Something wasn't right during the concert. Even though Jack was moody and angry at everyone off stage, he was still a great performer, leaving the fans none the wiser. However, tonight, I notice him and Zack didn't interact. At all. They didn't even do their signature thing where Jack jumped into his arms. Jack stayed on his side of his stage for once, and Zack didn't even glance his way.

Everyone has been worried about me, but after I screamed at Alex, no one was willing to confront me about it. They still were talking behind Jack's back though, which is idiotic considering we life on a bus. A couple of times Jack has dragged me out of bed and kicked my sides voicing his frustrations about how everyone seemed to think he was deaf.

It wasn't until the show was over and we had a couple hours to kill that would be used up by clean up. I went to walk on the stage and start dismantling the drumset, but someone tapped my shoulder. I looked back to find Zack standing there with a serious look on his face.

“Yes?” I asked.
“We need to talk.” He stated. I went to answer, but my eye caught something behind him. Jack was staring at us, no wait, glaring.
“Sorry, I'm...umm, busy.” I squeaked out before running across and off stage.

I avoided Zack while we were at the venue, finding any excuse not to be within a few feet of him. I was too scared of Jack to want to know what Zack had to say. Clearly, it was important, but it was also a threat to Jack somehow cause I knew he was watching me carefully. The last thing I wanted was more bruises, I had enough still from last time.

When bus call finally came, I made a point of going to the bathroom and staying there. I've been hiding there a lot. There's a lock, I can pretend for awhile that I'm actually doing something, and everyone was getting the hint to leave me alone if I was in there. I sat on the toilet seat, arms wrapped around my legs for a good hour before there was a knock at the door. I looked at it, as if I could see who it was through the metal door.

“Ember.” Jack's voice called, dark and gruff.

I shot up and opened the door. Jack walked in and locked the door behind him. I backed up until I was as far away as the small space would allow me to be. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, I was pretty careful today. There wasn't anything Jack could possibly use as an excuse against me.

“Stop acting like I'm a monster.” He sneered, stepping closer to me. “Don't talk to Zack.”
“Why?”
“Just don't do it.” He snapped.
“O-okay.” I stuttered out, hoping he'd leave. This feeling of being trapped was overwhelming and my nerves were fried enough as it was now.
“If I find out you do...” Jack threw his fist forward, connecting it to the wall next to my head. I jumped but knew better than to make any noise. “You'll regret it.”
“I won't. I promise.”
“Good.” Jack backed off a little but grabbed my hand. “We're going to bed.”

The next week consisted of me avoiding Zack like the plague. Jack held off on hitting me, and for that I was grateful. I just had to keep up with not talking to Zack. I have no idea why it's him and not Alex or something, but I didn't question it. Tour was almost half way over, and I got a new plan in my head. Once it was over, there was nothing stopping me from telling everyone what Jack has been up to. He can get help and the band won't suffer from it.

However, that plan was ruined one night when I was pulled out of my bunk in the middle of the night. There was a hand covering my mouth and arms around my torso leaving my own rendered useless. For a second, I thought it was Jack but as I was being pulled away I saw his sleeping form still there. I was dragged back towards the lounge and turned to find Alex and Matt sitting on the couch.

“Don't freak out, it's just me.” Zack's voice sounded behind me as he slowly let go.
“What the hell is going on?” I whispered, gripping my shirt nervously. I can't be here. I can't be here.
“We need to talk you.” Alex said, and patted the spot next to him. “Please, just sit down.”
“No..no I can't.” I said, going to walk away, but Zack took a light hold on me.
“Yes you can, he's asleep.” Zack assured, knowing I would know exactly who he was talking about.

I stiffly made my way to the couch and sat down, looking at Zack. He sighed and dug out his phone.

“The reason why I've been trying to talk to you is that I caught Jack buying drugs.”
“What?”
“He was buying cocaine.”
“No... no you're lying.” I said, trying to get up but Matt and Alex held me.
“Show her the picture.” Matt asked, and Zack handed me his phone. I looked at it, not believing what I was seeing. It was a clear shot of Jack exchanging a bag of powder with some sleaze ball.
“He has a problem Ember, and I think you know the cause of it.” Alex said. “What has been going on?”
“I..I can't tell you.” I mumbled.
“Em, please. We're worried about you. Both of you.” Matt tried and I just shook my head.
“Please, we want to fix this.” Zack spoke up. I felt trapped and scared, feeling I should be used to.
“Let me up.” I asked, and Matt shook his head.
“Not until you tell us what's wrong.”
“Please, just let me go back to bed.” I asked, tears already coming to my eyes. “I c-can't do this. Let go.”
“Ember.” Zack warned, but I wiggled and started crying harder. It was too much, I couldn't breath anymore.

“Shit, Matt. Let go.” Alex said. “She's having a panic attack.”

I felt Matt get off the couch and I continued to cry harder. The bus walls were almost crashing down on me and I felt like my lungs were deflated no matter how hard I tried taking in a breath. I felt hands on my shoulders, and I backed away from them, kicking. I couldn't see, my vision was too blurry from tears.

“Ember, Ember, look at me.” Alex's voice called, the hands one my shoulder moved to my cheeks. “Please, sweetheart, just breathe with me. In, out...In, and out.”

I tried to mimic his exaggerated breathing. I don't know how long but it started working. Alex wied my eyes and kept telling me to breath slowly and deeply. I slowly started to relax, unfolding from the ball I had apparently tried to turn myself into. Once I was basically back to normal, Alex pulled me into a hug.

“I'm sorry, hun. I'm so sorry. We didn't mean to stress you out that bad.” He started rocking me, my tears stop flowing. I didn't hug him back, just waited till he let go. “Ember, please...”
“Can I just go to bed?” I asked, my voice small. Alex let out a deep sigh and looked back at Matt and Zack. Zack gave a small nod and he looked back to me.
“Okay, but you have to tell us tomorrow. Okay?” He said.

I just nodded, refusing to make a promise out of it. Alex kissed my forehead and helped me up. Matt gave me a hug before I walked out, Zack following to make sure I was okay. He muttered an apology before patting my back and disappearing back into the lounge. I got into bed, and curled up away from Jack. The whole panic attack thing has never happened before.

But fuck. It was scary.

Notes

The guys are trying so hard. D: