got but I didn't want to think about it. It wasn't something I ever thought I’d have to worry about then again I never thought my parents would die. I look at Ivy’s face. I keep think that she will wake up but I knew that she wouldn't be waking up for a while longer I just wish I was there sooner.
“Ivy I want you to wake up, I’m sorry I wasn't the brother you needed but I want to be that brother, and I will be him you just need to wake up first. I won’t let anyone hurt you I’ll be a protective brother I’ll be anything you need me to be I don’t won’t you doing this ever again” I pick up her arm again “You don’t need this anymore, we are going to get through this together we are going to be the brother and sister we were meant to be a year ago, even if that means not going on tour with the guys I will do it for you. I never meant any of this to happen to you, and I know It’s my fault, no one can tell me differently I should have been stopping you from hurting we should have been talking more, if we did you’d probably be okay. What am I going to do with you though Ivy, I want to help you but you need to let me this time, you’re not going to be left on your own for a while okay?”
I wish she could just reply but that’s not going to happen and I don’t know when she’s going to but I will be here when she can.
‹ Chapter 23
I was the fourth person to go and see Ivy, no one was talking to me apart from Carol, she was talking to me about how Ivy was fine when she left this morning and how bad she felt. No one should have felt bad this was no one’s fault obviously Ivy had something in her head and she didn't want to live anymore. It’s hard when you've lost your parents and then your brother is going away for 6 weeks when he’s been around for you for a year. I felt sorry for her, she couldn't handle whatever was going on.
I look at her lying on the bed and see why everyone was in shock, but I knew that this must have been happening, she’s not strong enough to deal with everything, I don’t understand why everyone was so shocked, at 17 and going through what she is dealing with I would have done that. I’m not close to Ivy at all, I mean we talk and it’s always nice but we don’t talk about our personal lives with each other, because that’s not what she wants to do and that’s okay. I’m not hurt by it she shouldn't have to trust everyone in the band just because we see each other all the time, it would be unfair to expect that, truth is I wouldn't want to be close to her, not in a horrible way but I’d rather be the friend that she can talk about random stuff with not just her life or my life, I want to be the friend that when foo fighters has a new song out we both get excited and listen to it, without having to say how we are both feeling. I’d rather be that friend. I know that I’m not going to be good at talking to her whist she’s sleeping, it’s awkward although everyone else has done it I find it difficult, she can’t reply to me and it sucks, but it’s best to give it a go right? I text a seat next to her.
“um, hi then Ivy we know that I’m going to suck at this but everyone else had done it apart for Jack, I wonder how he’s going to be when he sees this. I think you have a lot of explaining to do when you wake up but that’s not what I’m here to talk about, Zack’s really messed up right now lil one, he doesn't know what to do to help you if you were to wake up maybe you could tell him how to help, this is honestly tearing him apart, you’re his little sister, he feels terrible that he even left you, so does everyone. We are going to try our best not to leave you for a little while, we just want you to be okay and to be better, we will help you with whatever you need and whenever you need it, but I’m going to shut up now because I’m not sure what else to say but just wake up soon Ivy please? Then we can begin your path to recovery. I’ll talk to you later Ivy.”
I walked out of her room not knowing what else to do, god I’m awkward. I see Jack stand up and walk to her room I take a seat over by Alex and Dylan.
“Hey guys” I thought I’d start a conversation considering these two weren’t going to.
“Alright Ri”
“Hi Rian”
“You two okay? I mean part from Ivy”
“Well no I’d rather her be here, but apart from that situation I’m okay I think”
Dylan was first to answer, but there was no reply from Alex, I waited for his reply. 5 minutes of waiting he opens his mouth to speak.
“It’s crazy, a time like this makes you realize that someone could just leave quickly, they could just not exist anymore and these people” he points towards the other people within the waiting room. “Won’t even know or even care but us here, we will it will affect our lives, for another 10 years probably but then we will move on, and slowly forget about her to just like these people, but there are some people that will never forget, like Zack it’s his sister he won’t ever be able to forget that she’s gone and she isn't going to be here anymore, this could ruin his life. I don’t like the thought that I would forget Ivy but I probably would after a while, I’d just become use to not having her here, not hanging out with her, not talking to her. It’s a scary thought.”
Tears start forming in Alex’s eyes, this would be the first time he’s cried in front of people for a while. I jump up and put my arms around him he just grabs hold of me and shakes with tears, what he said was true, he was crying because he knows it is, also I think the thought of him losing her made him cry even harder, this lasted for about 5 minutes until Alex’s eyes dried up and he just went back to being Alex, I looked beside me to see that Dylan had gone, probably to get someone to drink. I sat back next to Alex but he didn't say another word so I told him I was off to ring Zack and see if I could ring him. After about four tries there was no answer again I walked back in taking my seat next to Alex, Jack came back and took the seat on the other side of Alex, that’s when we saw Zack walk back in to Ivy’s room I notice Jack giving Alex a questioning look.
“I have no idea, Jack we all tried calling him when you were in there but no answer I guess he just needed time”
Which was probably true, Zack’s not good at talking to us about things, especially when it’s this big, we had no idea where he had been, and we weren't expecting him to tell us anything at all. We knew that in about half an hour we would be asked to leave, that’s when waiting time was over. I wondered if that meant Zack as well which I don’t think it did but maybe he would go home tonight we’d have to find out in the morning.
Z A C K
After being outside for what seemed like 3-4 hours I finally had the courage to go back to the hospital, I wanted to see how she was. She needs me right? I’m her brother. It takes me about 20 minutes to get back to there and I walk straight to her room, I notice that Rian, Jack and Alex are staring at me, probably wondering where I went but I was not in the mood to be questioned I just wanted to see Ivy.
I will never get used to the scars on her arm I pick up her arm and look over them touching a few with my hands, wondering how she had hid this for a year, not even showing anyone, it led me to wonder how many others she has got but I didn't want to think about it. It wasn't something I ever thought I’d have to worry about then again I never thought my parents would die. I look at Ivy’s face. I keep think that she will wake up but I knew that she wouldn't be waking up for a while longer I just wish I was there sooner.
“Ivy I want you to wake up, I’m sorry I wasn't the brother you needed but I want to be that brother, and I will be him you just need to wake up first. I won’t let anyone hurt you I’ll be a protective brother I’ll be anything you need me to be I don’t won’t you doing this ever again” I pick up her arm again “You don’t need this anymore, we are going to get through this together we are going to be the brother and sister we were meant to be a year ago, even if that means not going on tour with the guys I will do it for you. I never meant any of this to happen to you, and I know It’s my fault, no one can tell me differently I should have been stopping you from hurting we should have been talking more, if we did you’d probably be okay. What am I going to do with you though Ivy, I want to help you but you need to let me this time, you’re not going to be left on your own for a while okay?”
I wish she could just reply but that’s not going to happen and I don’t know when she’s going to but I will be here when she can.
‹ Chapter 23
Notes
I was going to do a P.O.V for Carol but because she's not in the story much I decided against it. This wasn't going to be up till Friday but I felt like I wanted to add it.
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9/6/14