Find a Reason to Feel

My head is throbbing as I struggle to open my eyes. The sunlight stings, but I manage. I try to sit up, but am weighed down by Emma’s sleeping body. I glance around the room and realized we passed out on the couch last night. An empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s sits on the coffee table reminding me of how our night went.

We talked, and talked, and talked, until our throats hurt and our bodies ached with exhaustion. She told me everything. She told me what it was like when she left, what raising Aria was like, and most importantly, the day she left.

“I almost killed myself.” She admitted towards the end of the night. “It was either killing myself or running away. I figured if I had killed myself, it’d be even worse for you.”

If it wasn’t for the liquid courage, I don’t think she would have ever told me that. She definitely wouldn’t have told me that I never left her heart. I almost kissed her last night, but I didn’t want alcohol to be a factor. When I kiss her again, I want us both sober.

The drinking thing is sexy, but there’s a voice in the back of my head warning me. Her parents are alcoholics and from what I’ve gathered in school, that type of thing is hereditary. What if Emma has the gene? I would give up drinking for her in a heartbeat if I had to, but would she give it up for me? Does she even need to?

My thoughts are interrupted as her body becomes more awake. She shifts on top of me and pulls her head off of my chest.

“What time is it?” She groans.

“No idea. You’ve been sleeping on top of me, remember?” I chuckle and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

She flinches, and immediately I worry that I’ve crossed a line. Sure enough, she untangles herself from me and stands slowly.

“Crap I have a wicked headache.” She groans. “I’m going to get some Advil and take a shower. Do you mind checking up on Aria?”

I nod and stand myself, feeling the blood rush to my head. My vision blacks out momentarily and I feel dizzy. Everything comes back just as quick as it left and I make my way to Emma and Aria’s room. I open the door slowly and see my daughter curled up in a ball under the sheets. I crawl into bed next to her and gather her in my arms. She makes a few small noises of protests, but quickly snuggles against my chest. I breathe in her scent of roses and baby powder. I stroke her hair slowly, enjoying this rare moment. Her big brown eyes open up slowly and gaze up at me lazily. Aria’s eyelids close slowly every now and again, drifting between sleep and awareness.

When she finally wakes up, she starts crawling around on the bed.

“You hungry Aria?” I ask her.

“Cereal!” She shrieks.

“Cereal it is.” I laugh and scoop her up.

I carry her to the kitchen and plop her down in a chair. I rummage around the cabinets in search of sugary sustenance when I come across a Cookie Crisp box.

“You like Cookie Crisp?” I ask her.

“Cookies f-fer breakfast?” Aria’s jaw drops.

I laugh and pour her a bowl. I don’t put any milk, because I want her to eat these with her hands. They are a little too big for her to spoon up and eat on her own just yet. I pour her a glass of milk and make my cereal. Of course, I put milk in my bowl and sit across from her. She frowns.

“I want eat like you.” She folds her arms across her chest.

“You can’t yet sweetie. You don’t have big girl teeth yet.” I try my best to explain.

Aria pushes her bowl away from her, as if to say it’s either big girl cereal or no cereal at all. She’s just as stubborn as her mom is.

“I’ve got it.” Emma walks into the kitchen, hair still damp from the shower.

A red long sleeved shirt hugs her torso, and I can’t help but admire her. The way her body curves is like something out of a magazine. Her hair might not be as long anymore, but it still frames her face perfectly. She moves around the kitchen with ease, crunching up Aria’s cereal into smaller bites.

Why didn’t I think of that?

Aria gets her big girl cereal and starts digging in sloppily. Emma watches her like a hawk while nibbling on a banana she must’ve bought from the grocery store yesterday.

“So what’s on the agenda today?” I ask, breaking the silence.

“Nothing on my end. I don’t need anything at the moment. What about you?” She asks.

I glance outside and notice the gloomy, snowy weather.

“Same here. Weather doesn’t look nice enough to want to do anything so I think I’ll just hang at home for the day.” I shrug. “You two up for a movie marathon?”

“I think that sounds perfect.” Emma smiles.

Her hazel eyes meet mine for a moment, but in that moment I realize something is very wrong. Something she’s not telling.

Before I get the chance to ask her, my phone rings. I fish it out of my pocket and answer.

“JACK!” Alex yells. “What’s up man?”

“Just having some breakfast with Aria and Emma.” I answer proudly. “What about you?”

“Lisa and I just landed in Baltimore. When do you think we can swing by for a visit? I’m dying to meet the little monster.” I can hear his excitement build with every word he says.

“Aria is a princess Alex not a monster.” I laugh and Emma shoots me a look.

Alex? She mouths.

I nod and she smiles, but I can tell it makes her nervous.

“Let me talk it over with Emma and see what we can do.” I answer him. “She’s still settling in.”

“Cool. Lis’ and I will head back to our place and get settled in. Call me a little later bud.” Alex tells me.

“See ya.” I hang up.

“So what’s the deal?” She asks anxiously.

“Alex and his girlfriend Lisa are in town and want to visit us. Alex is dying to meet Aria and see you again.” I explain. “If you don’t want to, I understand.”

“No it’s not that.” She hedges. “I’m just worried he’ll be angry with me.”

“He can’t be any more pissed with you then I was.” I laugh. “Trust me, it’ll be fine. Once he meets Aria, any anger or resentment will dissolve. This little girl works magic.” I reach over nudge Aria.

“So when is he coming?” Emma asks.

“Whenever you’re ready.” I shrug.

“The sooner the better.” She sighs. “Tonight?”

“I’ll let him know.” I grin excitedly.

Notes

tad short, but i will make up for it in the next chapter :) hope you enjoy