No Pads… No Helmets… Just Memories!

My eyes pressed shut even further at the light creeping through my large windows and onto my face. I felt as my nose crinkle up and my limbs stretch straight as a yawn escaped my lips, rubbing the side of my face further into the pillow before falling limp back into my bed hopelessly blinking my eyes open slowly. I feverishly lifted my head resting my weight into my elbows, looking down at the pillow where my head had just laid. Did Alex leave last night? Wait; was Alex even here at all? Had I just gone home yesterday and fallen asleep imagining the whole thing, I’d like to think that it was my subconscious telling me I wanted my friend back, but the pulled back covers and his shoes by my closet door told me my assumptions were far-fetched. I now had to get up and face that I was Alex's friend again, whether I wanted to be or not, and whether it scared me shitless to trust him didn't matter anymore, it was already decided, or was it? I sat up scraping my fingers across my scalp, through my hair only scrunching my noise at the distant sounds of voices, one being Rian's and he didn't sound pleased. I fumbled out of the bed and over to the window leaning against the sill, noting that it must have been past 10 and I missed my dad and Julie leaving again, and then it clicked who Rian was bickering at. I quickly looked down shocked I was still in my hoodie and jeans from the day before and ran to my drawers throwing on sweats and tip toed out of my room so not to be heard.

"Alex I saw you guys last night tell me I didn't" I heard Rian say.

"Rian it's not what you think happened!" I heard Alex's voice retort as I sat at the top of the stairs, my hands supporting my head as my elbows rested on my knees.

"You were in bed with her last night you really think I’m going to trust that what I think happened didn't!"

They were talking about me? Why?

"I knew you could be low Alex but really, trying to screw with my sister! Don't you think she’s been through enough?"

"Rian nothing happened! Trust me!" Alex replied, "I would never do that and risk losing her so soon."

"So soon? No. Even if you didn’t do it with her last night you never will! Don't you lay a hand on my sister I swear to god, I love you man but that’s my line, she’s family!" I had had enough at that point, I didn't want people talking about me when I wasn't around, and it freaked me out.

I pressed down on my knees straightening my legs, hopping down the steps and flying into the kitchen. "Hey boys whatcha doing?" I chimed strolling over to the fridge to pour myself a much needed glass of OJ and I could feel both their eyes on me. I turned around walking towards the cupboard that I knew contained the glasses and grabbed one turning to look at the two. Alex sat on a bar stool wide eyed, with a toothy grin looking at me, as my eyes shifted to Rian, who possessed a much different domineer, his hands grasping the island countertop, his lips pinched shut.

"Did I miss something here?" I asked flickering my eyes between the two pretending to not have overheard the discussion prior my entering.

"You fucking slept with her to cheap shit!" Rian bursted suddenly and a "what no!" Escaped both me and Alex's mouths.

"You did it, I saw that fucking grin, and you knew this would piss me off yet you did it! You slept with my fucking sister!" Rian bellowed.

"Ewe grosses what!" I gagged, "Alex and I did NOT sleep together what are you talking about!"

"What?" He asked shocked calming down dramatically, "You didn't?"

"God no!" I said sipping on my juice.

His jaw dropped open as he looked at me and watched as I stepped backwards and climbed onto the counter and sipped my juice. "I told you we didn't!" Alex all but snapped but Rian didn't take his eyes off me now perched on the counter across from the two to examine if my countenance changed indicating if I in fact was lying or not. Which I wasn't. His eyes fell to the counter in realization that he had just made a total and utter ass of himself, but I wasn't going to hold his hand and tell him he didn’t, because then I’d be lying to the poor kid.

"So what are you guys then?" Rian muttered out and my eyes shot up to meet Alex’s that were already locked looking back at me.

"Friends?" Alex asked in a blatantly questionable tone and a slight smile plastered itself onto my lips as my eyes fell into my lap.

"Yeah friends" I agreed.

So that what we were, friends, we weren't former friends or frenemies, we weren't being civil, or ignoring each other. We were something. Friends. Something we were those summers ago, we certainly weren't as close of friends as we were and I don't think we ever will be with the constant ringing reminder that at any second he could walk away and I wouldn't matter anymore, and that scared me. That’s why I didn't wrap my arms around him my first day here and tell him I missed him, I was afraid to re-enter his life knowing I could be so easily disposed from it when cutting him off was the hardest thing for me.

"I'm so-" Rian sighed before Alex cut him off

"It’s okay, don't worry about it, I’d do the same thing." Alex sighed and I felt slightly annoyed that they were probably going to start a conversation about me like I wasn't sitting right there.

"It’s just that she just got back man, and it’s not that I don't love you bro or trust you but she’s Jasey I don't wanna see her hurt no matter who it is, and no offence I don't want her sleeping around with you." Rian explained.

"Slight offence taken, I’m sitting right here, hi, Hello, how are you?" I joked waving my arms and hopping off the counter to dispose of my now empty cup before making my way over to the fridge.

"Don't act like we didn't know you were there Jace we just... I don't know it’s easier to talk about you like you aren't" Alex joked.

"Yeah yeah, great friend you are!" I laughed, "is there anything good to eat I’m down right starving!"

"From what you just woke up?" Rian laughed after I shot him a glare.

"Sleeping, works up a girls appetite!" I laughed trotting over to a bar stool pulling it out.

"I mean we have to be back here later for the party and practice but my mom should be home still. Surely she'd make us something!" Alex said with hopeful eyes as we both looked to Rian for his approval.

"Yeah okay fine!" He groaned, "Across the street we go!"

Guided by Alex, the three of us sluggishly dragged ourselves across the street and across Alex's lawn and up onto his porch. As he pushed the door open I felt the warm, welcoming scent of the Gaskarth home wash over me as I followed the two into the kitchen. Alex's mom Isobel was leaned over a magazine at the island as pans holding eggs and French toast rested behind her engulfing the room in their sweet aroma. Her eyes glanced up at the three of us and locked on her son first.

“I was wondering where you had run off to!" She laughed.

"And you didn't bother to call!? Wow thanks mom love you too!” Alex groaned.

"Well I figured you were with one of the boys and..." Her voice trailed off as her eyes locked on me, resting on my eyes before it registered who I even was and her eyes popped open, "Jasey!?"

"Hi!" I mumbled in almost a whisper.

"Oh hunny how are you, I heard you were back?" She asked in that classic adult tone but she meant it, she seemed genuinely happy to see me as I was to see her as she stepped over engulfing me in a hug.

“Yeah, I'm good and you?” I asked stepping out of her grips as her warm hands found my face.

“Amazing oh hunny I’m so glad your home!” home. That word, that was it, I was home.

“Yeah, me too.” I admitted.

“Well Jasey help yourself to some food on the oven…” she trailed off turning to see Rian and Alex already shoveling immense amounts of food onto their plates. Rian just began to laugh and make his way over to the kitchen table as Alex shot me and his mother a wide toothed grin before shoving a slice of toast into his mouth and following after Rian.

I followed in the twos notions and stepped up to the oven, just as I was filling my plate I felt Isobel’s hand on my back.

“Alex has been so happy since you got back, he’s like a new kid!” she laughed just loud enough for only me to hear.

“He has?” I questioned doubting her words.

“Oh yes!” she smiled as she handed me a glass to fill with a beverage of my choosing, “you are so good for him, you guys are like two peas in a pod!”

She smiled once more allowing me to join my brother and Alex at the table. It wasn't long till Isobel's words rattled in my head and my curiosity of Alex's behavior got the best of me and I glanced from my food and couldn't ignore Alex’s eyes resting on me and that goofy smile on his face, "what are you looking at?" I all but laughed.

"The tiniest girl I know eating a Rian sized breakfast" his smile only grew.

"Hey!" Rian snapped looking offended holding his hand that grasped a slice of toast to his chest in mock hurt.

"I'm not a Dawson for nothin!" I laughed looking up at Rian.

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