Shit shit shit shit. What do I say? Should I deny it? Yeah I should defiantly deny it, “N-no,” I stutter out. Smooth one Alex, now he defiantly wont think your crazy, normal people fuck up one worded sentences all the time. Why am I such a fucking idiot? He gives me a look that says “Don't fucking lie to me, I'm not stupid” so I give up, I put my head down and simply nod. Great, now he'll think I'm crazy, he'll never talk to me again, he'll tell the whole school, he'll try and make me stop, I don't want to stop. I start violently shaking and tears begin to well up in my eyes. I blink as hard as I can, I am not about to cry in front of Jack, I don't cry in front of people. I never cry why am I crying?!

“Hey, hey calm down,” he says and wraps his arms around me, “I'm not gonna tell anyone and I'm not gonna make you stop.”

I look up at him with pleading eyes. Please don't be lying to me Jack, I'm begging you don't mess with me. I cant reply because my breathing is still way faster than normal.

“Its not that I don't want you to stop, because it kinda kills me that you'd do this, but it'd be a little hypocritical to tell you to, and I understand,” he looks down at me and gives me a sad smile.

“What... hypocritical? Jack do you...?” I begin, my breathing slowing enough to speak again.

He nods his head and rolls up his sleeve to show me exactly what I expected to be there. His arms were covered in pink scars and fresh cuts mingling on his pale skin. I lightly place my fingers over them trying to be gentle, and trace each one.

“C-can I see,” there's no hint of a smile on Jacks face anymore and he's beginning to shake too. I nod and roll up my sleeve to show the scars and cuts where my bracelets usually are, and then a little farther to show the 7 new cuts from last night. “Is this all... please say this is all,” his voice breaks on the end.

“Uh- um no, I, um my hips too... most are on my hips” I slur my words together.

“Oh,” Is all Jack replies with, darting his eyes down to my arm.

“You?” I ask him quietly.

“Um there's some on my thighs too but not as much.” he keeps his eyes on my arm the whole time he speaks.

After about a minute of staring at each others arm, I finally break it with a question, “Do maybe wanna spend the night?” its Friday because our school started on a Thursday, I guess trying to 'ease us into it.' It didn't work I'm not eased.

“Yeah,” he mumbles mindlessly still a little enthralled by the scars on my arm.

“So do you maybe wanna text your mom then? You can eat dinner here and I'll take you to get your bag later...” I suggested desperately trying to distract myself and him from what was on the others arm.

He quickly nods his head and looks up at me, pulling my sleeve down in the process, “That'd be awesome, I'll text her,” he smiles at me, but its obviously forced.
Just as he gets a text from his mom saying its okay, I get one from mine saying I'm on my own for dinner. Ugh, typical, it seems like we rarely ever eat dinner together anymore. I'm really not in the mood for freezer food so I figure we can go get some fast food or something.
“Do you wanna get some Taco Bell or somethin',” I ask Jack, showing him the text.

“Ooo yeah, but I'm paying 'cause you payed for breakfast,” he states and puts his hand up before I can argue, “Ah ah I insist,” he says with I wink, so I just smile and nod.

I'm really glad we can forget about the whole self-harm thing for a little bit because I'm really not in the mood to talk about it right now. I will ask Jack about it later though because I really need to know why he does it.

I jump up and slip my shoes on shouting “I'll race you!” behind me. Jack gets up and practically flings him self at my door and pushes me into a wall behind him. “Oh no you don't!” He yells back running for the stairs. I catch him at the door, both fumbling with the handle and pushing each other out of the way until it opens. We both fall out the door and kick it behind us as I sprint to touch the car, barely pushing him out of the way and touching my hand on the hood.

“HA! I WIN!” I shout, I'm an incredibly competitive person, so this makes me unnecessarily excited. I do a little victory dance and strut over to the drivers door.
“What ever, you cheated...” Jack grumbles, crossing his arms, trying to act angry, but I see a smile edge its way onto his mouth. “I'd like to edge my way onto his mouth.” Oh my my god did I really just think that, I mentally slap myself, I'm so stupid.
“Did not! I just rock,” I declare with a smug smile.

**
I open the door to my bed room again and plop down on my floor and begin to pull out our food. I just went through the drive through because its always way to loud in those restaurants and I hate having to yell over people. Jack got the same thing as me, Nachos Bellgrande with no tomatoes and 2 hard tacos, so I handed him the first one I grabbed.

“What's your favorite color?” I randomly ask Jack after a few minutes of silence.

“Umm, black I guess. Why?”

I shurg, “I dunno, just kinda wondered.”

“What about you Mr. Gaskarth, whats your favorite color?” he retorts with a sly grin.

“Same as you Mr. Barakat,” I reply in the same tone.

Next thing I know, the chip I was bringing towards my face is smashed into my cheek. “YOU BITCH!” I yell at jack lunging forward, grabbing his wrist and pushing it forward, successfully causing the chip in his hand to smash against his shirt.

It turned into an all out food war, me pressing my entire plate of nachos on Jacks chest and him in turn throwing his taco onto my stomach. Before I knew it we were nacho-less and covered in American-Mexican food, “I'm still hungry,” I whine, but giggle at the same time, “I'm ordering Chinese,” I look up at Jack to make sure that's okay, and laugh a little when I see him. He's covered in sour cream and taco meat and has a piece of cheese hanging on his nose. I cant help my self, I lean forward on my tiptoes and grab the cheese off his nose with my teeth.

“Hey!” he slaps my away.

“What?” I try to sound innocent. I look at Jack through my eyelashes, trying to add to the innocence, and see his face is a deep shade of red and cheeks pulled with a large smile.
“Oh you know what,” Jack laughs at me, “and yeah Chinese is cool.”

I finish the order on my computer and me and Jack go back to the x-box before it gets here.
**

We managed to finish our full meal this time around, and afterwords I ran Jack to his place and he got a bag to stay the night. Now we were lying on my bed both sporting over sized shirts and PJ pants (his were plaid, mine had skulls) and watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. It was one of my favorite movies, so when I found out Jack liked it I couldn't wait to watch it. We both have short sleeves on seeing as we don't really have anything to hide anymore. I let my eyes drift to Jack's scar covered arm. Some may think it was ugly or made him less beautiful, but it was completely opposite in my mind. He seemed more real, and yeah maybe it made me feel less fucked up, yet it still absolutely crushed me to know he did that to himself.

I make the rash decision to place my head on Jacks chest and curl up against his side. He stiffens a little at my sudden presence but soon relaxes and sinks into me, wrapping his arms around my body.

The movie is coming to and end when I finally whisper, “Jack, why do you cut?”

He isn't as surprised by the question as I expected, and I only hear his heart beat a little faster against my chest, “You'll think I'm stupid,” he whispers.

“Of course I wont,” I reassure him and wind my fingers with his.

“Um well at first I kinda just wanted to see if I could do it, like it fixed other peoples problems, Why not mine? But then I actually liked it which was weird, but yanno. Um I don't really have any 'real' problems I guess,” he pulls one hand up to for air quotes, “but just little things, I don't have many friends, but I'm not bullied, my dad wasn't super supportive when I came out, but he didn't leave and he still loves me... I don't know, I'm pretty pathetic” he trails off.

I was a little shocked, his thoughts mirrored mine almost perfectly, “Your not pathetic, I'm the same way. I just wanted to see if I could and then I liked it and now I feel stupid because I have a fine life.”

“Oh,” is all he says back

I snuggle up against his body and turn off the TV. It was almost 2:30 am and I was tired so I let out a big yawn and placed my head in the crook of Jacks neck before kissing it lightly, saying “Night night Jacky,” and drifting into a peaceful sleep.

Notes

There isn't much to say about this chapter, but its getting a little Jalexy :D

Thank you so much for reading <3 I love you guys