What do you do when the one you love tries to leave you? And there’s nothing you can do about it. You try to make them stay, you try so goddamn hard. But in the end they still try to leave you. That’s a question I’ve been trying to answer for the past few hours. I’ve had nothing else to really think about as I stare down at the extremely broken boy I’ve come to love. I don’t know when he’ll wake up, if he does at all. All I know is that he tried to leave me, and I could’ve stopped it.

If I never would’ve left him alone, if I had only waited for my mother to get home from work. It wasn’t an emergency; we could’ve easily lived without it. But Alex wanted mac & cheese, and we were out of milk. So, I went to the store to get some and when I came home, I found him unconscious on the bathroom fall; blood strewn across the walls, little white pills scattered all over, the stench of alcohol wafting through the air. I almost fainted. But I didn’t, and that’s what matters. They told me if the paramedics would have arrived any later he wouldn’t have had a chance.

It’s crazy to think that I’d gotten home just in time. If I would’ve stopped for that yellow light or if that old woman with a full cart wouldn’t have let me cut her in line Alex would be dead right now. I don’t know how to cope; I don’t think I’ve moved since I sat down next his bed about 6 hours ago. I had to spoon feed the head nurse a story in which I was his brother. My mother’s here too, playing the role as his mother. It had to happen, if not Alex wouldn’t have received the medicine he oh so desperately needed. I'm not sure where my mother is at the moment though. She's probably wandering the halls, looking for coffee or something of the matter. I don't know; at this point I really don't care. I just want to be reassured that Alex would be ok. Even if he wouldn't be, I just need to hear it.

His nurse isn't terrible though, she's quite nice actually. Her name is Claire, or something along the lines of that. I was only halfway listening when she told me. I was more focused on my boy of course.

"Jack?" I heard someone say from behind me.

I turned around to see said nurse standing in the doorway. A sad smile gracing her features. She looked tired.

"My shift's about to end hun," she continued, "But Alex's new nurse should come and introduce himself soon. Peter's a nice guy; I think you'll like him."

I nodded slowly, "Thank you," I mumbled, "Um, do you think he'll be ok?"

"Can't say for sure right now," she answered, "But I do think that if he truly wanted to die he would've by now. There's only so much a doctor can do, the rest is up to him. But he's a fighter, I can tell."

I tried my best to smile back at her. I wanted to believe her, I truly did. But if he didn't want to die, why did he cut just a little too deep? Why did he swallow all of those pills? It just doesn't make sense to me.

"I'll see you in the morning," she said softly before leaving the room.

Then I was alone again, and I didn't want to be alone. I need someone to come talk to me, keep me preoccupied. Help keep my mind from destroying itself like the boy lying beside me.
It seemed like years had passed before Alex's new nurse came. I know in reality it was only about 30 minutes. But it felt like forever. His new nurse was a lot older than Claire. He looked to be about my mom's age actually. He had short brown hair with obvious patches of grey. His eyes were the same color as Alex's and his face structure reminded me of Alex's also. It could be my brain playing tricks on me, but they could be related. I know they're not though, Alex would've told me if he had family in the area.

"Good evening sir," he said, "My name is Peter and I'll be Mister-" He paused to look at Alex's chart. It caused him to visibly tense up. He swallowed hard before continuing, "Mr. Ga-askarth's nurse for this evening."

He looked me in the eyes for a long time after he spoke. He looked like he was searching for something in me. He looked scared shitless to be honest, but for all I know he could be reflecting the emotions displayed on my face.

I heard the door open from behind Peter. This caused him to break the eye contact and turn around to see who it was. It was my mother, holding two cups of coffee. She smiled polietly before crossing to room to hand me one of the cups. I took a long sip of the bitter liquid. I don't usually like coffee, but I'm in major need of caffeine, so I suffered through.

"Is there anything either of you need?" Peter asked. He sounded awkward, like he wanted to be anywhere but in this room.

"I think we're good," my mom answered, "Are you Alex's new nurse?"

"I- Yes, I'm Peter," he answered, "How do you the patient?"

My mom answered without skipping a beat, "I'm his mother of course. My name's Joyce. I see you've already met my other son Jack." I swear my mom must have been an actress in a previous life or something.

Peter hesitated, flickering his eyes from Alex to my mom to me. He nodded slowly, "It's nice to meet you." He ran his hand through his hair and sighed before continuing, “If you need anything or if there’s a change in Alex’s condition let me know, ok?”

My mother politely agreed before the strange man left, “That was a bit weird,” she said after he was out of earshot.

I shrugged to agree, “He was really awkward.”

“He looked a lot like Alex, did you notice?”

I nodded, glad I wasn’t the only one who noticed that. It was strange for sure, but nothing I see myself dwelling on anytime soon. I returned my focus to Alex. Only to see he hadn’t moved, of course. I gently ran my hand through his hair; silently willing him to be ok.

I barely heard my mom talking to someone in the background:

“I seem to have missed the name of my son’s new nurse,” she said to an unknown person,

“He’s about this tall, he has short brown hair and he’s probably about my age.”

“Oh that’s Peter,” a sweet sounding voice answered, “Peter Gaskarth.”

Notes

Oh sheit.

Title Cred: Ghost Town- Voodoo

xoxo ~Mary