"You're not seriously going after her?" Alex grabbed my arm, a concerned look on his face. My head was spinning and I could barely process what just happened. My face hurt like Hell, I knew that much. "Dude, I love Ember just as much as everyone else but this shit is getting out of control. All you wanted was an answer and suddenly everything is your fault. You don't listen, you argue too much, now she doesn't like tour life. I mean, really man, enough is enough."


I froze, taking in all of Alex's words. This must have been how Ember felt when they were trying to get her away from me, but he was right. Since when did I not listen? I have gone out of my way to do everything for her. I spent thousands of dollars on furniture when I could have easily gone to wal mart and got the shit for two hundred. I bought her a puppy despite how unsure about it I was. Even the apartment, I got one that fit her needs entirely. To the dates to the wedding planning, we've done everything exactly how she wants it, so how the fuck have I not been paying attention to her?


"It's my fault, I know," Matt bit his lip, sadness on his face. "I should have waited until you were off the phone."


"Yeah, but that's no excuse to demand to be let on the bus that she didn't want to be on in the first place and knock the shit out of Jack."


"Alex, it's really none of our business," Rian frowned, pushing past me to go to his bunk. "Jack, whatever you decide to do, I support it. But Alex is right, it's not fair for her to blame it all on you."


Slowly, everyone started leaving for their bunks. Alex lingered behind to keep an eye on me, to figure out if I was going to go after Ember or stand on firm ground, but I couldn't just let her go. Maybe she's like I was before, maybe she doesn't even realize what she's doing. For those few months I may have looked like myself, but I didn't feel it and I made any excuse to blame anyone else for my problems. The point being, she didn't leave me when I went through shit, so I shouldn't leave her.


"Jack-"
"Alex, I know you're just looking out for me, but this isn't a high school romance anymore. That girl is my fiance, I can't just turn my feelings off."


Alex didn't look happy, if anything he looked more protective of me, but he nodded his head and started making his way back to the bunks. I exhaled a deep breath and stepped off the bus, scanning the area to see where Ember had ended up.


I found her sitting in a chair just a few feet from the bus, and suddenly, I wasn't mad anymore. I was hurt and I'll be damned if she's not going to hear about it. Her eyes perked up as she saw me coming, but she still looked livid. I slowly moved toward her and stood about a foot away, my arms crossed over my chest.


"You feel better now that you've made a scene?"


"I said what I had to say, take it for what you will."


"Yeah, well now I've got something to say. You can tell me I don't listen, even though I've more than proven I do, and you can tell me I accuse you of shit all you want, even though with both know that's coming from your end, not mine. So what if I didn't hear everything you said, did it ever occur to you that when I'm on the road, I'm constantly working? When Matt pulls back the curtain and tells me to get off the phone and get up, I do it, no questions asked."


I shot her a glance, hoping she'd understand that this is why I had to assume the worst from the words I caught.


"And you know what, Ember? I have been patient with you this entire time. From the moment you told me you weren't coming on tour right away. Did it bother me? Fuck yeah it did, but I bit my tongue. I kept my mouth fucking closed until you brought it up, swore to me you were telling the truth, even though I knew you were lying! Sure, I apologize for the fact that it took me getting drunk and confronting you in order for you to come clean, but that's not my fault, it's yours. You can't point the finger of blame on me for that one. And yeah, the way I left was uncalled for, but you're the one who ditched me at the party, got plastered by yourself and passed out in the kitchen floor. What was I supposed to do? Wake you up and try to talk to you when you couldn't even make it to the bedroom? It's not my fault you passed out and I knew perfectly well you wouldn't be up in time to see us off. So stop fucking blame everything on me!"


Ember gripped the hem of her shirt and twisted it in her fingers. I knew she was trying like Hell not to blow up or smack me again, but honestly, I didn't care if she did. I've taken the blame for all of my faults and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and have her lies, her actions, pinned on me. It's bullshit. Normally, in my eyes, this girl can do no wrong. But Alex is right. This shit is uncalled for.


"Another thing, what you said in there, you are here. But under the wrong circumstances. I don't want you here out of spite, I want you here because you honestly want to be with me. I want you here because when you agreed to share your life with me, the rest of your life, I want you to mean it in every way. Tour is my life, Ember. There's going to come a point where I'm home maybe two months of the year. It hurts because, if you can't be here with me, then you weren't honest when you said you wanted this. I have done nothing since I got you back but try to make you happy. I'm doing everything in my power to take care of you, keep you healthy and see you smile, only to find out that suddenly it's not enough."


"Jack, it's not even like that."


"It is, Ember. I don't know what kind of mask you've got over your face but you can't keep running from this shit. Like I told you before, I thought we were fine. Everything was perfect until you said you didn't want to come on tour. We weren't fighting, we weren't hiding anything.. You completely fucked up my world. I'm happy that you flew out here, that you didn't see this as a phone call conversation, but the way you approached it.. Ember, I swear to God, it feels like you're trying to push me over the edge. Cope with your own issues how you want, I see now I'm not doing as good of a job at helping you as I thought I was.. But don't blame me for the things you can't get a grip on."


I moved from where I was standing and bent down in front of her, my hand gently gripping her hand to remove it from the hem of her shirt. My heart was pounding against my rib cage and my eyes were starting to water, but I shoved it to the back of my mind and exhaled a deep breath.


Bringing her hand to my lips, I gave her the softest kiss I could manage. The kind that said I wanted to fix her, but I wasn't going to ruin myself in the process. The kind that said I'm trying so hard and it feels like I'm getting kicked to the curb. The kind that reminded her that, even though she's the center of my world, I'm still trying to live with all the shit I've done in the past and she was the only thing making me okay.. Now I feel like I've been robbed of that comfort.


"Ember, baby, I love you, but you can't stay here. Whatever is going on in your head, whatever you're dealing with you, you need to put yourself first. Go home. Start seeing your therapist twice a week and do your own thing for a while. Don't come back until you're ready for this, until all of your doubts are gone. Because the moment you come back, I want you to seriously be ready to marry me and be a part of my world, the world I once believed to be ours. As much as I hate to do this, to let you go, I've got a job to do and I've already used tour as an excuse to ruin everyone's lives once, I can't do that again."


I let my eyes trail to her face, where tears were glistening in her eyes, but I meant every word I said. She couldn't be here right now - Not like this. She needed to join tour on her own terms, she needed to be read for tour life and she needed to be ready to give herself to me the way I had to her.


Using the chair to pull myself up, I stayed low enough just long enough to plant a kiss on her lips. When I tore myself away, I took a step back and blinked away my fears.


"I really do love you, baby. Now go get better. Go deal with everything that's holding me back and call me when you're ready."

Notes

Jack responds to Ember's anger with love... And anger. How suh-weeeet!