Something is wrong with him. He's just not himself. This is not the Jack we all know and love, but what can we do?


Their words were tearing me apart. Everyone around me seems to think I'm deaf, because the moment I leave the room they start in on how bent out of shape I am, or how bad off Ember seems in our relationship. They took notice to her condition, so I made sure not to snap on her the way I did last time. Alex and I had been avoiding each other, though to patch things up the best I could, I told him that I'd just forgotten to take my meds that day. It was easier then going on about how I know he's been fucking Ember behind my back. Also, if she goes to him for help, she'll look like a fool. He won't believe that I tossed my meds.


But none of that changed the fact that I could hear their voices booming inside of my head. These people would never see me as normal. If I wasn't the freak on medication, I was the freak with the bad attitude. I couldn't explain what was happening to me. There was this big, black hole inside of my chest and it just kept pulling me under. Frustration was getting the best of me and I needed something to fix this. Even the fans were starting to notice that I wasn't the same. They were cautious with me at the meet and greets and that just wasn't going to work for me.



There was only one way I knew how to fix this, but I couldn't let anyone know about it. Not even Ember. She was sitting on the bunk beside me, folding our laundry. I wanted to say something to her, tell her to eat or take a shower, but I couldn't. Not while everyone else was here.


Our set wasn't for another few hours and I figured they could manage sound check without me. Wouldn't be the first time I wasn't there. Without saying a word to Ember, I got up and left the bunk area, sliding my shoes on when I was far enough away for her not to take notice. In one swift motion, I was out of the door and moving as quickly as I could. We'd been to this City so many times I knew it like the back of my hand. There was one part of town where I could get what I wanted, and thankfully, it was close.


Two left turns later and I was in an alley, with people staring at me like I was the fucking cops or something. I cleared my throat and marched right up to a stranger, the look in my eyes telling him why I was here.


"You better not be working for the fucking pigs," he spat, looking me up and down. "We don't take kindly to that shit."


"I'm not," I murmured, digging around in my pockets. All I had on me was a hundred, which would have to do for now. "Give me whatever I can get with this."


He eyed me for a moment before he nodded his head. With a flick of his wrist, another man appeared beside him and he turned his back to me so I couldn't make out what they were mumbling about. Their hands moved around a bit before he spun around with a bag, his free hand asking for my cash.


"Tell anyone where you got this and you're dead."


"Trust me," I growled, yanking the bag away from his hand, "if anyone finds out about this, you won't be much of a threat."


He gave me a nod and waved me off, everyone staring me down as I left the alley. As I rounded the corner, I glanced down at my jeans so I should hide the bag of powder until I got back to the bus to take advantage of the deal. Honestly, I wasn't very found of this idea, but I couldn't think of any other way to make myself feel all right again. There was no fucking way I was going back on those pills, not when I know the truth about my girlfriend now.


What I didn't notice, even off of the drugs, was Zack standing just a few feet away from me with a disapproving look on his face. When I saw him, my breath hitched in my throat. Why the fuck was he following me?! We stared at each other for a good while, neither of us even breathing, but Zack broke our gaze by shaking his head and turning away from me.


It finally hit me that he'd seen me make the deal. That he'd seen me hide the powder in my jeans. Panic filled my gut. He was going to tell everyone and they were going to think that's what's been wrong with me. They're going to make me go to rehad or some shit. I couldn't let him do that to me, not now.


"Zack, wait!"


"Fuck off, Jack."


"It's not what it looks like!"


"If you had a fucking problem, you should have come to us. You shouldn't have resorted to snorting fucking drugs. Are you aware you're not just fucking with your life? We're all at risk here, you selfish son of a bitch!"


Words cannot describe how badly I wanted to hurt him, but I had to hold myself together. For my own sake, I needed this to stay just between us. Fuck, can he walk fast. I was pretty much jogging to keep up with him and I could see the bus coming into view.


"Zack, dude, I have a problem. Okay, I admit it. But I don't need everyone putting more pressure on me. Dude, please?"


"This is a conversation you need to have with Ember. You think we haven't noticed how fucked up she's been lately? Whatever you're doing Jack, just fucking stop."


"Man, come on!"


"You either tell her about this or I'll tell everyone about this. The choice is yours."


Fuck. There was no way out of this. No way, but the way I'd been getting by this whole time. I stopped dead in my tracks and extended my arms, a smug grin on my lips.


"Go ahead, tell them. No one's going to fucking believe you."


"Oh yeah? You wanna test that theory?"


"Gladly."


"All right, man," Zack shrugged, obviously ready to tear me apart. "You asked for it."

Notes

Oh snap!