All of that memories would come and go really fast, every single night, they would haunt me.

Since the day I left Baltimore. I never talked to Jack again, I would often hear about All Time Low, but I would never listen to their songs, I wouldn’t handle it.

By the day I left Baltimore, we promised we would forget eachother. All the photos, gifts, the lyrics book, I couldn’t just throw them away, they were all locked up in a box under my bed. I guess he did the same thing.

I couldn’t allow myself to remember any further. All of the happiness, all of the moments we spent together, after that moment, they were all just painful memories now, and I didn’t want to remember.

Subconscious was gone, but I had Jack to fill my emptiness. Now that they were both gone, I was alone with my own thoughts, being haunted by me, and just me. It was even worse than before. I missed the nightmares.

The first year without him I spent a lot of time at a mental hospital. I started to cut again, I burned myself, I even tried to start smoking. I just wanted to die. The second year was the year I started to attempt suicide. I broke some bones, lost some blood, but I wouldn’t die. So I gave up.

I gave up on everything and decided to move on. And remembering is never a good thing when you’re wanting to move on.

I missed May too.

I missed May, Rose, Charlie, Joyce, I even missed Zack and Rian.

This was annoying me. I thought of Jack, everyday, but I didn’t know what he looked like now, five years later. I remembered the skinny guy with a weird spiky hair with some bleached streaks. I needed to know what he looked like now. It wouldn’t make a difference since my mind was already fucked up.

I was being stubborn. I can’t keep promises.

I walked towards the computer and turned it on.

I searched for Jack Barakat on Google Images. As the photos started to show up I started to panic.

I felt like a fangirl looking for photos of her favorite band member. I stared at that photos and I wanted to scream.

I didn’t know why I wanted to scream though. Maybe because I was hurting myself by seing them, or maybe because he had changed, for better.

I never really cared about his appearance, he always looked perfect to me, but I wanted to make myself believe he was even more perfect now, if that’s even possible.

He had many photos with a guy, Zack I supposed, he was even bigger. I wanted to punch him in the face. There were also many photos of him with some random girls. I also wanted to punch them.

And while I was happy and sad at the same time, I also felt proud of him. He really did it. His band was big, maybe not the biggest band in the world, but they - Jack, Rian and Zack - were getting bigger.

It hadn’t been long since they released their last album though, I downloaded it and pressed play on the first song, it was called The Reckless And The Brave.

Dammit. I just wanted to see a fucking photo and now I was about to listen to their whole discography.

I listened to their songs, without even paying much attention, until there was this one song that really caught my attention. I checked the name, it was called For Baltimore.

Jack’s voice had changed a lot, but in the beginning of this song, it felt like it was still the same from when I knew him.

The song ended and I felt like I had to turn off the computer and stay away from it or I would cry all over it.
I was so sure it was for me it almost felt like I had been shot in the middle of my chest.

He talked about the Thursday night, our first date, that was also the night of the accident, the day he lost his father. He talked about the night I went over his apartment and kissed him so he would shut up. And what hurt me the most, he thought I didn’t care about how much he actually cared about me. He tought I had forgotten him.

I hugged my pillow over the bed and stared at the stars once more. Once, he said he would be there, watching me. What if he was really talking the truth.

I grinned and cried, tears of happiness, sadness, I don’t know, but I knew he still remembered me, and that was enough.

Notes

Another short chapter because it's late and I felt like writing it. And I've gone missing for some days and I felt like you deserved it. It's short though.
In the next chapter I'm going to start the flashbacks again, because there is still some stuff that happened while Alex was in Baltimore.
Bye <3