No Pads… No Helmets… Just Memories!

"So what was up with Alex yesterday?" Cass asked suddenly as I glanced up from my book. The two of us had just decided to come to me and Rian's after school and study whilst the boys worked in the basement. For the most part, everyone ignored Alex's minor outburst the previous day, but for some reason, it was bothering Cass a whole awful lot.

I shrugged, flipping the page on my book even though I hadn't finished the reading to just make busy with my shaking hands. "It was nothing really..." I told her. Biting my lip.

"I call shenanigans!" She protested making me groan. Why was I such a god awful liar?

"He’s just... Protective is all." I shrugged again making Cass roll her eyes. "It's just after the whole Tammy thing, he doesn't want people breaking us up, and he didn't mean to snap at you or Ri, and certainly not Jack." I explained as Cass nodded understandingly, her body shifting slightly at the drop of Tammy's name. "He was just upset is all..."

"Yeah, I can understand that..." Cass said nodding again as she took in my words, pairing them to the outburst to see if all lined up. "He just seemed more protective than usual, like I understand he's always been slightly, towards all of us, but it was like he was guarding the relationship instead of you..." She rambled. Her mind fumbling with the play back. "What happened Monday?"

Shit. She knew what we had said. I mean, it wasn't like a secret. But it wasn't something I was planning on just running around telling. It wasn't like if someone asked I would deny it, but Alex and I actually hadn't discussed how much involvement we wanted to give our friends with our relationship. She blinked at me making me realize I had yet to answer her, so as any normal human being would react when put in my place- I panicked. "What?" I scoffed, "what do you mean?"

Cass sighed as she twirled the pencil she had been using between her fingers. "I mean, Monday at school you guys were both super distant, then the next day he's up anyone’s as who hits on him?" She said questionably. "I mean like I get that because of the band, him and Jack get hit on a lot- as of why it’s those two I do not know!" She trailed making me giggle. Trying to look past how the boy she was defending was my brother in making her comment somewhat amusing as she continued. "But he would usually just say he wasn't interested but he like, freaked out!"

"Well..." I sighed biting my lip. She was my best-friend, I don't know what I was thinking was going to happen by telling her, but for some reason it scared me. Something that seemed to happen less and less. Maybe I should just tell her, "We, well..."

"OH MY GOD YOU GUYS HAD SEX!" She gasped. Her eyes blowing wide as I quickly shook my head with a laugh.

"No, no! We just uhm... Said- uhm well," Come on Jasey, spit it out! I thought as I looked up at her confused glance. Maybe I should just let her think we did it. I mean, that seemed like a lot less work then the truth with my lack of words at the moment. No, I can't do that. Oh God. "He told me he..." Come on Jasey, "Uh, loved me..." I whispered. Cass was silent for the first time in her life as she blinked at me. "And I said it back..."

There. Not so hard now was it?

I watched Cass's face run through all her emotions before her eyes locked on mine and a wide smile pulled at her lips. "You said I love you?" She breathed as I bit my lip, nodding my head. "And you meant it?" She finished. My blood coursing to my cheeks, heating them instantly with a florescent hue as I nodded again. "OH MY GOD!" She squealed. Cass leaped across my bed and threw me to the floor in a fit of squeals and giggles. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T TELL!" She snapped playfully slapping my arm.

"I didn't think it was all that important!" I giggled. Cass instantly scoffing as she snatched a pillow off my bed and began to smack me with it.

"DIDN'T THINK IT WAS IMPORTANT!" She yelled with a smile in her scream as she continued her fluffy assault. "I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU HAD FEELINGS!"

"I hate you!" I laughed as she hit me one more time and dropped the pillow off to the side.

"Maybe... But you LOVE Alex!" She sang before bursting into a girly fit of giggles. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ARE IN LOVE!" She sighed happily as she clasped her heads by her chin.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" I quipped, groaning as I reached up and shoved her off me. I needed to get the image of Cass out of my view because to be honest, it looked like an opening scene from an old Disney film- not a crappy new one. But an old one, where Cass was just mere seconds from bounding around my room and singing with the birds.

Cass simply smiling as she rolled to sit on her bum and let out a content sigh, "I mean, you guys have been friends for so long- I guess I should have seen it before. But then again, you like burp in front of him! But he's also friends with Jack so he might think it’s cute. But I should have seen it! But you guys also haven't been actually dating that long, but then again-"

"CASS!" I screamed, stopping her fit in its tracks as she looked at me. Her tone had sped up quite quickly and I was afraid if I didn't stop her right there and then, her head might explode. "Breathe!" I laughed.

"I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" She squealed. "My babies are in love! Oh my god- do your parents know?"

"No!" I scoffed, crinkling my nose in disgust. "Why would they?"

"SO THEY CAN PLAN YOUR WEDDING!"

"I hate you!" I said flatly as I propped myself up onto my elbows. "There will be no wedding!"

"Not anytime soon maybe!" She squealed yet again as I rolled my eyes. "But wait- HOW'D HE DO IT?"

"How'd he do what?" I asked carefully with a lofted brow.

"How'd he tell you?" She asked with a wide grin. "Wait- I never even heard how he asked you out originally! You are the worst friend ever!"

I bit my lip as I looked down on my stomach. She was right. I had never told her how Alex and I got together and here I was dropping the 'L' bomb on her like it was the Sunday newspaper. I glanced from my stomach to my wrist with unease, maybe there are something’s I could keep between just Alex and I, and maybe this was one of them. "That’s for me to know, and you to stay up at night and wonder about!" I covered rather sarcastically as Cass huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

She rolled her eyes before leaning forward, closer to me with a grin. "Can you at least give me the satisfaction of telling me if it was cute or not?" She asked rather desperately. "Like was it romantic and sweet, or did he do it on accident, or was he super cheesy?" She listed as I rolled my eyes. "COME ON JASEY GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH!"

"Okay fine!" I groaned, sitting up fully and turning to rest my back against my bed as I grinned sheepishly up at my friend. "He was very sweet and cute about it," I said quietly as Cass squealed again. "And if it means anything, I could tell just by the look in his eyes he meant every word he said."

"OH, MY SWEET LORD AND BABY JESUS! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT WE'D SEE THE DAY ALEX GASKARTH FALLS IN LOVE!" She gasped loudly as I rolled my eyes and watched as she throws her hands up in mock prayer. "Wait." She paused. Her eyes locking on mine as I looked back at her. "Alex Gaskarth is in love..." She repeated as I slowly nodded my head.

"Yes Cass," I nodded feeling my cheeks grow hot again. "I think he made that point clear when he told me so..."

"Alex Gaskarth is in love!" She said again as she began to laugh. "Who would have thought!?"

"Clearly, not you!" I laughed watching as she sighed in satisfaction.

"I always thought it would be Zack or Ri-" Cass stopped her thought as we listened the trash of a metal pan crashing to the kitchen floor. My friend eying me as I shrugged my shoulders.

"ROBERT DAWSON!" Julie scolded loudly, very loudly. I looked up to Cass. The two of us scrambling to our feet in unison as we both darted for the door. Rian was never ever referred to by his first name. And Julie never ever raised her voice. And the combination of the two had to be bad.

Cass and I fell into the kitchen to see a very flustered looking Julie standing over a flood of spaghetti and pasta sauce littering the tiled kitchen floor. Standing on the other side of the spill, Rian stood. My brother looking almost as pale as Alex who stood just beside him, leaning onto the counter with a heaving chest. A sight that made me feel very on edge with his history in getting worked up. Something I normally would have over looked had it not been for an even-more-uncomfortable-than-usual looking Zack and Jack sitting at the kitchen table, the latter of the two sitting with his head in his hands.

"Mom..." I said slowly in a small voice as Julie looked over at me. Rage staining her face as she placed her hands on her hips. "What's going on?"

"You're brother just thanked me for booking his band a show by dropping our dinner all over the floor!" She snipped as I looked to Rian, only to find his eyes still locked on their fixated point on the floor. Glancing at Alex, I saw his wide set eyes on me and swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Mom, where was the gig?" I asked carefully as Julie snatched a roll of paper towels off the island whilst muttering incoherent words to herself.

"At Deana's daughter's birthday party!" She answered with a sarcastic scoff as Jack dropped his hands to the table, reluctantly snatching my attention from Alex.

"Deana Parkerson" Jack spat bitterly as I heard Alex take a sharp breath. My feet carrying me to him as if on instinct. My hands clutching his shoulders as I turned him to face me, his side to the kitchen and his back to Rian. "As in Tammy Parkerson."

I felt Alex tremble under my touch as Julie scoffed once again. "I don't understand how you all aren't happy; it's a good thing you see!" I looked up at Alex to see his reddened eyes, only making me realize all this time, he wasn't trying to keep from having an anxiety attack- he was trying not to cry. Julie, the poor woman had no idea how vile her friend’s daughter truly was, and had no idea what she had just dumped on those boys. Because dumping the spaghetti on the floor seemed far more than fair in comparison. "Isn't this what you boys want? Shows?"

Looking up, I watched Alex's lip jut out as he shook his head. Eyes slipping shut as he ducked his head to rest it against my own. "Jasey, I don't want that..." He whispered against my nose as I nodded my head.

"IS NO ONE GOING TO HELP ME CLEAN THIS UP?" Julie protested as I dropped my head to the side.

"I will, just give Alex and I a moment first." I said quietly in a monotone voice before softly tangling my fingers in his large hand and pulling him from the room without another word. It killed me to see the spark slipping from his eyes the past two days. We said I love you. As cliché as it sounds, things should be amazing, an extended honeymoon phase to our relationship. A phase that was ripped from us by a tragic event, and was now being trampled by exterior motives. Something I now understood and sympathized with Alex on wanting to defend like he had previously done. I sat Alex down on the sofa in my father's office for some privacy, shutting the door I leaned my back against it and looked down on the disheveled boy.

"She can't do this Jasey..." Alex whimpered into his hands as he hid his eyes. His voice was trembling but he wasn't crying, not yet anyhow. And God, I hoped to keep it that way.

I bit my lip and ran a trembling hand through my hair. "She won’t Alex, don't think for a moment I'll let her." I said, the certainty making its presence in my final punctuation as I listened to Alex's deep breaths.

"Why can't she leave us alone?" He mumbled as he tangled his fingers in his hair. "Why can't everyone just leave you and me alone?"

"They will..." I said hopefully as Alex looked up at me with a blanked expression. "Someday that is..." And there the hope slipped from his eyes as he placed his head back in his hands. Sighing, I padded across the dark paneled floors and slid seamlessly into his lap. Smiling as his hands subconsciously slid into the back pockets of my skinny jeans letting me cuddle into his chest. "We just can't let it get to us, and when we do, we can't show them it hurts."

I felt Alex's lip quiver against my neck as he snuggled me like a small child would. "It's so hard though Jasey, I don't want to lose you again..." He muttered barely audible to the ear just an inch or so from his lips. The comment making me cringe even though I held him tighter. I guess it was just the shock in learning he still feared me packing up and fleeing the state that stung a bit.

"Alex, I'm not going anywhere, no matter what happens." I told him truthfully. As it was the truth. No matter what happened, after all I had faced already in this year alone; I didn't think there was a force in the world that would take me away again. Even as I felt Alex slide his hands from my pockets in order to press my body flush to his I sighed. "We cannot let her win no matter what she pulls."

I heard Alex sniffle as I pulled my head off his chest and looked at him. "I'm just scared Jasey." He whispered softly, eyes brimming with tears that even I hoped would not fall. I despised seeing Alex like this. So broken and small over things he couldn't control. It killed me how I could watch him be so strong for everyone in the big battles, only to realize it was just slowly chipping away at him till something smaller comes along and acts as the straw that broke the camel’s back so to say.

"I know baby..." I cooed softly as I ran a hand through the back of his hair sighing. "I know."

"This is the first time I've ever not wanted to play a show, or play at all." He told me as I dropped my eyes. "This feeling, in my chest, Jasey what if it comes back later in life, what if I don't have the guts to be in a band, what will I do!"

"Alex, I promise you, I will fix this..." I said softly as I took his head in my hands. "You promised never to hurt me, and I vow make this pain you're feeling go away."

"What will I do if you can't?"

"Alex!" I snapped slightly as I clasped his face in my fingers. "Alex, look at me." And he did. "Alex, this is just a bump, a small little mishap of my own stepmother's doing. It can be fixed, no true harm was done yet, and I will fix this."

"How?" He whimpered, biting his soft pink lip.

"Alex, do you trust me?" I asked softly as Alex slowly nodded, his hands that had somewhere set up on my hips began to draw tender circles with his thumbs on the bones. "Then trust me when I say that I will fix this."

"Okay..."

Notes