Me Without You

"Where were you in the morning? I woke up and you weren't there." Alex sat down next to me and put his hand on my knee. I didn't want him touching me in any way so I stood up and sat in the chair adjacent to the couch.

"More importantly, you were engaged when I got back" I gave Alex the death glare then turned my focus to how his hands played nervously at the seams of his shirt. He knew what he did and how he hurt me. I shouldn't have been talking to him right now, he disgusts me.

"I'm not engaged, damn it" he said with anger looking me dead in the eyes for the first time since he sat his ass on the couch.

"Yeah and I wasn't attacked by Johnny" I scoffed, it wasn't intended for his ears to hear and I didn't want to go into details but it felt like I was going to have to.

"who's Johnny?" Crap! I had forgotten he never knew who Johnny was. I just wanted to absorb into this couch, oh man. Deciding that it was time he knew who this "man" was I went into detail about the night we celebrated me going on tour with them and what went down.

"And when we left he said history always repeats itself and then we went to the club a few nights ago and when Zack pulled you away I decided to leave so I went through the back and I was grabbed and slammed against a wall and before I blacked out the man said history always repeats itself and when I woke up I was in the hospital and they said I was raped and I knew who it was and now he's arrested" I couldn't bring myself to look at Alex because I knew that if I did I would have started crying right on the spot.

It it was silent for a moment and I thought he would be mad at me. I kept this huge secret for months and we had promised each other a while ago that we wouldn't keep secrets. But, here we were sitting letting my secrets spill out like I was just some water balloon that was just popped.

instead of yelling or getting angry at me he walked over and picked me up so he could be sitting on the seat and I on his lap. I wanted to stayed but he was my weakness and curling up to him with him stroking my hair made me feel so much better.

"I never got engaged" he whispered into my ear turning the warmth into cold. My body stiffened as he took a breath. I looked up at him and met his eyes. I didn't notice the bags he had from the lack of sleep he had gotten or how his hair was styled the same from when I last saw him. You don't notice those small, but important, details when they're masked with anger and sadness.

"she was my girlfriend, I admit, but she surprised me by coming to New York and I saw that opportunity to break up with her. It's horrible I know and yes if I hadn't seen you again I was going to marry her. Meeting you again rekindled old feelings and I knew who I wanted to be with. You." He leaned down and kissed my forehead

"that still doesn't explain why she got down on one knee and you smiled." I said neutrally. "We were getting up to leave and I was about to tell her that it was over but before I could say anything she got down on one knee and asked me to marry her. I smiled because I was embarrassed. Never has anyone thought of marrying me and for someone to willing give me there whole life was flattering." He smiled at me but that smile did not reach his eyes.

"I thought of marrying you" I admitted, I thought of it everyday since the day he left.

"really?" He said getting closer with every breath we took. Soon my breath caught in my throat and the only thing I was able to do was nod. When he first showed up I had full intentions of sending him away but he was my weak spot and he knew it.

"Come back" he whispered stopping to stare down at my lips and back up at my eyes. "Only for the guys and we can't go back to doing what we did. Small steps." I regained control of my feelings and stood up from his lap.

"It's a shame I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend" he frowned as I went to the kitchen to say my goodbyes.

"it's a shame that you're going to have to wait" I said turning around before entering the kitchen to wink at Alex.

Alex and I got into the car after I promised to stay in touch with Dan and Kayden.

We were making our way back to the city so I could go and see the boys again, I haven't had a solid hour with them.

Pulling up to the hotel we got out and made our way to the lobby and I received a room key to the room Zack and I were going to share. But before I could go to that room we were going to the room the rest of the boys were sharing.

we finally got to the door and I heard some scuffling. Did Alex tell them I was coming back or was it a surprise? Before I could ask he opened the door to a dark room.

"SURPRISE!" The boys jumped out from the back of a bed with a cake.

"We missed you Ash!" Jack yelled running over with the cake and smashing it in my face and tackling me to the ground with a hug. Everyone soon followed and they started to hug me to death.

"you guys are a bunch of dicks" I laughed wiping the cake from my face.

Notes

Okay so I'm thinking of ending this story soon and I may plan a sequel...that will be up to you guys. Well I hope you like this chapter please comment/vote/subscribe

~Sam