Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye
020
Rebecca’s POV
I hated him, what could make him think that what he did was okay. I saw his face when I caught him out; it was like a deer being caught in the headlights. I always thought he was different, that he wasn’t like the other bastards out there. Guess I was wrong, like I always am. I stand in front of my mirror staring at my reflection; I question what it was he even saw in me in the beginning. For one I don’t have long bleach blonde hair; instead I now have boring brown hair that reaches just past my shoulders. No piercing blue eyes, just dull green ones. Next I look at my skin, not tanned and flawless, instead pale and spotty. I don’t have the perfect body, I’m not skinny with a thigh gap and stuck out hip bones, I’m the complete opposite.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror, no wonder he didn’t want me, my gaze wanders in the mirror, down to my scar ridden hips, one word comes to mind…pathetic. No wonder Alex stood me up, he probably didn’t want to date me in the beginning, he probably just asked me out because he felt sorry for me when he saw my scars, otherwise why would he have waited till now to ask me. I pick up a hair brush and throw it at the mirror, instantly the glass shatters to the floor, my reflection no longer staring back. I feel a searing pain through my legs and look down to realise some of the glass caught me, causing my legs to start bleeding. The crimson waves slowly run down my legs, like a blood red waterfall. I pick up a piece of glass staring at it, contemplating cutting…but something stops me. I realise I no longer have the urge to cut. I collapse on the floor starting to cry, upset that the one thing I had control over, the cutting, is finally gone and that I now have no control over everything, and it is then that I realise….I am just like the glass. I am broken.
***
I walk to my locker arriving at school ten minutes late. I shove my bag into my locker quickly looking for my first period book. I know that if I don’t get to lesson soon my teacher is really going to have a go at me, and I’m pretty sure cleaning up blood and glass is not a good enough reason for being late. I slam my locker shut and run to my first lesson. When I walk into class I feel a surge of gratefulness at the fact the teacher is not in and we have a supply teacher. I slip in through the door and to my seat as the people around me talk about useless things.
I listen into some of the conversations and can’t help think how self-centred some of my class mates really are. I sigh at the idea that none of these people know what a true problem is, that they have probably never had to make a life changing decision like I have. That there biggest decision they have ever had to make would be which dress to wear or which hair extensions and make up to buy. I shake my head from these thoughts and take my book out of my bag. I stare at the front page; Perks Of Being A Wallflower, I can’t help but relate to Charlie in the book, at how alone and isolated I feel, or the idea of loving someone and them letting you down. I open the page and start to read and that is when I hear it.
“So nothing happened between you two?” Questions one of the blonde bimbos in my History class.
“No, he said about how he had a date with the emo freak so I tricked him into staying, but when I tried something he just pushed me away and said about sleeping.” Replies another blonde headed bimbo with a high squeaky voice….Kendra.
“And what happened next?” questions the first girl whos name I do not know.
“Nothing! When I woke up he was gone.” Mumbles Kendra angrily.
“Wait…so Gaskarth tricked you?” questions the first girl….wait Alex didn’t sleep with her…
“Yeah he did the little bastard.” Grumbles Kendra as she files her nail. “I don’t know what the little emo did to him, but she changed him, if it was any other girl he would of cheated on her like that.”
Alex didn’t do anything…he was telling the truth….but I wouldn’t listen, what the hell have I done?
When the bell rings I waste no time in running to find Alex, instead running into the chest of a very tall skunk haired man.
“Jack! Have you seen Alex, I made a mistake! He didn’t sleep with her it was a misunderstanding.” I shout looking around frantically for the brown haired boy.
“Hey that’s great news! But yeah he’s not in today cause he’s preparing for some party he’s throwing tonight, last minute thing like he always does.” Explains Jack with a smile on his face.
“Well what am I meant to do Jack, I need to talk to him.” I question starting to get upset.
“Errrm come to the party tonight and look for him and talk to him, trust me he loves you enough to hear you out.” Mumbles Jack….wait love? I shake away the use of that word and play it off as Jack being silly.
“Great Idea, okay I’m gonna go home and find an outfit and think of what to say, I’ll see you tonight.” I reply before quickly hugging Jack and running off. I will fix everything tonight and nothing will go wrong…right?
I hated him, what could make him think that what he did was okay. I saw his face when I caught him out; it was like a deer being caught in the headlights. I always thought he was different, that he wasn’t like the other bastards out there. Guess I was wrong, like I always am. I stand in front of my mirror staring at my reflection; I question what it was he even saw in me in the beginning. For one I don’t have long bleach blonde hair; instead I now have boring brown hair that reaches just past my shoulders. No piercing blue eyes, just dull green ones. Next I look at my skin, not tanned and flawless, instead pale and spotty. I don’t have the perfect body, I’m not skinny with a thigh gap and stuck out hip bones, I’m the complete opposite.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror, no wonder he didn’t want me, my gaze wanders in the mirror, down to my scar ridden hips, one word comes to mind…pathetic. No wonder Alex stood me up, he probably didn’t want to date me in the beginning, he probably just asked me out because he felt sorry for me when he saw my scars, otherwise why would he have waited till now to ask me. I pick up a hair brush and throw it at the mirror, instantly the glass shatters to the floor, my reflection no longer staring back. I feel a searing pain through my legs and look down to realise some of the glass caught me, causing my legs to start bleeding. The crimson waves slowly run down my legs, like a blood red waterfall. I pick up a piece of glass staring at it, contemplating cutting…but something stops me. I realise I no longer have the urge to cut. I collapse on the floor starting to cry, upset that the one thing I had control over, the cutting, is finally gone and that I now have no control over everything, and it is then that I realise….I am just like the glass. I am broken.
***
I walk to my locker arriving at school ten minutes late. I shove my bag into my locker quickly looking for my first period book. I know that if I don’t get to lesson soon my teacher is really going to have a go at me, and I’m pretty sure cleaning up blood and glass is not a good enough reason for being late. I slam my locker shut and run to my first lesson. When I walk into class I feel a surge of gratefulness at the fact the teacher is not in and we have a supply teacher. I slip in through the door and to my seat as the people around me talk about useless things.
I listen into some of the conversations and can’t help think how self-centred some of my class mates really are. I sigh at the idea that none of these people know what a true problem is, that they have probably never had to make a life changing decision like I have. That there biggest decision they have ever had to make would be which dress to wear or which hair extensions and make up to buy. I shake my head from these thoughts and take my book out of my bag. I stare at the front page; Perks Of Being A Wallflower, I can’t help but relate to Charlie in the book, at how alone and isolated I feel, or the idea of loving someone and them letting you down. I open the page and start to read and that is when I hear it.
“So nothing happened between you two?” Questions one of the blonde bimbos in my History class.
“No, he said about how he had a date with the emo freak so I tricked him into staying, but when I tried something he just pushed me away and said about sleeping.” Replies another blonde headed bimbo with a high squeaky voice….Kendra.
“And what happened next?” questions the first girl whos name I do not know.
“Nothing! When I woke up he was gone.” Mumbles Kendra angrily.
“Wait…so Gaskarth tricked you?” questions the first girl….wait Alex didn’t sleep with her…
“Yeah he did the little bastard.” Grumbles Kendra as she files her nail. “I don’t know what the little emo did to him, but she changed him, if it was any other girl he would of cheated on her like that.”
Alex didn’t do anything…he was telling the truth….but I wouldn’t listen, what the hell have I done?
When the bell rings I waste no time in running to find Alex, instead running into the chest of a very tall skunk haired man.
“Jack! Have you seen Alex, I made a mistake! He didn’t sleep with her it was a misunderstanding.” I shout looking around frantically for the brown haired boy.
“Hey that’s great news! But yeah he’s not in today cause he’s preparing for some party he’s throwing tonight, last minute thing like he always does.” Explains Jack with a smile on his face.
“Well what am I meant to do Jack, I need to talk to him.” I question starting to get upset.
“Errrm come to the party tonight and look for him and talk to him, trust me he loves you enough to hear you out.” Mumbles Jack….wait love? I shake away the use of that word and play it off as Jack being silly.
“Great Idea, okay I’m gonna go home and find an outfit and think of what to say, I’ll see you tonight.” I reply before quickly hugging Jack and running off. I will fix everything tonight and nothing will go wrong…right?
11/10/13