The Flavor Of Your Lips Is Enough To Keep You Here
I hate my life
Toms POV
I knew Jack was gay. I knew it I just knew it. There was just something about him and he was making my little brother gay as well. I didn’t know him anymore. Since he started hanging around with Jack. He had started drifting away from me. We used to be so close he was the only one I could confide in. Now no one knew how I was really feeling. I really needed Alex but after what I had done to him. He wouldn’t talk to me. I mean I always put on a brave face at school and at home. Mum and dad thought I was happy but I wasn’t. Not truly happy not without Alex anyway. I didn’t know what to do. I needed Alex. I wish I hadn’t been so cruel to him or he would still be here and I could speak to him... I tried ringing him. He answered “What do you want Tom”
“Alex I am really sorry about what I did. I didn’t really want to push you away”
“Just get to the point”
“Alex I really need you to come back home so that I can talk to you”
“Tom I am not coming home. You destroyed my room.” With that he put the phone down. I started searching through my things. I knew I had one somewhere. I had to find it. I knew it was bad of me to lie to Alex about throwing them out. I had to keep one just in case. Just in case there was a time like this again. Last time I had Alex to help me through. Now I don’t have anyone to talk to. No one to share my feelings with. It was the only solution. I rolled up my sleeves. I saw my old scars. I pulled the cold metal along my old scars. I forgot how good this felt. I kept pulling the blade across pushing harder each time until I drew blood. I then locked myself in the bathroom. I moved up my arms and repeated the same thing again. I then tied bandages around my wrists. I went to bed although I couldn’t sleep. I had too much on my mind. Too much to think about. I was thinking about how I managed to push the only person that cared about me the only person I could talk to I had just pushed them out of my life. And what for to gain the respect of my friends. I wished I hadn’t done it. I just feel like dying now. I don’t want to live if Alex isn’t here. Thing is I don’t really care weather Alex is gay straight or BI. I should have told him. I should have told Mark, Oli and Josh to fuck off I was a coward I was scared of not having friends. I knew I would lose them if I didn’t mock Alex and Jack. I wish I hadn’t done it now. Right now I needed Alex. And now he was gone. I took my razor to the bathroom and locked the door.
I knew Jack was gay. I knew it I just knew it. There was just something about him and he was making my little brother gay as well. I didn’t know him anymore. Since he started hanging around with Jack. He had started drifting away from me. We used to be so close he was the only one I could confide in. Now no one knew how I was really feeling. I really needed Alex but after what I had done to him. He wouldn’t talk to me. I mean I always put on a brave face at school and at home. Mum and dad thought I was happy but I wasn’t. Not truly happy not without Alex anyway. I didn’t know what to do. I needed Alex. I wish I hadn’t been so cruel to him or he would still be here and I could speak to him... I tried ringing him. He answered “What do you want Tom”
“Alex I am really sorry about what I did. I didn’t really want to push you away”
“Just get to the point”
“Alex I really need you to come back home so that I can talk to you”
“Tom I am not coming home. You destroyed my room.” With that he put the phone down. I started searching through my things. I knew I had one somewhere. I had to find it. I knew it was bad of me to lie to Alex about throwing them out. I had to keep one just in case. Just in case there was a time like this again. Last time I had Alex to help me through. Now I don’t have anyone to talk to. No one to share my feelings with. It was the only solution. I rolled up my sleeves. I saw my old scars. I pulled the cold metal along my old scars. I forgot how good this felt. I kept pulling the blade across pushing harder each time until I drew blood. I then locked myself in the bathroom. I moved up my arms and repeated the same thing again. I then tied bandages around my wrists. I went to bed although I couldn’t sleep. I had too much on my mind. Too much to think about. I was thinking about how I managed to push the only person that cared about me the only person I could talk to I had just pushed them out of my life. And what for to gain the respect of my friends. I wished I hadn’t done it. I just feel like dying now. I don’t want to live if Alex isn’t here. Thing is I don’t really care weather Alex is gay straight or BI. I should have told him. I should have told Mark, Oli and Josh to fuck off I was a coward I was scared of not having friends. I knew I would lose them if I didn’t mock Alex and Jack. I wish I hadn’t done it now. Right now I needed Alex. And now he was gone. I took my razor to the bathroom and locked the door.
5/31/13