Jack

I crept out of Alex’s bed after he had fallen asleep. The gesture was nice, but I just couldn't lay there and sleep. My mind was too busy turning over the possibilities of what Leeyh was going to say to Mum and Dad. I slipped my clothes back on and left the house, leaving a note in my scribbled handwriting saying:

I couldn't sleep. I was thinking too much. – Jackie xo

It was in purple crayon, as it was the only writing material I could find in my haste. Hopefully he would be able to scrub it off the coffee table. I walked back to the park, the chilly air making me shiver, my breath becoming condensation as I exhaled. I stuck my hands in my pockets and sat down on the bench Alex and I had shared our first kiss on. After sitting there for a few minutes, endless possibilities whirling around in my over-active imagination, I take my hands out of my pockets and rub them together. Maybe leaving Alex’s was a bad choice.

‘Sing me to sleep,’ I muttered, recalling a song that Alex had sung,

‘I’ll see you in my dreams.’ God, I wish Alex waslying next to me, his velvet voice murmuring
lyrics in my ear, an arm wrapped around my waist.

‘Waiting to say, “I miss you, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry,” I got up off of the bench, unsure of where to go.

I couldn't go back home to my family, and I couldn't go back to Alex. I would be ashamed, and he would see the crayon note in the morning. I would be cold, and there was a big possibility I would wake him up. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. 2:07 AM. I bit my lip and replaced my phone in my pocket, exchanging it for my wallet. I had plenty of money, I knew that; I pulled out a twenty and walked to the liquor store, buying a cheap six pack and then heading home, popping the cap on the first can and taking a tentative sip.

Bad, Jack. You've had enough alcohol. The voice in my head murmured. I ignored it; what if Leeyh had told everyone? I couldn't bear knowing what they had to say. After five minutes, the first can was gone. I debated on opening the second for a while, then just went ahead and did. As I walked, the moon watched my journey, its dull shine just coming through the cloud cover. A few cars whizzed by on the road, blaring their horns as they saw me staggering around. By the time I was at home, the second beer was finished. I crept upstairs and packed a small bag, placing the rest of my stash of beer in along with a few changes of clothes. I went downstairs and headed for my mother’s medicine cabinet.

That’s an even worse idea, stupid. You've already had enough alcohol to last you a year. I looked at the non-prescription bottle in my hand. I placed it back on the shelf; I had already seen the after-effects of taking drugs. I ran out of the house and back down to the town; by the time I reached the bus station it was just passed four. There was a bus waiting in the inter-state stop. I didn't bother looking at the sign; I had no care for where I was going. I paid the driver with the change I had received from the beer and headed to the back.

‘Hey, mate,’ the driver called me back. His face was lined and he had friendly brown eyes. ‘I don’t care if you drink, just not on my bus, okay?’ I nodded and fell into the seat, closing my eyes. I was exhausted, and my mind continued to taunt me.

They’ll disown you.

Not even May accepts you being gay.

You’re nothing to them.

I fell into a restless sleep, the steady up-down motion of the bus lulling me into unconsciousness.

- - -

‘Hey!’ The bus driver was shaking me awake. ‘Get off! Pit stop.’ The bus driver shuffled off, muttering something about “young, stupid teens”. I didn’t feel offended; I had only been awake a few seconds and had not registered everything. I checked my phone after I jumped off and saw I had three missed calls and a few messages. The calls were from Alex, and there was a message from May. The other messages were just my phone reminding me I had missed a call – genius, wasn’t it? I ignored all of them and locked my phone after receiving a pop-up,

Less than 20% charge.

Too bad I had forgotten my charger. I rubbed my eyes and began to feel a throbbing sensation in the back of my head. I sighed and bought bottled water from the gas station we had pulled up at. I climbed back on the bus as the sun was starting to hurt my eyes and grabbed a beer. It was at least another fifteen minutes until we had to get back on the road – enough time to swallow another 320mL can of alcohol.

Notes

Title cred: Poison - All Time Low

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