No Pads… No Helmets… Just Memories!

I fell asleep in Matt's arms, one of his many Mickey Mouse plush pressed to my chest and my head pressed to Matt's


I didn't sleep well in his arms, they were comforting and I love his effort and all, but my mind was too cluttered and not clouded enough to sleep. It felt nice to have the comfort of his arms around me but with every sniffle or shift from either of us images of Alex kept flashing through my mind. A constant back and forth between the boy who placed the pendant that sat around my neck, to the boy I saw that night. Were they even the same kid? I knew Alex had changed, I knew he was a partier, I wasn’t expecting him to not get drunk, I didn’t have any thoughts to him being a gentleman of any sorts, but I never thought he would stoop as low as Tammy knowing what he did. And frankly, I still didn’t know how to feel about it. He was drunk, yes. Alex isn’t a smart drunk, yes. But he couldn’t have had enough drinks to make him THAT drunk in the time he was left unattended. He knew what he was doing, and I didn’t know how to handle it.


It wasn’t until a voice boomed a "WHAT THE FUCK?" That I shot up snapping my eyes open


Scanning my eyes over a furious Alex of all people, the sound of his voice causing Matt to arise from his slumber and sit up by my side. His eyes shifted over Alex’s domineer.


“Alex?” he mumbled scratching at the back of his neck, “What time is it?”


“The time you told me to be here to have band practice at your house, and I come down to find you two all cuddled up!” he snapped.


“Alex what’s the big deal she had a rough night and came to me,” Matt started, “No need to get butt hurt man.”


“What?” Alex asked in an alarmingly calm tone, “what happened?”


“Nothing…” I mumbled out looking into my hands never meeting his eyes.


“Jasey.” he spoke, “What did Riley do to you!?”


“Riley, didn’t do anything to me.” I told him. It wasn’t fully true, but Riley was wasted before he got to me, and Riley wasn’t why I had fled to Matt’s, Riley was why I fled to Alex, which lead me to Matt's.


“Then what happened?” he almost snapped.


“Nothing Alex.” I lied again.


“If Riley didn’t make you run here then who did!” he snapped, his anger alarming me and I lost it.


“God damn it Alex you did!” I yelled back getting to my feet and storming towards the stairs leaving the two boys behind me, exchanging blank stares.


It wasn’t till I reached the top of the stairs that I heard Alex sprinting after me.


“Jasey!’ He shouted taking ahold of my back and elbow, “What happened?”


“Nothing Alex!” I snapped back trying to avoid the entire argument that would some how eventually end up at us yelling about me leaving and me and Rian’s birth mother.


“Bullshit!” he snapped, in a calmer tone now, “If it was nothing you wouldn’t have been here, not with him.”


“I hadn’t planned on being here with him!” I retorted.


“Then why are you!?” he questioned, a pang of anger still present in his tone.


“Because the person I wanted to comfort me couldn’t bother to give me the time of day.” I spoke with a cool tone looking up through my fallen hair into his chocolate brown eyes as his countenance dropped to the floor. “So why waste my time.” I muttered.


“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked with a sense of concern woven through his features, but I had not thought on them, it was evident his concern was not only self-inflicted, but self-directed...


“It means I’m done Alex.” I spoke in an alarmingly hushed and horsed tone. for a while he just stared at me, his facial expression never failing or altering as our eyes locked on one anthers till I broke the glare and turned for the door pulling it open.


"Hey!" He spoke catching the crook of my arm as I crossed over the threshold. "I get I was drunk, but don't think I’m just going to let you walk away from me again."


"Alex I’m done fighting with you, it is what it is!"


"Well you may be done, but I’m not, don't think I won’t fight back."


“You can’t fight back if I never fight to begin with.” I spoke pulling lightly from his hold as I turned through the door and passing both Jack and Zack as they stumbled up Matt’s front steps. I was done fighting for our friendship that would never last, we could never be the same, and change always isn’t good. It wasn’t that I hated Alex, what he did yes, but him no. I was just done with fighting uphill battles with the boy, and the battles then were on much larger issues than when we were in middle school together, these battles left wounds, and some that wouldn’t heal, even with time.
And I had given up trying to heal the ones with him.

Notes