Mange Me, I'm A Mess
Every time, I keep asking myself why
Kassi Braelyn
The interview went fine the other day, making me nervous as hell. Very awkward questions were asked, but I somehow survived without being the newest biggest scandal. Afterwards, we went shopping with the label's budget. I had a new wardrobe to match my new title, and it's really weird to hear myself to say that to be honest. All of this is still surreal, and i'm still expecting to wake up in a hospital, probably waking up from a coma and it was all a sick, twisted fantasy. Currently everyone is having sound check, and they're saving me for last. Alex kept winking at me through the studio's window, making me blush. He was such a sweetheart, and honestly he's the main reason I haven't had a full on panic attack yet. Alex has kept me calm and content throughout the days on the bus. Today and throughout the week were practice after practice, to get me ready for tour. I'm not complaining though, since it is my new job. I always wanted to do this with my life, and now I really am.
"Okay Kassi come on in!" The tech next to me commanded. I scurried in there, taking the mic next to Alex.
"Know any songs already?" Alex asked, picking up his guitar.
"Most of them to be honest." I blushed, looking down.
"I want to try a song with you. Know the cords for I Feel Like Dancing?" Alex grinned, laughing at my expression.
"I am not singing the crunk and junk part." I exclaimed, picking up the guitar to my left.
"We'll switch off every other break and the chorus together?" He asked. I nodded as I started to sing.
Shawty said she wants to run away,
Says I look like a boy she used to date (Ha!).
Took me by the hand and pulled me to the stairs,
(I’m NOT interested, girl).
Put her tongue all up in my ear, (Gross!)
Almost made me spill my beer, (Oh Shit!)
She’s up and ready to go, but I don’t care.
(Pssh, whatever!)
'Cause I’m in the zone,
Turn off my phone, I've got my own agenda.
I feel like dancing tonight,
I’m gonna party like it’s my civil right,
(everybody get kinda awesome).
It doesn’t matter where, I don’t care if people stare, (Woah!)
'cause I feel like dancing tonight.
[Alex laughing]
Everybody getting kind of crunk,
I think some dude just grabbed my junk, (Woah!)
Now I know how Ke$ha must be feelin’,
(Like... what if we're the aliens?)
Bros try to turn me upside down.
I put a keg tap to my mouth,
But that’s okay, I’m dancin’ on the ceiling.
'Cause I’ve got the groove,
I’ll bust a move; just try and stop me.
I feel like dancing tonight,
I’m gonna party like it’s my civil right,
(everybody get kinda awesome).
It doesn’t matter where, I don’t care if people stare, (Woah!)
'cause I feel like dancing tonight.
Somebody call the police, (Woo-oooh!)
I think they’re coming to get me,
They say: “You’ve got the right to remain on the dance floor”,
So show us what you've got 'cause you know that you've got more.
I feel like dancing tonight,
I came to party like it’s my civil right,
(everybody get kinda awesome).
It doesn’t matter where, I don’t care if people stare, (Woah!)
Because I feel like dancing tonight.
Oh, one more time,
I feel like dancing tonight,
(I feel like dancing…)
I’m gonna party like it’s my civil right, (Woooah)
It doesn’t matter where, I don’t care if people stare,
'cause I feel like dancing tonight (Oh, oh, oooh!)
I feel like dancing tonight.
We finished off the song with laughing.
"That was great guys!" The tech said over the microphone. I smiled, hugging Alex.
"You're going to be perfect out there." He whispered into my ear, causing the butterfly feeling in my stomach.
"Thank you." I broke the hug, looking at the other's through the window. They all gave me a thumbs up.
"You guys are good for today, tomorrow we'll buckle down. I gotta send this to the Hopeless." He stated, giving us the signal to leave. We walked out, his arm over my shoulders.
"You made Alex sound like a god!" Jack jumped up on me right away, making Alex pout.
"Fuck you." He muttered, breaking into a smile after a few seconds. Alex's smile is like the best fucking thing ever. It might be a split second, but it's the greatest feeling when he looks at you with a smile on his face.
"So what do you guys want to do?" Rian asked, Zack standing next to him.
"WALMART SHOPPING!" Jack jumped, super excited to shop at Walmart for some reason...
"What's so great about Walmart?" I asked, clearly kind of confused.
"Everything is great. It's hilarious for some reason." Zack stated.
"Okay okay. Whatever you guys say." I agreed, walking with them to the bus.
"To Walmart Matt!" Jack commanded. Matt flipped him off, and Jack stomped off. Twenty minutes later we were getting a cart, and Alex climbed inside. Jack pushed while Rian ran off to the foods, and Zack to the sport equipment. I stayed with Alex and Jack, going down the makeup isle.
"Why are we in this section?" I asked, picking up some mascara and eyeliner.
"So we can knock that shit out of your hand, because you don't need it!" Alex yelled, taking my makeup and throwing it on the ground. I rolled my eyes, picking it back up.
"I'm just not going to argue." I commented, walking down the toy isle. Alex started climbing out of the cart, running to the lego isle.
"THERE'S LEGO BATMAN OH MY GOD WE MUST GET IT!" Alex screamed, picking up the box, clutching it to his chest. "Will you put it together with me?" He asked, giving me the puppy dog look. I nodded, making him cheer.
"Oh my god it's All Time Low!" A voice came from behind. Two girls were rushing to get some paper and a pen from their purses. "Will you sign these?" One girl asked, very excited.
"Sure!" Alex exclaimed, signing the paper, then handing it to Jack. Jack signed it, and handed to me. I looked at them with 'really?' face.
"You're a part of ATL now love." Alex commented, as I signed it to the best of my abilities.
"Why did you let a slut join? I thought you guys were better than that." One girl exclaimed, making me feel like shit.
"She's not a slut. You're not a real fan if you assume things like that!" Alex yelled, grabbing my hand, stomping off with Jack tagging behind. "Are you okay?" Jack asked once we were in the foods, trying to find Rian.
"Yeah, i'm fine." I faked a smile as we found Rian with his arms full of assorted junk food. Alex gave me the 'we'll talk later' look as we went to find Zack. When we found him we paid and ran back to the bus. We all split up once we boarded, and I went and sat on my bunk.
"Hey, you promised to put this together with me." Alex said softly, sitting next to me, box in hand.
"A promise is a promise." I said, shrugging.
"I know it hurt you. You're beautiful, don't let anyone tell you different Kass." Alex took some hair and put it behind my ear. I blushed, automatically putting my head down, but Alex took his forefingers and lifted my chin up, looking into my eyes. The butterfly feeling erupted once again today.
"I mean it." He whispered, leaning closer to me.
"You can't. I'm nothing Alex." I admitted, feeling tears falling down my face.
"You are anything but nothing. I mean every word I say." He wiped my tears, harnessing my face in his hands.
"Thank you Alex." I whispered, kissing his cheek. "Let's put this shit together!" I exclaimed making him laugh.
"Your wish is my command." He joked, and the rest of the night we put together his batman lego set, making me feel like the little kid I wish I was.
I wouldn't be as broken as I was if I could of been young once again.
The interview went fine the other day, making me nervous as hell. Very awkward questions were asked, but I somehow survived without being the newest biggest scandal. Afterwards, we went shopping with the label's budget. I had a new wardrobe to match my new title, and it's really weird to hear myself to say that to be honest. All of this is still surreal, and i'm still expecting to wake up in a hospital, probably waking up from a coma and it was all a sick, twisted fantasy. Currently everyone is having sound check, and they're saving me for last. Alex kept winking at me through the studio's window, making me blush. He was such a sweetheart, and honestly he's the main reason I haven't had a full on panic attack yet. Alex has kept me calm and content throughout the days on the bus. Today and throughout the week were practice after practice, to get me ready for tour. I'm not complaining though, since it is my new job. I always wanted to do this with my life, and now I really am.
"Okay Kassi come on in!" The tech next to me commanded. I scurried in there, taking the mic next to Alex.
"Know any songs already?" Alex asked, picking up his guitar.
"Most of them to be honest." I blushed, looking down.
"I want to try a song with you. Know the cords for I Feel Like Dancing?" Alex grinned, laughing at my expression.
"I am not singing the crunk and junk part." I exclaimed, picking up the guitar to my left.
"We'll switch off every other break and the chorus together?" He asked. I nodded as I started to sing.
Shawty said she wants to run away,
Says I look like a boy she used to date (Ha!).
Took me by the hand and pulled me to the stairs,
(I’m NOT interested, girl).
Put her tongue all up in my ear, (Gross!)
Almost made me spill my beer, (Oh Shit!)
She’s up and ready to go, but I don’t care.
(Pssh, whatever!)
'Cause I’m in the zone,
Turn off my phone, I've got my own agenda.
I feel like dancing tonight,
I’m gonna party like it’s my civil right,
(everybody get kinda awesome).
It doesn’t matter where, I don’t care if people stare, (Woah!)
'cause I feel like dancing tonight.
[Alex laughing]
Everybody getting kind of crunk,
I think some dude just grabbed my junk, (Woah!)
Now I know how Ke$ha must be feelin’,
(Like... what if we're the aliens?)
Bros try to turn me upside down.
I put a keg tap to my mouth,
But that’s okay, I’m dancin’ on the ceiling.
'Cause I’ve got the groove,
I’ll bust a move; just try and stop me.
I feel like dancing tonight,
I’m gonna party like it’s my civil right,
(everybody get kinda awesome).
It doesn’t matter where, I don’t care if people stare, (Woah!)
'cause I feel like dancing tonight.
Somebody call the police, (Woo-oooh!)
I think they’re coming to get me,
They say: “You’ve got the right to remain on the dance floor”,
So show us what you've got 'cause you know that you've got more.
I feel like dancing tonight,
I came to party like it’s my civil right,
(everybody get kinda awesome).
It doesn’t matter where, I don’t care if people stare, (Woah!)
Because I feel like dancing tonight.
Oh, one more time,
I feel like dancing tonight,
(I feel like dancing…)
I’m gonna party like it’s my civil right, (Woooah)
It doesn’t matter where, I don’t care if people stare,
'cause I feel like dancing tonight (Oh, oh, oooh!)
I feel like dancing tonight.
We finished off the song with laughing.
"That was great guys!" The tech said over the microphone. I smiled, hugging Alex.
"You're going to be perfect out there." He whispered into my ear, causing the butterfly feeling in my stomach.
"Thank you." I broke the hug, looking at the other's through the window. They all gave me a thumbs up.
"You guys are good for today, tomorrow we'll buckle down. I gotta send this to the Hopeless." He stated, giving us the signal to leave. We walked out, his arm over my shoulders.
"You made Alex sound like a god!" Jack jumped up on me right away, making Alex pout.
"Fuck you." He muttered, breaking into a smile after a few seconds. Alex's smile is like the best fucking thing ever. It might be a split second, but it's the greatest feeling when he looks at you with a smile on his face.
"So what do you guys want to do?" Rian asked, Zack standing next to him.
"WALMART SHOPPING!" Jack jumped, super excited to shop at Walmart for some reason...
"What's so great about Walmart?" I asked, clearly kind of confused.
"Everything is great. It's hilarious for some reason." Zack stated.
"Okay okay. Whatever you guys say." I agreed, walking with them to the bus.
"To Walmart Matt!" Jack commanded. Matt flipped him off, and Jack stomped off. Twenty minutes later we were getting a cart, and Alex climbed inside. Jack pushed while Rian ran off to the foods, and Zack to the sport equipment. I stayed with Alex and Jack, going down the makeup isle.
"Why are we in this section?" I asked, picking up some mascara and eyeliner.
"So we can knock that shit out of your hand, because you don't need it!" Alex yelled, taking my makeup and throwing it on the ground. I rolled my eyes, picking it back up.
"I'm just not going to argue." I commented, walking down the toy isle. Alex started climbing out of the cart, running to the lego isle.
"THERE'S LEGO BATMAN OH MY GOD WE MUST GET IT!" Alex screamed, picking up the box, clutching it to his chest. "Will you put it together with me?" He asked, giving me the puppy dog look. I nodded, making him cheer.
"Oh my god it's All Time Low!" A voice came from behind. Two girls were rushing to get some paper and a pen from their purses. "Will you sign these?" One girl asked, very excited.
"Sure!" Alex exclaimed, signing the paper, then handing it to Jack. Jack signed it, and handed to me. I looked at them with 'really?' face.
"You're a part of ATL now love." Alex commented, as I signed it to the best of my abilities.
"Why did you let a slut join? I thought you guys were better than that." One girl exclaimed, making me feel like shit.
"She's not a slut. You're not a real fan if you assume things like that!" Alex yelled, grabbing my hand, stomping off with Jack tagging behind. "Are you okay?" Jack asked once we were in the foods, trying to find Rian.
"Yeah, i'm fine." I faked a smile as we found Rian with his arms full of assorted junk food. Alex gave me the 'we'll talk later' look as we went to find Zack. When we found him we paid and ran back to the bus. We all split up once we boarded, and I went and sat on my bunk.
"Hey, you promised to put this together with me." Alex said softly, sitting next to me, box in hand.
"A promise is a promise." I said, shrugging.
"I know it hurt you. You're beautiful, don't let anyone tell you different Kass." Alex took some hair and put it behind my ear. I blushed, automatically putting my head down, but Alex took his forefingers and lifted my chin up, looking into my eyes. The butterfly feeling erupted once again today.
"I mean it." He whispered, leaning closer to me.
"You can't. I'm nothing Alex." I admitted, feeling tears falling down my face.
"You are anything but nothing. I mean every word I say." He wiped my tears, harnessing my face in his hands.
"Thank you Alex." I whispered, kissing his cheek. "Let's put this shit together!" I exclaimed making him laugh.
"Your wish is my command." He joked, and the rest of the night we put together his batman lego set, making me feel like the little kid I wish I was.
I wouldn't be as broken as I was if I could of been young once again.
8/20/13