“Really?” Jack asks in an excited tone.

“Yeah of course,” I say with a huge smile

“Okay, I'd love to,” His smile grows, making my heart flutter in my chest.

I walk up to my car and unlock the doors, crawling into the drivers seat and starting the car. I remove my Enema of the State disk and replace it with Green Days “Dookie.” I leave the volume low enough for us to continue our previous conversation about guitar. Turns out the first song Jack could play all the way through on guitar was I Miss You by Blink 182 (I for some reason think it's okay to mention that song makes me cry,) while mine was Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus. The conversation soon died out and I let my thoughts wander to my guitar skills.

I may be able to play guitar, but if I'm completely honest I'm pretty crap at it. It's the only thing I can do and I still suck at it. I'm pathetic really, I can only play crappy covers of pop-punk bands and have like one original song. I can barely sing for shit. The only thing I have in my life is really just a cop-out, a lame escape from the real world, unrealistic dreams that will never become anything. Might as well not try...

“Alex?” I hear Jacks voice break through my thoughts.

“Hmm, yeah?” I shake my head and glance over at Jack, blinking back the tears that are starting to well up. Why am I crying, dammit. I look down and notice I had been scratching the skin off the side of my thumb too. I pat it on the edge of my pants as it was beginning to bleed

“You okay? You kinda spaced out”

“Oh, what? Yeah yeah I'm cool,” I stutter out.

Luckily Jack doesn't push the subject and I pull into my driveway. I lead Jack through my door and into my kitchen.

“Want anything to eat?” I look up at him from my spot at the fridge, already digging around for food. He looks so uncomfortable, like one usually is the first time at another's house. He's playing with his fingers, and I swear I see a flash of red as he pushes his hair out of his eyes, but he quickly pulls his sleeve over his hand again.

“Um sure, I'll just have whatever your having,” his voice is a little stiff so I give him a comforting smile and pull two water bottles out of the fridge and then walk over to the pantry and grab two bags of honey mustard and onion pretzels holding them up silently asking “these okay?”

“Dude those are like the tears of Jesus! Oh my god I love them,” he says grabbing the bag out of my hand.

“Tears of Jesus?” I laugh out.

“Yup.” Is all he says, mouth already full of pretzels.

I laugh again because he's just so cute, and lightly grab his hand, leading him to my room. Jack stiffens a little when I first grab his hand, but he quickly relaxes into it. Shoots of electricity run through my body as our skin touches and I can't help but hope he feels it too.

I sit on my bed and he takes in my room. Dark blue walls covered in posters, full bed pushed into the corner, TV on the opposite wall. His eyes land on the two guitars in the corner next to my dresser, one electric, one acoustic.

“Can I..” he says gesturing towards the guitars.

“Of course,” I say with a smile. I don't really know why because nobody touches my guitar, but I really want to see him play.

He plays a few random chords on my acoustic before playing “I Don't Care” by Fall Out Boy.

“Have you seen the video for that?” I ask as he stops playing at the chorus.

He shakes his head

“Dude you need to, it's hilarious, come here,” I say opening up my laptop and going to YouTube, “Not to mention Pete looks really hot in red jeans.”

“Wait, are you gay?” Jack asks looking at me. My eyes get big. Shit I forgot he didn't know. Most of the school knows, and they're okay with it, I never get beat up or anything. Although I do occasionally get told that God can save me by the religious kids. Oh my God I hope Jack doesn't mind.

“Oh um.. yeah,” I quickly look down and play with my fingers.

“Me too,” I can here the smile in his voice. I look up and see him blushing, cheeks pulled taut with the beautiful smile he's giving me.

“Cool,” I breath out smiling bigger than I have in as long as I can remember, a real one for once.
I see him turn and even darker shade of red, so I start the video to save him from physically turning into a tomato.

---

After a few hours of mindless conversation Jack finally asks the question I've been hoping not to hear all night.

“So what really happened in the car, I know it wasn't nothing,”

“Oh um..” I trail off trying to make a decision on what to say, tell the truth or lie? I decide for somewhere in between, “I sometimes think to much and space out, its no big deal.”

He nods a little but I can tell he doesn't completely buy it, and we go back to watching Peter Pan. Occasionally giving a comment about the movie or something completely unrelated.

Around 5:30 he has to go home for dinner so I drive him home, luckily not spacing off this time. I found out today that Jack is gay, that doesn't mean he likes me, but at least I know. Now I just need to find out if he cuts or not. I doubt it. I bet its just me being fucked up and wanting someone else to be somewhat as fucked up as me.

I wave goodbye as he steps out of the car and I remind him that I'll pick him up in the morning. He said earlier that he couldn't drive to school because his car broke down last week and he doesn't have the money to fix it and he hates buses because of all the people yelling on top of each other, so he just walked. The walk is like 20 minutes and I could just as easily drive him, so I told him then that I would.

As he closes the door the sleeve on his hoodie rides up a little bit but not quiet enough, and he quickly pulls it down. There's no way he's cold, its 91 degrees outside, how is he not dying?

All I can think on the drive home it how much I don't want Jack to cut himself. I don't really know why. How come I can easily do this to myself, but as soon as someone else might, my heart breaks? It's just become normal for me. I've done this so long, not seeing those scars would be weird. I don't do it because I'm depressed, or numb or any typical reason like that. I simply like the pain, and I guess that's abnormal. I wonder why Jack does, if he does. Is he depressed? Or is he the same as me? He seemed to have some social anxiety, I have that too, but its not the reason I cut. Maybe his anxiety goes beyond that. Panic attacks? I'm starting to worry myself, so I quickly turn on the music and try to focus as hard as I could on my driving. Not letting myself worry too much. Maybe I'll ask him once we get closer, if we get closer. I hope we get closer.

Notes

Hey! So im putting up 2 chapters in one day because im super excited for this story. Im horrible though, so this probably wont become a normal thing. I also dont really know what im doing with this story, but im sure it'll become something.

**Thank you so much for reading <3**