I can’t do this.

There’s no way I can go through with this.

How could I possibly tell Neil that I cheated on him? How could I tell him that I want to break up? There are so many options but none of them seem good enough. Letting someone down easy when you’ve ultimately betrayed them is never easy. Not to mention that I’ve never done anything remotely considered cheating. What am I going to do?

Neil walked onto the bus and had a huge smile on his face, only making me feel even worse than I did before. He wandered over to the couch where I was sitting and he sat down next to me.

“How was the jog?” He asked.

“It was good. But um, we need to talk.” I gulped. This was going to be hard.

“About what babe?” His voice was concerned and his arm wrapped around me.

“Oh gosh I don’t even know how to say this…” My eyes brimmed with tears.

“How to say what, you’re worrying me here.” He laughed lightly.

I took a deep breath. “I think we need to break up.”

“Break up, wha- why?” He took his arm off me and furrowed his brows. “Was it something I did? I really don’t want to lose you Blithe, just tell me what I did wrong.”

“No, Neil it isn’t you at all. I mean I just don’t feel the same way that I used to. I hope you can understand…” The room was silent and I could feel the tension between us. He only shook his head while it was placed in his hands. His breathing hitched, it almost sounded like he was crying.

“Neil? Please don’t be upset.” I reached my hands onto his back and tried to massage it but he only backed away.

“I need you to leave.” He regained composure.

“What?”

“I said I need you to leave Blithe.” He stood up. “I want you to pack up your things and get out of this bus. Matter of fact, you can tell me all about you and Zack while you’re packing.”

“Neil I-”

“Don’t you dare fucking play dumb.” He interrupted me. “What really happened when you two went ‘jogging’ today?” He used air quotes.

“Neil I just want to go we can talk about this later.” I shook my head and went to my bunk to gather up my things. I picked up my clothes from last night, my pillow, blankets, everything all managed to fit in one small duffle.

“Oh no, you wanted to talk and that’s what we’re gonna do. So please tell me what’s been going on between the two of you.”

“Fuck Neil,” I threw my bag onto the bed. “What the hell do you want from me? I can’t take all of that shit back you know! And I’m honestly not even sorry that I have feelings for Zack. So I’m leaving you for him and if you have a problem with that then you can just keep them to yourself.” And with that I picked up my bag, headed to the bathroom, took my shower kit, and left the bus. I indignantly closed the door behind me and huffed in defeat. It’s all done now.

--

I sat in Zack’s bunk and watched him pace through the isle.

“So that’s all that happened?” He asked. “I mean he didn’t hurt you did he?”

“Zack don’t worry about it, Neil would never harm me like that even if he wanted to, he was raised well and I hate to say it.” I admitted. And yeah, Neil is a really great guy and it kills me to think that I hurt him because he truly doesn’t deserve any of this drama.

“Okay.” He sighed and plopped next to me in the bunk. “So how are you feeling?”

“Fine I guess.” I shrugged and fell onto his shoulder. “I could really use a cuddle right now though.”

“You know.” Zack held onto my waist while we lay in his bunk staring at the ceiling. “I just want you to be happy.” He paused for a minute to recollect his thoughts. “It doesn’t matter who you’re with anymore I just want you to be happy.”

I blushed lightly, he was too sweet. “I am happy Zack, and I’m happy with you.” I smiled.