Thanks To You
The past.
“Sir... Sir wake up.”
I openned my eyes, looking around while this woman gently shook my shoulder. The light blinded me at first but it didn’t take long for me to notice where I was.
In the plane. I looked outside, I was already in Baltimore, and it didn’t rain anymore. I smiled at the woman, who was a flight attendant, and got my backpack, leaving the plane.
I walked along the empty streets in the darkness of the early morning. I still remembered where he lived, of course I remembered.
I passed in front of Zack’s house, the playground, it all looked the same, only the grass, that was now almost covering the whole abandoned swing. I was now in front of the school. It looked smaller than I used to remember, the colors were also different. It used to have yellow walls and red columns, now everything was gray with yellow columns. It looked a lot better.
I walked a little bit more while the sun was starting to slowly rise, when I got in front of a big red house I knew really well. By the door, I could see a short old woman taking care of a nice garden I had never seen before, it was filled with red flowers. She was wearing the same floral yellow dress from the first time I saw her. Rose was still the same old woman I learned to love like a mother five years ago.
“Rose!” I shouted, running towards her.
She slowly lifted her head looking for me, and when she finally spotted me, she dropped the watering can she holded and grinned at me, opening her arms for a hug.
“Alex! Is this really you?” She said, while I hugged her, have I already said she reminded me of my grandma?
“It’s me Rose, I’m back.” I said, stubborn tears wanting to fall from my eyes, man I was so far away from home.
“I knew you would come back for us. I knew you would come back for him.” She said, pulling back and giving me a sad smile.
“How is him Rose?” I asked, sitting by the porch.
“Well… let’s start from the beginning will we?” She said, sitting on a small wooden chair in front of me. “After you left, he came to my house, he looked miserable Alex, I felt like crying just by looking at him. He asked me about you, I know you made me promise not to tell anything to him, but I just felt I had to say. I was starting to get afraid of what he would do to himself if he didn’t know about you.” That made me tremble. “He went to the airport, did you talk to him?” She asked, but I just stared at the ground. “For around a year, he would always come to my house, everyday, to see if you had come back, sometimes he asked me if he could go to your bedroom, sometimes he asked to help me with washing the dishes. Jack was such a sweet boy.” She smiled. “But then at the end of that year he told me he had to leave, he told me he was moving on. He had started to tour with his band, but he would often come back with some gifts of places he went, he also left some things for you Alex.” She stopped for some seconds. “… Anyway, everytime he came around he looked worse, I talked to one of his friends, Rian was his name I guess, he told me Jack had been smoking a lot, and this was destroying his voice. They were getting worried, afraid he could get a serious disease.” By that moment I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. “I know he is not on tour right now, what is weird because he hasn’t come to visit me yet, maybe he is at home.” She said, getting up. “Don’t cry my dear, I’m going to get the box of stuff he left you ok? Do you want a glass of water? “She asked, and I just denied with my head.
I knew he would do that, I knew he would end up almost killing himself, and that killed me from the inside, that guilt feeling coming back. When Rose came back minutes later with a not-so-big box on her hands, she just placed it in my lap and turned around to water her plants again.
I openned it. It felt like openning the black box of my past under my bed, only this time I didn’t know what was inside, I didn’t know my past.
It was mostly filled with photos and teddy bears, each one of the teddy bears was holding a photo. I grabbed one, it was a brown plush wearing a blue shirt, in which was written Paris, France. He had two photos attached to him, one was a photo of the Eiffel Tower and the other one was a big stage. I took the photo and something was written behind it.
I started to sob. He never really forgot me. I started to get the other photos of stages and read every single note he left me.Yo kid, how you doing? This is the first time I’ve ever been to Europe, we played in Germany, I didn’t know someone actually listened to us around here. We drank a lot, I wish you were here, remember New Year’s Eve when we got drunk? I do, It was fun, I wonder if it will happen again.
I couldn’t read anything else. I felt so happy for him and so bad at the same time, I was a monster.
“Hey Rose?” I said, catching my breath. “Do you know when was the last one he sent?” I asked, wondering what he would have written on the last one.
“Oh...” She said, turning around to face me. “I can’t remember dear… it was a long time ago, two years I guess, I can’t remember even from where it was… sorry for being such an old woman Alex.” She laughed, watering the flowers.
He stopped to send gifts and letters two years ago? Maybe he gave up on me, finally, that kind of hurt me.
“Rose… I… I have to go now.” I said, getting up.
“So soon? Ok ok, I know you want to see him.” She smiled, coming next to me for another hug.
It was hard to leave that box there, but all of the teddy bears wouldn’t fit in my backpack, so I just took the letters and photos, maybe I coould read them later.
We said good bye and I ran to the Barakat’s home.
I wouldn’t stop knocking at the door of the white mansion. When finally a young woman openned the door. She had dark eyes and dark hair, she looked beautiful.
“Who is this?” She said, barely opening the door. I knew that voice, I knew that eyes.
“May?” I said, smiling, I was sure it was her, she had changed a lot but her voice was still the same.
“…” For some seconds she seemed to just stare at me and think for some seconds, opening the door widely. “… ALEX!” Then she shouted and flew over me, almost making us both fall on the floor.
“Hey May, I’m back.” I said, pulling back from our clumsy hug.
“Oh my god Alex, you look so hot.” She said kissing my cheek and blushing a little bit, I laughed, May never really said things like that.
“Thanks May, puberty really suited you well too.” I said, laughing, making her blush even more.
“Come in.” She said, pulling my arm and closing the door. “MOM YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHO IS DOWN HERE.” She shouted.
The house was still the same, the furniture was placed on the exact same spots, the couch where we threw our bags after class, the black hus that covered the staircase in the middle of the hall, the picture frames that covered the walls of the corridor that led to the TV room. I felt home.
“Alex..?” Joyce said, recognizing me immediately while she ran downstairs. “Oh my god Alex, you still look the same.” She said, while pulled me for a hug. Funny how people would see you different from what others did.
We sat by the kitchen table and talked about stuff like school, job, family, that kind of random shit you talk with people you haven’t seen for a long time. We ate some cookies and I noticed the house was empty, it was only us, so I decided to ask.
“So… where’s everyone? This house used to be so crowded…” I said, hesitantly.
“Oh… Joe is looking for a job, and Leeyh moved a long time ago to a flat with Tay.” May said, fast. “Can you believe they’re married now? And last year Tay had a cute little girl, her name is Kenadee, she’s so cute…”
“May…” Joyce interrupted her, with a sad look I didn’t understand, May got imidiately quiet. “I know you’re asking about Jack, Alex. Jack changed a lot after you left, so I made him speak, I made him tell me what was going on, and he told me about you two.” She said, she now looked serious. “I understand you had to leave Alex, but you shouldn’t have left that way, I’m not saying that just because Jack is my son, but what you did was really mean to him.” She said, tears filling her eyes, I wondered why she was crying.
“But I could manage to come back now, I’m here to say I’m sorry, to try to fix what happened…” I started.
“You can’t fix what happened…” Joyce interrupted me, bursting into tears moments later.
“What do you mean?” I asked, looking at May.
“Jack had to abandon their last tour because he got really sick Alex.” She said, holding her mom’s head against her chest.
“Can you explain that?” I said, getting up, my heat beating faster.
“Jack used to smoke a lot lately, he told his tour manager he had to come back because he wasn’t feeling
ok. When he got here he had a sudden cardiac arrest and they took him to the hospital.” She said, without holding back her tears.
I paralized.
I openned my eyes, looking around while this woman gently shook my shoulder. The light blinded me at first but it didn’t take long for me to notice where I was.
In the plane. I looked outside, I was already in Baltimore, and it didn’t rain anymore. I smiled at the woman, who was a flight attendant, and got my backpack, leaving the plane.
I walked along the empty streets in the darkness of the early morning. I still remembered where he lived, of course I remembered.
I passed in front of Zack’s house, the playground, it all looked the same, only the grass, that was now almost covering the whole abandoned swing. I was now in front of the school. It looked smaller than I used to remember, the colors were also different. It used to have yellow walls and red columns, now everything was gray with yellow columns. It looked a lot better.
I walked a little bit more while the sun was starting to slowly rise, when I got in front of a big red house I knew really well. By the door, I could see a short old woman taking care of a nice garden I had never seen before, it was filled with red flowers. She was wearing the same floral yellow dress from the first time I saw her. Rose was still the same old woman I learned to love like a mother five years ago.
“Rose!” I shouted, running towards her.
She slowly lifted her head looking for me, and when she finally spotted me, she dropped the watering can she holded and grinned at me, opening her arms for a hug.
“Alex! Is this really you?” She said, while I hugged her, have I already said she reminded me of my grandma?
“It’s me Rose, I’m back.” I said, stubborn tears wanting to fall from my eyes, man I was so far away from home.
“I knew you would come back for us. I knew you would come back for him.” She said, pulling back and giving me a sad smile.
“How is him Rose?” I asked, sitting by the porch.
“Well… let’s start from the beginning will we?” She said, sitting on a small wooden chair in front of me. “After you left, he came to my house, he looked miserable Alex, I felt like crying just by looking at him. He asked me about you, I know you made me promise not to tell anything to him, but I just felt I had to say. I was starting to get afraid of what he would do to himself if he didn’t know about you.” That made me tremble. “He went to the airport, did you talk to him?” She asked, but I just stared at the ground. “For around a year, he would always come to my house, everyday, to see if you had come back, sometimes he asked me if he could go to your bedroom, sometimes he asked to help me with washing the dishes. Jack was such a sweet boy.” She smiled. “But then at the end of that year he told me he had to leave, he told me he was moving on. He had started to tour with his band, but he would often come back with some gifts of places he went, he also left some things for you Alex.” She stopped for some seconds. “… Anyway, everytime he came around he looked worse, I talked to one of his friends, Rian was his name I guess, he told me Jack had been smoking a lot, and this was destroying his voice. They were getting worried, afraid he could get a serious disease.” By that moment I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. “I know he is not on tour right now, what is weird because he hasn’t come to visit me yet, maybe he is at home.” She said, getting up. “Don’t cry my dear, I’m going to get the box of stuff he left you ok? Do you want a glass of water? “She asked, and I just denied with my head.
I knew he would do that, I knew he would end up almost killing himself, and that killed me from the inside, that guilt feeling coming back. When Rose came back minutes later with a not-so-big box on her hands, she just placed it in my lap and turned around to water her plants again.
I openned it. It felt like openning the black box of my past under my bed, only this time I didn’t know what was inside, I didn’t know my past.
It was mostly filled with photos and teddy bears, each one of the teddy bears was holding a photo. I grabbed one, it was a brown plush wearing a blue shirt, in which was written Paris, France. He had two photos attached to him, one was a photo of the Eiffel Tower and the other one was a big stage. I took the photo and something was written behind it.
Hey babe, you okay? We played in Paris tonight, the night was cold and beautiful. Sometimes I wonder if I will see you on the crowd, silly me right?
I love you – Jacky
I started to sob. He never really forgot me. I started to get the other photos of stages and read every single note he left me.
Yo kid, how you doing? This is the first time I’ve ever been to Europe, we played in Germany, I didn’t know someone actually listened to us around here. We drank a lot, I wish you were here, remember New Year’s Eve when we got drunk? I do, It was fun, I wonder if it will happen again.
I love you – Jacky
Hai Alex, u ok? I miss you.
Jacky (:
Heey baby (: Sometimes I wonder if you read these, or if you’re ever going to read them. I just want you to know you are the best thing that ever happened to me, I’m thinking of writing you a song, what do you think? We played in England tonight, I really hoped to see you ): See you soon I hope?
Jacky.
I couldn’t read anything else. I felt so happy for him and so bad at the same time, I was a monster.
“Hey Rose?” I said, catching my breath. “Do you know when was the last one he sent?” I asked, wondering what he would have written on the last one.
“Oh...” She said, turning around to face me. “I can’t remember dear… it was a long time ago, two years I guess, I can’t remember even from where it was… sorry for being such an old woman Alex.” She laughed, watering the flowers.
He stopped to send gifts and letters two years ago? Maybe he gave up on me, finally, that kind of hurt me.
“Rose… I… I have to go now.” I said, getting up.
“So soon? Ok ok, I know you want to see him.” She smiled, coming next to me for another hug.
It was hard to leave that box there, but all of the teddy bears wouldn’t fit in my backpack, so I just took the letters and photos, maybe I coould read them later.
We said good bye and I ran to the Barakat’s home.
I wouldn’t stop knocking at the door of the white mansion. When finally a young woman openned the door. She had dark eyes and dark hair, she looked beautiful.
“Who is this?” She said, barely opening the door. I knew that voice, I knew that eyes.
“May?” I said, smiling, I was sure it was her, she had changed a lot but her voice was still the same.
“…” For some seconds she seemed to just stare at me and think for some seconds, opening the door widely. “… ALEX!” Then she shouted and flew over me, almost making us both fall on the floor.
“Hey May, I’m back.” I said, pulling back from our clumsy hug.
“Oh my god Alex, you look so hot.” She said kissing my cheek and blushing a little bit, I laughed, May never really said things like that.
“Thanks May, puberty really suited you well too.” I said, laughing, making her blush even more.
“Come in.” She said, pulling my arm and closing the door. “MOM YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHO IS DOWN HERE.” She shouted.
The house was still the same, the furniture was placed on the exact same spots, the couch where we threw our bags after class, the black hus that covered the staircase in the middle of the hall, the picture frames that covered the walls of the corridor that led to the TV room. I felt home.
“Alex..?” Joyce said, recognizing me immediately while she ran downstairs. “Oh my god Alex, you still look the same.” She said, while pulled me for a hug. Funny how people would see you different from what others did.
We sat by the kitchen table and talked about stuff like school, job, family, that kind of random shit you talk with people you haven’t seen for a long time. We ate some cookies and I noticed the house was empty, it was only us, so I decided to ask.
“So… where’s everyone? This house used to be so crowded…” I said, hesitantly.
“Oh… Joe is looking for a job, and Leeyh moved a long time ago to a flat with Tay.” May said, fast. “Can you believe they’re married now? And last year Tay had a cute little girl, her name is Kenadee, she’s so cute…”
“May…” Joyce interrupted her, with a sad look I didn’t understand, May got imidiately quiet. “I know you’re asking about Jack, Alex. Jack changed a lot after you left, so I made him speak, I made him tell me what was going on, and he told me about you two.” She said, she now looked serious. “I understand you had to leave Alex, but you shouldn’t have left that way, I’m not saying that just because Jack is my son, but what you did was really mean to him.” She said, tears filling her eyes, I wondered why she was crying.
“But I could manage to come back now, I’m here to say I’m sorry, to try to fix what happened…” I started.
“You can’t fix what happened…” Joyce interrupted me, bursting into tears moments later.
“What do you mean?” I asked, looking at May.
“Jack had to abandon their last tour because he got really sick Alex.” She said, holding her mom’s head against her chest.
“Can you explain that?” I said, getting up, my heat beating faster.
“Jack used to smoke a lot lately, he told his tour manager he had to come back because he wasn’t feeling
ok. When he got here he had a sudden cardiac arrest and they took him to the hospital.” She said, without holding back her tears.
I paralized.
Notes
Oh, look who resurrected and decided to update the fic..Yeah, thanks for the comments guys, they are the only thing that are making me truly smile these days.
Bye.
Update: I totally cried.
Again.
1/15/15