Title Credit: Blink-182

All I could do was sit.

Sit and think. Ponder everything that had happened and try to mentally piece all the broken parts together to somehow make sense of the mess. A mental time line of everything that had happened leading up to this. But one thing and one thing only was for certain.

That nothing made sense.

Nothing pieced together and nothing gave me answers. Or answers I wanted. Or could at least live with. Could I have done something to cause this, or better yet, prevent it?

I couldn’t help but feel unnerved that Tammy had been oddly quiet for someone who was the only connection to Alex and his odd withdrawal, even though Riley hadn’t given up on his persistent begging and attempts to "woe" me into being his girlfriend I felt that there was something more to that whole group I wasn’t aware about.

For someone who hated school, I was hating vacation a hell lot more. At least with school I could go and see people like Andrea and Jack who could distract me. Or people like Matt and Cass who made everything seem not so bad. And I could see Marc daily. But more importantly I could see Alex.

Even though we weren’t talking, it was nice to see his dark hood covered figure walking down the halls. Even though he darted from the Math room every day, it was nice to know he had noticed I was there, as sad as it was. Being able to see him was a nice assurance that nothing had happened to him and that he was remotely okay with the absence of a verbal explanation.

He had begun to show up to band practices, but they were sporadic to say the least. Not even Jack could get an answer out of the singer. It was always the same, "I can’t talk about it", or "I can’t tell you yet!" The same song and dance he spoon fed me and I was beginning to think this was all just some façade and he was simply talking out his ass.

The lack of his presence led the band to stop showing up every day, often times they went home and sat by their phones waiting to hear the word there friend had spoken out and showed his face. Which shouldn't have been as big a task at it was being made out to be. We all knew when he was home, for a kid who was amazing at avoiding everyone seemed to like leaving his truck in plain view across the street, taunting us.

I sighed rolling my eyes as I sat on the rickety wooden porch swing. It was an abnormally warm day for late November, and by abnormally warm I mean pushing toasty. The heat had already begun to kick on at random times of the day and when the pipes began to creek I knew I couldn’t sit and roast an hour more.

I stumbled into the kitchen and lazily grabbed the lower half of a watermelon that had been split in two and grabbed a spoon from the drawer before padding outside. A part of me wished I hadn't when I first glanced up from the front door to see no other than Alex sprawled across his front steps, drumming a beat along his stomach as a single earphone sat lazily in his ear. But I knew I had every right to sit out here as he did. And I wasn’t going to swelter because he wanted to be a prick was all I told myself as I pooled into the porch swing tucking my legs up indian style to sit the watermelon in my lap.

Jabbing the spoon into the fruit I began to leisurely shovel small portions at a time into my mouth. My mind slowly derailing to the figure that sat across the ways. I was so lost in my own mind I hadn’t even noticed the heavy door sway open till the swing rocked at Rian's hand grasping the chain.

"That’s such a waist of fruit!" He laughed pointing at my lap.

I looked up and tried to muster a flat smile before returning my gaze to my fruit, "I’m only going from one side I can cut it out later." He silently nodded before taking a seat beside my with a sigh as the swing rocked at the added weight. For a while we sat in silence till Rian followed my gaze to the sight across the road.

"How ya holdin’ up?" He questioned smiling lightly as I failed in trying to force the same.

"Fine" I lied looking down and jabbing the spoon into the juicy pink, "never been better!"

"I know your mad Jasey bu-"

"I’m not mad..." I rolled leaning an elbow on the wooden armrest to support my head as Rian lightly rocked the swing.

"Jasey..." He called.

"I’m disappointed."

"Jasey!" Rian sighed throwing his head back.

"What?" I smiled lightly returning my attention to the organic bowl in my lap.

"I can’t believe you just mommed Alex!"

"I didn't mom him!" I quipped rolling my eyes.

"You so did!" He rolled.

"Yeah well, he deserves to be mommed!" I muttered, "And slapped."

"I don't think he’s doing this to hurt us Jase" Rian sighed.

"Well unfortunately not all Dawson's are as optimistic as you," I sighed, "I guess I got more of the rationalist end of the jean pool."

"You didn't even let me explain why I think that!" He retorted.

"Rian I don't really feel like talking anymore about Ale-"

"He asked about you." Rian hushed catching my attention, "it’s all he asked when we pushed him about being distant, he seemed pretty beat up about the whole thing but he asked about you." Rian sighed looking down at his lap, "I don't know why he’s doing what he is, but something’s making him do it, and you’re the only thing had asked about, the only thing he seemed to care about."

"Rian I don't think-"

"Let me finish..." He sighed, "Whatever is keeping him from us, from you," he paused, "it’s killing him Jase."

I sigh looking away from Rian and back across the street in time to see a small baby blue car pull up in front of Alex's. It was the type of car that was practical enough to belong to a student but clearly not one they purchased on their own. The type of car a daddy bought new and had all its hubcaps. The type of car the average 17 year old didn't drive in 2005.

And that was exactly the type of car that would belong to the blond head of hair that popped out of the driver’s seat to prance up the walkway.

It took all my strength to not whip the watermelon in my lap at her bad dye job and to just sit silently. My whole body visibly tensing over as my lips pressed to a fine line, my gray blue eyes hardening to their solid stormy color.

"Yeah he's clearly so distraught about losing me." I nearly growled.

"Let’s just go inside..." Rian cooed placing a hand on my thigh as I watched Tammy skip up the porch steps and throw herself into Alex's arms.

"I’m calling Marc." I muttered getting to my feet to abandon the scene I could no longer beer to see as I pulled myself inside, letting the front door close with a slam. A slam loud enough to echo across the road, to let Alex know I saw, and to let it go. To tell him I got his message.

Loud and clear.

Notes

HMMMMM...

maybe next chapter we hear a lil from Alex...? maybe... maybe no!!

but be sure to leave me some comments on your thoughts!! i have a long ride to practice and i wanna hear em!

AND BE SURE TO SUBSCRIBE TO THE STORY AND VOTE IF YOU LIKE IT AND HAVENT ALREADY!

i keep repeating the same shit but i feel the need to remind you sorry if you have the urge to slap me every times i say that:)

-Sarah