So Long Soldier

"I... I love you too Alex." It felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. His face spread into a smile at my words.
"For God's sake Alex!" I heard someone call from the background for like the third time.
"Go," I said with a smile. He grinned back at me and winked the typical Gaskarth wink before the call disconnected. I sighed and closed my laptop slowly, pausing for a moment and taking in what we had just said to each other. He loved me. Alex had said that he loved me.

-

'You're worthless. Worthless. You're worthless. You're worthless. Worthless. You're worthless. You're worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless.'

My eyes shot open and I gasped for breath as the words slowly faded in my head. Not this again. I hadn't had these nightmares for ages. Not since I was a teenager. My heartbeat slowed and I closed my eyes for a moment.

I knew they flew out for Honolulu soon but maybe they were still being lazy shits as usual. I had to hear his voice. I slid out of bed and into the lounge room, slumping down on the couch. I opened my laptop and a Skype call from Alex immediately popped up. I smiled and accepted it. But it wasn't Alex's face that filled the screen.
"Jack? Hey!"
"Hey Nebs, how are you?"
"I'm, er, great! How's the tour?"
"Tiring. We fly out for Honolulu soon. I swear I'm comatose from eating too much food."
"Right on! Oh, why are you Skyping me? Where's Alex?"
"He's in the shower. He doesn't know I'm talking to you..."
"Uh, okay?"
"Yeah, ah, he told me what he said to you the other day."
I felt my cheeks burn and I tried to hide a smirk. "Yeah..."
"You've changed him, Nebraska. You actually have." He sounded serious.
"Um... Sorry?"
"No! In a good way. In a totally great way. You should see the way he handles band sluts lately. He basically treats them like any other fan. It's hilarious, they get so frustrated!"
I laughed a little. "Actually, Jack, I guess I kind of wanted to talk to you about him."
"Yeah for sure," Jack said, checking behind him that there was no one around.
"Well... You and I both know how he is with girls. I just... I don't know. Sometimes it feels like I'm not good enough for him. He's a freaking rockstar, and I don't even have a real job."
Jack frowned. "Nebraska, listen. As I said, Alex has changed since he met you. The only reason he was hooking up with randoms was because he didn't know how you felt, how he felt even. But he knows now. He loves you Nebs. He does. I see him space out sometimes and I know he's thinking about you."
I blushed a little and bit my lip. "Thank you Jack."
He smiled at me but turned quickly as he heard movement in the background. "Shit, I better go now dude. I'll see you when I get home in a few days! Party it up!"
I laughed and waved. "I'll be waiting! Later Jacky! Tell Alex I love him!" Jack quickly made a disgusted face before the call disconnected.
I exhaled loudly as I thought about what to do so I didn't have to face the horrible nightmares again. My eye caught the Don't Panic cover on top of a pile of CD's on the shelf. I smiled to myself as I got up and put it on, Alex's voice filling the house.