Limelight Boy's Broken Girl
Chapter One: Feels Like I'm Screaming with my Mouth Shut
Demi’s POV
I wake up the next grey, dull morning to the sound of screams and cries from Madison being tormented by our father. It’s the same daily routine, wake up, hear Madison being abused, go to school, be ignored and tormented by the ignorant people of society, go home, be abused, eat something, stare in the mirror, purge, find dad more wasted than Haymitch in The Hunger Games, get beat, coax my scared sister, write something in my journal and let my arms leak blood red droplets of blood before passing out and starting the same cycle all over again to repeat.
Life is no where near perfect for me, but perfect for everyone else in the world and I’d kill to have some sort of happiness of that in my life.
Walking down the hall with my head down in my pewter grey skinnies and a black slightly over sized, Blink-182 tee shirt I hear the noises stop coming from my little sister, and that’s when I realize she isn’t breathing.
“Dad, why isn’t Madison breathing!” I scream at the drunken mess whose standing like nothing ever happened.
He doesn’t respond with his words but instead I swing at my brunette hair covered head. I dodge it to realize that my own little sister is dead. Okay great, this is fantastic,
I wake up to see my now dead sister killed by my own father before school.
The man who is supposed to care tries to swing at my head but misses once again and that’s when it’s my chance to finally reach the door to go to my own little personal hell called school. Guess I’ll just have to take care of Madison’s dead body later, I honestly am not surprised she’s gone. Dad hated her but even though he hated me more something in his small, pea sized brain told him to go after her first. Life must hate me, because at this rate I’m the only family I have left.
Uncle Nick and Joe decided to never talk to this side of the family again because they lost their sister who was once my mother before Dad killed her. Aunt Bunnie never liked Madison and I, Grandpa and Grandma Lovato died years ago, and all of our cousins and their parent’s don’t want their children near a trainwreck and his daughters that’s for sure. So it’s like nobody wanted me, or my sister all because of my father, the disaster of the family.
Walking down the street I see my one friend and only friend, Miranda Miller, driving down the street with her used green Volkswagen Beetle.
“Demi get in! School starts in fifteen and we can’t be late!” She yells from the window and pulling up near the curb where I am.
I hop in and she asks me if everything’s alright, of course she would, she does know everything about me. She’s the only one I trust, we’ve been friends since we were in diapers and she just can’t seem to drop me and let me go. I’m glad in a way though, it shows that at least someone cares in this society driven, broken down world.
“Miranda, we live in a world where everything isn’t meant to be okay.” I say, quoting Green Day.
“Life doesn’t have to be like that though Dems, life can be great, you just need to try to make it fit for you.”
“Tell me that when Alex finally notices me and my music career takes off.” I say, turning my head to look at the blonde.
“Just because we’re the Dulaney Losers doesn’t mean we can’t make it in this world. If Alex can get a record deal in his last year of high school from working hard since Freshman year, then you can make it happen from working on your music since you were seven.” Miranda says, pulling into the parking lot.
I don’t respond but give a small smile and hop out of the car and Miranda and I walk to our lockers together, as they are right beside each other.
We grab our things and when I turn around I see the handsome, smiling, caramel haired boy walking down the polished tile flooring.
He waves around to everyone but Miranda and I, of course he wouldn’t, he doesn’t even know my own first name.
“Dems, Dems are you even listening? The bell rang, we’re going to be late!” My blonde haired friend says, grabbing my swollen arm and dragging me down the hall to first period Guitar.
Getting to class we take our seats in the back of room, where everyone avoids us, scared that they’ll catch “The Demi.” People like Miranda, people don’t like me, they don’t want to be with the girl who has the worst family life, who “cuts”, who does everything for the attention.
“Class, I want you to do a project using what you know so far from taking this course. You will need to write a song and add chords to perform in front of the class in two weeks. It can be about anything, or anyone. Do not take someone elses song or else I will mark your grade down by half. You have every class period and time at home. Get started. Any questions?” Mrs. Trippy says.
Miranda raises her hand and our teacher calls on her.
“Can we work in partners?”
“Yes, groups of two only but if you want to work alone you can. No exceptions.” Mrs. Trippy talks and then we all get started on our project.
“So I was thinking that we could write around Alex.” My best friend says, getting out her lyric notebook and I get out mine.
“Yes, because I want our class to know I like him.”
“It’s true though, plus we don’t have to use his name. Here I already have a few lyric ideas.” She says, scribbling words on the college ruled paper.
After she writes the words on the paper I read the verses she’s written so far.
“Sing them.”
And then I do.
“My state of mind has finally
got the best of me
I need you next to me
I'll try to find a way that I
could get to you
Just wanna get to you
The world I see is perfect now,
you're all around
With you I can breathe
Until you're mine, I have to find
A way to fill this hole inside
I can't survive without you here
by my side” I sing and Miranda looks at me more amazed than she’s ever been.
“Demi that’s amazing!”She says, hugging me and I return it but that’s when Jeremy McKinnon yells “Lesbian” at us.
“Fuck off!” Miranda yells back at him, then flipping him off before the teacher looks at us and Miranda gives her the most innocent smile she can put on when she glares at us.
The bell rings a little while later and Miranda and I head our separate ways to class, as she has Math 12 and I have English 12.
Taking my seat once again in the back the teacher lets all of us know a new student will be joining us today.
“Class I’d like to introduce you to Hayley Williams, she just moved here from Tennessee.” Mr. Butler says. “Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?”
Hayley nods her head and starts talking.
“Well I love pop-punk music, I write my own lyrics and I hate having my hair color the same for too long.” She says and motioning to her pink and orange split hair.
“Well okay, now you can sit in the back with Demi.” The teacher says, then motioned me to raise my hand so that Hayley knows where to sit.
“Hey, since I’m new here can I see if we have any classes together?” The new girl asks me.
I take out my schedule and show her.
“Looks like we have all of our classes together! That’s cool. Hey you like Blink?” She says, motioning to my tee shirt.
“Yeah but most people don’t even know who Blink is at this school. It’s all One Direction and Justin Bieber here at Dulaney.” I say, rushing my voice when the teacher gives me the eye.
All the teachers hate me, I don’t understand why, I mean I get good grades, turn in my work and do what they say. Some of the reasons are just forever unknown.
The day finally comes to an end and I meet up with Miranda at her car in the parking lot.
“Demi did you hear, Alex is going to ask someone out!” She screams at me.
“No but I do know it’s not gonna be me.” I say.
“Why wouldn’t it be? Your amazing and good looking!”
“Thanks but if you know anything, guys don’t date girls with scars.”
“Maybe he will?” Miranda says, unlocking the car for us to get inside.
“I’m sick and tired of false words Miranda, you know that.” I tell her and then that’s when the whole ride to my house is in silence.
Getting into my broken home I head straight to my room, not wanting to have to deal with any pain.
It’s Monday so dad stays overnight at the bars, hooking up with anyone and pretending that mom isn’t dead even though he was the cause of her own death.
Finding my book of lyrics I start writing the story of my life down and singing the melodies.
“Spitting fire back and forth now
Times have changed in just a few months
Neighbors complaining from the fights and
Why can't things be the same
And maybe I'm just a little bit cautious
Of what I'm gonna say
When I tell you I can't live this way.
But I don't know what to expect from someone who's so insane
Why can't I get through the night
Without another fight
I'm tired of the hurting
Is it really worth it?
Am I all alone again?
Cause I am kinda feeling like I'm screaming
With my mouth shut
When it's really open.
The only noises in my head
Are consumed of your voice
From all the pain and hatred
How long can you kick somebody down
Before a foot breaks?
And why can't I get through the night
Without another fight
I'm tired of the hurting
Is it really worth it?
Am I all alone again cause
I am kinda feeling like I'm screaming
With my mouth shut when it's really open.
And I knew that you would fabricate
This situation just for
The sake of your need for attention
And I'm sick of always being the one
To always break down, always melt down
In the end.
And maybe this time
It's a sign that independance and I
Are finally catching on
I don't need you to rely on.
And why can't I get through the night
Without another fight I'm tired of the hurting
Is it really worth it?
Am I all alone again cause
I am kinda feeling like I'm screaming
With my mouth shut
When it's really open.
Spitting fire back and forth now
Times have changed in just a few months” I sing to myself before setting my book of songs on the floor and wander around my house only to remember that my sister's dead body lays down on the now blood stained carpet.
Finding a pair of latex gloves I hold the cold, pale body in my arms and look before going to the back yard to dig a hole and properly bury her in the brown soil.
“Rest in peace Madison, you don’t have to deal with the pain Dad caused you anymore. You’re safe now and I’ll deal with it and not surrender to ” I whisper as I kneel down to the ground and tears silently fall, making my brown-black Wet N Wild mascara fall across my pale peach face.
I walk back into the house a few moments later and head to the kitchen to see that there is nothing to eat, not that I’m surprised, Dad doesn’t buy anything anymore. He hasn’t for months, just the pizza boxes that he orders almost daily at work. Plus it’s too fattening anyway, I’m too fat, no boy likes fat.
I head up to my room and fall asleep, knowing that there just isn’t anything better to do. We didn’t have homework, the teachers never give it out, it’s just one more paper to grade that they don’t care about.
I’m sorry world, what did I do wrong to have to feel as if I’m screaming with my mouth shut? I try to be heard but the words just don’t come out for some reason. I’m an outspoken girl.
Just one of those outspoken girls in a world where society doesn’t want me because girls like me deserve pain.
I wake up the next grey, dull morning to the sound of screams and cries from Madison being tormented by our father. It’s the same daily routine, wake up, hear Madison being abused, go to school, be ignored and tormented by the ignorant people of society, go home, be abused, eat something, stare in the mirror, purge, find dad more wasted than Haymitch in The Hunger Games, get beat, coax my scared sister, write something in my journal and let my arms leak blood red droplets of blood before passing out and starting the same cycle all over again to repeat.
Life is no where near perfect for me, but perfect for everyone else in the world and I’d kill to have some sort of happiness of that in my life.
Walking down the hall with my head down in my pewter grey skinnies and a black slightly over sized, Blink-182 tee shirt I hear the noises stop coming from my little sister, and that’s when I realize she isn’t breathing.
“Dad, why isn’t Madison breathing!” I scream at the drunken mess whose standing like nothing ever happened.
He doesn’t respond with his words but instead I swing at my brunette hair covered head. I dodge it to realize that my own little sister is dead. Okay great, this is fantastic,
I wake up to see my now dead sister killed by my own father before school.
The man who is supposed to care tries to swing at my head but misses once again and that’s when it’s my chance to finally reach the door to go to my own little personal hell called school. Guess I’ll just have to take care of Madison’s dead body later, I honestly am not surprised she’s gone. Dad hated her but even though he hated me more something in his small, pea sized brain told him to go after her first. Life must hate me, because at this rate I’m the only family I have left.
Uncle Nick and Joe decided to never talk to this side of the family again because they lost their sister who was once my mother before Dad killed her. Aunt Bunnie never liked Madison and I, Grandpa and Grandma Lovato died years ago, and all of our cousins and their parent’s don’t want their children near a trainwreck and his daughters that’s for sure. So it’s like nobody wanted me, or my sister all because of my father, the disaster of the family.
Walking down the street I see my one friend and only friend, Miranda Miller, driving down the street with her used green Volkswagen Beetle.
“Demi get in! School starts in fifteen and we can’t be late!” She yells from the window and pulling up near the curb where I am.
I hop in and she asks me if everything’s alright, of course she would, she does know everything about me. She’s the only one I trust, we’ve been friends since we were in diapers and she just can’t seem to drop me and let me go. I’m glad in a way though, it shows that at least someone cares in this society driven, broken down world.
“Miranda, we live in a world where everything isn’t meant to be okay.” I say, quoting Green Day.
“Life doesn’t have to be like that though Dems, life can be great, you just need to try to make it fit for you.”
“Tell me that when Alex finally notices me and my music career takes off.” I say, turning my head to look at the blonde.
“Just because we’re the Dulaney Losers doesn’t mean we can’t make it in this world. If Alex can get a record deal in his last year of high school from working hard since Freshman year, then you can make it happen from working on your music since you were seven.” Miranda says, pulling into the parking lot.
I don’t respond but give a small smile and hop out of the car and Miranda and I walk to our lockers together, as they are right beside each other.
We grab our things and when I turn around I see the handsome, smiling, caramel haired boy walking down the polished tile flooring.
He waves around to everyone but Miranda and I, of course he wouldn’t, he doesn’t even know my own first name.
“Dems, Dems are you even listening? The bell rang, we’re going to be late!” My blonde haired friend says, grabbing my swollen arm and dragging me down the hall to first period Guitar.
Getting to class we take our seats in the back of room, where everyone avoids us, scared that they’ll catch “The Demi.” People like Miranda, people don’t like me, they don’t want to be with the girl who has the worst family life, who “cuts”, who does everything for the attention.
“Class, I want you to do a project using what you know so far from taking this course. You will need to write a song and add chords to perform in front of the class in two weeks. It can be about anything, or anyone. Do not take someone elses song or else I will mark your grade down by half. You have every class period and time at home. Get started. Any questions?” Mrs. Trippy says.
Miranda raises her hand and our teacher calls on her.
“Can we work in partners?”
“Yes, groups of two only but if you want to work alone you can. No exceptions.” Mrs. Trippy talks and then we all get started on our project.
“So I was thinking that we could write around Alex.” My best friend says, getting out her lyric notebook and I get out mine.
“Yes, because I want our class to know I like him.”
“It’s true though, plus we don’t have to use his name. Here I already have a few lyric ideas.” She says, scribbling words on the college ruled paper.
After she writes the words on the paper I read the verses she’s written so far.
“Sing them.”
And then I do.
“My state of mind has finally
got the best of me
I need you next to me
I'll try to find a way that I
could get to you
Just wanna get to you
The world I see is perfect now,
you're all around
With you I can breathe
Until you're mine, I have to find
A way to fill this hole inside
I can't survive without you here
by my side” I sing and Miranda looks at me more amazed than she’s ever been.
“Demi that’s amazing!”She says, hugging me and I return it but that’s when Jeremy McKinnon yells “Lesbian” at us.
“Fuck off!” Miranda yells back at him, then flipping him off before the teacher looks at us and Miranda gives her the most innocent smile she can put on when she glares at us.
The bell rings a little while later and Miranda and I head our separate ways to class, as she has Math 12 and I have English 12.
Taking my seat once again in the back the teacher lets all of us know a new student will be joining us today.
“Class I’d like to introduce you to Hayley Williams, she just moved here from Tennessee.” Mr. Butler says. “Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?”
Hayley nods her head and starts talking.
“Well I love pop-punk music, I write my own lyrics and I hate having my hair color the same for too long.” She says and motioning to her pink and orange split hair.
“Well okay, now you can sit in the back with Demi.” The teacher says, then motioned me to raise my hand so that Hayley knows where to sit.
“Hey, since I’m new here can I see if we have any classes together?” The new girl asks me.
I take out my schedule and show her.
“Looks like we have all of our classes together! That’s cool. Hey you like Blink?” She says, motioning to my tee shirt.
“Yeah but most people don’t even know who Blink is at this school. It’s all One Direction and Justin Bieber here at Dulaney.” I say, rushing my voice when the teacher gives me the eye.
All the teachers hate me, I don’t understand why, I mean I get good grades, turn in my work and do what they say. Some of the reasons are just forever unknown.
The day finally comes to an end and I meet up with Miranda at her car in the parking lot.
“Demi did you hear, Alex is going to ask someone out!” She screams at me.
“No but I do know it’s not gonna be me.” I say.
“Why wouldn’t it be? Your amazing and good looking!”
“Thanks but if you know anything, guys don’t date girls with scars.”
“Maybe he will?” Miranda says, unlocking the car for us to get inside.
“I’m sick and tired of false words Miranda, you know that.” I tell her and then that’s when the whole ride to my house is in silence.
Getting into my broken home I head straight to my room, not wanting to have to deal with any pain.
It’s Monday so dad stays overnight at the bars, hooking up with anyone and pretending that mom isn’t dead even though he was the cause of her own death.
Finding my book of lyrics I start writing the story of my life down and singing the melodies.
“Spitting fire back and forth now
Times have changed in just a few months
Neighbors complaining from the fights and
Why can't things be the same
And maybe I'm just a little bit cautious
Of what I'm gonna say
When I tell you I can't live this way.
But I don't know what to expect from someone who's so insane
Why can't I get through the night
Without another fight
I'm tired of the hurting
Is it really worth it?
Am I all alone again?
Cause I am kinda feeling like I'm screaming
With my mouth shut
When it's really open.
The only noises in my head
Are consumed of your voice
From all the pain and hatred
How long can you kick somebody down
Before a foot breaks?
And why can't I get through the night
Without another fight
I'm tired of the hurting
Is it really worth it?
Am I all alone again cause
I am kinda feeling like I'm screaming
With my mouth shut when it's really open.
And I knew that you would fabricate
This situation just for
The sake of your need for attention
And I'm sick of always being the one
To always break down, always melt down
In the end.
And maybe this time
It's a sign that independance and I
Are finally catching on
I don't need you to rely on.
And why can't I get through the night
Without another fight I'm tired of the hurting
Is it really worth it?
Am I all alone again cause
I am kinda feeling like I'm screaming
With my mouth shut
When it's really open.
Spitting fire back and forth now
Times have changed in just a few months” I sing to myself before setting my book of songs on the floor and wander around my house only to remember that my sister's dead body lays down on the now blood stained carpet.
Finding a pair of latex gloves I hold the cold, pale body in my arms and look before going to the back yard to dig a hole and properly bury her in the brown soil.
“Rest in peace Madison, you don’t have to deal with the pain Dad caused you anymore. You’re safe now and I’ll deal with it and not surrender to ” I whisper as I kneel down to the ground and tears silently fall, making my brown-black Wet N Wild mascara fall across my pale peach face.
I walk back into the house a few moments later and head to the kitchen to see that there is nothing to eat, not that I’m surprised, Dad doesn’t buy anything anymore. He hasn’t for months, just the pizza boxes that he orders almost daily at work. Plus it’s too fattening anyway, I’m too fat, no boy likes fat.
I head up to my room and fall asleep, knowing that there just isn’t anything better to do. We didn’t have homework, the teachers never give it out, it’s just one more paper to grade that they don’t care about.
I’m sorry world, what did I do wrong to have to feel as if I’m screaming with my mouth shut? I try to be heard but the words just don’t come out for some reason. I’m an outspoken girl.
Just one of those outspoken girls in a world where society doesn’t want me because girls like me deserve pain.
Notes
Another chapter!I hope you enjoyed it!
I don't have much to say but I'm becoming really busy with school and my new band as well as I will be working an Etsy which I'll link once I have items in the shop.
Tell me what you think in the comments.
Till darkness completes us,
Sarah's Butterflies
Thanks!
I'll try to write again soon, life is being hectic for me at the moment with all of these things I need to do.
10/19/13