Find a Reason to Feel

“So how’s Alex doing?” Emma asks me while looking out the window.

We’ve been on the road for a few hours and are almost home. Aria has been sleeping like a rock and Emma has been dozing in and out. I dropped off the rental car at a place in Boston and am driving Emma’s car. It’s a small, beat up Honda that barely pushes 70.

“He’s well. He has a girlfriend named Lisa. They seem fairly happy.” I shrug.

“What about his sobriety? What’s the deal with that?” She asks.

“You know Alex. He likes his drinks.” I laugh. “He’s not out of control but he still drinks. It kind of came with our lifestyle.”

“What about the other two guys? What are they like?” Emma wonders.

“Much more quiet than Alex and I. We all get along really well though. Rian, our drummer, is almost always happy. Barely anything gets him upset. Zack, our bassist, is the quietest. He pretty much does his own thing.” I explain to her. “Alex really wants to see you again Em.”

She lets out a long sigh. “I miss him too. Maybe we can work something out.”

“I hope so. He’s been going crazy knowing that I get to see you. I think Alex is coming home to Baltimore within the next week.” I explain. “When’s the last time you’ve been here?”

She stares out the window, in a daze. “Not since the day I left.”

The car becomes silent, neither of us knowing what to say. Luckily, it isn’t too long of a silent drive until we pull up into my driveway. Emma’s jaw drops when she sees it.

“You still live with your mom?” She asks me as politely as one can.

“Not quite. She moved out a while back and into a house with her boyfriend. I bought the house off of her.” I explain.

“Oh.” Emma blinks. “But why?”

“It was the only place I really felt still connected to you.” I put the car in park.

I don’t wait for her to respond as I grab Aria out of her car seat. She wakes up and furrows against my shoulder, making herself comfortable. I hold her closely with one arm and use the other to carry bags into the house.

“Aria does know how to walk Jack.” Emma rolls her eyes with a grin.

“I like to pretend she doesn’t.” I wink and make my way into my house.

I kept everything pretty much the same. I even live in the same bedroom. My mom’s room remains untouched, but Chris’ was turned into a room for my guitars. Everything else is the same as it was when she left.

“So I’m going to set you up in my mom’s old room.” I explain to Emma and lead her there. “I can clear out Chris’ room and set Aria up in there if you-“

“No.” Emma shakes her head quickly. “If you don’t mind I’d like her to sleep in my room with me. Sam never let us because she would cry too much in the night and wake him up.”

“That’s no problem at all.” I assure her. “There’s plenty of room for the both of you. We’ll go buy her a cradle and whatnot later on today.”

“Jack I can’t let you do that. This is enough as it is.” Emma frowns while she puts her clothing into the drawers.

I plop down on the bed and pull Aria on top of me. “It really isn’t. I saw how little belongings both of you have and it isn’t fair. Think of it as belated child support. Or an early Christmas present. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Thank you.” She turns to me with a sad smile. “I really do appreciate all of this.”

I smile back at her, and we can’t stop looking into each other’s eyes. This house hasn’t felt like home in forever but seeing her sit right there on the floor makes it a home like no other.

Aria tugs on my hair, bringing me back into attention. She’s smiling at me, bouncing up and down. I lift her little body up and bounce her up and down on my stomach. She giggles and squeals, stealing more and more of my heart.

“I think I need to go grocery shopping Jack.” Emma sighs. “I need baby food for the little one.”

I slip my wallet out of my pocket and hand her my credit card. “Go for it. While you’re out do you mind picking up some food for the adults too? Corndogs and macaroni are fine.” I grin, hoping she catches my drift.

She freezes and blushes. I know she’s thinking about that night.

After running up and down grocery isles with Emma, we finally make it home with a trunk full of junk food. She parks the car and I help her unload our sugary groceries, excited to have the night to ourselves. My mom is out on yet another date and I’m forever grateful for Emma. She knows exactly how to take my mind away from my problems.

“Can I help you babe?” I ask her, grinning as we work together like a married couple.

“Just put the ice cream away. I’ll take care of the rest.” She assures me with a kiss on the cheek.

I do as she says and watch her from the kitchen table. As she cooks, she seems to be in her own little world. In fact, I’m not convinced she even knows I’m here. Her small frame flutters around the kitchen as she prepares the ever so fancy meal of macaroni and cheese accompanied by corndogs. Most girls would cringe at such a lame dinner, but I’m blessed with an angel who loves junk food just as much as I do. Just when I think she can’t get any better, she slips 6 corn dogs into the oven. It’s as if she knows I’ll eat more than a serving size.

I get up from my seat and wrap my arms around her waist, hugging her back to my chest.

“I love you.” I murmur against her ear lightly. “I seriously do. I have the best girlfriend in the entire world.”

She leans back in my embrace and smiles up at me. “I love you more.”

This girl is an absolute lunatic if she thinks that’s true. I can never imagine her loving me more than I love her. My love for her is infinite and never ending. I can’t imagine a day without her by my side. I shudder at the thought and peck her temple lightly with my lips. We stay this way, me kissing her as she stirs the pasta. It’s one of the greatest feelings I’ve ever felt. Emma makes me feel whole. I watch her closely as she appears to go off in her own little world.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask her gently.

“You.” She leans her head against my chest again and looks up at me. Her hazel eyes captivate my heart and soul for maybe the millionth time in our relationship. “I just love that something as simple as this makes you happy. I love these moments with you.”

I grin and my heart skips a beat. Little does she know, the answer she just gave me validates the fact that we are soul mates, a forever couple. “Creepy. It’ s like you were reading my mind.” I chuckle.

“Go find something to watch on TV. I’m almost done here.” She shoves her small body against my legs, ushering me out of the kitchen.

The one and only reason I do as she says is because I love her. Call me whipped, a bitch, whatever you want to call me. I genuinely could give a shit less. All I care about is the fact that Emma Jones is my girl.

“Yeah no problem. I’ll pick up some stuff for you after I finish with mine.” She says quickly, dismissing the thoughts I know she had.

“No you won’t.” I laugh. “You’ll pick ours up at the same time and pay for it with the card.”

“Jack-“

“Child support woman!” I remind her.

She laughs with me and rolls her eyes. “Thank you.”

“It’s not a problem. Now get your cute little butt on out of here. I’ll take care of Aria.” I tickle my daughter.

I wait until I hear the front door click shut to get my phone out. I Google up a local baby-proofing service and give them a ring.

“R. Carter’s Home Improvement this is Adrian. How may I help you?” A man answers.

“Hey there Adrian. This is Jack Barakat I have a 2 year old daughter here and need the house baby proofed to the max. Can you guys make it out here today?” I ask while walking around the room, bouncing Aria up and down in my arms.

“Absolutely. We can get someone out there within the next hour. Can I get your address please?” Adrian asks.

I give him my information and hang up with the promise of having someone out to my house within the next 15 minutes. I figured I should do this before Emma gets home, this way she can’t object to it.

“You wanna listen to me play music again?” I ask Aria with a grin.

She giggles and I take it as a yes. I carry her into my music room and set her on the floor. Aria wobbles around, exploring the room curiously. I keep a close eye on her to make sure she doesn’t get hurt as I grab my acoustic off of the wall. I sit on the floor and begin playing Jasey Rae, not singing this time though.

Aria’s head snaps around and starts walking as quickly as her chubby little legs will let her towards me. She plops down right in front of me and watches my fingers move along the frets, just like last time. Her eyes sparkle and her hands twitch every so often, as if she wanted to play too. I finish up the song and Aria signals for me to give her the guitar. I put it between us again this time, but she pushes it to the side. She crawls across the floor and sits in my lap. Aria buries her body against my torso and makes a small sound of contentment.

How did I get this lucky?

Notes

Hey guys!! Sorry it took so long but things have been getting pretty busy. I had finals week in college, not to mention the holidays and my two year anniversary with my boyfriend was a few weeks ago. People coming into town and so on. Hope you all had happy holidays c: It's really cool to get snapchats and see some of you all on Instagram. Feel free to add me/follow me c: I love seeing my readers!!

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