Please don't make me love you again
Meaningful conversations and a trip down memory lane
It's been a week since I met one of my idols. Cassadee Pope.
It's been a week since I performed in front of 5 famous musicians.
It's been a week since I told Rian, Zack and Flyzik about my parents.
Alex and Jack have managed to change my life again.
"Hey Lauren, me and Em are going out on a date tonight" Jay said. It was just the 3 of us at their house at the moment as Max was on a business trip over in England somewhere.
"Okay, well I'll spend the night at home to give you two some privacy" I said.
"Thanks, see you tomorrow maybe" He said as I walked out of the door. It was October 4th and 11 days until my birthday. I made it to my house and slipped my jacket off as soon as I got in. I haven't seen Alex in 3 days as he's on the other side of the city organising stuff for the band with Matt. The rest of the guys are here though and I saw them yesterday. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a hot chocolate, then went to sit on the sofa. I normally did this when it got colder. I'd sit down with a hot drink and think about everything. But my thoughts soon turned back to my childhood and I suddenly found myself re living every beating, every argument and every name I was called at home or school. I dropped my mug on the hard floor as I began to cry. I thought about it all in detail and found myself actually feeling the beatings. This used to happen to me a lot, but it was more rare now. I cried more and begged for it to stop. I could fell the hits. I could feel the names I was called. So I did the only thing I knew that stopped it. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I slid it across my arm a couple of times and watched the blood flow.
Silence.
It all stopped. It worked. But what am I now left with? 5 more scars to prove how must of a failure I am. I decided to call Jack.
"Hello?" He said when he answered.
"Jack can you come round please?" I asked.
"Shit Lauren, are you all right? He asked.
"No, I need help" I said.
"Right, stay right where you are, I'll be there in 10" He said and hung up. I fell down to the kitchen floor and sobbed.
Jack got here 10 minutes later, let himself in and ran to the kitchen where he heard me sobbing.
"Lauren, what happened" He asked. I couldn't speak so I just sobbed and sobbed as Jack held me.
"Shh, it's okay, I'm here, whatever it was is gone now. I'm here. It's fine" He kept repeating.
"I felt it again Jack. It was so real." I said.
"What did you feel?" He asked.
"The hits. Everything. It was so real, I couldn't cope, I, I" I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I cut, so I just pointed to my arm.
"I'm glad you called me. I'm here now Lauren its okay, nothing's going to hurt you" He said. I just cried on him for at least an hour and a half. The sobs started to clam down and I took a few deep breaths.
"Better?" He asked. I nodded.
"It'll be okay Lauren" He said.
"Thank you Jack" I said.
"Come on, let's go get you into your pyjamas." He picked me up and carried me upstairs. He sat me down on the bed and slid my shoes off then grabbed the pyjamas off the rocking chair in the corner and handed them to me as he left the room to let me change.
"I'm done Jack" I said and he walked back in.
"So Lauren I don't know if its a bad time to tell you this but" He said.
"Spit it out Jack" I said.
"But Alex will kill me" He replied.
"I wont let him." I said.
"Well Alex is setting up an interview for the 3 of us so we can introduce you to the fans. And he's setting up a place for you on the next tour. He wants you to do a few songs with him." Jack said.
"But what if the fans don't like me?" I asked.
"Just close down your twitter for a day or two then they wont find you as soon" He said.
"Right, I think I can to that" I said.
"Great! It'll be fun having you on stage next tour. And don't worry, we spoke to hopeless records and they'll be there for a few of the shows you're in and if they think you're good we'll all sit down and we decide on weather you should get a record deal or not" He said.
"Bloody hell. This is all too much to take in" I said. Jack smiled at me.
"Just don't freak out on stage" He said.
"Thank you Jack" I said.
"For what?"
For always being there. You're my best friend Jack." I said.
"Don't thank me. I was there for you because I wanted to be there" He said. I smiled at him.
"So what do you wanna do?" He asked.
"Let's watch Jungle book" I said. He nodded and we went downstairs to watch it. I must've fallen asleep at some point because the next thing i knew, Jack was carrying me to bed. He was about to leave when I woke up a little.
"No, stay" I mumbled. I heard him chuckle. He kicked his jeans off and climbed into my bed. I moved closer to him and put my head on his chest. I'm glad I have my best friend back.
I woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon. I went downstairs and saw Jack cooking.
“Jack? You can cook?” I asked. I was very surprised at this.
“Ha ha, very funny. Only a few things like eggs, bacon, pancakes.” He said. I just laughed.
“Well I'm keen to try your cooking Mr Barakat” He said.
“Your wish is my demand Miss Williams” He said as he handed me a bacon sandwich. We both sat down at the table and ate.
“Oh my god Jack. This is the best I've ever tasted” I said.
“Well you should taste my pancakes then. I normally make them once a week on tour” He said.
“I can't wait to try them” I said. We finished eating in silence and I washed everything up.
“So what's on the agenda for today?” Jack asked.
“Well I wanted to spend some time with Jay and Emma, you can come too if you like” I said.
“Yeah, that sounds like fun” He said. I was glad Alex and Jack got on well with my family. I went upstairs and got dressed. Jack was just wearing what he had on yesterday as he didn't bring any spare clothes. When I was ready I walked downstairs and saw Jack reading something. Then I saw what it was. My old diary from when I was about 16 or 17. I didn't mind him reading it. Everything in there he already knew about.
“I never realised you missed us this much” Jack said without looking up.
“It broke my heart leaving you both and I couldn't bring myself to accept that you probably weren't ever coming back.” I said.
“But we did come back. The amount of times me and Alex went out looking just to see if we could bump into you whenever we were in New York is too much to count. We actually went in the guitar shop you worked at once, but you weren't in there so we didn't go back. I guess someone up there just didn't want us to meet again” He said.
“Wow. Well you're back now and no one's leaving again” I said.
“Yep. Now there's a page here that seems to worry me a bit.” He said.
“What page is that?” I asked.
“Well it says here that when you first met me you kind of liked me, and when Alex came along you spent a whole night trying to decide who you really wanted. I guess you chose Alex in the end” He said. I blushed.
“Yeah, I wonder how different our lives would be if we were never friends.” I said.
“Very different. I loved you once Lauren, you know? That's why I got all defensive when I found out about you and Alex. I didn't think it was fair, I knew Alex would hurt you and I knew I wouldn't and I always wondered why I never got a chance with you. But after you left, I got my head together and realised we just weren't meant to be and I got over you after that. But I didn't stop thinking about you. I wanted my best friend back. Also, every single day I hated myself more and more for trying to kiss you when you weren't ready and attacking you” He said.
“Well I don't hate you Jack, and I don't think I ever will” I said.
“Thanks Lauren” He said. I smiled at him and he smiled back.
“Come on, let's go to Jays” He said. We got our shoes on and made our way to Jay's. I let us in and we walked into the living room where Em and Jay were sat on the sofa watching some documentary.
“Oh hey Lauren, hey Jack” Emma and Jay said.
“Hey, what you watching?” Jack asked, plopping himself down in the arm chair.
“Some space documentary” Emma said.
“Shame Alex isn't here, he would've loved this” Jack said.
“He's still fascinated by space?” I asked.
“Yeah, always has been” Well, I didn't know that. We sat an watched the documentary, well they did, I just zoned out and thought about what Jack said last night about possibly getting a record deal of my own. This could be a dream come true, and it's all thanks to Alex. If I didn't have him, where would I be today?
It's been a week since I performed in front of 5 famous musicians.
It's been a week since I told Rian, Zack and Flyzik about my parents.
Alex and Jack have managed to change my life again.
"Hey Lauren, me and Em are going out on a date tonight" Jay said. It was just the 3 of us at their house at the moment as Max was on a business trip over in England somewhere.
"Okay, well I'll spend the night at home to give you two some privacy" I said.
"Thanks, see you tomorrow maybe" He said as I walked out of the door. It was October 4th and 11 days until my birthday. I made it to my house and slipped my jacket off as soon as I got in. I haven't seen Alex in 3 days as he's on the other side of the city organising stuff for the band with Matt. The rest of the guys are here though and I saw them yesterday. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a hot chocolate, then went to sit on the sofa. I normally did this when it got colder. I'd sit down with a hot drink and think about everything. But my thoughts soon turned back to my childhood and I suddenly found myself re living every beating, every argument and every name I was called at home or school. I dropped my mug on the hard floor as I began to cry. I thought about it all in detail and found myself actually feeling the beatings. This used to happen to me a lot, but it was more rare now. I cried more and begged for it to stop. I could fell the hits. I could feel the names I was called. So I did the only thing I knew that stopped it. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I slid it across my arm a couple of times and watched the blood flow.
Silence.
It all stopped. It worked. But what am I now left with? 5 more scars to prove how must of a failure I am. I decided to call Jack.
"Hello?" He said when he answered.
"Jack can you come round please?" I asked.
"Shit Lauren, are you all right? He asked.
"No, I need help" I said.
"Right, stay right where you are, I'll be there in 10" He said and hung up. I fell down to the kitchen floor and sobbed.
Jack got here 10 minutes later, let himself in and ran to the kitchen where he heard me sobbing.
"Lauren, what happened" He asked. I couldn't speak so I just sobbed and sobbed as Jack held me.
"Shh, it's okay, I'm here, whatever it was is gone now. I'm here. It's fine" He kept repeating.
"I felt it again Jack. It was so real." I said.
"What did you feel?" He asked.
"The hits. Everything. It was so real, I couldn't cope, I, I" I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I cut, so I just pointed to my arm.
"I'm glad you called me. I'm here now Lauren its okay, nothing's going to hurt you" He said. I just cried on him for at least an hour and a half. The sobs started to clam down and I took a few deep breaths.
"Better?" He asked. I nodded.
"It'll be okay Lauren" He said.
"Thank you Jack" I said.
"Come on, let's go get you into your pyjamas." He picked me up and carried me upstairs. He sat me down on the bed and slid my shoes off then grabbed the pyjamas off the rocking chair in the corner and handed them to me as he left the room to let me change.
"I'm done Jack" I said and he walked back in.
"So Lauren I don't know if its a bad time to tell you this but" He said.
"Spit it out Jack" I said.
"But Alex will kill me" He replied.
"I wont let him." I said.
"Well Alex is setting up an interview for the 3 of us so we can introduce you to the fans. And he's setting up a place for you on the next tour. He wants you to do a few songs with him." Jack said.
"But what if the fans don't like me?" I asked.
"Just close down your twitter for a day or two then they wont find you as soon" He said.
"Right, I think I can to that" I said.
"Great! It'll be fun having you on stage next tour. And don't worry, we spoke to hopeless records and they'll be there for a few of the shows you're in and if they think you're good we'll all sit down and we decide on weather you should get a record deal or not" He said.
"Bloody hell. This is all too much to take in" I said. Jack smiled at me.
"Just don't freak out on stage" He said.
"Thank you Jack" I said.
"For what?"
For always being there. You're my best friend Jack." I said.
"Don't thank me. I was there for you because I wanted to be there" He said. I smiled at him.
"So what do you wanna do?" He asked.
"Let's watch Jungle book" I said. He nodded and we went downstairs to watch it. I must've fallen asleep at some point because the next thing i knew, Jack was carrying me to bed. He was about to leave when I woke up a little.
"No, stay" I mumbled. I heard him chuckle. He kicked his jeans off and climbed into my bed. I moved closer to him and put my head on his chest. I'm glad I have my best friend back.
I woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon. I went downstairs and saw Jack cooking.
“Jack? You can cook?” I asked. I was very surprised at this.
“Ha ha, very funny. Only a few things like eggs, bacon, pancakes.” He said. I just laughed.
“Well I'm keen to try your cooking Mr Barakat” He said.
“Your wish is my demand Miss Williams” He said as he handed me a bacon sandwich. We both sat down at the table and ate.
“Oh my god Jack. This is the best I've ever tasted” I said.
“Well you should taste my pancakes then. I normally make them once a week on tour” He said.
“I can't wait to try them” I said. We finished eating in silence and I washed everything up.
“So what's on the agenda for today?” Jack asked.
“Well I wanted to spend some time with Jay and Emma, you can come too if you like” I said.
“Yeah, that sounds like fun” He said. I was glad Alex and Jack got on well with my family. I went upstairs and got dressed. Jack was just wearing what he had on yesterday as he didn't bring any spare clothes. When I was ready I walked downstairs and saw Jack reading something. Then I saw what it was. My old diary from when I was about 16 or 17. I didn't mind him reading it. Everything in there he already knew about.
“I never realised you missed us this much” Jack said without looking up.
“It broke my heart leaving you both and I couldn't bring myself to accept that you probably weren't ever coming back.” I said.
“But we did come back. The amount of times me and Alex went out looking just to see if we could bump into you whenever we were in New York is too much to count. We actually went in the guitar shop you worked at once, but you weren't in there so we didn't go back. I guess someone up there just didn't want us to meet again” He said.
“Wow. Well you're back now and no one's leaving again” I said.
“Yep. Now there's a page here that seems to worry me a bit.” He said.
“What page is that?” I asked.
“Well it says here that when you first met me you kind of liked me, and when Alex came along you spent a whole night trying to decide who you really wanted. I guess you chose Alex in the end” He said. I blushed.
“Yeah, I wonder how different our lives would be if we were never friends.” I said.
“Very different. I loved you once Lauren, you know? That's why I got all defensive when I found out about you and Alex. I didn't think it was fair, I knew Alex would hurt you and I knew I wouldn't and I always wondered why I never got a chance with you. But after you left, I got my head together and realised we just weren't meant to be and I got over you after that. But I didn't stop thinking about you. I wanted my best friend back. Also, every single day I hated myself more and more for trying to kiss you when you weren't ready and attacking you” He said.
“Well I don't hate you Jack, and I don't think I ever will” I said.
“Thanks Lauren” He said. I smiled at him and he smiled back.
“Come on, let's go to Jays” He said. We got our shoes on and made our way to Jay's. I let us in and we walked into the living room where Em and Jay were sat on the sofa watching some documentary.
“Oh hey Lauren, hey Jack” Emma and Jay said.
“Hey, what you watching?” Jack asked, plopping himself down in the arm chair.
“Some space documentary” Emma said.
“Shame Alex isn't here, he would've loved this” Jack said.
“He's still fascinated by space?” I asked.
“Yeah, always has been” Well, I didn't know that. We sat an watched the documentary, well they did, I just zoned out and thought about what Jack said last night about possibly getting a record deal of my own. This could be a dream come true, and it's all thanks to Alex. If I didn't have him, where would I be today?
Notes
So shortish chapter but that's because I went back to school today:( I'll try and update as much as I can, and there's a big twist coming soon so keep an eye out for that!;) So let me know what you think the twist is gonna beComment/rate/subscribe<3
Lave you all c:
Also, big thank you's to:
Slender Ashleyosaurus Rex
Im-Holding-On-Till-May
ATLfan101
jalexftw
Thankyou!! I'm so glad you like it!<3
10/27/13