Mange Me, I'm A Mess
Who's falling, who's crashing now
Alex Gaskarth
First day of official tour started today. The week went by amazingly fast. Kassi was amazing during her practices, and I knew she was completely ready for the show only two hours away. We just finished the last sound check, and the Simple Plan guys were already on stage, starting the show. For some reason, I could never stop thinking about Kassi. How mysterious she was to the rest of us, and we all were waiting for her to come clean. How her smiles were adorable because she'd blush at the same time as well as her dimples standing out. How she's childish yet mature at the same time. How I knew I was starting to fall head over heels for her, but didn't know what to do about it.
"Gaskarth, you're going to fall out of your chair." Kassi's voice interrupted my thoughts, and sure enough I was on the edge of my chair, and before I knew it I was on the ground. She helped me up and raised and eyebrow.
"Just thinking. Tonight's show is going to be amazing with you!" I covered up, but in all honestly I was thinking about that as well.
"I just don't want to screw up." She muttered, walking out of the dressing room.
"Hey! You won't. If you do, just look at me i'll take over. I know it's nerve wrecking." I grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking away. She looked at me, breathing quickly, looking around. She tried to get out of my grip, but when I wouldn't let go she fell to the ground, shaking uncontrollably.
She was having a panic attack.
"Breathe Kass. It's going to be okay." I hugged her, both of us sitting on the ground. Crew members gathered around, as well as the rest of the band and Matt.
"Is she going to be okay to go out there?" Matt questioned, looking at the clock on the hall. We had only a half hour until stage.
"Let her calm down!" Rian interrupted, running to get something. He soon came back with some water and pills. "I found these in her suitcase." I nodded and put them in her mouth, making her sallow them. A few minutes later, she opened her eyes.
"S-sorry." She stuttered out, making everyone sigh in relief.
"Hey, don't be sorry. I have panic attacks time to time too." I pushed her bangs back with my hand, looking into her eyes.
"Guys, you have to start getting ready." Matt exclaimed, making the others go backstage waiting for the que to go out.
"Can you go out there?" I asked, helping her up.
"Alex, i'm sorry I didn't tell any of you guys earlier. It was a long overdue attack. Trust me." She laughed a little, with no humor. "If you're going to be by my side, i'll be able to." I took her hand, leading her backstage.
"I'll always be there." I confirmed, making her smile. "And we'll have a talk later, okay?" She nodded. Soon enough it was our turn to go out. Jack ran onto stage first, Rian fist pumping to his place on drums, and Zack walking casually out. I grabbed Kass' hand and we ran out, her grinning like a fool.
"Hey fuckers!" I yelled into the microphone, making the crowd scream. "As you see, we have this lovely lady on our stage today!" I gestured to Kass, who was adjusting her guitar. She waved, making some girls scream. "Well here's the surprise we were talking about. Our new member!" I yelled, making the crowd silent for a second. I looked at Jack, panic was on his face. Rian was looking at Matt who looked shocked. After a minute, the fans started screaming louder than before.
"OH THANK YOU I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE GUYS WERE GOING TO KILL US!" Jack screamed, looking in my direction.
"You guys getting killed? What about me asshole?" Kass yelled at Jack through the microphone.
"ANYWAYS! I know all of you guys know this song." I grinned, the fans already stating to fling bras onto the stage. We waited for Jack to put them on the microphone stand started the song.
Hey there it's good to see you again,
It never felt right calling this "just friends".
I'm happy, if you're happy, with yourself.
Take off your shirt, your shoes,
those skinny jeans I bought for you.
We're diving in, there's nothing left to lose.
I'm gonna break down these walls, (down these walls) I built around myself.
I wanna fall so in love (so in love), with you, and no one else,
Could ever mean half as much, to me as you do now.
Together we'll move on, just don't turn around,
Let the walls break down.
I used to wear you like a ball and chain,
I'd run and hide at the call of my name.
It was obvious you were too much for me.
Oblivious, I was young and horny.
In retrospect, I wouldn't do it again.
Stop talking shit to every one of your friends
I'm not the same boy you knew back then...
'Cause I can break down these walls, I built around myself.
I wanna fall so in love, with you, and no one else,
Could ever mean half as much, to me as you do now.
Together we'll move on, just don't turn around,
Let the walls break
I can't breathe, my body's shaking.
You've got a way with the way you take me,
'Cause you break me down,
You know you break me down...
I'm gonna break down these walls, (down these walls) I built around myself.
I wanna fall so in love, (so in love) with you, and no one else,
Could ever mean half as much, to me as you do now.
Together we'll move on, just don't turn around,
Let the walls break down.
Break down these walls, I built around myself.
Let the walls break down. (break down these walls)
'Cause you break me down, (cause you break me down, cause you break me down)
Let the walls break down.
Kass and I finished, and we grinned at each other like fools.
The rest of the concert went fast, even Kass committed to Jack and I's conversations. It was just amazing. When we finished, we all celebrated on the bus, drinks in hand. Everyone was dancing, drinking, and have a great time besides Kassi. All she was doing was in her bunk, curtain closed. I made my way to her bunk, opening the curtain. She looked at me, and then looked back at her laptop.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked, looking over her shoulder.
"Yeah, i'm great." She smiled slightly. I shook my head, sitting on her bunk.
"Why aren't you celebrating?" I asked, taking a sip of my beer.
"I'm just not into those kind of things." Kass said, shutting her laptop. There must be a lot I don't know about this girl.
"Care to explain?" She sighed, facing me.
"I figured I had to tell someone at some point. I was just hoping later. When I was 12 my mother started getting sick. Kidney failures, heart problems, there was a lot. My father was always working, trying to pay the bills. I was always alone. When I went to school, I would get made fun of, and it started to scare me. The thoughts of what people would do to me if I kept letting them pick on me. I started having panic attacks, and I was still alone. Self harm started shortly after, just because I needed real pain. I couldn't handle my mind. My mother died later that year, my father was in so much pain. He started to cope with alcohol. I was still alone, and self harm got worse. I overcame it with your song actually. And that's kind of this all is." She sighed at the end, not a tear was shed from her, but I must of been sobbing at this point. "Hey don't cry. It's okay." She smiled, wiping my tears away.
"How can someone do something so horrible to you." I whispered, hugging her tightly. She responded quickly, putting her head on the crook of my neck.
"It happens Lex. I'm okay now. Everything is going to be okay." She whispered into my ear.
"You called me Lex." I smiled.
"Oh i'm sorry i'll stop." She pulled away, staring at her hands awkwardly.
"No, please don't. It was cute." I confessed, making her smile. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, she yawned, very cutely might I add.
"Tired?" I asked. She nodded, leaning into my side. I put my arms over her shoulders as she closed her eyes. I started to sing Daydream Away. She fell asleep soonly after I stopped, and I laid her down onto her bunk. I placed myself next to her, putting my arms around her waist. Moving closer, I kissed her forehead. I was sure to have a nice sleep tonight.
First day of official tour started today. The week went by amazingly fast. Kassi was amazing during her practices, and I knew she was completely ready for the show only two hours away. We just finished the last sound check, and the Simple Plan guys were already on stage, starting the show. For some reason, I could never stop thinking about Kassi. How mysterious she was to the rest of us, and we all were waiting for her to come clean. How her smiles were adorable because she'd blush at the same time as well as her dimples standing out. How she's childish yet mature at the same time. How I knew I was starting to fall head over heels for her, but didn't know what to do about it.
"Gaskarth, you're going to fall out of your chair." Kassi's voice interrupted my thoughts, and sure enough I was on the edge of my chair, and before I knew it I was on the ground. She helped me up and raised and eyebrow.
"Just thinking. Tonight's show is going to be amazing with you!" I covered up, but in all honestly I was thinking about that as well.
"I just don't want to screw up." She muttered, walking out of the dressing room.
"Hey! You won't. If you do, just look at me i'll take over. I know it's nerve wrecking." I grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking away. She looked at me, breathing quickly, looking around. She tried to get out of my grip, but when I wouldn't let go she fell to the ground, shaking uncontrollably.
She was having a panic attack.
"Breathe Kass. It's going to be okay." I hugged her, both of us sitting on the ground. Crew members gathered around, as well as the rest of the band and Matt.
"Is she going to be okay to go out there?" Matt questioned, looking at the clock on the hall. We had only a half hour until stage.
"Let her calm down!" Rian interrupted, running to get something. He soon came back with some water and pills. "I found these in her suitcase." I nodded and put them in her mouth, making her sallow them. A few minutes later, she opened her eyes.
"S-sorry." She stuttered out, making everyone sigh in relief.
"Hey, don't be sorry. I have panic attacks time to time too." I pushed her bangs back with my hand, looking into her eyes.
"Guys, you have to start getting ready." Matt exclaimed, making the others go backstage waiting for the que to go out.
"Can you go out there?" I asked, helping her up.
"Alex, i'm sorry I didn't tell any of you guys earlier. It was a long overdue attack. Trust me." She laughed a little, with no humor. "If you're going to be by my side, i'll be able to." I took her hand, leading her backstage.
"I'll always be there." I confirmed, making her smile. "And we'll have a talk later, okay?" She nodded. Soon enough it was our turn to go out. Jack ran onto stage first, Rian fist pumping to his place on drums, and Zack walking casually out. I grabbed Kass' hand and we ran out, her grinning like a fool.
"Hey fuckers!" I yelled into the microphone, making the crowd scream. "As you see, we have this lovely lady on our stage today!" I gestured to Kass, who was adjusting her guitar. She waved, making some girls scream. "Well here's the surprise we were talking about. Our new member!" I yelled, making the crowd silent for a second. I looked at Jack, panic was on his face. Rian was looking at Matt who looked shocked. After a minute, the fans started screaming louder than before.
"OH THANK YOU I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE GUYS WERE GOING TO KILL US!" Jack screamed, looking in my direction.
"You guys getting killed? What about me asshole?" Kass yelled at Jack through the microphone.
"ANYWAYS! I know all of you guys know this song." I grinned, the fans already stating to fling bras onto the stage. We waited for Jack to put them on the microphone stand started the song.
Hey there it's good to see you again,
It never felt right calling this "just friends".
I'm happy, if you're happy, with yourself.
Take off your shirt, your shoes,
those skinny jeans I bought for you.
We're diving in, there's nothing left to lose.
I'm gonna break down these walls, (down these walls) I built around myself.
I wanna fall so in love (so in love), with you, and no one else,
Could ever mean half as much, to me as you do now.
Together we'll move on, just don't turn around,
Let the walls break down.
I used to wear you like a ball and chain,
I'd run and hide at the call of my name.
It was obvious you were too much for me.
Oblivious, I was young and horny.
In retrospect, I wouldn't do it again.
Stop talking shit to every one of your friends
I'm not the same boy you knew back then...
'Cause I can break down these walls, I built around myself.
I wanna fall so in love, with you, and no one else,
Could ever mean half as much, to me as you do now.
Together we'll move on, just don't turn around,
Let the walls break
I can't breathe, my body's shaking.
You've got a way with the way you take me,
'Cause you break me down,
You know you break me down...
I'm gonna break down these walls, (down these walls) I built around myself.
I wanna fall so in love, (so in love) with you, and no one else,
Could ever mean half as much, to me as you do now.
Together we'll move on, just don't turn around,
Let the walls break down.
Break down these walls, I built around myself.
Let the walls break down. (break down these walls)
'Cause you break me down, (cause you break me down, cause you break me down)
Let the walls break down.
Kass and I finished, and we grinned at each other like fools.
The rest of the concert went fast, even Kass committed to Jack and I's conversations. It was just amazing. When we finished, we all celebrated on the bus, drinks in hand. Everyone was dancing, drinking, and have a great time besides Kassi. All she was doing was in her bunk, curtain closed. I made my way to her bunk, opening the curtain. She looked at me, and then looked back at her laptop.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked, looking over her shoulder.
"Yeah, i'm great." She smiled slightly. I shook my head, sitting on her bunk.
"Why aren't you celebrating?" I asked, taking a sip of my beer.
"I'm just not into those kind of things." Kass said, shutting her laptop. There must be a lot I don't know about this girl.
"Care to explain?" She sighed, facing me.
"I figured I had to tell someone at some point. I was just hoping later. When I was 12 my mother started getting sick. Kidney failures, heart problems, there was a lot. My father was always working, trying to pay the bills. I was always alone. When I went to school, I would get made fun of, and it started to scare me. The thoughts of what people would do to me if I kept letting them pick on me. I started having panic attacks, and I was still alone. Self harm started shortly after, just because I needed real pain. I couldn't handle my mind. My mother died later that year, my father was in so much pain. He started to cope with alcohol. I was still alone, and self harm got worse. I overcame it with your song actually. And that's kind of this all is." She sighed at the end, not a tear was shed from her, but I must of been sobbing at this point. "Hey don't cry. It's okay." She smiled, wiping my tears away.
"How can someone do something so horrible to you." I whispered, hugging her tightly. She responded quickly, putting her head on the crook of my neck.
"It happens Lex. I'm okay now. Everything is going to be okay." She whispered into my ear.
"You called me Lex." I smiled.
"Oh i'm sorry i'll stop." She pulled away, staring at her hands awkwardly.
"No, please don't. It was cute." I confessed, making her smile. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, she yawned, very cutely might I add.
"Tired?" I asked. She nodded, leaning into my side. I put my arms over her shoulders as she closed her eyes. I started to sing Daydream Away. She fell asleep soonly after I stopped, and I laid her down onto her bunk. I placed myself next to her, putting my arms around her waist. Moving closer, I kissed her forehead. I was sure to have a nice sleep tonight.
8/20/13