Oh Life
Thirty-three.
Ashley POV:
Weeks passed and I still felt like crap. I didn't go outside of the house much, only to go to work. For the rest of the time I just wanted to try to get some sleep. Sleeping was the only way to escape the pain. Everyone was worrying about me. Emily called me all the time and always suggested to go shopping or do something else. She said that I should pick up my life again but I always snapped at her that she didn't understood and it wasn't that easy.
Alex was doing better since the night on the rooftop, that was good but it also annoyed me. How could he be acting like everything's fine when we lost our baby? He went to the rooftop almost every night before going to bed. He was writing songs again and sometimes he would do something fun with the guys.
I had lost a lot of weight and Alex was worried about that. He would make all my favorite food and begged me to eat something, but I wasn't hungry. It was like every feeling a human could experience was just gone. Only the pain was always there.
On the first Saturday of March, when Alex made pancakes for breakfast hoping that I would eat, Alex's phone rang and I saw the name Noah appear on the screen. Alex gave me a pancake and a kiss and picked up his phone. "Hey Noah, what's up?" he sat down on the chair across from me, waiting for me to eat. Instead, I just took a sip of my water. "Oh, that's right. I'm so sorry I forgot. It's just, you know.." I knew Alex was afraid of saying the word miscarriage when he was in the same room as me. I rolled my eyes and took a small piece of pancake in my mouth. Alex smiled at me, encouraging. "Yeah, no, that would be great. Of course not, we'll be there." I raised my eyebrow at Alex, who was smiling and nodding on the phone. "Okay, great. See you tonight. Bye!" He put away his phone and looked at me. "It was Noah." he said. "It's his birthday." Of course, 4 March. "And he called to ask if we wanted to celebrate it with him." I sighed and pushed my plate away. "I'm not really in the mood for a party." Alex stood up from his place and wrapped his arms around me. "C'mon, it will be fun. We're going to a club and Emily, Jack, Rian, Cass and Zack will also be there." He gave me a kiss on my cheek. "Please? You really need to get out more." I knew that he was right, I knew that I couldn't be like this forever. But it was just so hard and it hurt so much. But he was right, it would be good for me to do something fun with my friends. "Okay, you're right. We'll go tonight." He gave me another smile and handed me my phone. "Now you need to do one more thing, princess." I took my phone and gave him a questioning look. "Call Emily and tell her you are going shopping with her. You need something to wear tonight." he winked.
Emily had been really happy with my call. It had only taken her 20 minutes to pick me up and another 30 minutes later we were walking down the shopping streets of Baltimore. "Doesn't this feel good?" she asked. I smiled at her and nodded. "See. Just sitting in that house won't make it all better. Doing things, keeping your mind off things, that's what you need." We checked out every store and soon found all our things. "Okay, before we go home. You need to eat something. I mean, seriously, you're turning into a skeleton. Let's go to McDonalds." she took my hand and a couple of minutes later I saw the big yellow M appear in the distance. I knew that I had to eat, I looked anything but healthy.
I ordered fries and chicken nuggets and Emily ordered fries and a burger. With some effort, I managed to eat half of the fries and 4/6 chicken nuggets. I was waiting for Em to finish her burger when two girls came to our table. One had long blonde hair and the other one dark brown hair that reached just over her shoulders. "Uhm. Excuse us. You are Ashley Sparks, right?" Great, fans of All Time Low. I wasn't really in the mood for that now, but I tried to be nice to them. "Yeah." I smiled a little. "Well, we just wanted to tell you that we think it's unfortunate what happened and we just hope that you and Alex are okay.." I swallowed and fought back my upcoming tears. "Alex and I are going through a hard time now, but we'll get through it together." I answered. The girls nodded and now it was the brown one that spoke. "Do you know when All Time Low will start touring again?" she asked. "No, they haven't talked about touring yet. But Alex has been writing some new songs lately, so you'll hear again from them soon enough." I saw that Emily was ready to go and so I stood up. "We have to go now, but it was nice meeting you." I faked another smile and walked away.
The ride home Emily didn't say anything and I just stared out of the window. I thought about the conversation with the girls about tour. I knew it was coming, probably soon. Alex never mentioned it, but I knew that the guys were discussing it.
When Emily parked the car, she walked with me to the front door. I opened the door and walked past Alex without saying anything. I just walked upstairs with my bag of new clothes and decided to get ready for the party. But then I heard voices downstairs and I wondered what Emily was talking about with Alex. Probably me. Quietly, I opened the door and listened to their conversation.
"Alex, it's been three months now! You are acting normal again, but she just can't get over it."
"I know, Emily, I know. But what can I do?"
"Maybe she should see someone."
"Like, a therapist?"
Silence.
"You should go now, I don't want her to hear this. I'll see you in a few hours."
I heard the front door close and walked back into the bathroom. I locked the bathroom door and turned on the shower. I took my clothes off and stepped in the shower. I let the tears come, I didn't try to hold them back. I couldn't stand on my feet anymore, so I just sat down in the shower. I wrapped my arms around my legs and kept sobbing. I don't know how long I sat there. I just thought about what they were saying about me. They thought I needed to see a therapist? What the hell, I'm not sick in my head or something. I just lost my baby. I wasn't going to see a fucking therapist, that's for sure. The only thing I needed was for them to leave me the fuck alone and deal with their own problems.
Weeks passed and I still felt like crap. I didn't go outside of the house much, only to go to work. For the rest of the time I just wanted to try to get some sleep. Sleeping was the only way to escape the pain. Everyone was worrying about me. Emily called me all the time and always suggested to go shopping or do something else. She said that I should pick up my life again but I always snapped at her that she didn't understood and it wasn't that easy.
Alex was doing better since the night on the rooftop, that was good but it also annoyed me. How could he be acting like everything's fine when we lost our baby? He went to the rooftop almost every night before going to bed. He was writing songs again and sometimes he would do something fun with the guys.
I had lost a lot of weight and Alex was worried about that. He would make all my favorite food and begged me to eat something, but I wasn't hungry. It was like every feeling a human could experience was just gone. Only the pain was always there.
On the first Saturday of March, when Alex made pancakes for breakfast hoping that I would eat, Alex's phone rang and I saw the name Noah appear on the screen. Alex gave me a pancake and a kiss and picked up his phone. "Hey Noah, what's up?" he sat down on the chair across from me, waiting for me to eat. Instead, I just took a sip of my water. "Oh, that's right. I'm so sorry I forgot. It's just, you know.." I knew Alex was afraid of saying the word miscarriage when he was in the same room as me. I rolled my eyes and took a small piece of pancake in my mouth. Alex smiled at me, encouraging. "Yeah, no, that would be great. Of course not, we'll be there." I raised my eyebrow at Alex, who was smiling and nodding on the phone. "Okay, great. See you tonight. Bye!" He put away his phone and looked at me. "It was Noah." he said. "It's his birthday." Of course, 4 March. "And he called to ask if we wanted to celebrate it with him." I sighed and pushed my plate away. "I'm not really in the mood for a party." Alex stood up from his place and wrapped his arms around me. "C'mon, it will be fun. We're going to a club and Emily, Jack, Rian, Cass and Zack will also be there." He gave me a kiss on my cheek. "Please? You really need to get out more." I knew that he was right, I knew that I couldn't be like this forever. But it was just so hard and it hurt so much. But he was right, it would be good for me to do something fun with my friends. "Okay, you're right. We'll go tonight." He gave me another smile and handed me my phone. "Now you need to do one more thing, princess." I took my phone and gave him a questioning look. "Call Emily and tell her you are going shopping with her. You need something to wear tonight." he winked.
Emily had been really happy with my call. It had only taken her 20 minutes to pick me up and another 30 minutes later we were walking down the shopping streets of Baltimore. "Doesn't this feel good?" she asked. I smiled at her and nodded. "See. Just sitting in that house won't make it all better. Doing things, keeping your mind off things, that's what you need." We checked out every store and soon found all our things. "Okay, before we go home. You need to eat something. I mean, seriously, you're turning into a skeleton. Let's go to McDonalds." she took my hand and a couple of minutes later I saw the big yellow M appear in the distance. I knew that I had to eat, I looked anything but healthy.
I ordered fries and chicken nuggets and Emily ordered fries and a burger. With some effort, I managed to eat half of the fries and 4/6 chicken nuggets. I was waiting for Em to finish her burger when two girls came to our table. One had long blonde hair and the other one dark brown hair that reached just over her shoulders. "Uhm. Excuse us. You are Ashley Sparks, right?" Great, fans of All Time Low. I wasn't really in the mood for that now, but I tried to be nice to them. "Yeah." I smiled a little. "Well, we just wanted to tell you that we think it's unfortunate what happened and we just hope that you and Alex are okay.." I swallowed and fought back my upcoming tears. "Alex and I are going through a hard time now, but we'll get through it together." I answered. The girls nodded and now it was the brown one that spoke. "Do you know when All Time Low will start touring again?" she asked. "No, they haven't talked about touring yet. But Alex has been writing some new songs lately, so you'll hear again from them soon enough." I saw that Emily was ready to go and so I stood up. "We have to go now, but it was nice meeting you." I faked another smile and walked away.
The ride home Emily didn't say anything and I just stared out of the window. I thought about the conversation with the girls about tour. I knew it was coming, probably soon. Alex never mentioned it, but I knew that the guys were discussing it.
When Emily parked the car, she walked with me to the front door. I opened the door and walked past Alex without saying anything. I just walked upstairs with my bag of new clothes and decided to get ready for the party. But then I heard voices downstairs and I wondered what Emily was talking about with Alex. Probably me. Quietly, I opened the door and listened to their conversation.
"Alex, it's been three months now! You are acting normal again, but she just can't get over it."
"I know, Emily, I know. But what can I do?"
"Maybe she should see someone."
"Like, a therapist?"
Silence.
"You should go now, I don't want her to hear this. I'll see you in a few hours."
I heard the front door close and walked back into the bathroom. I locked the bathroom door and turned on the shower. I took my clothes off and stepped in the shower. I let the tears come, I didn't try to hold them back. I couldn't stand on my feet anymore, so I just sat down in the shower. I wrapped my arms around my legs and kept sobbing. I don't know how long I sat there. I just thought about what they were saying about me. They thought I needed to see a therapist? What the hell, I'm not sick in my head or something. I just lost my baby. I wasn't going to see a fucking therapist, that's for sure. The only thing I needed was for them to leave me the fuck alone and deal with their own problems.
I couldn't let it end like that haha, first chapter will be posted tonight :)
10/22/13