No Pads… No Helmets… Just Memories!

"I know what I did was beyond fucked up and dumb, But Jasey I want to be with you, I was nervous, I got drunk, I was stupid." Riley spoke. “I know you want to be with me too let’s just put it behind us!”


"But I don't know what I want." I confessed honestly.

I had no idea what to think or believe. This was no comic book, this was real life. There were no masks and dark capes to guide me in who was bad and who was good, my mind was buzzing with thoughts of confusion and panic.

I never wanted this; I never wanted any of this. I just wanted to be normal. With normal parents, and normal friends, and a normal plain Jane life. And I was fine with the idea of that. Hell, I strived for that. To wake up and go to school to sit and go from class to class and go unnoticed, unbothered, irrelevant, that’s what I wanted. I didn’t want to have people worry about me, or have to worry about other people.

I didn’t want to wake up and not know what the day would hold, because honestly, I had enough plot twists in my short life for an entire population, I was done with surprises, and people showing up out of the blue weather it be for better or worse.

But I couldn’t tell Riley that,
But yet again maybe if I did, he’d see the internal mess that was Jasey Rae Dawson and flee from my life completely.

"Don't you think you deserve to be happy?" he asked again pulling me from my internal mental collapse.

"I’m happy on my own though..."

"Don't you think you deserve someone who makes you happy, and not someone who treats you like a little kid?" He spoke tucking a lock of hair behind my ear as he took a swing on Alex.

"I think..." I muttered. "I think, I think I need some time to think. Alone." I said sidestepping from his glare to grasp my small drawstring bag and throw it on my back. "You can help yourself to the front door, don't wait up for me." I mumbled.

"Wait!" He ushered lightly grasping my arm, "what if I want to wait for you?"

"Empty promises will do you no good now," I said stepping into the hallway, "because today, I’m done waiting for anyone." I said as I continued down the hall to the staircase. I stumbled into the kitchen pulling a can of coke from the box that sat on the floor by the island and shoving it in my bag as Riley appeared at the base of the stairs.

"My offer will always be on the table." He spoke as I pushed the both of us out onto the front porch.

"So is me becoming a crack-head but it doesn’t mean I’ll take you up on it." I simply stated closing the door behind me.

"I’m not going to give up on you Dawson!" He hollered as I turned my back to him to walk towards the park.

"You wouldn’t be the first one to spill that lie." I muttered for only my ears to make out, but it wouldn’t matter on the off chance he had heard, it wasn’t an opinion, but a statement, a fact. I had heard those exact words once that day already, and once the year I left, and both of those were slurred lies between faded friends. So what would make another time with another person so different?

It didn’t even matter anymore, I was telling myself I was done dwelling on the past but if I were to be honest with myself, I wasn’t. If I was I would have accepted Riley's plea right then, I would have listened to what he wanted to say, I would have shooed Alex without a single pang of guilt or regret in my mind. I wouldn’t be wondering towards the water tower to clear my head for a while. I wouldn’t be who I am. And I can’t quite say if it was a good or bad subconscious decision.

I threw my bag off my shoulder and onto the ledge with a grunt when I reached the top of the ladder to pull myself the remainder of the way with a thud. “Jasey?” a voice laughed in a tone I had almost been secretly wishing to hear, as my eyes scanned over the only other lanky being who would think to climb the water tower.

“Funny seeing you here?” I smiled sarcastically as I crawled over to sit beside the boy.

“Yeah actually, you disappear last night then you come here” Marc smiled, “Did you miss me? Is that what this is?”

“Caught me red handed!” I laughed.

“No but really though, what’s up with you why aren’t you all giggles and rainbows?”

“Really?” I laughed lofting a brow at the older boy, “Nothing really I guess.”

“Come on Jace, I know your sad eyes, I’ve seen em’ before what’s got you?”

“Baltimore I guess.” I groaned throwing my head back to lean against the cool metal of the water tower.

“Ah, you my friend have a case of the Baltimore Blues!” he laughed as I shot him a lopsided grin. “Missing Washington or old Baltimore?”

The question got me thinking alone, which it was. Did I not like that I now had to face all the issues id been avoiding, or did I hate that nothing was how it used to be. I mean the one soul that caused me all my misery was finally gone, I was back and surrounded by people that knew me and loved me, shouldn’t I be happy, shouldn’t I be overjoyed? Was it that life isn’t as simple as it was before I left? Was it that I and Cass weren’t as close and we had what almost felt like a fake friendship for my own well being? Was it that I and Rian weren’t the same because he was walking on eggshells around me like Julie and my dad? Was it that jack was never his usual self around me and was always checking up on me and asking how I was doing. Or maybe it was that I came back because I missed my best friend, and I no longer had him. but I had Marc and he was always more than amazing to me, and with that I felt I wasn’t all so out of place, like at least I knew someone wanted me around.

“Actually I’m not quite sure, but I think I know a way to find out.” I spoke as a smile crept its way across my lips, “follow me.”

Notes