I sat picking at my fingernails, staring at the wall, waiting for someone to make me do something. I only left the bus for sets and signings, other than that, I had no reason to do anything else. The one slice of hope I had been holding onto after Chloe had died, after Tom, after all of the bull shit I had Carrie to hold on to was gone. The small, colourful girl who had left such an impression on me in the short time we knew each other that I was sure we would have something one day had denied me. I was lost.
“Dude, come on.” Jack whined. “Come for a drink.” I shook my head. No, no alcohol. “Alex! You can't stay cooped up in the bus all the god damn time. It's getting ridiculous. It's been three days!”
I sighed. A part of me knew he was right, where as another part just wanted to run and hide somewhere and forget everything. I stood and shook off my on setting depression and pulled a beanie on. “YES!” Jack punched the air and pulled me off the bus. He made it seem as if it was his greatest achievement to date. I laughed at his childish enthusiasm, sometimes making Jack happy was what got me out of bed in the morning. Rian high-fived me as we stepped of the bus and Zack gave me an uneasy smile. There was something wrong with him lately, his attitude had completely changed. He hardly spoke to me and was always awkward around the Pierce The Veil guys. Something wasn't right but I wouldn't push it, it was Zack, it could be anything.
We jumped in the back of Rian's car and headed off to a bar somewhere in the city that Vinny had recommended. Zack was our driver, the good responsible boy he is.
Five Jack Daniels shots later and I was too vulnerable to try keep my sobriety. The tears were running and I didn't have the strength to stop them.
“What's wrong, Alex?” Rian put his hand on my shoulder. “Dude.” I sniffled and explained to Rian that Carrie refused to talk to me and I had no idea why. A look of pure rage pread across his usually tranquil face and I knew instantly that he must know something about what was going on.
“Rian. Explain.” He took a breath and went through the events at the bar the other day. He explained to me how Zack had got over protective and told Carrie that she was only hurting me by speaking to me and that it was best if she avoided me. The worst part was that she whole heartedly saw his logic and listened to him. Zack stood a few feet away from me, a guilty look on his face and his eyes glistened with sorrow.
“She was hurting you, Alex.” He mumbled. “I couldn't listen to your nightmares any more.”
“She was fixing the nightmares, Zack!” I pulled at my hand and pushed my seat away. “Oh my god. I've lost her now. I don't know why I'm so drawn to her but I am. And now I have to fucking fight my way past the Fuentes brothers and that Preciado prick to get back to her. IF she refuses to talk to me theres no way any one from that band is gonna let me any where near her!” My voice progressivly got louder and louder, until every patron at the bar was staring. “FUCK!” I walked straight out, all three of my friends hot on my heels, asking me to stop, trying to get me to calm down. No, I would not calm down, that was ridiculous. One of my best friends had convinced the girl I was inexplicably drawn to to keep herself out of my life. The girl who so happened to have two over-protective older brothers and a fucker who couldn't decide if he wanted her or not making sure I couldn't hurt her. Brilliant. Fantastic. Getting her to talk to me was going to be bloody piss easy! I turned to face the boys as I reached the car. I pointed Zack to the drivers seat and told him to get me the fuck back to the bus so I could try and sort this out.
“Carrie, pick up the phone, please. I know you are screening me. Zack was just being over protective. Carrie, please.” It was the fourth voice mail I had left her in the last five minutes since I had got back on the bus. I dialled her number and tried again, knowing she could hear me.
“Caroline! Please pick up. Care- bear, I want-” I was cut off by the click of the phone being answered, my heart skipped a beat.
“Don't you ever call me Care-Bear again Alexander. And stop fucking calling. I don't want to speak to you.” With that she hung up. Not letting another word escape my mouth, not letting me plead my case. I sat around the table with the boys, trying to find a way to fix Zack's fuck up.
“She's performing with Pierce The Veil tomorrow.” Jack mentioned as he slid a piece of paper across the table. “I stole their guitar techs set list. They're doing Hold On Till May as a duet, with Carrie singing the female part.” We all stared at him, just sometimes he was totally brilliant.
“What's the plan then, Barakat?” Rian smiled.
“Alex walks through security, us by his side, flash our all access passes and stand in front of the barriers while she sings. Alex sings along, and Carrie is totally moved by the fact he still knows every word and the arrangement to the song.”
“That's brilliant, Jack, but I don't know the song.” Jack, Rian and Zack all stared at me with looks of shock on their faces. Was it really that bigger deal that I didn't remember the words to that song any more? It was senior year for gods sake.
“Dude, you sing it in your sleep.” Zack piped up. “You know the whole thing backwards.” I sung it in my sleep? Oh god, that was a new weird. Other than the creepy aspect, the plan wasn't all that bad. We all high-fived and discussed exactly how to execute Jack's plan.

Notes

ooohh yay for the beginning of daily updates on a regular schedule and writing ahead. I know what's gonna happen.. do you? ;)