Oh Life
Thirty-two.
Alex POV:
I couldn't sleep, again. I checked my phone to see how late it was. 3 am. It was like that all the time. I was lucky if I could sleep for 4 hours straight in one night. Ashley had fallen asleep, crying. She looked so fragile. It was as if a stranger was laying next to me, not Ashley. Not the Ashley I knew. This small, broken girl didn't look like her. Even when she was sleeping, I could see the pain on her face. I needed some fresh air so I decided to go to the only place that could make me feel a tiny bit better. The rooftop. I stepped out of the bed, trying my best not to wake Ashley since she was sleeping on my chest. She mumbled my name but didn't wake up. I gave a soft kiss on her forehead and left the room on my toes, grabbing my sweatpants and sweatshirt.
I sat down and looked at the city underneath me. Although it was late, it was still full of life. Teenagers laughing in the streets, drunk and high. Having the time of their lives. I wasn't ready to see all that happiness. I lay down on the ground, folding my hands behind my head. I looked at the stars above me, they were with many tonight. I sighed and closed my eyes. How did everything end up like this?
"Alex, wake up! I'm bleeding." I opened my eyes and looked at Ashley. Panic was all over her face and she was looking at her panties. They were supposed to be white, but now they were covered in blood. I jumped out of the bed and put on the first pair of clothes I could find. When I was ready I ran over towards Ashley's side of the bed and helped her put some sweatpants on and a shirt as well. I walked her down the stairs and grabbed my phone, wallet and car keys. I helped her get into the car first and then walked to the driver's side. I started the engine and drove immediately to the hospital. It was hard to concentrate on driving. On the inside I was panicking, I was scared as hell that something was seriously wrong. But I tried to look calm for Ashley. I looked over at her and saw her staring out of the window. Her hands were on her stomach and I could see a tear falling down her cheek. I put my hand on her leg and rubbed it softly. "Shhh, it's all going to be okay." I whispered.
It had been the most scary night of my life for sure. Waking up in the middle of the night, seeing the blood, the panic on Ashley's face.. The car ride had been the longest one ever. It had been nerve wrecking. The waiting in the ER was even worse. And when the waiting finally came to and end and the doctor walked back in.. God, I will never forget the expression on the face of that man.
Ashley was laying in the hospital bed and I sat in the chair that stood next to it, holding her hand. It seemed like hours ago since we got there, but it had only been 15 minutes. Finally, the doctor appeared in the doorway. With a serious look on his face, he walked closer towards us. He took a deep breath and I could already sense the bad news. "You lost your baby." Ashley started crying and I felt tears coming up as well. This couldn't be true. This had to be some awful nightmare. But it wasn't. It was the hard reality. I wanted to break down right there in the hospital, but I knew I couldn't. I took Ashley in my arms, letting her cry in my shoulder and tried to hold back my own tears. I rubbed her back and stroke her hair. We'd lost our baby.
The memory of that moment brought back the tears. I hadn't really cried since it had happened. I felt like I had to be strong for Ashley. I needed to be there for her and couldn't afford it to turn into an emotional wreck. But now that I was laying here all alone under the blanket of stars, I allowed myself to cry. I let the tears stream down my face and sobbed uncontrollably. And it felt good, so good.
"I figured you were up here." I heard Ashley's soft voice coming from next to me. I couldn't look at her or say something, I was a miserable mess. She sat down next to me and held me tightly. My head on her lap. She stroke through my messy hair and let me cry. Just like I did with her in the hospital. When I'd calmed down a bit, I looked at her. A few tears rolled down her cheeks and I missed the spark in her eyes that she once had. I pulled her in for a hug and she wrapped her arms around me. "We'll get through this together." I promised her.
We sat like that for a long time and watched the sunrise together. The beginning of this new day made me realize that we couldn't go on like this forever. We'd lost our baby and it did hurt like hell, but I had to get my shit together eventually. And Ashley had to do that, too. We had to live again instead of drowning in our own tears. It was just so hard.. I kissed Ashley's hair and she rested her head on my shoulder. We were going to be okay.
I couldn't sleep, again. I checked my phone to see how late it was. 3 am. It was like that all the time. I was lucky if I could sleep for 4 hours straight in one night. Ashley had fallen asleep, crying. She looked so fragile. It was as if a stranger was laying next to me, not Ashley. Not the Ashley I knew. This small, broken girl didn't look like her. Even when she was sleeping, I could see the pain on her face. I needed some fresh air so I decided to go to the only place that could make me feel a tiny bit better. The rooftop. I stepped out of the bed, trying my best not to wake Ashley since she was sleeping on my chest. She mumbled my name but didn't wake up. I gave a soft kiss on her forehead and left the room on my toes, grabbing my sweatpants and sweatshirt.
I sat down and looked at the city underneath me. Although it was late, it was still full of life. Teenagers laughing in the streets, drunk and high. Having the time of their lives. I wasn't ready to see all that happiness. I lay down on the ground, folding my hands behind my head. I looked at the stars above me, they were with many tonight. I sighed and closed my eyes. How did everything end up like this?
"Alex, wake up! I'm bleeding." I opened my eyes and looked at Ashley. Panic was all over her face and she was looking at her panties. They were supposed to be white, but now they were covered in blood. I jumped out of the bed and put on the first pair of clothes I could find. When I was ready I ran over towards Ashley's side of the bed and helped her put some sweatpants on and a shirt as well. I walked her down the stairs and grabbed my phone, wallet and car keys. I helped her get into the car first and then walked to the driver's side. I started the engine and drove immediately to the hospital. It was hard to concentrate on driving. On the inside I was panicking, I was scared as hell that something was seriously wrong. But I tried to look calm for Ashley. I looked over at her and saw her staring out of the window. Her hands were on her stomach and I could see a tear falling down her cheek. I put my hand on her leg and rubbed it softly. "Shhh, it's all going to be okay." I whispered.
It had been the most scary night of my life for sure. Waking up in the middle of the night, seeing the blood, the panic on Ashley's face.. The car ride had been the longest one ever. It had been nerve wrecking. The waiting in the ER was even worse. And when the waiting finally came to and end and the doctor walked back in.. God, I will never forget the expression on the face of that man.
Ashley was laying in the hospital bed and I sat in the chair that stood next to it, holding her hand. It seemed like hours ago since we got there, but it had only been 15 minutes. Finally, the doctor appeared in the doorway. With a serious look on his face, he walked closer towards us. He took a deep breath and I could already sense the bad news. "You lost your baby." Ashley started crying and I felt tears coming up as well. This couldn't be true. This had to be some awful nightmare. But it wasn't. It was the hard reality. I wanted to break down right there in the hospital, but I knew I couldn't. I took Ashley in my arms, letting her cry in my shoulder and tried to hold back my own tears. I rubbed her back and stroke her hair. We'd lost our baby.
The memory of that moment brought back the tears. I hadn't really cried since it had happened. I felt like I had to be strong for Ashley. I needed to be there for her and couldn't afford it to turn into an emotional wreck. But now that I was laying here all alone under the blanket of stars, I allowed myself to cry. I let the tears stream down my face and sobbed uncontrollably. And it felt good, so good.
"I figured you were up here." I heard Ashley's soft voice coming from next to me. I couldn't look at her or say something, I was a miserable mess. She sat down next to me and held me tightly. My head on her lap. She stroke through my messy hair and let me cry. Just like I did with her in the hospital. When I'd calmed down a bit, I looked at her. A few tears rolled down her cheeks and I missed the spark in her eyes that she once had. I pulled her in for a hug and she wrapped her arms around me. "We'll get through this together." I promised her.
We sat like that for a long time and watched the sunrise together. The beginning of this new day made me realize that we couldn't go on like this forever. We'd lost our baby and it did hurt like hell, but I had to get my shit together eventually. And Ashley had to do that, too. We had to live again instead of drowning in our own tears. It was just so hard.. I kissed Ashley's hair and she rested her head on my shoulder. We were going to be okay.
I couldn't let it end like that haha, first chapter will be posted tonight :)
10/22/13