No Pads… No Helmets… Just Memories!

I made not a sound the entire car ride to my house, and to my luck both Rian and our parents were at work, I tried to get Rian to give me some shifts at the Italian ice shop but he said I just needed to relax and do school work for the first few months, Even though i had decided to commit to the soccer team, the first practice wasn't for two weeks and until that started up, relaxing is exactly what I didn’t want to do, I didn’t need time to think, that’s what Washington was for. I plopped on the couch and sat with crossed arms while Alex popped a movie into the DVD player and made his way to the couch. He first sat down directly beside me till I pulled up my legs and pushed him with my feet so he was further away and he laughed at me. When the menu screen popped up I had to fight a smile at the fact that Alex had put on my favorite movie, the sandlot. Before the movie was able to be started I told Alex to hold off as I ran the short distance to the kitchen quickly popping some popcorn and grabbed a jar of chocolate frosting from the cupboard before returning to the antsy boy. I plopped down on the couch sliding the bowl between Alex and I creating a larger space between the two of us and flipping the lid of the frosting off motioning to Alex to start the movie.

In silence we sat watching as I occasionally shifted from popping small handfuls of popcorn into my mouth and dipping my index finger into the frosting generously placing it in my mouth not even noticing Alex’s eyes on me.

"Jasey what happened to your head?" He said barely above a whisper and I felt the lump returning to my throat.

"What? Nothing." I panicked.

"Your head, how'd you get that bruise?" He whispered slowly lifting his hand and gently running his thumb over the small patch of discoloration. Butterflies instantly grew in my stomach at the simplest touch of my lost friend.

Snapping out of my mind set I slapped his hand from my head. "Nothing I...I...I fell at tryouts, the drills were hard is all." I weakly managed.

"Jasey you don't fall in soccer, your, you" he said, though I had my eyes locked in my lap I could feel his gaze.

"Times change, I'm not a 13 year old anymore, I was always a clutz"

"Never on the field" He retorted, which was a partial lie, I had fallen many times but that was in games and I was usually pushed or tripped I rarely fell on my own.

"Alex it’s a bruise so what!" I said getting upset, more so because he was interrupting my favorite part of the movie for something that didn't matter anyway, and I couldn't say Tammy did it while Riley stood by and let it happen, Alex just said he was bad, but Riley also made it sound like Tammy put him up to it which doesn't surprise me as an option, either way I wasn't admitting he was right.

Somewhere when I got lost in my own annoying internal feud Alex's mind had thankfully wandered back to the movie. It wasn't long before I felt him staring at me again and I groaned in distress just wanting to watch the damn movie for more than 15 minutes at a time. "What now?" I basically spat meeting his eyes with mine; He looked down on me with clouded eyes.

"Nothing, it’s just I feel like I know everything about you, but at the same time nothing at all."

"What on earth are you blabbering about Gaskarth?" I groaned pausing the movie.

"Like I know your favorite colors were gray and maroon, and that you liked to listen to bands like green day and stick to your guns and blink, I know you're weren't a fan of coffee, and that your favorite movie used to be the sandlot, and that you used to draw and were pretty good with a guitar when you tried, I know that you don't like your eyes cause they look like your moms and your favorite scent used to be vanilla, but that was years ago basically, I don't know what has changed, I don't know what you like to do aside from soccer, I don't know what you want to do with your life! I feel weird if I just try to pick things up where we left off when I don't know you but I haven't changed."

How on god’s green earth did he remember anything about me? It'd been two years. He had always had a good memory with freaky little things but never that good from what I was aware of and I wasn't quite sure if I was to be flattered or freaked out.

"Why does it even matter?" I finally mumble out

"How am I supposed to start a friendship with you again if you won't let me know anything about you?"

"Hers an idea!" I started, "you don't!"

"Jasey"

"Alex" I repeated with a harsher tone.

"May I purpose an agreement, a compromise of sorts?" He asked lofting a brow as I chuckled and shook my head at him trying to sound sophisticated.

"I’d say no but you're going to anyway so what’s the point in fighting you." I sighed

"When we are together, alone, we are friends. Anywhere else, we are whatever you want us to be?" He asked the question spoken as a statement, leaving no room for legitimate arguing but I still sat for a moment mowing over his words. It wasn't a bad deal, I couldn't deny myself the fact I missed him in my life, but I was reluctant to just ignore the fact I was abandoned by him and still angered by it.

I let out a sigh before speaking "My favorite color is still gray, my favorite bands haven't changed, I still don't like coffee and the sandlot is still my number one. I still draw but I also take photos, I haven't touched a guitar since I first left because it only reminded me of home, and I still like vanilla so nothing has truly changed." I muttered looking up into his eyes seeing the huge smirk on his lips, causing crinkles on the edges of his eyes.

"What?" I laughed looking away from the boy as his smile only grew.

"Nothing, but I have my Jasey back!" He laughed throwing himself over the popcorn bowl and on top of me wrapping his arms around me with exaggeration and I yelled his name to get off as he nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck pushing me onto my back. I awkwardly wiggled my arm out of his grasp enough to jokingly pat the laughing boys head. He pulled back so he was basically hovering over me as he adjusted his hand brushing a small piece of my hair that was just short enough to fall from the sections I’d pulled back and had now fallen over my face and pushed it behind my ear.

"Alex this doesn't mean I fully forgive you." I whispered.

"I know, but you'll deal with me enough to be around me now?" He asked.

"I'll tolerate you." I said as a smile grew on his face. "Not if you don't get off of me though, I’m also the same size as I was in the 8th grade, and you got fat!" I laughed poking his belly.

"Have not!" He shouted collapsing on top of me wrapping his arms around my back. "So you take photos?" He asked.

"Well I mean yeah, none of them are anything special but yeah..."

"Well can I see them?"

"No!" I laughed.

"Well why not! I'm supposed to be your best guy friend Jasey! Come on I won't judge"

“Fine” I sighed pushing him off me and to the floor getting to my feet and taking his hand. I pulled him up the stairs and down the hallway to my bedroom door before releasing his hand from mine. I pushed open the door and allowed him to step in before I followed flickering on the light. I reached down and plugged in the white cord that hung running down the side of my door frame illuminating the Christmas lights me and Cass had strung around the border of my room the other day, with Rian's help of course. I walked in and stepped over to the white table which held my laptop and my camera with a large candle. Alex let out a weird half smile and I raised my eyebrow at him.

“What is it?” I asked looking at him smiling like a buffoon as his eyes ran over my walls.

“Nothing, this is just kind of exactly the same since the last time I was here.” He laughed.

I laughed shaking my head as I walked from the desk to my closet reaching for a rather large box and sitting on the floor with it placed before me. I looked up at Alex as his eyes scanned my walls as I shifted through the box.

"You draw all of these?" He asked in a hushed tone pointing to a cluster of my newer sketches on my wall.

"Uhm yeah" I said glancing up quickly before returning my attention back to the contents of the box, "I know they aren’t all that good but I enjoyed drawing those the most so that’s why I hung them up"

"No you’re really good Jasey why didn’t you show me these before?" He asked walking over and taking a seat on the floor in front of me, the box harvesting my endless amounts of sketch books and photo albums now sitting between us.

"Because I don't know I just didn’t." I shrugged.

"I really wish you would have" he started before reaching into my lap and pulling back a sketch book from my grasps and I yelled at him trying to snatch it back but he leaned back holding me just far enough away by his feet. “These are really good Jasey holly crap!"

"No they aren’t you weren’t supposed to see those!" I whined.

"Whelp I did, what you are going to do about it" he mocked.

"Never show you my stuff again!" I huffed crossing my arms over my chest, still leaning forward, Alex’s feet supporting my weight like we were about to play airplane.

"Oh yes you will!" He laughed popping me up and moving his feet so I fell the short distance into his chest. We both looked at each other before we broke into laughter and I rolled off of him, I had missed him as a friend. I sat up and pointed in the direction of my closet crawling towards it and pulling at the bottom of the wooden object

"I thought you said you haven’t played guitar since you left" he said crawling away from me and onto the bed as I stepped towards him holding my old wooden acoustic in hand.

"I haven’t, it reminded me to much of you guys, I haven’t touched one since the 8th grade" I said scrunching my eyebrows and crawling up onto my bed beside him. "But you play."

"No Jasey!" He laughed.

"Alex pleases!" I pouted and sniffed pretending to be upset.

"No, no, no, no, no!" He said shaking his head as I pushed the guitar into his lap.

"Just play me something." I said in a much more hushed tone than intended.

“Fine on one condition” he muffled.

Oh god, “depends on the condition” I said as he placed the guitar beside him supported by the bed and the wall as he leaned back shoving his hands into his pockets.

“You accept this” he said holding up a finger to motion for me to wait a moment while he stifled his hand through his front pocket.

a moment later the boy held out a closed fist to me and my eyes flickered from the hand extended out to me and back to his eyes as a light smirk played across his lips and his hand lightly unfolded. What he now held out to me was exposed into the air and my eyes fell onto the small metal object. it was a piece of metal cut to look like a guitar pick, there was a small ring at the top that a yarn thick black string ran through, there were words engraved on the pick that I couldn’t quite make out before he thumbed the small pendent shifting it in his hand.

“I want you to have this” he said holding it out to me as I gently lifted it in my hands reading the words ‘when words fail music speaks’ that were engraved.

“What is it?” I asked, I said it knowing exactly what it physically was but he knew I was asking more so what it meant, and why was he giving it to me.

“it’s a necklace, my grandad gave it to me when I got my first guitar, and I’m giving it to you, think of it as a peace offering, I want you to have it.” he spoke calmly as I ran my thumb over the soft metal and he loosely slung an arm across the small of my back grasping my hips gently so I was to have my back to him as he sat fully upright. Taking the small pendent from my hands he placed it around my neck so it hung loosely past the neckline of my tee shirt.

“I can’t take this Alex, your grandfather gave this to you, and it’s special to you.” I told him reaching behind my neck to untie the knot but his hands stopped mine grasping them and pulling me closer into his chest as he leaned back.

“And you aren’t?” he said and I could feel my face growing pink, he was smooth, that he was, “think of it as me letting something special go in my life, to make room for something more special.”

“You’re such a cheese Alex” I laughed.

“And you just ruined a perfectly heart melting moment, I’ve been planning out those words for like two weeks!” he laughed and I sat up to look at him laughing, “you were supposed to be all like ‘oh Alex that’s so sweet please be my best friend again I can’t live without you!’” he mocked in a high pitched voice as I laughed.

“When have I ever said anything like that?” I smiled.

“First time for everything Dawson, first time for everything!” he shrugged.

“Okay well I accept your peace offering but will you play me a song I’m exhausted.” I joked yawning and stretching my arms, “listening to you talk makes me exhausted just all that drowning on and on!”

“Hey-” he laughed pushing on my arm, “fine I guess I have to though don’t I?” he asked looking up at me and I smiled nodding my head, reaching over him and grasping the guitar by the neck, shoving it back into his lap.

The boy let out a muffled sigh but willingly re-adjusted the instrument in his lap and began to strum a few calming cords. I looked up from the constantly changing cords to Alex's face, he was content, and even if I forced the guitar to his hand he was happy, the genuine smile shown on his face proved that. I scooted closer to him nudging my head onto his shoulder as my arms wrapped around his one, a smile dancing across my lips as my eyes gently slid shut. I breathed steady breaths as the soothing cords slowly came to an end but I kept my eyes zipped shut, hoping maybe he’d just shrug it off and play another song and I’d never have to let this moment end. I felt him shift to place the guitar on the end of my bed not daring to reach over me, and I heard him let out a slight chuckle as I leaned into his body. I felt him lightly releases himself from my grip but swiftly move his hand to the arc of my back pulling us down and me into his chest.

All I could do was smile into his chest and breathe in his musky scent that oddly had a warm vanilla like undertone, his chest gently rising and falling with each breath, I missed him. I’ll admit it. I missed having Alexander William Gaskarth in my life, I missed him coming over every day, I missed the sound of his voice, his scent, I missed his laugh, and I missed this, but who wouldn't. But I can’t ignore the constant ringing reminder of how easy he forgot me and left me hanging high and dry. I was about to slip fully asleep when the door popped open and the light flicked on.

"Jas- oh Alexander?" It was my father.

"Hey sorry I brought Jasey home and um… I was uh… playing guitar and um she just uhh fell asleep I guess!" He ushered to explain.

"Alex don't worry about it, you’re a good kid."

"I’m truly sorry sir I don't want to intrude" Alex said as I felt him try to sit up but I tightened my grip on his t-shirt.

"No worries Alex really, were you planning on staying the night?" My dad asked hesitantly and Alex let out a breath, his warm exhale washing over my face as it fell from his nose.

"No, just until I’m sure moving won’t wake her up, and then I’ll be out of your hair sir!" He answered, "I just don't want to wake her up."

"Don't worry about it, and stop calling me sir, you’ve known me for how long Alex and have never once called me sir, you can stay, you have band practice tomorrow morning here anyway correct?"

"I mean yeah bu-"

"Don't sweat it, I’m sure she needs this, she needs some sort of normality back in her life, and I guess you’re her version of normal."

Normal was an understatement, best friend, was not.

Notes