Ashley POV:

The news about my miscarriage had spread fast. The next day it had been everywhere on the internet and it was on the cover of the magazines of that week. I got dozens of tweets, all telling me to stay strong. My mom had called me, she wanted to come to Baltimore but I'd convinced her not to. There was nothing she could do and I didn't want to talk about it. Emily, Jack, Rian, Zack, Cassadee, Sam, Noah,.. everyone wanted to know if I was okay and honestly, I was getting even more sick of it.

I was not okay. I had lost my baby and that is a terrible feeling. I will never forget the face of the doctor telling me the bad news. The pain that followed right after those words. You lost your baby. I don't think I've ever cried that much in my life. I didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be true. Everything had been going great, I never had the feeling that something was wrong. I was truly happy and Alex and I would soon have our own little family. And then in one night everything changed. And yet still, everyone asked me if I was okay.

I just wanted to be alone with Alex to try to understand what had happened and get through this shit together. I didn't want to see other people, Alex was the only person I needed at that time. I would just cry myself to sleep every night and he would just hold me. No words were needed to express how we felt. We lost our baby and we both tried to deal with that loss. I could see the pain in Alex's eyes every day. He didn't sleep much those first few nights, he was afraid something would happen to me if he fell asleep. Just like that one night.

A couple of days after the miscarriage, Alex let the world now that the rest of the tour would be cancelled. The fans were very understanding and tweeted sweet things to the both of us. I knew they were meant to make me feel better, but they didn't. I just wanted everyone to shut up about it and mind their fucking own business.

The first few days I didn't come out of my bed. Our friends visited us, but I would never want to speak to them about it. I just stayed in bed and Alex would go downstairs to open the door and let them in. I always heard him say the same thing: "She's upstairs in her bed. She's not feeling well and just wants to be alone. But thanks for stopping by." And then he would come back upstairs, crawl into our bed and hold me.

I had a lot of bad dreams in the beginning. There were a lot of days that I would wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and screaming. When that happened, Alex would sing me to sleep and tell me it was all going to be alright. Was it going to be alright? I felt like I was broken and nothing could put the pieces of me back together. I felt like it was all my fault, although Alex kept saying it wasn't.

Emily and Jack called everyday. They were very concerned and always asked if they could come over. But I always assured them that everything was fine and there was no need to come over. They were my best friends, but I didn't want to talk to them. I didn't want to talk about it to anyone. I just wanted to forget about what happened. I wanted to forget, but I couldn't. Whenever I was awake, my thoughts would always go back to that night. The night I lost my baby.

Notes

Short chapter, sorry.
Poor Ashley and Alex :(