"Jacky," I whined when I saw the skinny boy relaxing back on my couch.

"What's up, Avery?"

"Oh, you know." I shrugged as I walked around to the front of the couch. "How was the first week of your Senior year?! You must be excited."

Jack rolled his eyes. "So much. Nah, it was pretty chill. I'm just hoping this will be a blow off year."

I laughed as I plopped myself onto his lap. "Of course you are. Same ol' Jack, never wanting to exert himself too much during school."

"Got that right."

"So.."

Jack put his arms around my waist, "Yes?"

"No offense, but what are you doing here?"

"Am I not welcome?" He gave me a sad face.

"No, it's just weird that you're here..by yourself. What, have no other friends? Did Alex ditch you and you have nothing else to do? Or do you just love me that much?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself. Alex is actually upstairs.."

I looked at Jack as he zoned out, staring into space. "What? Is he up there with Lisa or something?"

"Oh, I think we would be able to hear if he was up there with Lisa," Jack laughed.

I bit the inside of my cheek. I so did not want to hear that.

"But no," Jack said, getting serious again. "He's up there alone. Now that I think about it, he's actually been up there awhile now..Maybe I should go check on him."

I shook my head, "Don't bother. He's not gonna talk to you. I'll go up there."

Jack glared at me. "If he's not gonna talk to me, his best friend, what makes you think he's gonna talk to you, his little sister?"

I looked at the calender on my phone. "It's a family thing."

Jack sighed then tossed his head toward the stairs. I kissed his forehead, stood up, and made my way towards the stairs. I walked up in a normal pase, but as I approached Alex's bedroom door, I slowed.

I took a deep breath, pausing before knocking. Here goes nothing. I raised my fist to knock, but as I leaned closer, a voice stopped me.

"Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye. It could be for the last time and it's not right. 'Don't let yourself get in over your head,' he said."

My voice caught in my throat. I know who said those word. I knew them so well..

"Alone and far from home I'll find you." Alex sang so softly, I could only hear it if I pressed my ear to his door.

"Dead - Like a candle you burned out;" Alex's voice sounded weird when he sang that part, like he started crying. "Spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.

"Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention; throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear."

I slowly opened the bedroom door and peered in. Alex's back was to me as he sat on his bed, hunched over his guitar.

"Sing me to sleep. I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.'"

I do miss him, so much, but my heart broke for Alex because I knew this was so much harder on him than anyone else.

"Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around, it's like a piece of me is missing. I could have learned so much from you but what's left now? Don't you realize you shot this family a world of pain? Can't you see there should have been a happy ending we let go?"

That's when my own tears fell. I wrapped my arms around myself, holding on for dear life. Trying to keep myself from falling apart.

"Sing me to sleep. I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.'

"Sing me to sleep. Sing me to sleep. Sing me to sleep. Sing me to s..." Alex's voice was just above a whisper now, as if he really was getting ready to sleep.

"Sing me to sleep. You've taken so much with you...I'll see you in my dreams...but left the worst with me...waiting to say, 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.' I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

I watched as Alex's guitar fell out of his limp hands, onto the floor. I watched my brother crumple in front of my eyes as he curled into himself like a baby. I listened to the audible tearing of his heart as he cried out for him. I couldn't even say his name.

"Alex.." My voice was small, broken within itself.

He could barely turn to look at me, it took so much effort, as his body jerked with silent cries. We stared at each other for a long time before Alex started to open his arms. It only took me a second to fling myself into his arms. We held each other and cried for I don't know how long. We didn't try to talk, instead we let the tears flow and let the cries loose. My whole body trembled as I opened the wound that's been closed for so long.

Finally, after what seemed like centuries though the time had been too short for the pain, our tears had subsided to puffy eyes and our cries to unsubstantial hiccups.

I buried my head into Alex chest, muffling my voice. "Lex..?"

"Shh, Ave." Alex rested his cheek on my head.

I ignored him, "Is that about.."

I felt him nod, "It is."

"Oh," I hiccuped. "I miss him, Alex."

"I know," He sighed. "I know."

I closed my eyes, but soon regretted it, as a picture of him appeared in my mind. Tom. The way his smile brightened any room. How his laugh echoed a million times. The way he would poke my nose when he teased me. The warmth of his hugs.

I shook my head, refusing to let myself think about him for fear of crying again.

"You thinking about him too?" Alex's voice was tight.

I nodded, "It's just so unreal. It was two years ago today, but I still can't seem to believe it. I just keep waiting for him to jump out, saying 'Now, you guys didn't really believe I was gone, right? You of all people should know that I am indestructible!'"

Alex chuckled, though it seemed forced. "I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon.."

I pushed Alex away, earning a confused look. I sat up and buried my face in my hands. After a moment, I felt Alex start to rub comforting circles into my back.

"I just.." But my voice betrayed me, quivering as I spoke. "I just miss him so damn much."

"I would be surprised if you didn't. He had a way of doing that, Tom did."

Out of the cracks in my fingers, I saw Alex smile softly.

"I miss him, too, you know." Alex closed his eyes. "We were pretty close."

"I know." It was my turn to rub his back. "That was his thing, being close to people."

We didn't say anything for awhile, and I was okay with that. Until the question that has been pestering me, reared its ugly head.

"Do you think..we'll ever be the same? Without him?"

He didn't even have to hesitate. "No." He looked at me then. "No, I don't."

I sighed, my breath faltering. "I see.."

I looked up at Alex just to find him already looking at me. His eyes bore into mine, and I couldn't move. As he lifted his hand, taking a deep breath, he moved a piece of stray hair behind my ear.

"Avery.."

I shook my head, "Don't say anything."

"I don't think I can handle doing this," I said after awhile. "After this year..you'll be gone too. I can't do this by myself."

Alex pierced his lips, thinking before speaking. "I don't want you to have to. You know I'm not really college bound..maybe I'll stay here after graduation."

"I don't want you to put your life on hold for me either."

He shrugged, "I probably would have stayed behind anyways. I'm not sure if I can leave Baltimore. I love it too much."

"What about Lisa?" I hated bringing her up, but I had to know. "What if she doesn't want to stay here?"

"Then she won't have to. She can leave. I have everything I could ever need, right here." Alex smiled, but after a moment, he added, "In Baltimore."

I nodded slowly, done talking for awhile. Suddenly my eyelids became heavy with sleep, and I was fighting to stay awake.

"Jack," I suddenly remembered. "He's waiting for you downstairs. He's worried."

"Go to sleep, Ave."

I sighed, "Love you, Alex."

He kissed my forehead. "I love you too."

If only he meant it the same way I did.

Notes

I don't know about you guys, but this chapter hits me right in the feels..
Tell me what you think.