Chased by the Past
I love you, no matter what (Jack POV)
I felt numb. Alex had been cutting in high-school already, and I had never even noticed that something was wrong. He had lied to me so many times. But I wasn’t really mad at him, I just felt hurt, like a tiny splinter had been put into my heart.
“But Alex, why did you never tell me? I thought you trusted me!” I said calmly, but with a tiny edge which I hoped Alex could hear. He could. “I am so sorry Jack! I wanted to tell you so many times but I thought you’d leave me. Because who wants to be with a fuck up like me?”
“Alex. To make this clear, once and for all, I love you. I will never leave you. I am hurt that you lied to me, but I can see you were and are way more hurting and scared than I am now. I will help you in any way I can. Understood?” – “But…” – “No buts. I love you.” With this, I kissed Alex on his lips, shutting him up. I then nudged him in the ribs and demanded space in the bed. He made some space, just enough for me to snuggle against his back. I began to slowly trail my hands up and down his spine, because I knew how much he loved backrubs.
His body began to shake, just a tiny bit at first, but as the tears made their way out it became more and more. I hugged him from behind and held him close. “Shh, no, my baby dandelion, it’s all going to be alright. We will make it through this together. I love you.” Some more minutes later, he fell asleep, and I soon followed him to the land of dreams.
I woke up with a start. I didn’t know what time it was. I turned around, trying to look at the alarm clock on my bedside table. When there was neither a clock nor a bedside table, but Alex, I slowly remembered what had been going on. The show. Alex passing out. The blood. His cut-up body. The hospital. I held back from crying as I was reminded of my own past, and the hardships I had been through. I knew it wasn’t fair to not tell Alex, but he had so many problems himself that I didn’t want to burden him with mine. I tried to go back to sleep, and after a long time finally found rest from the memories haunting me.
“But Alex, why did you never tell me? I thought you trusted me!” I said calmly, but with a tiny edge which I hoped Alex could hear. He could. “I am so sorry Jack! I wanted to tell you so many times but I thought you’d leave me. Because who wants to be with a fuck up like me?”
“Alex. To make this clear, once and for all, I love you. I will never leave you. I am hurt that you lied to me, but I can see you were and are way more hurting and scared than I am now. I will help you in any way I can. Understood?” – “But…” – “No buts. I love you.” With this, I kissed Alex on his lips, shutting him up. I then nudged him in the ribs and demanded space in the bed. He made some space, just enough for me to snuggle against his back. I began to slowly trail my hands up and down his spine, because I knew how much he loved backrubs.
His body began to shake, just a tiny bit at first, but as the tears made their way out it became more and more. I hugged him from behind and held him close. “Shh, no, my baby dandelion, it’s all going to be alright. We will make it through this together. I love you.” Some more minutes later, he fell asleep, and I soon followed him to the land of dreams.
I woke up with a start. I didn’t know what time it was. I turned around, trying to look at the alarm clock on my bedside table. When there was neither a clock nor a bedside table, but Alex, I slowly remembered what had been going on. The show. Alex passing out. The blood. His cut-up body. The hospital. I held back from crying as I was reminded of my own past, and the hardships I had been through. I knew it wasn’t fair to not tell Alex, but he had so many problems himself that I didn’t want to burden him with mine. I tried to go back to sleep, and after a long time finally found rest from the memories haunting me.
Notes
Hey :)Have some fluffyJalex things c:
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-Laura
@captainanalbead
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4/18/14