Once Upon A Time, I Could Take Anything
I'm Losing My Grip
"Best fran, I don-" Hiccup. "Know whata do."
"Sobering up might help," Stephanie giggled into the phone. Drunk or sober, it was nice to hear her voice and feel like she's still connected in my daily life. She knew everything that was going on. The ex living in my house, the other ex trying to win my heart back and the boy who had my heart being six hours away. "Look, Jess, I know you're holding out hope because Jer was going to stay. I'm sure that made you think you really had a chance to be with him, but even if he had stayed, that would have meant Dustin was gone and he wouldn't pay half of the bills anymore. What you really need to do is make a decision. I know you think that lies with Jer, but it doesn't. If you make Dustin leave, you're opening the doors to a real relationship with which ever dude you choose, but if Dustin stays, nothing is going to work in your favor. Like, ever."
"How did this happen?" I asked, letting my butt hit the old, wooden porch. Placing one finger in my free ear, I squeezed my eyes closed. There was a raging party going on inside of my house and all I wanted was my best friend here to hold my hand. "How did I go from being the girl who hated this love bullshit to being the one who was so lost in it? Why didn't I keep in mind that I don't do this shit for a reason?"
"Love happens, best friend. It's not a choice. But it's late and I have to wake up early. Sounds like you have a lot of people there, anyway. Get back in there and have some fun!"
"I can't," I groaned, feeling dizzy from the booze. "Alex is in there."
"What's one night going to hurt, Jessie? Just one night, let go."
Removing my finger from my ear, I stared off into the distant corn field in front of my house. She was right - I should be able to let go for one night, but the last time I did, it broke my heart. Why am I living, dwelling over the love of a man who couldn't, or wouldn't, return it? I could hear Rae breathing, but after a while she just whispered her love for me and I hung up the phone. What I needed to do was talk to Jer, figure out where I stood, though I was afraid to.
Inhaling a sharp breath, I climbed the steps and opened the glass door, stroble lights, loud music and a cold beer welcoming me back into my home. I smiled at Alex, taking a sip from the glass as I thanked him for it. He shot me a wink before he disppeared into the sea of bodies, making me wish that I could get lost as well.
I decided against shaking my ass like a whore tonight. Staggering my way into the kitchen, I realized I'd catch no time alone in here, either. My kitchen table had turned into a beer pong table and my bar was covered in empty liquor bottles and red, plastic cups. I took a sip of my drink and let my body fall against one of my oldest friends, McLovin. He knew just as much as Stephanie did and he respected that I was a little confused in life. Kissing my head, he placed the pong ball in my hand and nodded to the opposing team.
"Throw it all away, Jessie."
"If I make the shot, I make a decision," I murmured, lifting my hand. The orange ball was a cruel fate. I exhaled deeply and tossed it, watching as it bounced on the center of the table and landed in the last cup in the center. "That's not fair!"
"How isn't that fair?" Daniel asked, a smile on his face. "You just took out two of our cups!"
"I know," I frowned. "Two."
"If it means anything," Jordan took my place, aiming his own ball to throw it, "I like Alex. He's screwed up a lot in the past but he seems good for you, Jessie. Just go talk to him."
"We're both drunk, brother. I'd rather wait until we can actually hear and understand each other."
"All right, so do it tomorrow, when everyone goes home."
"Tomorrow," I whispered, bringing my beer to my lips. I'll figure this out tomorrow.
"Sobering up might help," Stephanie giggled into the phone. Drunk or sober, it was nice to hear her voice and feel like she's still connected in my daily life. She knew everything that was going on. The ex living in my house, the other ex trying to win my heart back and the boy who had my heart being six hours away. "Look, Jess, I know you're holding out hope because Jer was going to stay. I'm sure that made you think you really had a chance to be with him, but even if he had stayed, that would have meant Dustin was gone and he wouldn't pay half of the bills anymore. What you really need to do is make a decision. I know you think that lies with Jer, but it doesn't. If you make Dustin leave, you're opening the doors to a real relationship with which ever dude you choose, but if Dustin stays, nothing is going to work in your favor. Like, ever."
"How did this happen?" I asked, letting my butt hit the old, wooden porch. Placing one finger in my free ear, I squeezed my eyes closed. There was a raging party going on inside of my house and all I wanted was my best friend here to hold my hand. "How did I go from being the girl who hated this love bullshit to being the one who was so lost in it? Why didn't I keep in mind that I don't do this shit for a reason?"
"Love happens, best friend. It's not a choice. But it's late and I have to wake up early. Sounds like you have a lot of people there, anyway. Get back in there and have some fun!"
"I can't," I groaned, feeling dizzy from the booze. "Alex is in there."
"What's one night going to hurt, Jessie? Just one night, let go."
Removing my finger from my ear, I stared off into the distant corn field in front of my house. She was right - I should be able to let go for one night, but the last time I did, it broke my heart. Why am I living, dwelling over the love of a man who couldn't, or wouldn't, return it? I could hear Rae breathing, but after a while she just whispered her love for me and I hung up the phone. What I needed to do was talk to Jer, figure out where I stood, though I was afraid to.
Inhaling a sharp breath, I climbed the steps and opened the glass door, stroble lights, loud music and a cold beer welcoming me back into my home. I smiled at Alex, taking a sip from the glass as I thanked him for it. He shot me a wink before he disppeared into the sea of bodies, making me wish that I could get lost as well.
I decided against shaking my ass like a whore tonight. Staggering my way into the kitchen, I realized I'd catch no time alone in here, either. My kitchen table had turned into a beer pong table and my bar was covered in empty liquor bottles and red, plastic cups. I took a sip of my drink and let my body fall against one of my oldest friends, McLovin. He knew just as much as Stephanie did and he respected that I was a little confused in life. Kissing my head, he placed the pong ball in my hand and nodded to the opposing team.
"Throw it all away, Jessie."
"If I make the shot, I make a decision," I murmured, lifting my hand. The orange ball was a cruel fate. I exhaled deeply and tossed it, watching as it bounced on the center of the table and landed in the last cup in the center. "That's not fair!"
"How isn't that fair?" Daniel asked, a smile on his face. "You just took out two of our cups!"
"I know," I frowned. "Two."
"If it means anything," Jordan took my place, aiming his own ball to throw it, "I like Alex. He's screwed up a lot in the past but he seems good for you, Jessie. Just go talk to him."
"We're both drunk, brother. I'd rather wait until we can actually hear and understand each other."
"All right, so do it tomorrow, when everyone goes home."
"Tomorrow," I whispered, bringing my beer to my lips. I'll figure this out tomorrow.
I just keep stumbling across more and more of your stories. I've now read what you have of this story and the prequel.
This story overall... it's just so real. And I commend you for that. There is nothing cheesy about it, and you just go with the things that actually happen in life. Which is mainly because you based it off of what's happened to you, and so that has just made this the most authentic story I've read. Truly.
I'm not sure how much is true or if anything is exaggerated, but I just wanted to tell you that I admire you for all you've been through. Going by what's happening with the character, your life definitely hasn't been easy and you've had a lot of hardships. I'm sorry you had to go through so much, no one deserves that.
But it definitely was able to make an interesting story. I'm bummed to see this was never continued, perhaps it got a bit too difficult to write, you weren't receiving as much feedback as you would have liked... I don't know. But if you ever do choose to pick it up again, I will be here to read. I would like to know how it all rounds out for this character. I don't expect a cheesy ending, but with where it left off... I'm sure some decision was made.
But yeah, you're seriously an amazing writer and that is why I keep checking our your stuff. This story has to be the best one so far for me, just with how it comes from a true story/your life. You really know what to write for it in that case and that makes you an awesome writer, for knowing the subject you're writing about.
Once again, I will be here if you ever choose to continue this or wrap it up. I think it honestly could have ended with the prequel, save the last line where Alex showed back up again. But I would be interested in seeing where this installment goes if you were to continue.
Even though it's been a while since you've written for it, I just wanted to leave feedback to let you know I enjoyed it. :)
5/14/17