Breaking Down Walls.
Eleven
I V Y
I longed for the feeling, that piece of metal hitting my skin. I don't know why I need this so much.
I've never been triggered by that memory, I've played it over and over and nothing. I've never felt like bringing that perfect metal to my skin.
Not once.
But with this object dangling in my hands I all I felt was the need; The want.
To drag it across my healed skin.
That's when my hand took over my body.
I had lost control.
My hand was soon by my thigh before I knew it, the blade was being dragged across my skin.
The pain had yet to hit me, as my hand repeated the action 3 times before my brain took back over.
The pain washed over me, as I placed the blade gently down.
I heard a knock at the door. My name being called lightly.
I came back to reality and look down towards my leg, expecting to find a bloody mess. Instead I find, nothing. No cuts. No scratches, just old healed scars. I slowly run and grab a pair on skinny jeans, and open my door. To find my auntie stood there with sandwiches.
"Hey, I brought you your food. Are you okay you look a bit pale?"
"Thank you so much they look delish, I'm fine my head just started hurting, but I'm okay"
She gently places her hand on my forehead, checking my temperature.
"Well everything is okay there, are you alright with going out today?"
"Yeah I'm sure I'll be fine."
"If not Dylan could just come round here"
I think this through for a second then realize he doesn't know about my life, it would be a bad idea to bring him in to my life.
"No honestly I'll be fine trust me. If I'm not then I'll come home"
"Okay sweetie what time is he coming over to get you"
"Not really sure I think in a few hours but I'm not sure if he's going to get here early".
"Alright go get ready, come downstairs after if you want too".
"Yeah sure".
She then quietly leaves. With my lunch in hand I walk bad into my room and shut the door.
Not feeling very hungry I set the sandwich down on my bed-side table. Sitting on my bed I start wondering about my day-dream, Why did I have it?
I remember having the blade in my hand, I remember it
It happened but I didn't cut.
I walk into my bathroom and see that the blade was gone. It wasn't there. Was the whole thing a daydream? I'm sure that I had a shower but how did I get changed? I don't remember getting out of my towel and putting everything on. I'm going insane again
Being pulled from my thoughts my phone starts buzzing, telling me i had received a message from 'Dylan x'
When did his number get in my phone?...I never asked for it. In fact he didn't even ask for my number.
The message read.
'Hey Ivy, don't panic I put my number in your phone and then got your number. *Please don't kill me* Anyways, I'm going to be a bit earlier than expected mom said i don't have to clean up today and i can go straight out with you. Umm I'll be about 20-30 minutes I've got to get ready then I'll knock.
-Dylan xx'
No! why does he have to be early. This can't be happening. I start to panic. I don't want him to be early. I don't even want to go out. As reality sets in to what I'm about to do my panicking gets worse i dial the only number i know, that will calm me down.
"Hey, Lil' Merrick"
"He-llo Ryan, w-hy have you go-ot Zack's phone?"
"woah are you okay Ivy, what's up?. Zack can't talk he's gone for a jog"
"It's noth-ing Ry-an i need to talk to Zack"
"You can't sweet, talk to me what's up?"
I hear Alex and jack in the background sounding worried
'Ryan what's up, who is it?' I hear Jacks voice
'Mate it's Ivy just hang on'
I hear Alex say 'Let me have to phone'
I then hear shuffling
"Hey ivy, what's wrong? Oh god it's not that kid is it? Has he hurt you? I'll fucking kill him"
"No Alex, no it's not"
I've calmed down a bit by now, after hearing the guys voices.
"Then what is it? please tell me."
Alex begged me
"He's coming over early Alex, i can't do it, I can't go outside, i need to talk to Zack. Please just let me talk
to Zack."
"listen here kid, you can fucking do it. You will do it. I believe in you, so does Zack. Hell everyone on this fucking bus believes in you. Please don't back out of this. I know you can do it. If you don't do it, I'll come back and drag you out of that bedroom. I swear to god Ivy i will. You need to do this, for yourself. You need to realize That you are much better than staying in your room or even that house. You've made it this far. You can't talk to Zack he's out. I'm sorry Ivy"
I take a step forward surprised at what Alex just said to me, but I feel that he doesn't mean it. Why should Anyone believe in me.
"Ivy i know you're thinking that no one believes in you, and I'm just saying it"
He gets interrupted by Jack I hear the phone being taken
"Ivy do it. It's not just Alex that wants you to do it. I do to. We may not be as close and you and Alex but, i still care about you. I want you to do this. Nothing bad can happen no one will let it. The minute you feel it's too much just leave, ring one of us and just go home. We will never ever let anything happen to you okay?"
I hear more shuffling
"So Ivy what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know, i have to do my hair and make up, then i guess i have to go out?"
"Yes, Ivy, yes you do have to go out. If you need anything and i mean anything text one us please!"
"Okay Ryan I'll talk to you guys later, love you all"
"Well done Lil' one"
With that the phone call was over, i feel a smile tug and my face. The panic that i felt was gone. I just needed them to talk to me, i needed Alex and Jack to say those things.
I had ten more minutes to get ready i rush to my desk and start tugging at the band holding my hair up and let it fall down, it think about straightening it but decide i like it when it's wavy, to go with my hair i but my makeup on fairly light but enough so you can see i have it on. I take one last check in
the mirror before i grab my bag phone and shoes and head down stairs to see auntie Carol
"Hello"
"Oh hey, i didn't hear you come down"
"What are you watching on TV?"
"Nothing really just something about cooking want to watch it with me?"
"I can't i haven't got long left"
I was interrupted by the door bell ringing. I can feel the knot in my stomach grow bigger, but i slowly open the door to reveal Dylan stood there smiling.
"Hey, are you ready for today then"
"Yeah, let me just say goodbye and grab some food and I'll be there"
"Alright I'll just wait here then"
"Yeah just you know stay right there I'll be 5 minutes"
I run upstairs to grab one of the sandwich, then head back down stairs to see that Carol was talking to Dylan, he had a worried look on his face.
S h i t does this mean she's told him! oh-god. Please no. I feel everything slipping back out of my hands, Dylan looks towards me with a sympathetic look on his face, i break into silent sobs, i knew that look meant that she did tell him. Great now he feels sorry for me.
I feel arms snake around my shoulder and my self being lifted up.
By the time i had realized i was on my bed and Dylan was looking over me
"Why did you not tell me? you let me talk about my life. You never told me about your parents"
"Dy-l-an it wasn't important. You never need to kn-now"
"Listen Ivy it's fine i get it you don't know me, you don't trust me. It's fine. But listen though I want you to be able to trust me, not right now but soon. I want to hear your story like you heard mine".
"Okay Dylan".
I sit up wiping the tears from my face and look over into the mirror and see that i have to do my make up again.
"Your auntie told me this is the first time you've gone out of the house willingly, is that true"
"Yeah it's true i couldn't face it, please let's not talk about me. Are we still going to explore?"
"Only if you want to"
"Yeah, i think i do"
After about an hour being out in Baltimore, i start getting hungry so we decide to go get something more to eat. I notice a cute little restaurant and point it
out to Dylan
"Yeah let's go there" He looks down and smiles
as we walk in i realize it was everything i thought it would look like. Cute little tables, we take one near the front window that seats 4, it was more comfortable.
"Ivy I know this is a lot for you to do, we can go back after this if you want, I don't mind honestly"
He could see right through me.
"Only if that's okay"
"Of course it is, it must be hard for you to do this".
"It is".
I longed for the feeling, that piece of metal hitting my skin. I don't know why I need this so much.
I've never been triggered by that memory, I've played it over and over and nothing. I've never felt like bringing that perfect metal to my skin.
Not once.
But with this object dangling in my hands I all I felt was the need; The want.
To drag it across my healed skin.
That's when my hand took over my body.
I had lost control.
My hand was soon by my thigh before I knew it, the blade was being dragged across my skin.
The pain had yet to hit me, as my hand repeated the action 3 times before my brain took back over.
The pain washed over me, as I placed the blade gently down.
I heard a knock at the door. My name being called lightly.
I came back to reality and look down towards my leg, expecting to find a bloody mess. Instead I find, nothing. No cuts. No scratches, just old healed scars. I slowly run and grab a pair on skinny jeans, and open my door. To find my auntie stood there with sandwiches.
"Hey, I brought you your food. Are you okay you look a bit pale?"
"Thank you so much they look delish, I'm fine my head just started hurting, but I'm okay"
She gently places her hand on my forehead, checking my temperature.
"Well everything is okay there, are you alright with going out today?"
"Yeah I'm sure I'll be fine."
"If not Dylan could just come round here"
I think this through for a second then realize he doesn't know about my life, it would be a bad idea to bring him in to my life.
"No honestly I'll be fine trust me. If I'm not then I'll come home"
"Okay sweetie what time is he coming over to get you"
"Not really sure I think in a few hours but I'm not sure if he's going to get here early".
"Alright go get ready, come downstairs after if you want too".
"Yeah sure".
She then quietly leaves. With my lunch in hand I walk bad into my room and shut the door.
Not feeling very hungry I set the sandwich down on my bed-side table. Sitting on my bed I start wondering about my day-dream, Why did I have it?
I remember having the blade in my hand, I remember it
It happened but I didn't cut.
I walk into my bathroom and see that the blade was gone. It wasn't there. Was the whole thing a daydream? I'm sure that I had a shower but how did I get changed? I don't remember getting out of my towel and putting everything on. I'm going insane again
Being pulled from my thoughts my phone starts buzzing, telling me i had received a message from 'Dylan x'
When did his number get in my phone?...I never asked for it. In fact he didn't even ask for my number.
The message read.
'Hey Ivy, don't panic I put my number in your phone and then got your number. *Please don't kill me* Anyways, I'm going to be a bit earlier than expected mom said i don't have to clean up today and i can go straight out with you. Umm I'll be about 20-30 minutes I've got to get ready then I'll knock.
-Dylan xx'
No! why does he have to be early. This can't be happening. I start to panic. I don't want him to be early. I don't even want to go out. As reality sets in to what I'm about to do my panicking gets worse i dial the only number i know, that will calm me down.
"Hey, Lil' Merrick"
"He-llo Ryan, w-hy have you go-ot Zack's phone?"
"woah are you okay Ivy, what's up?. Zack can't talk he's gone for a jog"
"It's noth-ing Ry-an i need to talk to Zack"
"You can't sweet, talk to me what's up?"
I hear Alex and jack in the background sounding worried
'Ryan what's up, who is it?' I hear Jacks voice
'Mate it's Ivy just hang on'
I hear Alex say 'Let me have to phone'
I then hear shuffling
"Hey ivy, what's wrong? Oh god it's not that kid is it? Has he hurt you? I'll fucking kill him"
"No Alex, no it's not"
I've calmed down a bit by now, after hearing the guys voices.
"Then what is it? please tell me."
Alex begged me
"He's coming over early Alex, i can't do it, I can't go outside, i need to talk to Zack. Please just let me talk
to Zack."
"listen here kid, you can fucking do it. You will do it. I believe in you, so does Zack. Hell everyone on this fucking bus believes in you. Please don't back out of this. I know you can do it. If you don't do it, I'll come back and drag you out of that bedroom. I swear to god Ivy i will. You need to do this, for yourself. You need to realize That you are much better than staying in your room or even that house. You've made it this far. You can't talk to Zack he's out. I'm sorry Ivy"
I take a step forward surprised at what Alex just said to me, but I feel that he doesn't mean it. Why should Anyone believe in me.
"Ivy i know you're thinking that no one believes in you, and I'm just saying it"
He gets interrupted by Jack I hear the phone being taken
"Ivy do it. It's not just Alex that wants you to do it. I do to. We may not be as close and you and Alex but, i still care about you. I want you to do this. Nothing bad can happen no one will let it. The minute you feel it's too much just leave, ring one of us and just go home. We will never ever let anything happen to you okay?"
I hear more shuffling
"So Ivy what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know, i have to do my hair and make up, then i guess i have to go out?"
"Yes, Ivy, yes you do have to go out. If you need anything and i mean anything text one us please!"
"Okay Ryan I'll talk to you guys later, love you all"
"Well done Lil' one"
With that the phone call was over, i feel a smile tug and my face. The panic that i felt was gone. I just needed them to talk to me, i needed Alex and Jack to say those things.
I had ten more minutes to get ready i rush to my desk and start tugging at the band holding my hair up and let it fall down, it think about straightening it but decide i like it when it's wavy, to go with my hair i but my makeup on fairly light but enough so you can see i have it on. I take one last check in
the mirror before i grab my bag phone and shoes and head down stairs to see auntie Carol
"Hello"
"Oh hey, i didn't hear you come down"
"What are you watching on TV?"
"Nothing really just something about cooking want to watch it with me?"
"I can't i haven't got long left"
I was interrupted by the door bell ringing. I can feel the knot in my stomach grow bigger, but i slowly open the door to reveal Dylan stood there smiling.
"Hey, are you ready for today then"
"Yeah, let me just say goodbye and grab some food and I'll be there"
"Alright I'll just wait here then"
"Yeah just you know stay right there I'll be 5 minutes"
I run upstairs to grab one of the sandwich, then head back down stairs to see that Carol was talking to Dylan, he had a worried look on his face.
S h i t does this mean she's told him! oh-god. Please no. I feel everything slipping back out of my hands, Dylan looks towards me with a sympathetic look on his face, i break into silent sobs, i knew that look meant that she did tell him. Great now he feels sorry for me.
I feel arms snake around my shoulder and my self being lifted up.
By the time i had realized i was on my bed and Dylan was looking over me
"Why did you not tell me? you let me talk about my life. You never told me about your parents"
"Dy-l-an it wasn't important. You never need to kn-now"
"Listen Ivy it's fine i get it you don't know me, you don't trust me. It's fine. But listen though I want you to be able to trust me, not right now but soon. I want to hear your story like you heard mine".
"Okay Dylan".
I sit up wiping the tears from my face and look over into the mirror and see that i have to do my make up again.
"Your auntie told me this is the first time you've gone out of the house willingly, is that true"
"Yeah it's true i couldn't face it, please let's not talk about me. Are we still going to explore?"
"Only if you want to"
"Yeah, i think i do"
After about an hour being out in Baltimore, i start getting hungry so we decide to go get something more to eat. I notice a cute little restaurant and point it
out to Dylan
"Yeah let's go there" He looks down and smiles
as we walk in i realize it was everything i thought it would look like. Cute little tables, we take one near the front window that seats 4, it was more comfortable.
"Ivy I know this is a lot for you to do, we can go back after this if you want, I don't mind honestly"
He could see right through me.
"Only if that's okay"
"Of course it is, it must be hard for you to do this".
"It is".
Notes
Hey, it's 02:20am i can't sleep so here enjoy this.
Hope you enjoy it, i wanted to make it long for you guys, because i still feel terrible.
If there is any mistakes remember that it's 02:20 am...I have read through it and spell/grammar checked it so it should be fine but if there is anything wrong please let me know!
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU PLEASE COMMENT
What do you think of this chapter?
Do you like it?
How do you feel about Dylan
Or even about Alex.
-Kay
Hops on black Pegasus of rainbow feels to ride next story
9/6/14