I go back to school today. Zack said everyone knows because there was an assembly about it. So that's it. I'm back to being the freak. Except this time, I have a friend to stick up for me, so Adam doesn't have to.
"Em, Zack's here. You ready?" Adam asked.
“Yeah, let's go” I said. Mum and Dad haven't spoken in since yesterday morning and me and Mum haven't spoken in days. Me and Adam climbed into Zack's car and we set off.
"You ready for today?" Zack asked.
"Not in the slightest" I replied.
"It'll be fine Lauren, you've got me and Zack and we'll help you through it" Adam said.
"Thanks guys"

We got to school and Adam got out and ran over to his friends. Zack put his hand on my knee and I looked up at him.
“When you said you loved me the other day, it put me on cloud nine. So I'm going to do everything I can today to make it easy for you. I love you Emma” He said. I leaned over and kissed him.
"I love you too Zack"
"And to think you wanted nothing to do with me at first" He laughed.
"What was I thinking?" I laughed along. Zack knew just how to take me away from reality and to a place where it was just me and him, and that's one of the many reasons why I love him.
“Come on, we better get to class” He said. I sighed and got out of the car. Zack took my hand in his and we walked to English.

Thankfully, we were 2 of the first people there so I didn't have to cope with people staring.
"Ah, Emma. Can I talk to you for a sec?" Miss Main asked. I nodded and walked over to her desk.
"I just wanted you to know that if you're stressed and can't meet any deadlines, don't worry about it, okay?" She said quietly so only I could hear.
"I appreciate that, Miss, but you really don't need to give me special treatment" I replied.
"I know, I just don't want you to get too stressed out" She smiled. I walked away and took my seat next to Zack. We watched everyone pile into the classroom, each person noticing I was there and started whispering and giggling to their friends.
"I'm a freak" I muttered.
"No you're not, Em. They're just idiots" Zack replied.
"I just wish they'd stop whispering" I said. Class started then and I didn't really pay attention. We were working on another Shakespeare play that I studied last year.

In the middle of class, Miss Main had to leave for 5 minutes and the whispers started again. I heard my name mentioned rather loudly and as I looked up, Alex was walking over. Zack sat forward defensively.
"So Emma, wanna go out some time? I've always wanted to date a freak." Alex said. I went to speak, but Zack beat me to it.
"She's not a freak, Alex. And she's already got a boyfriend, so leave her alone" Zack said.
"Oh really? Be you're jealous" Alex said to Zack.
"Why would I be jealous?" Zack asked.
"Wait, are you two like a couple?" Alex asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, now shove off" I said.
"Thanks for sticking up for me, Zack" I said. He pecked me on the lips and smiled at me.
"Anything to make you happy" Zack said.
"Ew, why would Zack wanna date a freak like Emma? I personally find it gross" Brylee Thompson said. That one hurt, a lot. Zack opened his mouth to speak but I put my hand on his shoulder and told him not to bother. Zack didn't need to get caught up in all of this.
"Leave us alone, Brylee" I sighed.
“Or what? You'll try and kill yourself again? It'd be better off that way” She smirked. I glared at her and felt my eyes fill with tears. I grabbed my bag and walked over to the door, Miss Main was on her way back in but I just pushed past her and carried on walking.
“Emma come back!” She shouted. I spun round so I was facing her.
“Why? So they can keep calling me a freak? You know, I wish it worked, it would've been so much easier for everyone that way” I said then turned around and carried on walking. I heard Miss Main's footsteps running after me, she grabbed me by the arm and spun me around.
“I know how it feels to be so isolated and for everyone to think you're a freak. I know its hard getting over failed suicide attempts. I know its hard having a Mum that doesn't care, I know its hard dealing with self harm but everyone goes through something in their lives, and with luck, you'll get through to the other side just like I did” She said. I looked at her in shock. She went through all this too? No, she's the happiest person ever, always smiling, always happy, you'd never have thought it.
"You tried to kill yourself?" I whispered.
She sighed and nodded. “Yeah, back in high school, it was a dark time, but here I am. I thought I wouldn't make it, that is would never get better, but it did. You can do it too Emma, I believe in you, Zack believes in you, your brother and father believe in you. Just please don't give up” She said.
"Wow. But you're so happy" I said, still shocked.
"That's because it gets better. Now, lets get back to class and show them you're stronger than they think." She said. We smiled at each other and walked back in. I took my seat next to Zack and let my mind wonder for the rest of the lesson.

I walked out of my fourth lesson and made my way to the lunch hall to meet Zack and Adam.
“So how was your day?” Adam asked. I looked nervously at Zack and Adam sighed.
“I got called a freak again, and that it would've been better if it worked” I said.
“Oh Emma, you know that's not true” Adam said and pulled me into a hug. I pulled out of the hug a few seconds later and Zack put his arm around me.
“I'd be lost without you two” I smiled at them.
"Well we're not going anywhere any time soon" Zack smiled. For the rest of lunch, we laughed and joked but I couldn't help but notice Alex watching me from a distance. When me and Zack made our way to our last lesson, I spoke up about it.
"Alex was watching us all lunch, he looked... I don't know, hurt, I think." I said and Zack looked down at me with worry written all over his face. "What aren't you telling me, Zack?" I asked.
“Alex thought it was his fault you tried to kill yourself. He was crying every day until you came back, he felt so bad about himself.” Zack explained.
Then why was he so rude to me this morning?" I asked.
"Because it's Alex. And that's the only way Alex knows how to show his emotions" Zack shrugged. I made a mental note to talk to Alex at some point. We walked into class and sat down. Yeah, I enjoyed music, but right now I just wanted to get out of here.

“That was the most boring lesson ever. I hate having cover teachers” Zack moaned as we made our way out to his car. Adam was already there waiting for us.
“How was the rest of your day?” He asked as we all climbed in.
“It was alright, oh and Adam, don't tell Dad that today didn't go smoothly. He's got enough to worry about” I said.
“I wont, as long as you tell me or Zack every time someone says anything about the attempt” He replied.
“Will do, thanks Ads” I said.
“I never got to ask, how are things with your Mum?” Zack asked.
“Not good. Adam's the only one she'll talk to” I said.
“I just can't believe she made that book” Adam said.
“Neither can I. I just don't understand why she hates me so much” I sighed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zack look in the rear view mirror at Adam.
“Alright, what's going on here?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” Adam asked.
“I saw the look you gave each other. Now spill. Why does Mum hate me so much?” I asked.
“Well, at the hospital, when we were um, waiting to see if you'd wake up, she started going on about how she just wanted perfect kids and she's um, well, jealous of you. She didn’t have a great start in life with her Dad and all, and she tried to give you a good start but you have anxiety and all that” Adam explained. I knew all about how Mum's Dad used to hit Mum. He died a few years back, but we didn't go to his funeral. He was already dead and buried in her eyes.
"That still doesn't justify what she did" I said bluntly.
"Why do you think we're all on your side for this?" Zack smiled at me.
“Awh I love you Zacky” I said.
“I love you too Em” He said.
“Ew keep all the lovey dovey stuff for when you're alone thanks” Adam said, causing me and Zack to laugh.

Zack dropped us off and me and Adam walked in to find Mum and Dad arguing.
“Whoa, what's all this about?” Adam asked.
“Go to your room kids” Mum said. We looked at Dad and he looked pretty pissed off so we went upstairs and into our separate rooms. I knew it was my fault that they were arguing and I felt terrible. I started pacing trying to convince myself that they're arguing over something else, but the thought wouldn't go away, so I acted on my instinct and started searching for a blade.
They must've left one behind I thought to myself. I searched all the places where I used to hide them, I checked my wardrobe, drawers, but there was nothing. I started searching the book case.
"You wont find any blades in here Ems" Adam said, causing me to jump and drop the book I was holding. I picked it up and turned around to see him leaning against the door frame.
"You scared me" I said. He walked over and sat down on my bed.
"Is the urge that bad?" He asked. I just nodded and looked away, I knew the tears were coming and I didn't want Adam to see me while I tried to fight off and urge. It wasn't a pretty sight. He rushed over and pulled me into a hug.
"Emma it's okay, you can do this" He said.
"No I can't Adam. I CAN'T!" I shouted and pushed him away. He looked at me in shock, but I just pushed past him and locked myself in the bathroom and started searching for something I could use in there.
"Emma, no! No Em, come out, please don't hurt yourself" He said.
"What do you care? You were quick to believe Mum's lies about the book. I wish you just left me to die!" I shouted.
"Open the door, Emma" He said calmly.
"Leave me alone Adam" I said. I was beginning to get angry.
"Open this door now" He said.
"NO!" I screamed and punched the wall.
"What was that? Are you okay?" He asked.
"Just go away" I sobbed. I heard him walk away and I started searching. Right at the back of the cabinet, I found a razor. I smiled to myself then heard the lock click open. That sneaky bastard picked the lock. He grabbed me and ripped the razor out of my hands.
"No! Give it back!" I screamed and went to hit him but he caught my arm an looked me dead in the eye.
"Why? So I can watch my little sister destroy herself?" He asked.
"You were fine with it a few weeks ago when you decided you hate me" I watched his face turn from concern to pure anger and betrayal. He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into his bedroom, then locked the door and put the key in his pocket.
"Let me out, Adam" I said, but he just glared at me.
"Sit" He said.
"Let me o-"
"SIT" He shouted. I was shocked. Adam NEVER shouted. I did as he said and sat down on his bed. He cam and sat about half a meter away from me and started at the door as he spoke.
"Through all you just said, I still care. But you've got a serious problem here Emma, and you can't carry on with it" He said.
"I can do what I like" I replied.
"WILL YOU STOP BEING SO STUBBORN!" He shouted. I cowered away from him an let more tears fall.
“You don't understand, Adam. I've done it for years and I can't stop. I'm not ready. I can't” I said. He sighed and put him arm around me and I cried into his shoulder.
“I'm sorry Adam. I didn't mean what I said. I just, I get angry when I get an urge. I didn't want you to see that” I said.
“I didn't mean to shout. I just wanted you to realise I care about you Emma, and I can't loose you” He said. He looked down at my clenched fist then back up at me.
“You're still fighting off the urge, aren't you?” He asked. I nodded.
“Its hard, Ads” I said.
“I know Em, but you can do it, you can do anything once you set your mind to it” He smiled.
“Will I ever get through this?” I asked.
“You will, if you let us help you” He said.
“I hope Zack never has to see me like this” I sighed.
“Even if he does, he'll understand.” Adam smiled and pulled me into another hug.
“Can you trust me enough to leave now?” I asked and he chuckled a little.
“Not even close” He said. I looked up at him and did the puppy dog eyes.
“Not gonna work this time, Emzy. Now go pick a movie and we'll have a movie night” He smiled. I chose the movie and we settled down to watch it. I couldn't concentrate though, I just kept feeling horrible for how I shouted at Adam earlier.

Notes

Look who's back!:O
Fun fact: It took me 4 hours to write this chapter because I wanted to get it perfect and I kept restarting because I didn't like it.
Now I really need some feed back on this, because it feels like you're not interested.

I love you all for being patient with me though.
Comment/rate/subscribe<3
-AllTimeSloth xx