No Pads… No Helmets… Just Memories!

I had to do it. I had to swallow my pride and face my fear, if I didn’t I wouldn’t get anything out of it. No harm could come from going to the show right? Only good could come from it. Even if I was there because Jack had told me it'd be better off. I could get off telling myself that I had showed up in support of my brother.


Even though if I were to be honest with myself, Rian didn't need my support or anyone’s, all he needed was two drumsticks and a queue.


I let out one last breath as I pushed the glass door open to the basement of the small pub and bar where the boys were playing that night and glanced up to see the few of them with the help of Matt, Marc and Vinny fiddling with the strings on the guitars and the knobs on the amps as I slid into a booth beside Andrea and Cass when I spotted them. I gave the two a warm smile and turned my head to glance up at the makeshift stage as my blue eyes locked on his brown ones.


Alex all but dropped the mic as the cord got caught on his thumb in its fall when his eyes locked on mine. By just the look in his eyes and the emotions washing from him to me my conscience was torn just looking at him. The guilt, the sorrow, the pure sadness in his eyes, he didn't mean it. He never did. I was torn between storming the stage and wrapping my arms around him and saying I was sorry.

sorry for everything, sorry for leaving, for kissing Riley when he told me he was a player, sorry for shutting him out, sorry for blaming him for everything, sorry for being a shitty friend and a shitty human being, and telling him it was okay he got drunk, it was okay, that we were okay. That we were going to be okay again.


But the voice in my head screaming for me to dart for the door had just as loud of a voice. It wasn't until Matt yelled his name ripping Alex’s eyes from mine causing the mic to fall the rest of the ways to the stage. Alex turned to see Matt standing with folded arms sending him a look of confusion and annoyance. I narrowed my eyes at Matt in efforts to read his lips of the words he spoke as Alex stumbled to pick up the dropped equipment and place it in its proper position on the stand.


“Jasey!” Cass called throwing a straw at my face bringing me back to their conversation. “Where you at girl you looked like you were crapping your pants?” she giggled unwrapping a second straw and sliding it into her drink.


“Um nothing!” I said rubbing a hand up the side of my face to get lost in my hair, “I guess I just zoned out!”


“Mhmm…” Andrea hummed lofting a brow at me as I looked up through thick lashes at my friend.


“What?” I laughed at her accusation.


“Nothing…” she smiled before sending me a playful wink.


“Quit flirting with me Dre!” I laughed throwing the straw Cass had tossed back at Andrea.


“Please!” she scoffed, “I have a better chance of getting in your pants then Riley does!”


“Okay enough!” I laughed at her playful fact as a second piece of equipment was dropped causing all our heads to snap towards the stage. we all looked over to see Jack standing with a rose flushed blushed as it constantly switched from one of Rian’s cymbals knocked on to the floor, to the crowd, to presumably Rian scolding him off in the single wing. Jack’s red flushed face scanned the crowd one more time before his eyes finally caught mine and a light smile tugged at the corners of his lips.


"Hey, you know what” I spoke placing my hands on the table, “I’m actually going to grab something to drink," I forced a smile as I slid from my place in the booth. "You guys want anything?" After the two exchanged looks and both shook their heads in denial of my offer I waved them off as I stepped over to the drinks table they had out to crack a soda open, I glanced back to see Alex being ushered off the stage, eyes still locked on me.


I thought nothing of it shaking my head and turning back to the table thinking I could kill enough time to avoid as much small chat as possible just fiddling with the soda tabs for just a moment longer. I was debating whether or not to return to the booth when it was just a second too late and a hand grasped my arm.


"Jasey!" Alex called out in a rushed hushed tone as I jumped at his unexpected voice.


"ALEX?" I spoke with a questionable tone clutching my chest from the scare as I turned to face him.


“Jasey, you came!” He smiled down on me from his towering height almost as if in disbelief I was there.


“I’m here for Rian.” I muttered lightly as I uncomfortably shifted from foot to foot.


“Rian said there wasn't a chance in a million years you would show up though?” He questioned running a hand up my free arm to take hold of my elbow.


“Surprise?” I muttered raising my hand that clutched my soda in a noticeably awkward mumble.


“But what got you to change your mind?” he pushed.


“Uhm” I stuttered biting down on my lip, should I tell him? should I tell him about the talk I had with Jack, and that I was told to come to talk shit through with him, that I finally was given the wakeup call I’d been needing and by Jack of all people. That I finally realized how stupid and bitchy id been acting, and that I was foolish to blame him. I wanted to say all of that, but all that came out was all I could physically manage to get past my lips as I looked up at him and said, “Jack”


“Jack?” he repeated the name shocked straightening his back to his full height.


“Yeah,” I muttered running my finger around the perimeter to the top of the soda can, “Jack got me to change my mind.”


“Why Jack?”


“What do you mean ‘why Jack’? Me and him talked about things and he convinced me it'd be better for everyone if I came.” I admitted feeling the portion of the weight lift from my shoulders as the words slipped past my mouth.


“It’d be better for everyone if you came?” he repeated as if he didn’t quite understand what I was saying.


“Well better if I, uhm” I stuttered losing my wording as it got caught in the lump that had grown in my throat as I heard Zack calling for Alex.


“Better if you what?” Alex pushed taking a light hold of the second elbow that grasped my drink so I was facing him head on.


“If I uhm, if I talked with you.” I stuttered as I heard Cass call out my name.


“Talk to me?” he repeated ignoring the ongoing calls from his band mates.


“Yeah I think we need to talk about things, about us.” I mumbled as his hand that grasped my second arm slid back upwards to lift my chin to look him in the eye.


“Just say what you have to say now.” he spoke in a steady cool tone as I investigated his deep chocolate brown eyes.


“Here?” I questioned looking around at the few sets of eyes that Alex and I had caught the attentions of.


“Yes here.” he smiled, “Just say it!”

I opened my mout- "ALEX!" A voice shouted and we both turned to see Matt standing there with folded arms, "get on stage, you don't have all night you know!"


Alex turned his head back to me as his hand dropped from my face and the second slid from my elbow to my free hand giving it an apologetic squeeze before looking me dead in the eye and dropping my hand as he spoke backing away, "this isn’t over, I’ll find you after were done." He said turning on his heals for Matt.

“Jasey!” I heard Cass call again as Alex looked back at me one last time before being pulled through a doorway.

“I'm sorry Alex, I fucked up.” was all I couldn't mumble out in his absence.

Notes