Everything was silent. I wanted to move, or speak, but my body was paralyzed by fear. When Alex had first spoken to me, telling me that he was willing to do the interview, I couldn't breathe. Charlotte had to speak for me, informing Matt that "she was going to pull something out of her ass," in the room the men had locked themselves in. She nearly had to drag Matt with her so she could shut the door, leaving me to face Alexander William all on my own.



The ugly room seemed too small, even smaller than before. Alex hadn't moved from his spot. He stood there, tall and stern, waiting on me to begin the interview, but his cold face prevented me from doing anything. What was it I intended to say to him if he had stopped for me while I was in the crowd? I was so foolish.



"Jenna," Alex broke the silence, stepping closer to me. I could feel shivers shoot down my spine. "What are you doing here? Why did you take this job?"



"I-I didn't have a choice," my words were rushed. I almost forgot how to speak. "My boss threatened to fire me if I didn't."



"So you had absolutely no desire to throw the past in our faces?"



"Alex, you know me better than that. I left so that you and Jack could recover and have the life you always dreamed of."



"Really? Because the last time I checked, I was dreaming of a life with you!"



"Don't yell at me, Alex," I choked out. "You think I don't spend every single day of my life regretting the fact that I left?"



"Not even close," he spat, a smug grin on his face. "You left because the thrill of our relationship was over."



"No." My voice was growing stronger, I was finding confidence in my words. "I left because I loved you enough to let you go."



Silence filled my ears again. Even with venom dripping from his lips, Alexander Gaskarth was just as lovely as he ever was. I could feel the passion pumping through my viens. I wondered if he felt it, too, the fire we used to have. Even with all the years that flew right by, I found myself feeling the way I felt in Jack's kitchen all that time ago, when Alex and I had our first real argument. It was short lived, because he cut me off with his lips. I wanted nothing more than for him to do that again. Make me whole again.



"Let's just do this damn thing," Alex grumbled, his cheast rising and falling heavily. For a moment, I could have sworn I saw the temptation in his eyes.



"I don't even know what to ask you," I shot back, feeling like my old self again. The Jenna that captured everyone's hearts. "Honestly, I don't listen to your music. I don't keep up with you. I don't know the first thing there is to know about All Time Low."



"You know we're a bunch of assholes," Alex flashed that crooked grin he always used to wear. "You know us better than anyone else."



"I used to, maybe. But that was before you decided you couldn't keep it in your pants."



"Oh, so now it's all my fault?" Alex laughed through gritted teeth. He started pacing back and forth, the way he had on the night we got caught. "You're the one who cheated on Jack."



"And you're the one I did it with. Being his best friend clearly didn't mean a lot to you back then, and now that I think about it, Lisa didn't either. So yeah, I guess you are a bunch of assholes."



"What? Are you still jealous that everyone got their happily-ever-after? Everyone but you, that is."



"That is so funny," I stiffed a laugh, feeling my love for Alex being brutally murdered by hate. "Because my boss informed me today that I shouldn't mention Lisa's name, what with the break-up and all."



"You haven't heard?" Alex challenged me, the hate in his eyes steadily matching my own. "I found another girl to fuck her over with."



"Mm, because that's all your good for, isn't it, Alex? Dragging other people down, making sure they're just as miserable as you are in your pathetic excuse for a life."



"You didn't seem so miserable," Alex stood pacing, just a few inches from my own body. It'd been so long since I'd been this close to him, he seemed to tower over me. I could see the lines in his face, the years had certainly had an effect on him.



"I was young and dumb, Gaskarth," I smirked, suddenly feeling my heart beating faster. I watched his lips curl into a smile. Was it possible that deep down inside, we were both still young and dumb? The same careless teenagers we used to be? "You had me wrapped around your finger."



"And I still do."

"So tell me," I stepped away from his body so that my back was facing him. "Why'd you go back to her?"

"Who, Lisa?" I could hear the smile in his voice. "Why did I always go back to her, Jenna?"

"I don't know, because you love her?"

"Yeah, a part of me loves her," I could hear his shoes his the ground. He was gaining on me. "But I always went back to her because I couldn't have you."

"So what about this new girl?"

Our bodies were inches apart, once again. All emotion had left Alex's face. He was pale, and his chocolate orbs were burning holes in mybody. My heart began to race again. Everything he was feeling was coming through his eyes, and the boy refused to blink. I could feel my head start to spin again as I stared into them- I was drifing back into the cold Baltimore air, the snow steadily falling from the sky. His hot breath reminded me of how warm his car felt when I slid into the seat, trying desperately not to be seen. My body began to shake. I swore I could feel his hands on my thigh.

"She was just a fling. Another meaningless fling."

"Then what was I?"

"The one," Alex breathed. His eyes finally closed, but his breath became heavy. "I let you slip right out of my fingers, and my dumbass spent all these years writing you songs, and you never even listened to them."

"Isn't that kind of sick? Writing songs about me with Jack?"

"He thought they were all for Lisa," Alex confessed, tearing his body away from mine. "Jack has never been the smartest kid."

"That's rude," I chewed on my lip. I could still hear Jack's voice screaming at me through my phone. Give Alex my regards. "You and I weren't that smart, either."

"Love makes you do stupid shit, Jenna."

We locked eyes once more. Why did he have to be so perfect? His way with words, his face, his body; everything about me pulled me in, all the way down to his scent and the way he wore his clothes. Alexander Gaskarth was like a sickness. You can fight him off for a while, but he always comes back. He'll always be that little voice inside of your head that keeps you up at night, or keeps you wishing that you had a rewind button in life.

Alex was my definition of nostalgia. I wanted to go back, back to the lying and the heartache, just so I could call him mine again.

"Alex," I was pulled from my thoughts. By the door stood the one person who could bring me back into reality, the one person who could make me wish I never even lived those days with Alex. Jack Barakat shot me a glance, but quickly averted his gaze and cleared his throat. "The photographer is ready for you now."

"But what about my interview?"

"I guess," Jack sighed, his pale face looked sickly as he found the courage to speak. "I guess I'll do it."

Notes

I have had no motivation to update this story, so when I thought about dancing and singing into my hairbrush, I realized that I should probably do something about that. Feed me motivation? (:<3.