~Alex~

Inquisitive and thoughtful,
she was the challenge he'd been waiting for; a reminder that creativity runs deep like secrets.
Dark eyed dreamers; they were a dangerous pair,
Q next to U scribbled out on paper...
They stop, they go, they're done.
Go back to the place we knew before
retrace our steps to the basement door,
I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile,
Like so much time that we spent in the fall it
put color in our cheeks while the air turned cold,
Preceding what became our bitter end.
Round in circles, lets start over,
Round in circles, lets start over.
Unanswered questions would be the only thing to stop them now...
He was the poet while she was the muse,
but she had a pen that she knew how to use,
with a touch of redemption, a hint of elation;
a recipe for disaster.
Go back to the place we knew before retrace our steps to the basement door,
I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile,
Like so much time that we spent in the fall it put color in our cheeks while the air turned cold,
Preceding what became our bitter end.
Let this be a lesson to us all... round in circles,
lets start over round in circles,
lets start over round in circles,
round in cirlces round in circles, round in circles

When we finish, Keith is smiling. My hand is throbbing, but I don't care. It's better than it being my hand that I don't use to strum.

"Better than when I last saw you." Keith says.

"Does that mean that we weren't as good at that gig?" I ask. He laughs and shakes his head.

"No I mean you've gotten better." He says. I nod and Jack drapes an arm around my shoulders obviously seeing the nervousness in my expression.

"Talent like yours doesn't come around often."

"Really? Other bands seem more talented than us." Rian comments coming out from behind his drum set.

"Well they are talented but when they started they weren't nearly as talented as you all are."

"Sweet!" Zack shouts, setting his bass down.

"I'll give you about a week or so to decide, then call me." Keith says, handing Mrs. Barakat a business card. He leaves after we hang out a little bit and we all sit in the living room and wait for parents to show up.

I, being the only one without parents, stands in the bathroom staring into the mirror so I don't have to hear the "oh my god! Congratulations" or "I'm so happy for you" and see all the hugging and kissing and smiling. Honestly it wouldn't make me feel any better.

I look into the mirror and see my worn down fake smile. It's been overused. No one can fix me. I'm beyond repair. Sure Jack helped me overcome my anorexia and sure he helped me through tough times of bullying and the recent event where my mom passed, but I'm too broken to be fixed.

I'm a shattered porcelain doll. Too broken to put the pieces back together. Left behind and forgotten.

I'm the abused, lost puppy. The kind suddenly afraid of everything. Afraid to get too close to anyone. The only one I trust is Jack, but even he might leave me one day; like an abused puppy with it's owner.

I'm the broken boy with a broken smile; a broken heart. I want someone to help me desperately. I want parents who will love me like Jack's parents; like Zack's parents; like Rian's parents. I don't.

I hear someone knock on the door frame, snapping me out of my thoughts. I look to the side and see Jack. He gives me a small smile and walks over to me.

"Are you okay?" Jack asks. I nod and flash my way-too-overused fake smile that still hides everything. He nods and drapes his arm around my shoulders. "You don't look it."

"I'm fine." I say, my voice cracking a bit.

"Alex... Everyone is out their with their parents and you're in here alone. I know you're the exact opposite of fine." He says, trying not to sound nasty or rub in my face that my parents are long gone. I try to blink back my tears but they slip out. "Baby... Come here."

He pulls me into a hug and I hold him tightly, tears finally falling. He rubs my back and I find myself heavily breathing.

"Calm down, Lex. Your anxiety will get the best of you." He says. I nod and rest my head on his shoulder, tears still streaming down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Lexxy. I'm always here when you need me. I'll always be here. I'm never leaving you."

"That's what everyone says." I cry. He shakes his head.

"I'm not just saying that, Alex. I mean it. I swear to god I mean it." Jack says. I sigh. "Never once have I regretted loving you. I don't know how I fell so hard for you. There's something about you that draws me in; makes me love you more."

"That I'm broken and need pity." I sigh.

"No." He says. That surprises me and he can see it. "That you're stronger than you think. You're strong. Yes you've cut; yes you starved, but that makes you even more perfect. I will never regret falling so hard in love with you." He says.

He pushes me away so he can look at me. He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me, pulling me close to him so our chests are touching. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss back. We pull away and he smiles.

"I love you so much, Lexxy." He says. I smile.

"I love you too." I say. He smiles.

"Come on." He says, taking my hand. He leads me into the living room and everyone hugs me. I, being confused, just stand there.

"What... Why is everyone hugging me?" I ask.

"We're sorry about your mother." Mrs. Merrick says. Everyone breaks away and Mr. Dawson and Mr. Merrick pat my back.

"To be fair she was a jerk." Mrs. Dawson says.

"Mom." Rian groans, sitting on the couch.

"Don't worry about it... it's true anyway." I sigh, sitting on the couch

"Alex." Jack sighs, sitting next to me.

"You know why! You were there!" I almost shout. Jack nods and pulls me onto his lap, rubbing my back to calm me down.

"I know, I'm sorry." He says, kissing my cheek. I just sigh.

"So, meeting!" Mrs. Barakat says, clapping her hands together.

Everyone sits and Jack takes my hand. We talk it out and talk about all the good things and the bad things that could happen where Rian, Zack, Jack and I just groan as they come up with stupid reasons why we should and shouldn't go through with it.

"Mom, c'mon. We really wanted this. I didn't get a ton a sleep because I had to work for the money for that gig that gave us this opportunity! I fell asleep at school FOR this! You can't tell me I can't do this!" Jack shouts.

I look at him shocked at how he's yelling at his mom. Brings back memories of Tom screaming at my mom every night and flashbacks go through my head. I'm more fragile than ever. Every little thing reminds me of something my mom did; Tom did; my dad did. Everything. I'm so lost and confused. I close my eyes and rest my head on Jack's shoulder, my thoughts giving me a headache.

"Sorry, mom... I just... I really... Really want this." He says. His mom nods.

"We all do." Rian says. I feel a tear slip through my closed eyes. "And from what I can tell, Alex will need it as an escape."

I forgot... They dont know I cut...

I feel Jack's eyes on me and slowly open my eyes. My throat starts to close and I bite my lip.

"Excuse me a minute." I say politely, trying not to cry right now.

I run out of the house into the cold air. I cross my arms over my chest and shiver, tears falling.

~Jack~

I watch as my boyfriend runs out of the house, slamming the door.

"We need to do this mom... No one understands how important this is to him, but me. This isn't a yes or no. It's a yes. We're going through with it. He needs this." I say, before running out the door after him. I hear Rian and Zack following and ignore them.

I shiver at the sudden blast of cold wind as I run down the street after Alex. I catch up to him and grab him jacket. He shrieks before he turns his head to see me. I pull him into my chest and he bursts into tears. I kneel down on the cold sidewalk and Rian and Zack come up to us and rest hands on our backs.

"Shh... Lex... We're here." I say. I sit with my legs crossed and pull him into my lap. "C'mon Lex. Let's go back to my house." I stand and he stays on the ground.

He looks up at me eyes red and puffy and his face tear stained. My heart just broke. I pick him up and carry him bridal style. His arms hang loosely around my neck and his head rests on my shoulder.

"Alex are you okay?" Rian asks. Alex stays quiet, his eyes shut. Rian looks at me and I sigh and shake my head slightly. "We're going to make this happen Alex. We don't care what the adults say."

"Good." Alex mutters quietly. We get to my house and I sit on the porch steps. Alex sits next to me and Rian and Zack sit around us.

We sit there a few hours talking and trying to cheer Alex up. It just barely works. Rian and Zack leave and I'm left with Alex on the porch alone. My mom comes out with a heavy blanket and hot chocolate.

"Are you coming in soon?"

"Just a few more minutes." I say.

She nods and I pull the blanket over us. Alex's head is on my shoulder and he's just staring down the street across from my house that goes to the busy street. I take the hot chocolate and she heads inside.

I hand it to Alex and he just nods, taking the hot beverage and staring at bus liquid inside the mug. I sigh as I see his depressed face.

"Baby... what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He says softly. I sigh and kiss his temple.

"Lex." I say. He just sighs.

After his breakdown today, I've been more worried than ever. What's going through his head right now? My Lex is hurting and won't open up. What if this leads to him cutting again? I can't let that happen. Not again.

i drape my arm around his shoulders and he looks up at me with wide innocent eyes.

"I... I don't want to be here anymore."

"We're leaving soon, trust me."

"Not that way." He sighs. That's when it hits me.

He wants to die...

Notes

I really like this chapter...
Tell me what you think! Thanks!
check out my story Stop This Pain Tonight.
Comment
Rate
subscribe.
-Jenna
title credit: With You Around; Yellowcard