Everyone was gone by now. I was totally exhausted, I had done the dishes, cared for Mari and put her to sleep, signed the bills to be paid and I had done the laundry. The only thing left I could do was go upstairs, to Jack.

I was scared, I didn’t really want to confront him about it, but I gathered up all my courage and slowly made my way upstairs. Jack was still on the bed, snoring, and I walked up to him, sitting down on the edge of the bed, next to him. I stroked his cheek, taking him in.

He was very pale and he had black circles under his eyes. The rim of his eyes actually looked red. He had quite some stubble from not shaving for a few days. He was still as beautiful as always, but I was worried about him; he looked so tired and fragile.

He slowly opened his eyes, groaning loudly. I was taken aback by how bloodshot his eyes were.
“Hey, Jay, it’s me. Do you need anything?” I said, careful not to be too loud because I knew he wouldn’t appreciate that.

“What? I? Um, maybe I need a glass of water?” he replied, slurring only the tiniest bit. I got up, got his water and returned. He emptied the glass in one swig, setting it down and looking at me. “What do you want, Alex?”

“I… well… you came home at 3pm, completely drunk, and I would like to know what is going on.” I said, trying to hide the trembling in my voice.

The look on Jack’s face changed, he looked a little angry now. “Well Alex, I felt like drinkin’ and so I did. It’s none of your business,” he answered, but the little sad look in his eyes didn’t escape me.

“Jay, I feel like there is more to it… Please tell me. You can trust me, it’s me, your Lexy. Your baby sunflower.”

He stared at me with the angry look for some more, but then I could see tears forming in his eyes.

“Alex, it is all too much for me to handle… I am so scared to fuck up and not be a good father and I know it is not logical to drink when I am scared of just that, but I can’t help it. I am sorry…”
He was full on crying by now. I was shocked, but I wrapped him up in my arms, not caring about the vile smell of cheap whiskey. I cradled him in my arms, and we sat there in silence, until I crawled under the covers too.

I felt like a complete failure, not having seen this earlier. I was probably the worst husband on this whole planet, only giving a fuck about our baby. I touched my hipbone, like I always did when I felt upset because there were my old scars from self-harming, and it felt kind of good to touch them; it calmed me down.

I still held him, and we fell asleep like this, me trying not to cry, Jack having eventually stopped crying.

Notes

Ooh now you know what is going on... (very proud that I managed to write this now even if I am really really tired)
For any new readers on here it might be better if you read the first part, Chased by the Past first! :)

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-Laura