Find a Reason to Feel

“Em he’ll be here any minute!” I call into the bathroom.

“One sec.” She yells back, taking the longest shower of life.

I roll my eyes and venture out in the living room where Aria is pounding her piano excitedly. I scoop her up and she squeals happily. Aria wraps her tiny arms around my neck and nestles against the crook of my neck. Suddenly, the doorbell rings.

“Emma!” I yell. “They’re here!”

I carry Aria with me as I open the front door.

“Hey Alex.” I grin proudly.

He can’t even speak. His smile is so big and his eyes are 100% fixated on Aria.

“So this must be Aria?” He asks, stepping inside with Lisa close behind. “Unless you have other children we don’t know about.”

“Probably do.” I laugh. “This is Aria. Aria this is my friend Alex.”

She squeezes me tighter and looks up at me, a nervous expression. I kiss her forehead quickly and she relaxes a little.

“Where’s Emma?” Alex paces the floor. “I’m dying to see her.”

“Hey Alex.” She says quietly as she approaches us.

Alex wastes no time in scooping her up off the floor and into his arms. I’ll admit, there’s definitely some jealousy brewing inside of me but I push it away for the sake of Emma.

She cries into his shoulder, delivering another blow to the heart. Lisa and I stand off to the side awkwardly while Aria watches her mom embrace an old friend.

“I think we should give them a bit.” Lisa suggests.

I nod. “Good idea. Let’s grab a couple of beers and sit out on the back patio.”

Lisa and I grab some beer and make our way to the breezy back yard. We sit together on the wooden bench and watch Aria run around blissfully. A few sips into our visit, Lisa pipes up.

“She looks just like you. All the good parts though.” She teases with a smile.

“Thanks.” I laugh. “She’s quite the little rascal.”

“Alex has been so excited to see Emma and Aria. It’s all he talks about these days. I’ll admit, I was a tad jealous when he was talking about Emma but I know there was nothing ever between them.” She shrugs and takes a sip. “I’m happy this is happening. He needed it as much as you did.”

“It’s been…surreal. She was the reason my world revolved. Aria is just a bonus.” I stretch my arms out as Aria comes tumbling my way and into my embrace.

“She’s absolutely precious.” Lisa grins.

“What about you and Alex? You going to pop out a little one any time soon?” I stroke Aria’s hair softly.

“As if.” She scoffs. “Alex has baby-phobia. It’s probably just because he doesn’t want it screwing with the band.”

As she says it, a chill creeps up my spine. I hadn’t thought about the band ever since Aria came into my life. At some point, I’m either going to have to go on tour and leave Aria behind or quit the band. Both ideas sound pretty miserable.

“Yeah.” I chuckle awkwardly, ignoring the inner turmoil I’m having. “What about you? Is it hard when Alex leaves for so long?”

“It’s nearly impossible.” She sighs and sips her beer. “He’s on tour all the time. I know the types of fans you guys have too. Majority of your fans despise me just because I’m dating Alex. So even when he is away, I still get dirty looks or mean tweets sent my way. It’s hard. Not to mention the constant worry of him sleeping with another girl.”

Again, more problems to worry about. As if Emma wasn’t self conscious enough before, she now has to worry about thousands of fans all over me at my concerts. Can I even trust myself not to give in?

“You’re the only girl for him. Don’t worry about it Lis’. I mean it. We keep an eye on him.” I assure her and pat her on the knee awkwardly. We were never that close.

“Thanks Jack.” She sighs. “It means a lot.”

Aria tugs on my hair, grabbing my attention. I look at her with a questioning look in my eye and she just stares back, literally only wanting my attention.

“God she’s such a daddy’s girl.” Lisa laughs. “She’s just as obsessed with you as you are with her.”

“I spoil her rotten.” I grin proudly. “She’s the greatest thing in my life right now.”

“What about you and Emma? Is anything happening there?” She asks while tickling Aria’s feet.

“I have no damn idea.” I sigh, frustrated. “I still love her but she’s got her wall higher up than when I met her. We are sleeping in separate rooms so I’m trying to give her distance. At the very least, I need us to be good friends so I can be on good terms with Aria. I don’t want her growing up without a father. I’m the only dad for her.”

“It’s so weird to see you so…grown up I guess.” Lisa chuckles. “I’m used to crazy party Jack not fatherly Jack.”

“Party Jack is still here baby girl. Just not around the kids.” I wink.

She laughs. “There’s the Jack I know and love.”

Alex and Emma come walking out of the house and to the patio. Emma’s eyes are swollen from crying and I can see Alex has been too. They take a seat on the couch in front of us and open the beers they grabbed from inside.

“This is crazy.” Alex speaks up. “It feels so weird to be sitting next to Emma. I never thought I’d see the day to be honest.”

“It’s good though.” She rests her head on his shoulder. “It’s been so long.”

“Too long Emma. Too fucking long.” Alex squeezes her hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It was great seeing you Em.” Alex hugs her for the millionth time tonight. I swear, I’ve never wanted to punch him so badly.

Yeah I know, he has Lisa. It just rubs me the wrong way.

“You too ‘Lex. I’ll call you tomorrow and maybe we can make some plans.” She grins.

“Sounds good.” He smiles. “G’nite guys.”

We all say our goodnight’s and Lisa and Alex leave. I let out a long sigh as I shut the door and lock it for the night.

“That was amazing.” Emma grins, happier than ever.

“Yeah.” I mumble. “It was nice.”

“You okay Jack?” She asks me, touching my arm lightly.

I look into her eyes and want to tell her everything. I want to tell her that I’m still in love with her. I want to tell her that I need her and Aria like I need air to breathe. I want to tell her that seeing her with Alex made me so jealous that I wanted to punch my best friend.

But I don’t.

“Yeah. It’s just been a long day.” I fake a yawn. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

She looks at me for a moment before responding. “Okay. Goodnight Jack.”

“Night.” I walk to my room before she can hug me.

I shut the door behind me and let out a long, painful breath. My hands shake as I pull off my shirt and jeans, crawling under my comforter. I feel so confused.

Fucking Lisa had to go and remind me of having a daughter and a band at the same time.

Notes

Short, but whatever. Hope you enjoy c: Thank you lovely commenters!