Thanks To You
Forever.
I was so fucked in school it hurt. In those weeks I had lost too many tests and assignments, and my scores were even lower now. May was helping me though, she helped me everyday in the breaks between classes. I asked her if I could go over her house after school, so we could lunch together and she could help me – and I could see Jack.
May had been quiet the whole day, she had been like this since the accident actually. But today was worse, she seemed to be about to cry at any moment. I wondered what happened, and I decided to ask, she would ask me what happened if she was in my place, May cared about me, and she knew me really well.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, while we walked home.
“Nothing.” She said, even forcing a laugh.
“May, I know you, stop pretending, just tell me.” I laughed back, changing fast to a serious expression.
“I hate you Alex.” She sighed. “Since dad… you know.” I nodded. “Yeah, since what happened, everything is different at home. Leeyh moved to a flat with Taylor. Joe cries everyday. Jack won’t stop arguing with everybody at home, especially with mom, she is always protecting dad, and I think that pisses him off. Leeyh moved because of that too, he was tired of Jack saying how much dad was a motherfucker. I didn’t know Jack would react like that, I mean, he’s not even sad. When we talk about dad, when mom cries because of him, Jack laughs.” She sobbed. I didn’t notice she was crying, I moved closer and put one arm around her shoulders. “Jack said… he said he is leaving town.” She hugged me. “I don’t want him to go Alex, please don’t let him go.”
Jack was going to leave town? Why? He couldn’t leave now…
“What do you mean? Like, h-he is already gone?” Tears were going to start to fall from my eyes soon.
“He said that yesterday, nobody knows yet, I heard him arguing with mom last night, he arrived really late, he won’t even talk to me anymore.” We were getting close to her house as she started to wipe the tears from her face.
I remained quiet. This was making me nervous. Why would he move from town if he said I could take my time to make my decision? Maybe he got tired of me, maybe he broke his promise and gave up.
We entered the house and May threw her bag on the hall couch, as she always did. The mansion was a lot quieter compared to the first time I went there. I couldn’t hear the shots and explosions coming from the TV room anymore, that kind of hurt.
I was still putting my bag on the couch when May ran upstairs. Joyce appeared next.
“Hey Alex.” She said, worried. “Where’s May?” She asked, staring at our bags on the couch.
“She… she ran upstairs.” I said, I needed to ask where Jack was, even knowing it would sound weird to ask. “Mrs. Barakat… I know it’s strange to ask this, I’m not even that close to the family… but is Jack home?” I asked, hesitantly.
“It’s not weird to ask dear, I know you are friends.” She chuckled, nervously. “I’m afraid to say he’s not home. And I’m also afraid to say he won’t be returning so soon.” By the moment she finished her sentence she was already crying really hard. Oh no.
“Where is him Mrs. Barakat, please I have to know.” I moved closer and hugged her, she hugged back, crying against my chest.
“When he turned 18 me and Peter gave him a flat as a birthday present, but Jack didn’t move there, he wanted to find a job first… he… he wanted to make his dad proud of him.” She was sobbing really loud. “And yesterday we argued again, and he said he couldn’t stand living here anymore, he said he was going to live in the flat and then travel far away from here with his band. I thought he was just kidding, but he packed his bags and said he would leave by the morning, I woke up and he was not in his bedroom anymore, May won’t believe he’s is gone.” I couldn’t help it, I started to cry too. “He said he missed someone that loved him. Oh Alex, Jack really loved his father…” She finally moved away and sat on the couch, I wiped my tears fast so she wouldn’t notice I was crying. I wasn’t going to see him again, and it was my fault.
“Could you tell me the adress of the flat? I was wondering if I could… change his mind.” I said, without looking directly at her eyes.
“We can’t simply change Jack’s mind, when he wants something…” She laughed at me.
“I know, I know, he won’t give up, but I’m just like him, and I won’t give up too.” I was now looking at her eyes. “Now could you please give me the adress…” I was wasting time there.
She didn’t say anything, she just got up and moved towards the kitchen. I followed her. As we got there, she grabbed a napkin and a pen and wrote down the adress. Still without saying a word, she handed me the napkin. I smiled at her.
“Please, bring him home.” She said, staring at the ground.
I ran to the street and called for a cab.
When I arrived at the adress on the paper, I noticed I had forgotten my bag at the Barakat's house.
I looked at the nice white building. My parents would never have money to give me a flat like that. I entered the lobby and started to look for the elevator, when a janitor apeared out of nowhere.
"May I help ya, sir?" He said, scaring me to hell, he looked like a goblin.
"Oh... I'm uh... looking for someone. Jack Barakat, he moved here this morning." I said, nervous, I wasn't sure if he could give me such information.
"Oh, of course, the lebanese man." He laughed. “And who would you be?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m a… friend, I really need to talk to him.” I said, almost begging him.
“Ok, ok, just don’t tell him I was the one who told ya that.” I smiled, he came closer, as he was going to tell me a secret. “Second floor, apartment 22.”
“Thanks.” I laughed and ran to the elevator.
I didn’t know why I was so happy though, I was so nervous I knew no word would come out.
I knocked at the door and waited a few seconds.
“Who is this?” He said, sleepy voice as always.
“…” I couldn’t speak. “I-it’s me J-Jack, open the door please.”
He opened the door and I raised my head to see him. He looked terrible. His eyes were red and puffy and there were huge dark circles around them. We stared at eachother for some moments, he seemed as nervous as me. Staring at him like that was hard, it made me feel guilty, so I just flew over him and wrapped my arms around his neck really tight.
For some seconds, he seemed helpless, but it didn’t take long for him to hug me back.
“I missed you babe.” He whispered. I missed that nickname so much I grinned when I heard it.
“Jack… I…” I started, it was hard. “A-about yesterday…”
“I know Alex…” He said against my hair. “It’s ok if you want us to be just friends, I just want to see you happy…” He talked fast, nervously.
“Shut up Jack.” Was the first thing that popped in my mind, he kept talking though, but I wouldn’t pay attention, I moved closer and pressed my lips against his.
It was a clumsy kiss, I was scared, he was surprised. He smiled and pressed his forehead against mine.
“I guess you already have your decision then?” He whispered against my lips.
I still had my arms around his neck when he picked me up and walked towards the couch. He sat down and made me sit on his lap, kissing my neck lightly, his short beard tickling me.
“I…” I loved him, and I wondered why was it so hard to say it, he was wiping tears from my face , I hadn’t noticed I started crying. “I love you Jack.” I said, hiding my head on his chest.
“I always knew that.” He laughed in a whisper.
“Shut up.” I whispered back, hiding my head further on his chest, he chuckled. “Jack… there’s something I’ve been thinking about since yesterday.” He nodded, so I could keep on talking. “I’m an… exchange student, I only have some months left… I don’t wanna leave Jack…” I was starting to cry again.
“Come here babe.” He said, laying me on top of him, with my back against his chest. “Don’t worry ok? We’re gonna make it, we always do.” I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he smiled sadly.
“What if we can’t make it? And that’s not the only thing, I’m younger, m-my dad is homophobic…” I turned around to face him.
“You have two choices, or you BELIEVE we’ll find a way out of this, OR we wait until you’re my age.” He laughed hesitantly.
“But you’ll be 25, you’ll already have forgotten me, All Time Low will be big, you won’t need me anymore…” It was hard, but it was the truth.
“Dammit Alex, stop being so insecure.” He laughed again. “I’ll never forget you, and if someone tries to… disturb us, I promise I’ll kill.” He chuckled.
“Nobody will disturb us Jacky.” I laughed, it was good to call him like that again, I rested my head against the crook of his neck and closed my eyes.
I didn’t feel empty anymore, I fell asleep, wishing that could last forever.
- end of flashback -
May had been quiet the whole day, she had been like this since the accident actually. But today was worse, she seemed to be about to cry at any moment. I wondered what happened, and I decided to ask, she would ask me what happened if she was in my place, May cared about me, and she knew me really well.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, while we walked home.
“Nothing.” She said, even forcing a laugh.
“May, I know you, stop pretending, just tell me.” I laughed back, changing fast to a serious expression.
“I hate you Alex.” She sighed. “Since dad… you know.” I nodded. “Yeah, since what happened, everything is different at home. Leeyh moved to a flat with Taylor. Joe cries everyday. Jack won’t stop arguing with everybody at home, especially with mom, she is always protecting dad, and I think that pisses him off. Leeyh moved because of that too, he was tired of Jack saying how much dad was a motherfucker. I didn’t know Jack would react like that, I mean, he’s not even sad. When we talk about dad, when mom cries because of him, Jack laughs.” She sobbed. I didn’t notice she was crying, I moved closer and put one arm around her shoulders. “Jack said… he said he is leaving town.” She hugged me. “I don’t want him to go Alex, please don’t let him go.”
Jack was going to leave town? Why? He couldn’t leave now…
“What do you mean? Like, h-he is already gone?” Tears were going to start to fall from my eyes soon.
“He said that yesterday, nobody knows yet, I heard him arguing with mom last night, he arrived really late, he won’t even talk to me anymore.” We were getting close to her house as she started to wipe the tears from her face.
I remained quiet. This was making me nervous. Why would he move from town if he said I could take my time to make my decision? Maybe he got tired of me, maybe he broke his promise and gave up.
We entered the house and May threw her bag on the hall couch, as she always did. The mansion was a lot quieter compared to the first time I went there. I couldn’t hear the shots and explosions coming from the TV room anymore, that kind of hurt.
I was still putting my bag on the couch when May ran upstairs. Joyce appeared next.
“Hey Alex.” She said, worried. “Where’s May?” She asked, staring at our bags on the couch.
“She… she ran upstairs.” I said, I needed to ask where Jack was, even knowing it would sound weird to ask. “Mrs. Barakat… I know it’s strange to ask this, I’m not even that close to the family… but is Jack home?” I asked, hesitantly.
“It’s not weird to ask dear, I know you are friends.” She chuckled, nervously. “I’m afraid to say he’s not home. And I’m also afraid to say he won’t be returning so soon.” By the moment she finished her sentence she was already crying really hard. Oh no.
“Where is him Mrs. Barakat, please I have to know.” I moved closer and hugged her, she hugged back, crying against my chest.
“When he turned 18 me and Peter gave him a flat as a birthday present, but Jack didn’t move there, he wanted to find a job first… he… he wanted to make his dad proud of him.” She was sobbing really loud. “And yesterday we argued again, and he said he couldn’t stand living here anymore, he said he was going to live in the flat and then travel far away from here with his band. I thought he was just kidding, but he packed his bags and said he would leave by the morning, I woke up and he was not in his bedroom anymore, May won’t believe he’s is gone.” I couldn’t help it, I started to cry too. “He said he missed someone that loved him. Oh Alex, Jack really loved his father…” She finally moved away and sat on the couch, I wiped my tears fast so she wouldn’t notice I was crying. I wasn’t going to see him again, and it was my fault.
“Could you tell me the adress of the flat? I was wondering if I could… change his mind.” I said, without looking directly at her eyes.
“We can’t simply change Jack’s mind, when he wants something…” She laughed at me.
“I know, I know, he won’t give up, but I’m just like him, and I won’t give up too.” I was now looking at her eyes. “Now could you please give me the adress…” I was wasting time there.
She didn’t say anything, she just got up and moved towards the kitchen. I followed her. As we got there, she grabbed a napkin and a pen and wrote down the adress. Still without saying a word, she handed me the napkin. I smiled at her.
“Please, bring him home.” She said, staring at the ground.
I ran to the street and called for a cab.
When I arrived at the adress on the paper, I noticed I had forgotten my bag at the Barakat's house.
I looked at the nice white building. My parents would never have money to give me a flat like that. I entered the lobby and started to look for the elevator, when a janitor apeared out of nowhere.
"May I help ya, sir?" He said, scaring me to hell, he looked like a goblin.
"Oh... I'm uh... looking for someone. Jack Barakat, he moved here this morning." I said, nervous, I wasn't sure if he could give me such information.
"Oh, of course, the lebanese man." He laughed. “And who would you be?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m a… friend, I really need to talk to him.” I said, almost begging him.
“Ok, ok, just don’t tell him I was the one who told ya that.” I smiled, he came closer, as he was going to tell me a secret. “Second floor, apartment 22.”
“Thanks.” I laughed and ran to the elevator.
I didn’t know why I was so happy though, I was so nervous I knew no word would come out.
I knocked at the door and waited a few seconds.
“Who is this?” He said, sleepy voice as always.
“…” I couldn’t speak. “I-it’s me J-Jack, open the door please.”
He opened the door and I raised my head to see him. He looked terrible. His eyes were red and puffy and there were huge dark circles around them. We stared at eachother for some moments, he seemed as nervous as me. Staring at him like that was hard, it made me feel guilty, so I just flew over him and wrapped my arms around his neck really tight.
For some seconds, he seemed helpless, but it didn’t take long for him to hug me back.
“I missed you babe.” He whispered. I missed that nickname so much I grinned when I heard it.
“Jack… I…” I started, it was hard. “A-about yesterday…”
“I know Alex…” He said against my hair. “It’s ok if you want us to be just friends, I just want to see you happy…” He talked fast, nervously.
“Shut up Jack.” Was the first thing that popped in my mind, he kept talking though, but I wouldn’t pay attention, I moved closer and pressed my lips against his.
It was a clumsy kiss, I was scared, he was surprised. He smiled and pressed his forehead against mine.
“I guess you already have your decision then?” He whispered against my lips.
I still had my arms around his neck when he picked me up and walked towards the couch. He sat down and made me sit on his lap, kissing my neck lightly, his short beard tickling me.
“I…” I loved him, and I wondered why was it so hard to say it, he was wiping tears from my face , I hadn’t noticed I started crying. “I love you Jack.” I said, hiding my head on his chest.
“I always knew that.” He laughed in a whisper.
“Shut up.” I whispered back, hiding my head further on his chest, he chuckled. “Jack… there’s something I’ve been thinking about since yesterday.” He nodded, so I could keep on talking. “I’m an… exchange student, I only have some months left… I don’t wanna leave Jack…” I was starting to cry again.
“Come here babe.” He said, laying me on top of him, with my back against his chest. “Don’t worry ok? We’re gonna make it, we always do.” I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he smiled sadly.
“What if we can’t make it? And that’s not the only thing, I’m younger, m-my dad is homophobic…” I turned around to face him.
“You have two choices, or you BELIEVE we’ll find a way out of this, OR we wait until you’re my age.” He laughed hesitantly.
“But you’ll be 25, you’ll already have forgotten me, All Time Low will be big, you won’t need me anymore…” It was hard, but it was the truth.
“Dammit Alex, stop being so insecure.” He laughed again. “I’ll never forget you, and if someone tries to… disturb us, I promise I’ll kill.” He chuckled.
“Nobody will disturb us Jacky.” I laughed, it was good to call him like that again, I rested my head against the crook of his neck and closed my eyes.
I didn’t feel empty anymore, I fell asleep, wishing that could last forever.
- end of flashback -
Update: I totally cried.
Again.
1/15/15