Please don't make me love you again
Rewind to the bad days and live it again.
So it's been a week since my self harm incident and Jay and Alex have been more supportive than ever. Alex was coming over today and then we're going to Zack's again. I could see myself becoming great friends with Zack, Rian and Flyzik. They're all great guys but the problem is, they don't know a thing about my past and I've ran out of make up to cover up my black eye, so I'm going to have to explain what happened and possible tell them all about my past.
"Lauren?" Alex shouted as he walked into my house.
"I'm upstairs" I shouted back. He came up and sat next to me on my bed.
"What you thinking about?" He asked.
"They're gonna ask about my eye, aren't they?" I asked back. He sighed.
"If they do, then tell them. They're supportive guys and they wont judge" Alex reassured me. I kissed him and we made our way out to his car. The drive was silent and I spent that time thinking about everything that's happened recently. Dan trying it on with me, Alex saving my life, Mum and Dad coming back. It's crazy.
We got to Zack's and walked down to the basement. Jack engulfed me in a hug before anyone had the chance to see my black eye.
"Alex told me everything. Your eye isn't that bad and if you ever feel like self harming again, call me okay?" He whispered.
"Thanks Jack. You're amazing" I said. He let me go and I faced the shocked expressions of the three people staring at my black eye.
"What happened, Lauren?" Rian asked. I looked up at Alex and sat between him and Jack holding both of their hands.
"My Dad did it" I said.
"What? Why would your Dad do something like that to his own daughter?" Flyzik asked. I took a deep breath and began explaining.
"Well, up until I moved out here, my parents were abusive. They'd hit me, kick me, the while lot. They did it because they wanted a son instead of a daughter. They made me cook, clean, I did everything. But when I met Jack, he always asked me about any injuries I had. I think he kind of knew and one day, he came to my house while my Dad was beating me, and Jack watched Dad pull me away from where Jack was and kick me. I felt so bad for him. And when I met Alex, I told him about it and they both helped me cope with it. But then Alex and Lisa planned for Lisa to tell my parents that me and Alex slept together and Dad almost killed me. I ran out of my house and to Alex's, but he wouldn't answer because he was in bed with Lisa.I still haven't fully forgiven him for that yet. But Jack found me lying on the floor in a pool of blood and carried me to the hospital. After that, I stayed at Jack's for a month then moved out here with my cousin Jay. I didn't hear from my parents for 7 years, but in the past few weeks, they've been back twice." I said, looking at the floor the whole time.
"Alex, why would you and Lisa plan that, knowing full well what would happen?" Zack asked. When he didn't reply, Jack spoke up.
"Do you guys remember that girl, Sasha who went crazy? Well she had a form of depression called Dysthymia. Alex went out with her, slept with her a couple of times and when he got bored, he made sure she caught him in bed with Lisa. She had a mental breakdown and got put in an institution. That's kind of what he did to Lauren." Jack said. Alex had his head in his hands and I couldn't tell weather he was crying or not.
"I almost had a mental breakdown after I came here. I tried so hard to forget Alex, but I couldn't, I was an idiot and I still loved him. I sank into depression and I self harmed trying to cope with everything that happened to me. I was crazy." I said, letting a few tears escape.
"I'm so fucking sorry Lauren. I was a complete dick head. I shouldn't have done that but I did and I regret it everyday." Alex said.
"I'm still working on forgiving you" I said, pulling him into a hug.
"Well, some people get a rough start in life and no one deserves to go through anything that you went through. But you're part of the All Time Low family now and we're here for you no matter what" Rian said. Then all of a sudden, Jack was making me and Alex stand up and we were squashed in the middle of a massive group hug.
"So anyway, you guys never told me how the band started" I said when they let me go.
"Well, after you left, Jack came back to go to school with me again and we became friends with Zack and Rian and we decided to see how we sound together, and then once we were touring, we hired Matt as our tour manager" Alex said.
"So what's tour life like?" I asked.
"Well if you really want to know, we go back on tour in 3 months, you should come along for a week or two" Flyzik said.
"Dude, the only girlfriend you ever let on tour was Cassadee and that's only because she was doing back up vocals" Alex said.
"Who's Cassadee?" I asked.
"Cassadee Pop. She's Rian's girlfriend" Jack said.
"I knew I recognised you, Rian! I'm a massive Hey Monday fan and I've seen pictures of you and Cassadee everywhere!" I said, letting my inner fangirl take over.
"Wow. Wait. You're the girl that tweeted me telling me to 'fucking propose already' aren't you?" Rian asked.
"Yeah! How didn't I realise that it's you?" I said.
"Wait. So you're a massive Hey Monday fan?" Zack asked. I nodded.
"Call Cass and get her over here" Zack said to Rian. Rian called her and they spoke for 5 minutes before he hung up.
"She'll be here in 20 minutes" Rian said. Alex was staring at me.
"What?" I laughed.
"I know how crazy you get when you fangirl, don't scare poor Cass" He said. I just laughed. He had a point.
20 minutes later, I heard the basement door open I looked behind me and saw Cassadee Pope walking down the stairs. Alex grabbed my hand in an attempt to keep me calm.
"Cass I'd like you to meet Lauren" Rian said as he kissed her cheek.
"Ah, so you're the girl that Alex and Jack used to cry over when they were drunk" She said as she pulled me into a hug.
"Shut up Cass" Jack ans Alex said at the same time causing everyone to laugh.
"Lauren's a huge Hey Monday fan" Zack said as Cass sat next to Rian.
"Really? Waht's your favourite song?" She asked.
"Hangover. I used to play it at every Christmas party" I said.
"Can I hear you?" She asked.
"I don't have a guitar" I replied.
"Use mine" Jack said as he pulled it out from behind the sofa. I took it off of him and began playing.
"Hit me out of no where
Like a car crash on the street
Suddenly colliding into me
Now, I'm broken, bruised and beat up
Tangled in my sheets
How can this feel so bad when you
Seem so good for me?
Oh my God, what's wrong with my head?
I'm sweating with the chills still in my bed
Tell me how I'll ever make it through
It's the short hellos and the long goodbyes
The shake in my lip from the look in your eyes
Makes me want to die
I've got the worst hangover from you
Swimming in the deep end
Trying to keep from turning blue
Danger, danger, hoping not to drown
Sinking in the quicksand
Just to walk right up to you
You're so easy to pick up
And so hard to put down
Oh my God, what's wrong with my head?
I'm sweating with the chills still in my bed
Tell me how I'll ever make it through
(Tell me how I'll ever make it through)
It's the short hellos and the long goodbyes
The shake in my lip from the look in your eyes
Makes me want to die
I've got the worst hangover from you
All that I really wanted
Was a habit I could drop
Any time that I wanted to
And what I really got was you
No medicine
Is gonna cut it
Oh my God, what's wrong with my head?
I'm sweating with the chills still in my bed
Tell me how I'll ever make it through
(Tell me how I'll ever make it through)
It's the short hellos and long goodbyes
The shake in my lip from the look in your eyes
Makes me want to die
I've got the worst hangover
Oh my God, what's wrong with my head?
I'm sweating with the chills still in my bed
Tell me how I'll ever make it through
(Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me)
It's the short hellos and long goodbyes
The shake in my lip from the look in your eyes
Makes me want to die
I've got the worst hangover from you, ooh"
"Lauren, that was even better than me!" Cass said. I blushed.
"I see what Jack and Alex were saying when they said you could sing!" Zack said.
"I'm not that good." I replied.
"Yes you fucking are! Why haven't you made a career out of this?" Rian asked.
"Alex, you should do a duet with her" Flyzik said.
"Play something else" Cass said.
"Okay, but I'll need Alex for this one" I said.
"What are we playing?" He asked as he picked up his guitar.
"Remember what we played when we met Paramore?" I asked. He nodded and we played Therapy.
"Wait, so you're saying that the first 5 people who heard our most popular song was Paramore? No fucking way" Zack said.
"You never told them?" I asked.
"Never got round to it" He shrugged.
"Well we've certainly learned a lot about you 3 today" Flyzik said pointing at me, Alex and Jack.
"I hate to be pushy, but can you play another song?" Cass asked.
"Can it be an original?" I asked back. They all nodded enthusiastically.
"7 years ago, when you fell out that tree
I looked into your eyes
and you smiled back at me.
you told me I was funny
you told me I was cool
but oh I was such a fool
I fell in love with you
and you said that you loved me
I told you all my secrets
and with you I felt free
7 years ago, when I swallowed all those pills
you told me I was beautiful
and you couldn't ever loose me
you made my life worth living
just by being there
and you told me I was funny
you told me I was cool
but oh, I was such a fool.
I fell in love with you
and you said that you loved me.
I told you all my secrets
and with you I felt free
7 years ago, you broke my little heart
and my world fell apart
so I left that little town.
Oh I really wanna hate you
the way that you hate me
but all I want is for you to come back
and save me from my misery.
I fell in love with you
and you said that you loved me
I told you all my secrets
and with you I felt free
but what a waste that was
because now here I am
its been 7 years
and I still want you back"
"You write that about me?" Alex asked. He had a tear in his eye. I nodded.
"Wait, so you met Alex when he fell out of a tree on to you?" Cass asked. We both nodded.
"Why were you sat under a tree, Lauren and why were you in a tree Alex?" Rian asked.
"I was taking pictures of ducks" Alex said. Everyone looked up at me and I looked at Jack
"I think you should explain this one" I said to him. He nodded.
"Me and Lauren had only been friends for a little while and I tried making her kiss me, but she ran off and that's when it happened." Jack said. I knew he still hated himself for that.
"How did you react when you found out Alex and Lauren were friends, considering you and Alex hated each other before that?" Flyzik asked. We all looked at each other.
"Jack told Lauren that she deserved the parents she had and then he told her that she should kill herself." Alex said.
"And then I attacked her and cracked her head open" Jack said.
"A few days later when Jack came round to apologise, I did actually try to kill myself." I said. "It was all too much and I swallowed a shit load of pills, but Alex walked in and took me to the hospital"
"Well, you 3 have uh, quite a past together" Zack said.
"Yeah, we were pretty fucked up kids" Alex said.
We all ended up staying at Zacks that night and I shared a bed with Alex and Jack. I may want to hate these two at times, but I do love them, even if they did hurt me at times.
"Lauren?" Alex shouted as he walked into my house.
"I'm upstairs" I shouted back. He came up and sat next to me on my bed.
"What you thinking about?" He asked.
"They're gonna ask about my eye, aren't they?" I asked back. He sighed.
"If they do, then tell them. They're supportive guys and they wont judge" Alex reassured me. I kissed him and we made our way out to his car. The drive was silent and I spent that time thinking about everything that's happened recently. Dan trying it on with me, Alex saving my life, Mum and Dad coming back. It's crazy.
We got to Zack's and walked down to the basement. Jack engulfed me in a hug before anyone had the chance to see my black eye.
"Alex told me everything. Your eye isn't that bad and if you ever feel like self harming again, call me okay?" He whispered.
"Thanks Jack. You're amazing" I said. He let me go and I faced the shocked expressions of the three people staring at my black eye.
"What happened, Lauren?" Rian asked. I looked up at Alex and sat between him and Jack holding both of their hands.
"My Dad did it" I said.
"What? Why would your Dad do something like that to his own daughter?" Flyzik asked. I took a deep breath and began explaining.
"Well, up until I moved out here, my parents were abusive. They'd hit me, kick me, the while lot. They did it because they wanted a son instead of a daughter. They made me cook, clean, I did everything. But when I met Jack, he always asked me about any injuries I had. I think he kind of knew and one day, he came to my house while my Dad was beating me, and Jack watched Dad pull me away from where Jack was and kick me. I felt so bad for him. And when I met Alex, I told him about it and they both helped me cope with it. But then Alex and Lisa planned for Lisa to tell my parents that me and Alex slept together and Dad almost killed me. I ran out of my house and to Alex's, but he wouldn't answer because he was in bed with Lisa.I still haven't fully forgiven him for that yet. But Jack found me lying on the floor in a pool of blood and carried me to the hospital. After that, I stayed at Jack's for a month then moved out here with my cousin Jay. I didn't hear from my parents for 7 years, but in the past few weeks, they've been back twice." I said, looking at the floor the whole time.
"Alex, why would you and Lisa plan that, knowing full well what would happen?" Zack asked. When he didn't reply, Jack spoke up.
"Do you guys remember that girl, Sasha who went crazy? Well she had a form of depression called Dysthymia. Alex went out with her, slept with her a couple of times and when he got bored, he made sure she caught him in bed with Lisa. She had a mental breakdown and got put in an institution. That's kind of what he did to Lauren." Jack said. Alex had his head in his hands and I couldn't tell weather he was crying or not.
"I almost had a mental breakdown after I came here. I tried so hard to forget Alex, but I couldn't, I was an idiot and I still loved him. I sank into depression and I self harmed trying to cope with everything that happened to me. I was crazy." I said, letting a few tears escape.
"I'm so fucking sorry Lauren. I was a complete dick head. I shouldn't have done that but I did and I regret it everyday." Alex said.
"I'm still working on forgiving you" I said, pulling him into a hug.
"Well, some people get a rough start in life and no one deserves to go through anything that you went through. But you're part of the All Time Low family now and we're here for you no matter what" Rian said. Then all of a sudden, Jack was making me and Alex stand up and we were squashed in the middle of a massive group hug.
"So anyway, you guys never told me how the band started" I said when they let me go.
"Well, after you left, Jack came back to go to school with me again and we became friends with Zack and Rian and we decided to see how we sound together, and then once we were touring, we hired Matt as our tour manager" Alex said.
"So what's tour life like?" I asked.
"Well if you really want to know, we go back on tour in 3 months, you should come along for a week or two" Flyzik said.
"Dude, the only girlfriend you ever let on tour was Cassadee and that's only because she was doing back up vocals" Alex said.
"Who's Cassadee?" I asked.
"Cassadee Pop. She's Rian's girlfriend" Jack said.
"I knew I recognised you, Rian! I'm a massive Hey Monday fan and I've seen pictures of you and Cassadee everywhere!" I said, letting my inner fangirl take over.
"Wow. Wait. You're the girl that tweeted me telling me to 'fucking propose already' aren't you?" Rian asked.
"Yeah! How didn't I realise that it's you?" I said.
"Wait. So you're a massive Hey Monday fan?" Zack asked. I nodded.
"Call Cass and get her over here" Zack said to Rian. Rian called her and they spoke for 5 minutes before he hung up.
"She'll be here in 20 minutes" Rian said. Alex was staring at me.
"What?" I laughed.
"I know how crazy you get when you fangirl, don't scare poor Cass" He said. I just laughed. He had a point.
20 minutes later, I heard the basement door open I looked behind me and saw Cassadee Pope walking down the stairs. Alex grabbed my hand in an attempt to keep me calm.
"Cass I'd like you to meet Lauren" Rian said as he kissed her cheek.
"Ah, so you're the girl that Alex and Jack used to cry over when they were drunk" She said as she pulled me into a hug.
"Shut up Cass" Jack ans Alex said at the same time causing everyone to laugh.
"Lauren's a huge Hey Monday fan" Zack said as Cass sat next to Rian.
"Really? Waht's your favourite song?" She asked.
"Hangover. I used to play it at every Christmas party" I said.
"Can I hear you?" She asked.
"I don't have a guitar" I replied.
"Use mine" Jack said as he pulled it out from behind the sofa. I took it off of him and began playing.
"Hit me out of no where
Like a car crash on the street
Suddenly colliding into me
Now, I'm broken, bruised and beat up
Tangled in my sheets
How can this feel so bad when you
Seem so good for me?
Oh my God, what's wrong with my head?
I'm sweating with the chills still in my bed
Tell me how I'll ever make it through
It's the short hellos and the long goodbyes
The shake in my lip from the look in your eyes
Makes me want to die
I've got the worst hangover from you
Swimming in the deep end
Trying to keep from turning blue
Danger, danger, hoping not to drown
Sinking in the quicksand
Just to walk right up to you
You're so easy to pick up
And so hard to put down
Oh my God, what's wrong with my head?
I'm sweating with the chills still in my bed
Tell me how I'll ever make it through
(Tell me how I'll ever make it through)
It's the short hellos and the long goodbyes
The shake in my lip from the look in your eyes
Makes me want to die
I've got the worst hangover from you
All that I really wanted
Was a habit I could drop
Any time that I wanted to
And what I really got was you
No medicine
Is gonna cut it
Oh my God, what's wrong with my head?
I'm sweating with the chills still in my bed
Tell me how I'll ever make it through
(Tell me how I'll ever make it through)
It's the short hellos and long goodbyes
The shake in my lip from the look in your eyes
Makes me want to die
I've got the worst hangover
Oh my God, what's wrong with my head?
I'm sweating with the chills still in my bed
Tell me how I'll ever make it through
(Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me)
It's the short hellos and long goodbyes
The shake in my lip from the look in your eyes
Makes me want to die
I've got the worst hangover from you, ooh"
"Lauren, that was even better than me!" Cass said. I blushed.
"I see what Jack and Alex were saying when they said you could sing!" Zack said.
"I'm not that good." I replied.
"Yes you fucking are! Why haven't you made a career out of this?" Rian asked.
"Alex, you should do a duet with her" Flyzik said.
"Play something else" Cass said.
"Okay, but I'll need Alex for this one" I said.
"What are we playing?" He asked as he picked up his guitar.
"Remember what we played when we met Paramore?" I asked. He nodded and we played Therapy.
"Wait, so you're saying that the first 5 people who heard our most popular song was Paramore? No fucking way" Zack said.
"You never told them?" I asked.
"Never got round to it" He shrugged.
"Well we've certainly learned a lot about you 3 today" Flyzik said pointing at me, Alex and Jack.
"I hate to be pushy, but can you play another song?" Cass asked.
"Can it be an original?" I asked back. They all nodded enthusiastically.
"7 years ago, when you fell out that tree
I looked into your eyes
and you smiled back at me.
you told me I was funny
you told me I was cool
but oh I was such a fool
I fell in love with you
and you said that you loved me
I told you all my secrets
and with you I felt free
7 years ago, when I swallowed all those pills
you told me I was beautiful
and you couldn't ever loose me
you made my life worth living
just by being there
and you told me I was funny
you told me I was cool
but oh, I was such a fool.
I fell in love with you
and you said that you loved me.
I told you all my secrets
and with you I felt free
7 years ago, you broke my little heart
and my world fell apart
so I left that little town.
Oh I really wanna hate you
the way that you hate me
but all I want is for you to come back
and save me from my misery.
I fell in love with you
and you said that you loved me
I told you all my secrets
and with you I felt free
but what a waste that was
because now here I am
its been 7 years
and I still want you back"
"You write that about me?" Alex asked. He had a tear in his eye. I nodded.
"Wait, so you met Alex when he fell out of a tree on to you?" Cass asked. We both nodded.
"Why were you sat under a tree, Lauren and why were you in a tree Alex?" Rian asked.
"I was taking pictures of ducks" Alex said. Everyone looked up at me and I looked at Jack
"I think you should explain this one" I said to him. He nodded.
"Me and Lauren had only been friends for a little while and I tried making her kiss me, but she ran off and that's when it happened." Jack said. I knew he still hated himself for that.
"How did you react when you found out Alex and Lauren were friends, considering you and Alex hated each other before that?" Flyzik asked. We all looked at each other.
"Jack told Lauren that she deserved the parents she had and then he told her that she should kill herself." Alex said.
"And then I attacked her and cracked her head open" Jack said.
"A few days later when Jack came round to apologise, I did actually try to kill myself." I said. "It was all too much and I swallowed a shit load of pills, but Alex walked in and took me to the hospital"
"Well, you 3 have uh, quite a past together" Zack said.
"Yeah, we were pretty fucked up kids" Alex said.
We all ended up staying at Zacks that night and I shared a bed with Alex and Jack. I may want to hate these two at times, but I do love them, even if they did hurt me at times.
Notes
Okay, I really need feed back for this guys pleaseComment/rate/subscribe<3
Lave you all c:
Thankyou!! I'm so glad you like it!<3
10/27/13