Just Two Kids Stupid And Fearless

Alex POV:


The show went actually better when I knew Wendy was backstage watching us. I was in a better mood, and I got something to sing for. The mood also caused better jokes with Jack. I didn't screw up one single time, neither with the lyrics or the guitar parts.
I looked back a couple of times, just to look at my girl's proud eyes. Her smile when I sang Remembering Sunday was totally priceless. How long had we been dating? Only like 5 mounts, but it felt like forever, after all the memories we got. The one year anniversary from when we first met was also coming closer, but I don't know if that was anything to celebrate. What really happened? Well, we met at a bridge, she told me to fuck off. It's probably the day after we should celebrate if anything. The day we had our first kiss.
This girl had only been in my life for one year, or five, but still changed so much. Nothing compared how much I had turned her life around.

"You were amazing!", Wendy almost fangirled when we got back on the bus and it had started to drive.
"You know, if you didn't stink so damn much I would've hugged you all right now.", her eyes twinkled, the way only she did. Her smile was huge, and she turned her head to me. "What are you staring at?", her giggle was pure happiness.

"The prettiest girl in the world.", I smiled back. If it wouldn't been for the other people around, this moment would've been like the movies. She looked at the ground, and blushed, like she always did when I complimented her.

"Oh Wends, he meant me!", Jack said, "Sorry to let you down.". She did an ironical sad face, and then hit Jack's arm.

"I'm first to the shower!", I said, and before anyone could say anything I was inside the bathroom with the door locked.


Wendy's POV:


Alex cuddled closer to me, while having his hand under my shirt, on my waist. His eyes stared right into mine.

"Everything went so much better while you were behind me today.", he whispered, and kissed my lips.

"I doubt that.", I answered. "You're always great." He pulled me even closer, and it felt like he was going to eat me up. His nose tickled my neck. "Stop," I giggled.

"No, this is cozy.", he smiled. I yawned. "But we should probably sleep."

"Yeah, I'm exhausted.", I answered, and kissed his cheek. "Good night"

"Good night"


I woke up in the middle of the night, like I haven't done in weeks, with an anxiety attack ingoing. I quickly sat up, but still careful, not to wake Alex up. My hands buried my face, and I tried to calm myself down by saying everything was alright. It didn't help though.
The only thing in my mind was the razors, and before I knew it, I had crawled out from the bed, and made my way to the bathroom. My eyes were filled with tears, so my sight was blurry. It wouldn't surprise me if they had hidden all the sharp things, but I could still look.
I searched in every little corner in the whole room, when I finally found everyones necessaries. I looked in them all, even though I knew I shouldn't do this, and I had no right to look in their personal things. I found nothing.
Then I remembered I had an eyeliner sharpener in my makeup bag I could use. And just as I thought, it was there. After some tries I held the shiny thing in my hand. I started to cry even more, why the fuck couldn't I be happy, just like everybody else?
I walked out from the room, to the kitchen. I looked in their alcohol drawers, and found full Absolut Vodka bottle.
Lets drink the pain away.
I sat down on the couch and looked out from the window. It was really dark outside, the only thing I could see was flashlights from cars driving in the other direction. I quietly opened the bottle, and took a zip. My tears were still streaming down my face, and the voices in my head who said I didn't deserve to live, was stronger. But they would fade away if I just kept drinking.
I put down the blade on the table, and just started at it, while taking another zip. I looked at my scarred arm and it wasn't even scars yet, if someone saw it, it was kinda obvious that they were made just two weeks ago. The thought of that made me start shaking of crying, and I forced myself to be quieter. The last thing I wanted was someone to find me like this.

After about 20 minutes, I had drunken more than I should, but I was still in reality. The blade was still in the same place as before I didn't dare to touch it.

"Wendy, what's going on?", I looked up with my swollen eyes, and saw my boyfriend. No, he shouldn't see me like this. Absolutely not when I've already done stuff.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.", I cried and hid my face in my hands. I heard his fast footsteps, and I felt how he embraced me. "I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

"Schh, it's okey babe, it's okey. Did you do anything?", Alex whispered while I hid my face in his chest. I understood exactly what he meant.

"No, I couldn't. I just, I just...", I didn't find the final words for my sentence.

"You're so strong darling.", he said, and I just wanted us to be quiet for a while. His arms was still all around me, and my crying was a little softer. I just wanted him to hold onto me, and never ever leave. He knew I hated my life, and just change everything that causes it. But he still stayed, and it wouldn't come as a shock if that was the reason he'll leave one day. My problems, is our problems, and that's because of me.

"Hold onto me.", I said almost not hearable.

"What did you say?", Alex said louder.

"Hold onto me, don't you ever leave, please.", I said, and looked up at my boyfriend.


Alex POV:


"Hold onto me, don't you ever leave, please.", Wendy's eyes met mine, and it was like she was my reflection from a mirror. Leave, how could I ever leave?

"I can't do that.", I answered, and her eyes, which were red from crying, shined a little. "I can never ever leave.", she leaned her head back, and I closed my eyes, and kissed her hair. She was screaming inside for a rescue, and believe me, I was really working on it. It was also time to fax the fact that she wasn't ready to have a child, even though I wanted it like crazy, it was totally the wrong time.

"Sweetie, we shouldn't have this baby now. I want you to be 100% fixed first, for everybody's best.", I said, and there was a little pain in my stomach when I pronounced the words. "You're not ready."

"I know, we'll fix it when we get back home.", she said, actually she sounded a little relived.

"Come on, it's four am, we should get back to sleep.", I said, and she stood up from the couch. I did the same and wrapped my arms around her waist. I kissed her so soft I just could, and her palms was holding my elbows. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Go head to the bunk, I'll clean up a little first.", I said and she started walking to the hall.

"Hey Alex?", she turned around.

"Yeah?", I answered with the bottle of vodka in my hand.

"I don't want anyone else than us two to know about this, okey?",
"It'll stay between you and I, I promise.", she smiled and then got back to our little bunk.

Notes

Hi everyone! My life is taking a curse to much better places than before. I'm still fighting everything, but everything is just going so much better! I've been working on this chapter like forever, but the final 900 words I actually wrote today, so I can hopefully return like usual soon.
So comment, and tell me what you think.


Merry Christmas also!! I got All Time Low tickets for when they're coming to Sweden in February and I almost started to cry when I got them. SO IM GOING TO SEE THEM IN LESS THAN TWO MOUNTS!!
I also got a keyboard for my ipad which will make my writing a lot easier.

i hope you're doing well, bye.