Not Broken , Just Bent
I Never Thought, I'de Die Alone
I watched my feet during the walk home. To say I was in a good mood was an understatement. I haven't felt this feeling in so long, you never really notice how much you miss being happy.
I wasn't only happy because I somehow managed to get Jack Barakat; The Hottest Guy In School. But also because he accepted the scars, cuts, burns, bones, the list continues. And he wants to help me. I know his attempts will go to waste. The mental scar is just to deep.
I don't think anything could put a damper on my mood. I couldn't stop the small smile on my lips, not matter what I tried, it wouldn't leave. There was a bounce in my step , as I walked along to the beat of "Thnks Fr The Mmrs" by Fall Out Boy. A classic, but it was a great song.
I opened the house door, at the time, I hadn't noticed the dark green Cadillac in the drive way. I forgot this was the weekend mom came home. Everyone was suppose to be home, I'm in huge trouble, if she finds out I wasn't home. ....
Well who am I kidding, people tend to notice a entire person missing from here home.
This could put a damper on my mood.
"So..." I heard my mom sneer, she leaned on the kitchen doorway, which was directly across from the basement stares, which I was currently trying to sneak down.
"You weren't here yesterday. What's more important then your mother?" My mom took a drink of whatever was in her glass. Her breath hit me like a cloud, I felt the need to gag because of the smell. Alcohol.
"Nothing ma'am" I stated quietly, even though it was a lie. I knew there was no stopping what was coming to me, I could at least try and soften it some.
"Don't lie to me faggot! Where were you?!" My mother, now yelling asked. I wish she'd stop yelling, she was letting the smell of alcohol into the air, and it was hurting my head.
I didn't want her to know about Jack. But I know if I said with a friend she'd get angrier. If I said I was at a restaurant or cinema she'd get just as angry, if not more.
"I asked you a question faggot! So fucking answer it!" My mother threw her glass at my head, sending the glass and myself to fall to the ground. I landed in the glass, and oh how I loved the pain.
"I-I-I" I stuttered, this pissed my mom off to no end, when people stutter. And she let it show.
"Don't stutter Alexander. And tell me where you were!" She said kicking the side of my ribs. Painful, but I loved it.
"I was in the woods." I lied, looking up to my mother, I always got away with the woods excuse for some reason. I personally think it's because she was the first person who made me sleep in the woods, I think she feels guilty.
"No you were not." Bonnie sneered from the doorway of the Kitchen. I never noticed she was there until now. "You were with the group of emo freaks. You stayed at Barafag's" . I looked up at Bonnie hopefully, but she had a look of something else on her face. It was sullen and cold, matching my mothers current look. I'll call it 'The Mother-Look'.
"Oh! So gay buttsex is more important to you than your own mother! That's disgusting! You pathetic excuse of a man! Homosexuality is so sinnly and disgusting Alexander! I'm so disgusted by you!"
As the insults poured from my mother, she continued to kick me, hard. Things cracked, and blood was pouring from my nose and lips.
I hated the fact my mother abused me. I hated the fact dad ran from me and Bonie. I hated the fact Bonnie abused me. I hated the fact Bonnie tried to kill me in my sleep. I hated the fact that I was so ugly. I hated the fact I let my self get so fat. I hated the fact I stooped so low as to harm myself. I hated the fact I had so many different scars. I hated the fact I loved those scars. I hated the fact I loved pain. I hate everything about myself, but soon it will be all over, I can tell, the way everything around me is spinning and dimming, my mother showing no sighs of stopping the insults and abuse.
The room faded to white, I couldn't hear, I couldn't see. The only thing I could do was smile a bloody smile. I was dying. Just like I've always wanted.
"Goodbye Jack. Thank you for giving me the best night of my life. I love you. " I whispered my final goodbye, to the only person that matters.
I wasn't only happy because I somehow managed to get Jack Barakat; The Hottest Guy In School. But also because he accepted the scars, cuts, burns, bones, the list continues. And he wants to help me. I know his attempts will go to waste. The mental scar is just to deep.
I don't think anything could put a damper on my mood. I couldn't stop the small smile on my lips, not matter what I tried, it wouldn't leave. There was a bounce in my step , as I walked along to the beat of "Thnks Fr The Mmrs" by Fall Out Boy. A classic, but it was a great song.
I opened the house door, at the time, I hadn't noticed the dark green Cadillac in the drive way. I forgot this was the weekend mom came home. Everyone was suppose to be home, I'm in huge trouble, if she finds out I wasn't home. ....
Well who am I kidding, people tend to notice a entire person missing from here home.
This could put a damper on my mood.
"So..." I heard my mom sneer, she leaned on the kitchen doorway, which was directly across from the basement stares, which I was currently trying to sneak down.
"You weren't here yesterday. What's more important then your mother?" My mom took a drink of whatever was in her glass. Her breath hit me like a cloud, I felt the need to gag because of the smell. Alcohol.
"Nothing ma'am" I stated quietly, even though it was a lie. I knew there was no stopping what was coming to me, I could at least try and soften it some.
"Don't lie to me faggot! Where were you?!" My mother, now yelling asked. I wish she'd stop yelling, she was letting the smell of alcohol into the air, and it was hurting my head.
I didn't want her to know about Jack. But I know if I said with a friend she'd get angrier. If I said I was at a restaurant or cinema she'd get just as angry, if not more.
"I asked you a question faggot! So fucking answer it!" My mother threw her glass at my head, sending the glass and myself to fall to the ground. I landed in the glass, and oh how I loved the pain.
"I-I-I" I stuttered, this pissed my mom off to no end, when people stutter. And she let it show.
"Don't stutter Alexander. And tell me where you were!" She said kicking the side of my ribs. Painful, but I loved it.
"I was in the woods." I lied, looking up to my mother, I always got away with the woods excuse for some reason. I personally think it's because she was the first person who made me sleep in the woods, I think she feels guilty.
"No you were not." Bonnie sneered from the doorway of the Kitchen. I never noticed she was there until now. "You were with the group of emo freaks. You stayed at Barafag's" . I looked up at Bonnie hopefully, but she had a look of something else on her face. It was sullen and cold, matching my mothers current look. I'll call it 'The Mother-Look'.
"Oh! So gay buttsex is more important to you than your own mother! That's disgusting! You pathetic excuse of a man! Homosexuality is so sinnly and disgusting Alexander! I'm so disgusted by you!"
As the insults poured from my mother, she continued to kick me, hard. Things cracked, and blood was pouring from my nose and lips.
I hated the fact my mother abused me. I hated the fact dad ran from me and Bonie. I hated the fact Bonnie abused me. I hated the fact Bonnie tried to kill me in my sleep. I hated the fact that I was so ugly. I hated the fact I let my self get so fat. I hated the fact I stooped so low as to harm myself. I hated the fact I had so many different scars. I hated the fact I loved those scars. I hated the fact I loved pain. I hate everything about myself, but soon it will be all over, I can tell, the way everything around me is spinning and dimming, my mother showing no sighs of stopping the insults and abuse.
The room faded to white, I couldn't hear, I couldn't see. The only thing I could do was smile a bloody smile. I was dying. Just like I've always wanted.
"Goodbye Jack. Thank you for giving me the best night of my life. I love you. " I whispered my final goodbye, to the only person that matters.
@SaraBethGaskarth
@BatmanForever
@Herewegojalex
@LizzieKrisitc
@HarleighBarakitty
@love me always
@Cloud Storm
@Alltimekenz
10/6/13