The next morning I peel my eyes open to see sun light poring through my blinds and skunk hair sprawled out on my pillow. Upon seeing the sun light I snap up, realizing that I must have woken up late for school. I look at my alarm clock to see it read 10:14 am meaning I was almost 3 hours late, there was no way that my mom hadn't noticed. I pick up my phone to see text from none other than my mother saying that me and Jack have the day off school because of the snow.

The snow? I jump up out of bed and pull open my blinds, earning an annoyed groan from Jack. My lips peel open in a smile at the sight before me. There’s a think layer of snow on top of everything, at least an inch deep. It's only December, but there's Baltimore for you. That's also when I realize the exact date, December 9th, that means its been exactly 4 months since Jack walked into my math class. Only 4 months yet he has me quickly falling for him, one could even say plummeting. I feel like its been a lot longer than that, after all I've spent nearly everyday with him for the past 4 months. That's 122 days with one person, and when I word it like that it makes so much more since that I could be so close to loving him.

“It snowed,” I barely whisper at the just woken up Jack before throwing on a pair of sweats, my vans and a t-shirt and running out into the front yard. I hear Jack scramble out of the bed behind me but I ignore it and sprint to the yard. I flop onto the ground and let the snow soak my shirt, chilling me to the bone, so cold it hurts, and let a smile stretch its way to my ears.

“What the fuck Alex, your gonna get hypothermia! Are you crazy?” Jack yells after he finally gets outside, dressed in PJ pants and a hoodie.

I giggle slightly, “It makes me feel alive.”

I see Jack frown slightly before walking over to me and holding out his hand to get me up. I grab it and as he starts to pull me up I jump into his arms, almost knocking us both down. Still giggling like an idiot I nuzzle my nose into his neck.

“You make me feel alive,” I whisper into his skin, placing a light kiss where my breath landed.

“That's really sweet Alex, but can we go inside?”

“Shh,” I hush him and pull him closer, closing my eyes and laying my ear against his chest listening to his heart thump in his chest. Bump bump bump.

Jack kisses the top of my head before mumbling in my hair, “You're fucking crazy.”

Seeing as Jack doesn't really like the cold and he's beginning to violently shake beneath me, I grab his hand a pull him inside. Jack follows with no resistance when I pull him up stairs and into the bath room. I turn on the shower so it's comfortably warm and begin to strip of my clothes before stepping in and waiting for Jack to follow. He does, and when he steps in there's still a small frown on his face.

I spin around so that I'm facing him and my hands are on his chest. I trace my thumb along his pouting bottom lip, “Whats wrong?”

He sighs and pushes my wet hair out of my face before answering, “You shouldn't need to be in pain too feel alive.”

I nod a slightly, I guess he has a valid point, “I know but that's how things work sometimes, but it's okay because you make me feel alive too,” I smile up at him.

He smiles back and then spins me so my back is facing him and begins to scrub my hair with shampoo. I return the favor and we have an almost innocent shower together with only sloppy kisses shared under the warm water.

I grab us each a fluffy towel and we dry and dress in PJ pants and oversized t-shirts before heading downstairs and on to the couch. I let Jack pick the movie so I was of course stuck watching Home Alone yet again, but I didn't mind much because it made Jack happy and it was absolutely adorable when he mouthed the words along with the movie.

About thirty minutes in to the movie Jack looked up at me and the cute smile faded from his face. He reached a hand up and pushed my fringe out of my eyes before placing a light kiss to my cheek and letting his eyes move back to the TV. I am about to ask him what it was for until I feel his fingers begin to lightly trace the exposed scars on my hip bone.

“Has it really only been four months?” Jack asks quietly.

“One hundred and twenty-two days,” I answered.

“I feel like it's been so much longer,” Jack trails off lightly.

“Me too,”

“Why don't you feel alive Alex?” he asks sadly while continuing to trace my hip.

“I don't know Jack, but I promise I'm working on it,”

“I don't want to loose you,”

“I know and I promise that I won't ever do that now that I know what it feels like,” now its my turn to trail off in uncertainty.

“I'm so sorry I did that to you Lex,” Jack's voice breaks on the end and I can see tears beginning to well in his eyes.

“Hey no, don't apologize, it could have been either one of us and trust me I was so close my self, and mine wouldn't have been accidental.”

“What do you mean?” his thick eye brows knit themselves together and I can't resist the urge to kiss in between them.

“Jack, I've wanted to kill my self for months, but I won't, I know I won't.”

“Promise me?”

“I promise Jack,” I really hope that's a promise I can keep.

Notes

im the worst

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