Thanks To You
Bip bip bip.
“C-cardiac a-arrest?” My legs trembled, my whole body trembled, it got suddenly hard to support my own body.
May now cried too, Joyce cried, everybody cried. I couldn’t uderstand why they weren’t at the hospital with him. Nobody said anything, but my mind was just too loud. I found myself running on the street, in the middle of the street. Nothing made sense, I felt like I didn’t know where I was. I felt lost.
“I told you fate would fuck you up.”
I recognized that voice.
“I told you I would laugh of you when fate fucked you up.”
He was back.
“You caused this. It’s all your fault.”
I was back.
“He’s dead because of you.”
He’s not dead.
“You know he is, deep inside you know he is, if he was still at the hospital his family would be there.”
You told me you would never come back, why are you here?
“I told you I would be back to laugh at you, that’s the moment.”
It’s not true, he’s alive, I know he is, he wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, he never said goodbye.
Subconscious was back, Jack was gone, I was lost. I don’t know what happened, I guess I fell on the street, blacked out, I don’t know, but when I finally regained my conscience, I was at the hospital, maybe I walked there, maybe someone took me there because they found my body on the street.
I openned my eyes and found myself at the hospital ward, layed on a bed. I got up and felt dizzy. A nurse suddenly stopped me and asked me if I felt ok, I didn’t feel ok, but the urge to see Jack was bigger.
I got on the reception and talked to the blonde woman I already knew from the last time Jack was at the hospital.
“Is Jack Barakat here?” I asked, my voice was weird, weak.
“Only family members are allowed to visit.” She said, without moving her eyes from the computer screen. I panicked, Jack was famous now.
“But… I…” I didn’t know what to say, I was almost crying.
“No. Exceptions.” She said, staring at me through her eyelashes.
“He is allowed to visit.” I heard a voice coming from behind me, I turned around and it was Joyce, she was alone, puffy eyes.
She didn’t even look at me, she just walked forward and showed her ID to the receptionist. The receptionist smiled shyly and looked at me.
“You can get in sir, room 102, first floor.” She said, I gave Joyce my best “thank you” look and ran to the elevator.
He was alive, I knew he was alive. That moment made me remember of the accident, his smile when he saw me. I waited in the elevator for some seconds, what seemed like forever. Reaching the first floor I ran at his room's door, a doctor opening it moments later.
“He is still asleep.” He whispered. “In case he wakes up, he still can’t handle strong emotions, so avoid alarming news and noise.” He smiled and left me alone in the room.
I moved closer to him and sat on the little couch next to the bed. The room he was was really big and comfortable, really different from the one he was five years ago. I stared at him for some moments. He was still tall and skinny, his hair was now completely brown and the haircut was absolutely better. He had his eyes closed and big dark circles around them, but still, he looked even more gorgeous. I couldn’t hold back a smile.
I grabbed his cold hand and kissed it softly, washing it with tears while I could barely hear the bip of his heart beat.
“Wake up Jack.” I whispered, hoping he would open his eyes and smile at me. He wouldn’t wake up. “Wake up please.” I wouldn’t stop repeating that to myself, maybe he could hear it, maybe he couldn’t.
I stayed there for a long time, a nurse would often get inside the bedroom and check the equipments, see if everything was ok.
“Hey Jacky?” I whispered, I was almost sleeping. “Do you want to listen to music?” I said, grabbing my backpack, that was still behind my back. I got my Ipod and put one of the earphones on Jack’s ear, sleeping while For Baltimore played.
I felt his hand moving under my head and I suddenly openned my eyes. I stared at him while his eyes slowly moved.
I lifted my head and smiled. His dark eyes seemed lost, he took his time to look around when his eyes finally found mine, he winked sometimes and tried to speak.
“… W-where am I?” He asked, his voice was weak. “Who are you? What are you doing here?” He was getting nervous and euphoric. Avoid alarming news, yeah.
“Calm down Jacky, you’re at the hospital.” He wasn’t recognizing me, this scared me. “Don’t you remember me Jack?” I asked, wiping some tears from my cheek.
“Jacky?” He said, turning his head to stare at the ceiling, while his eyes slowly filled with tears. “Where am I? Hell?” He laughed, that hurt me.
“It’s me Jack, is Alex.” Maybe he hated me now, maybe he never forgived me for what I’ve done.
“Alex is gone. He left a long time ago.” He laughed and wiped his tears with his other hand, it was when I noticed he was using two rings.
“I’m here Jack, it’s me.” I said, sobbing.
“Why would he care about me? Alex hates me.” He cried, staring at me, his eyes showing sadness mixed with anger.
“I don’t hate you, I love you, you mean the world to me, you are the only thing that keeps me alive Jack, I’m sorry it took so long but I’m back, please accept me…” I cried, I was desperate, I should’ve expected that reaction from him.
“You killed me Alex.” He whispered, holding my hand. “I felt lost when you left. I couldn’t understand, I never really forgot you. I’m sorry.” He pulled one of the rings on his finger and put it on my hand. “You should keep this.” He smiled.
“I was the one who should say “I’m sorry” Jack…” I said, playing with the ring between my fingers, I knew that ring, it was written “Thanks To You” on the inner circle, the ring I had thrown away. I was such a dick.
“I got it on the floor after you left, I’ve been wearing them both since that day… I sound stupid don’t I?” He smiled, chuckling. I missed that so badly.
“No you don’t.” I chuckled back at him. “How do you feel?” I asked, I was really worried about his health, if something happened, I would never forgive myself.
“My chest is hurting a lot, but is just when I breathe.” He laughed. “I see you’ve been listening to All Time Low…” He said, then I noticed we still had our earphones on.
“Yeah… I guess For Baltimore is my favorite one.” I smiled at him.
“I like that one too.” He said, sighing and smiling back. “Do you mind if I take a nap? This pain in my chest is really bothering me.” He said, having a hard time moving.
“Of course Jacky.” I replied, leaning my head against the wall.
“Promise me you won’t leave.” He said, closing his eyes.
“I promise.” I whispered, seeing him smile while I closed my eyes too.
I woke up suddenly, having my shoulders shaked by a nurse. The room was now filled with nurses and doctors and they all seemed desperate. I started to wonder what happened.
“Sir, you must wait outside.” One of the nurses said, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the door.
“Why…? What happened?” I asked, and it took me a second to realize what was going on.
The bips the machine was making, the bips of Jack's heart beat, they had stopped.
May now cried too, Joyce cried, everybody cried. I couldn’t uderstand why they weren’t at the hospital with him. Nobody said anything, but my mind was just too loud. I found myself running on the street, in the middle of the street. Nothing made sense, I felt like I didn’t know where I was. I felt lost.
“I told you fate would fuck you up.”
I recognized that voice.
“I told you I would laugh of you when fate fucked you up.”
He was back.
“You caused this. It’s all your fault.”
I was back.
“He’s dead because of you.”
He’s not dead.
“You know he is, deep inside you know he is, if he was still at the hospital his family would be there.”
You told me you would never come back, why are you here?
“I told you I would be back to laugh at you, that’s the moment.”
It’s not true, he’s alive, I know he is, he wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, he never said goodbye.
Subconscious was back, Jack was gone, I was lost. I don’t know what happened, I guess I fell on the street, blacked out, I don’t know, but when I finally regained my conscience, I was at the hospital, maybe I walked there, maybe someone took me there because they found my body on the street.
I openned my eyes and found myself at the hospital ward, layed on a bed. I got up and felt dizzy. A nurse suddenly stopped me and asked me if I felt ok, I didn’t feel ok, but the urge to see Jack was bigger.
I got on the reception and talked to the blonde woman I already knew from the last time Jack was at the hospital.
“Is Jack Barakat here?” I asked, my voice was weird, weak.
“Only family members are allowed to visit.” She said, without moving her eyes from the computer screen. I panicked, Jack was famous now.
“But… I…” I didn’t know what to say, I was almost crying.
“No. Exceptions.” She said, staring at me through her eyelashes.
“He is allowed to visit.” I heard a voice coming from behind me, I turned around and it was Joyce, she was alone, puffy eyes.
She didn’t even look at me, she just walked forward and showed her ID to the receptionist. The receptionist smiled shyly and looked at me.
“You can get in sir, room 102, first floor.” She said, I gave Joyce my best “thank you” look and ran to the elevator.
He was alive, I knew he was alive. That moment made me remember of the accident, his smile when he saw me. I waited in the elevator for some seconds, what seemed like forever. Reaching the first floor I ran at his room's door, a doctor opening it moments later.
“He is still asleep.” He whispered. “In case he wakes up, he still can’t handle strong emotions, so avoid alarming news and noise.” He smiled and left me alone in the room.
I moved closer to him and sat on the little couch next to the bed. The room he was was really big and comfortable, really different from the one he was five years ago. I stared at him for some moments. He was still tall and skinny, his hair was now completely brown and the haircut was absolutely better. He had his eyes closed and big dark circles around them, but still, he looked even more gorgeous. I couldn’t hold back a smile.
I grabbed his cold hand and kissed it softly, washing it with tears while I could barely hear the bip of his heart beat.
“Wake up Jack.” I whispered, hoping he would open his eyes and smile at me. He wouldn’t wake up. “Wake up please.” I wouldn’t stop repeating that to myself, maybe he could hear it, maybe he couldn’t.
I stayed there for a long time, a nurse would often get inside the bedroom and check the equipments, see if everything was ok.
“Hey Jacky?” I whispered, I was almost sleeping. “Do you want to listen to music?” I said, grabbing my backpack, that was still behind my back. I got my Ipod and put one of the earphones on Jack’s ear, sleeping while For Baltimore played.
I felt his hand moving under my head and I suddenly openned my eyes. I stared at him while his eyes slowly moved.
I lifted my head and smiled. His dark eyes seemed lost, he took his time to look around when his eyes finally found mine, he winked sometimes and tried to speak.
“… W-where am I?” He asked, his voice was weak. “Who are you? What are you doing here?” He was getting nervous and euphoric. Avoid alarming news, yeah.
“Calm down Jacky, you’re at the hospital.” He wasn’t recognizing me, this scared me. “Don’t you remember me Jack?” I asked, wiping some tears from my cheek.
“Jacky?” He said, turning his head to stare at the ceiling, while his eyes slowly filled with tears. “Where am I? Hell?” He laughed, that hurt me.
“It’s me Jack, is Alex.” Maybe he hated me now, maybe he never forgived me for what I’ve done.
“Alex is gone. He left a long time ago.” He laughed and wiped his tears with his other hand, it was when I noticed he was using two rings.
“I’m here Jack, it’s me.” I said, sobbing.
“Why would he care about me? Alex hates me.” He cried, staring at me, his eyes showing sadness mixed with anger.
“I don’t hate you, I love you, you mean the world to me, you are the only thing that keeps me alive Jack, I’m sorry it took so long but I’m back, please accept me…” I cried, I was desperate, I should’ve expected that reaction from him.
“You killed me Alex.” He whispered, holding my hand. “I felt lost when you left. I couldn’t understand, I never really forgot you. I’m sorry.” He pulled one of the rings on his finger and put it on my hand. “You should keep this.” He smiled.
“I was the one who should say “I’m sorry” Jack…” I said, playing with the ring between my fingers, I knew that ring, it was written “Thanks To You” on the inner circle, the ring I had thrown away. I was such a dick.
“I got it on the floor after you left, I’ve been wearing them both since that day… I sound stupid don’t I?” He smiled, chuckling. I missed that so badly.
“No you don’t.” I chuckled back at him. “How do you feel?” I asked, I was really worried about his health, if something happened, I would never forgive myself.
“My chest is hurting a lot, but is just when I breathe.” He laughed. “I see you’ve been listening to All Time Low…” He said, then I noticed we still had our earphones on.
“Yeah… I guess For Baltimore is my favorite one.” I smiled at him.
“I like that one too.” He said, sighing and smiling back. “Do you mind if I take a nap? This pain in my chest is really bothering me.” He said, having a hard time moving.
“Of course Jacky.” I replied, leaning my head against the wall.
“Promise me you won’t leave.” He said, closing his eyes.
“I promise.” I whispered, seeing him smile while I closed my eyes too.
I woke up suddenly, having my shoulders shaked by a nurse. The room was now filled with nurses and doctors and they all seemed desperate. I started to wonder what happened.
“Sir, you must wait outside.” One of the nurses said, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the door.
“Why…? What happened?” I asked, and it took me a second to realize what was going on.
The bips the machine was making, the bips of Jack's heart beat, they had stopped.
Update: I totally cried.
Again.
1/15/15