No Pads… No Helmets… Just Memories!

"Why are you here Alex?" I spat crossing my arms over my chest.

"I’m here to talk..." He mumbled rocking on his heels.

"Oh really now?" I cocked my head as he silently nodded. "So you wanna talk, okay." I nodded as I pressed a finger to my pursed lips before returning my hands to my hips, "let’s talk! Let’s talk about how for almost three weeks you were completely M.I.A, or how all throughout those three weeks you were shelling out lies about caring for me, well you know, when your tongue wasn't shoved down Tammy's throat that is!" I cocked my head in sarcasm as I continued, "But if that’s not good we could always talk about how near the end of those three weeks I was nearly raped! Because you know, that’s a fun topic to talk about! Or we can talk about how close we were after that and how I just let those three weeks slip under the rug when you went out of your way to keep me here and all the cuddling and shit, or we could just talk about the obvious, how you were silent for three weeks and then don't come to school only to drop that, that BOMB on me and then show up and you want to talk, TALK!? Okay then let’s TALK, let’s talk about all the fucking bullshit you've been feeding everyone and just talking out your ass after three fucking weeks of nothing, let’s talk about it!"

"Tree weeks" he squinted at me, his eyes growing hard, "Three weeks... TRY ALMOST THREE FUCKING YEARS!" He screamed and I dropped my hands from my hips, "AIN'T SO FUN IS IT!"

"Is that what this is about?" I asked, my voice slowly rising, "YOU DO REALIZE TELLING PEOPLE WHY I LEFT IS A GREAT WAY TO KEEP ME HERE!" I yelled as his face dropped.

"Jasey no, that’s not what I meant..."

"Yeah Alex, you care so fucking much to just about shove me back on a plane, want to help me come pack?" I snipped hitching a thumb over my shoulder.

"Jasey you know that’s not what I meant please let me explain!"

"REALLY ALEX?" I snapped, "CAUSE IT SURE AS WELL SOUNDED LIKE IT!"

"Jasey please!" He spoke as he stepped forward and cupped a warm hand to the back of my neck. In one swift motion he pulled my body close to his and leaned forward to press his soft lips to mine. The only thing between his lips and mine...

My hand.

"What, do you think you’re doing?" I spat causing him to yank all body parts from mine as my arm extended to greater the distance between us.

"Uhm- I, uh- uhm..." He stuttered. "Romantic gesture!"

"I- Uh- Uhm- Uh-" I mocked his stuttering tounge with wide eyes, "REALLY ALEX? After everything, you think you can show up, try to apologize, and then when all else fails just kiss me and id kiss you back?"

"Well..."

"You forgetting what got you here in the first place?" I spat, venom practically oozing past my lips, "maybe... You should keep your fucking tongue in your mouth for more than 24 hours and learn to shake someone’s damn hand Alex!"

"Jasey please let me explain!" He pleaded.

"Oh please do." I cocked a brow, "I’m just DYING to know what this deal was you and Colton had and how it so conveniently involved me and my fucking birth mother that I COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO BE TOLD ABOUT like god damn it Alex you are so fucking shallow minded sometimes I cant fucking believe you!"

"Jasey!"

"No!" I snapped, "How did you think this would work out... That everyone would find out, id cry, freak out, maybe have a mental break down then move out and finish my schooling in Washington and finally be out of your hair huh? Was that it? Just some plot to finally rid me from your life?"

"NO, GOD DAMN IT JASEY WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME!"

"Oh I’m listening, loud and clear, to all the lies you spoon fed me about always being there and all that other BULL SHIT!"

"GOD DAMN IT JASEY I DID IT TO PROTECT YOU!"

"What?" I scoffed with a hash chuckle, "protect me, is that what you call it!?"

"I DID IT TO PROTECT YOU!" He repeated almost out of breath, "I DID IT SO NO ONE WOULD KNOW ABOUT YOUR MOM, SO YOU WOULD STAY!"

"Yeah cause beating up Colton and telling the school was a good way to go, GOOD JOB ALEX!" I spoke with scrunched features while shooting him a sarcastic thumbs up.

"God damn it!" He muttered grabbing my arm, "come with me I’ll explain everything!"

"Why should I?" I spat keeping my feet planted as I pulled my arm from his grasp.

"Please, just give me one last chance I can explain everything!" He pleaded with his large warm eyes.

"Alex," I started keeping my tone cool and sharp so not to give in so easily like every other time before, "you ran out of your last chance three chances ago... I’m done."

"You say that but you know you don't mean it, you’ve been trying to get me to tell you why I was gone for weeks and now when I finally want to, have to even, you won’t hear me out!"

"I’ve heard enough." I muttered through clenched teeth.

"No, you heard Colton." He retorted, "just give me a chance, I promise I can explain what happened!" He pleaded as I rolled my eyes, "when all this started I told you I cared, and I told you I’d tell you some day, please just give me the chance and when I’m done you can walk away if you want, slap me, I deserve it, whatever it may be, just let me explain!"

"GOD DAMN YOU TWO!" A voice broke through as two sets of hands grasped Alex's and my shoulders before we were yanked into the house.

"ZACK PUT ME DOWN MAN!" I heard Alex squirm as I was carried down the hall.

"Fine!" Rian's voice came from behind me as the bathroom door was trust open. Alex and I were thrown to the bathroom floor with a thud before the door was slammed shut. Almost too quickly did I scamper away from the boy to toss myself at the door. My hand jiggling the nob with no luck. Since when in hell did bathrooms lock from the outside?

"RIAN OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!" I screamed at my brother as I banged on the white wood.

"Not until you two make up!" I heard Zack's muffled voice come from outside as I fell to my knees.

"ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN JUST LET US OUT!" I yelled with a few scattered bangs.

"NO!" Rian's voice was next to speak, "we won’t listen to you two bitch about one another again, when you two make up, we'll let you out!"

"I WILL EAT ALEX ALIVE BEFORE I FORGIVE HIM!" I yelled.

"We all know that’s not true..." Zack spoke up, "just make up because no one can live normally if you two fight!"

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER!?" I screamed as I smashed on the wood.

"They’re not going to let us out..." Alex muttered from behind me as I snapped around to send him a glare.

"I’m not forgiving you." I spat narrowing my eyes at him as he slumped against the toilet.

"I don't expect you to... I just want a chance to explain..."

"There’s no rightful explanation for what you did." I muttered coldly.

Alex hung his head as he sighed. His shoulders slumping as he set his head in his hands. "I didn't tell them..."

"And I don't care."

"Jasey please..." Alex begged as I sat on my butt, my back pressed to the door knowing there was no use in begging my brother and all that would come of banging on the door would be a bruised wrist. "Just let me explain..."

I let my eyes slip shut as I let out a deep breath trying to collect myself. I honestly couldn't believe it. After all I had been through, after all Alex and I had been through, after the previous day, even after the morning the two of us had, that was the last thing I would see coming. "How could you do this to me Alex?"

I heard Alex blow out a breath as he sighed. The whole situation putting a strain on the both of us but above all an unbearable amount of distress on me. I went out on a limb to come back and I made the risk to put my trust in Alex. And he blew it. "It wasn't my choice..." he muttered.

I brought my hands to my head to cradle the growing ache under the skin of my temples while silently cursing my brother. "How," I muttered aloud as I dropped my hands to my lap to look at him, "how was this not your choice?"

"Tammy" he said simply pulling himself to sit on his knees as his eyes sunk into mine, "she forced me to do it!"

I scoffed while rolling my eyes. "Okay Alex..." I dragged sarcastically as I dropped my head. How typical, of course he would use Tammy as an excuse to save his ass for letting this out. For ruining what ever I thought the two of us had.

"Its true Jasey just listen to me!" He pleaded, "You wanted to know why I was quiet for so long!" He started looking at me with his wide glazed eyes before he sighed letting his gaze drop with his tone, "this, this is why?"

"So you’re telling me, this, this is all connected, and it was all Tammy..." I huffed as he nodded. "Unbelievable..." I dusted under my breath with a shake of the head.

"IT’S TRUE!" He shouted as his voice held onto its pleading tone, "I'd never do this to you!"

"You know, the things you say are getting harder and harder to believe Alex..." I narrowed my eyes as my voice grew hard, "And I can't help notice things you say you'll never do... Keep being done."

"It's the truth Jasey, just let me explain!" He begged as I eyed him down.

"JUST HEAR HIM OUT!" Rian's voice bellowed through the closed door as I scowled.

"It was that day I left your house when I got that text..." Alex whispered as he looked into his lap, "it was from Tammy, she said that she knew about your mom and if I didn't meet her, she'd tell everyone."

"Alex save-"

"I’m not done..." He spoke sternly. "No were near it," he let out a breath before continuing, "but I went to meet her, I had to know how much she knew, little did I know, it was all of it." He sighed running a hand through his hair. "When I met up with her, she had Colton and Riley with her along with a few of her wannabees I couldn't tell apart. Colton and Riley pinned me to the wall and told me if I didn't lay off you and do as Tammy told me to, they'd tell, but before I could argue, Riley said if I stepped between you and him, he'd hurt you..."

"Ale-"

"Let me finish..." He spoke in a hushed tone like the words he was saying were painful to the singer. "I told them there was no way in hell I was letting Riley anywhere near you, but when I did that, they threw punches. I mean you saw my face, they beat me till I was close to giving in, and just then Riley picked me up off the ground and told me he'd do the same to you if I got in his way." His voice was so soft and broken as he spoke, my eyes watching him carefully as he continued. "I couldn't let him hurt you, so I did it."

"Clearly..." I grumbled under my breath as my comment went unnoticed.

"I was supposed to avoid you, not be around you, talk to you, or anything. And the biggest part of the deal, if I as much as told you about the deal, they'd tell. So I forced myself away from you. But after the first few days, I- I couldn't do it. All the emotions I had when you first left came back. Every day I'd wake up and pull up my curtains and look over at your house, and whenever I did I got this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. As stupid as it sounds, I physically felt the pain of you not in my life. But this hurt so much more then Washington, because you weren’t gone. You were across the street. Mad at me, rightfully, but still. But I couldn't just blow off Tammy and risk you leaving again. But soon enough it all got too much, I couldn't find it in myself to do much of anything, and when I did leave the house for school or band practice, it’s true, I asked about you. But one day Tammy decided us being apart wasn't enough, she came over to my house and took control of my Myspace, she uploaded that photo, not me! Then she left. Not even a half hour later did Jack show up at my door. And what he told me, what you said," He paused letting his eyes slip shut as he took a hard swallow. "That’s what broke me. I couldn't leave you broken like that, because of me..."

"So you came over..." I whispered as if finishing his thought while he nodded and took another hard swallow.

"I just needed you to know I cared, but something else happened, and I want you to know, I went to Duncan's party to talk to you, and I kind of wish Jack never texted me you were going, because Tammy saw you before I could, and got to me before I could get to you..."

"I know..." I muttered.

"I never slept with her!" He spat out watching me, "she tried, believe me she did, but there’s not enough beer in the world that would make me want to. She told me she'd give me a choice. I could sleep with her, or find you and make it look that way." He took a breath as he sighed, "That’s why I approached you at your birthday party, to tell you that I didn't sleep with her, to tell you it was a setup, without actually telling you. But you ran..."

"Into Riley..." I choked out as he nodded his head slightly.

"I had never been more scared Jasey, running to my house, when your body went limp, I lost it. Rian and Cass had to chase after me and tend to you I was such a wreck. Rian couldn't stop crying but I lost it, I mean I thought something was really wrong, I don't know anything about injuries! I didn't know if you passed out from the pain or what! I was just so scared, I- I-"

"Alex..." I called his name in a soft tone as his watery eyes locked on mine.

"I sat in my room and cried for hours while you slept. They tried to get me to sleep, or to even just put space between us but I refused, I just sat there, clutching your hand like I was at your hospital bed side and just cried. I didn't know if I'd ever see you again, looking back now it seems foolish to have thought that but I was so caught up anything was possible to me. I'll never forget the feeling when you first tossed in your sleep. The rush in knowing you were as okay as you could be. I knew then that I could never live without you, but I was so scared Jasey, that entire week I was scared. Every nightmare, every tear that slipped in your sleep broke me. But nothing hurt more than when I saw you make a run for the bus stop."

"Alex..." I sighed seeing how emotional he was getting and not wanting his words to break me down.

"I sat in the road Jasey. I fell right there in the middle of the street as that bus drove off and I sat there. Letting the tears run through me till I didn't think I could cry anymore. I ran for your house. Slammed on the door and woke the whole fucking neighborhood to help find you. There was no way I was losing you again. Everyone came that morning to devise a plan, your parents left to fight the bus station and find out where it took you; no one was giving up on you. We tricked Riley, we got him over here but right as I was about to beat the ever living shit out of him... You called."

"Lex why are you doing this to yourself, I know what happened!"

"Do you know that this past week we shared after getting you home was the first time I truly smiled in two months?" He argued once again finding his voice as he spoke, "Did you know that nothing more mattered to me than having you back. I know you don't know that I talked to Tammy at that New Year's party. I know you don't know that she threatened me again saying that if I didn't back off again on Monday she'd tell and the deal would be off. Do you know how hard being away from you was, do you know how much it hurt me to know you were alone in this." He pleaded finally meeting my eyes. "I meant what I said Jasey, I never want to hurt you, and I can't lose you again. I know what I did was so beyond dumb but I can't lose you!"

I narrowed my eyes as I watched him. I couldn't help the lapse of my heart rate as he looked back at me on the brink of tears. I knew the clench in my gut far too well by this point, I knew deep down I wanted to forgive him, I wanted to tell him it was okay and that we could fix it. But we couldn't. There was no fixing this. And there was no making this right. I could never look at Alex the same knowing all the games he had played. Knowing he could leave me on the back-burner while my life was being tampered with. "So that’s what today was, you playing me to get out of this mess?" I forced out.

"What!?" His voice piped up, "No! Not at all Jasey!"

"You knew if Tammy saw you with me it'd all be over, so you decided to get a little touchy, get people talking knowing sooner then later it'd get back to her and you'd be off the hook!" I snarled as I glared his way.

"JASEY NO!" He snapped with wide eyes as he got to his knees and sat back, "what happened this morning was real, I meant that, I meant everything I said and did with you, I just didn't want to fight anymore, I meant it!"

"Then know I mean it when I say this Alex," I muttered getting to my feet, "You no longer have to fight for me, because I'm not playing this game."

"Jasey wa-"

"Rian!" I yelled lightly pounding the door as I ignored Alex's pleading words, "let me out, I'm done talking to him..."

"Jasey..." Alex begged as the door reluctantly popped open, "I mean it when I say I care about you!"

"And I mean it when I say, you and me..." I turned and looked at him letting my eyes burrowed into his desperate brown ones, my hands moving to unclip the clasp holding the pendant that sat round my neck before i threw it to his feet, "are nothing."

Notes