The Boy Next Door - Comments, page 2

Well, this just kind of got tragic. XD
I mean, I admire Jack for what he did, obviously he didn’t have to do that. But WTF now Alex can’t make a move now? Ugh. :(
Sorry, I’m just all for Alex in this story, lol.
A few things I noted that were a bit off:
I wanted to say staying away from her but I couldn't out of a sudden just cut out contact with her, could I?
‘out of a sudden’ should be ‘all of a sudden’. Not sure if maybe that phrasing is different overseas, lol, but usually it’s ‘all’.
He clearly didn't say it was a date, didn't he?
You’ll want to change the second ‘didn’t’ to ‘did’. With the double ‘didn’t’, it doesn’t make sense logically/grammar-wise.
I raised my glass and shot them a death glare, showing how much I was doing fine on my on.
Here you’ll want ‘on my own’ instead of ‘on my on’ lol.
But other than these things, thought it flowed pretty smoothly. There were other words off but they were just smaller things, so I won’t get nit-picky.
Feel so bad for Gail. Wish she knew the full story, poor girl. :( Woot though to her partying and showing confidence, haha. :)
Great job with the update, interested in seeing how this goes as it continues. :)

No worries, it happens. :)
Great job with the new update. Ah. So we're getting somewhere.
It got intense really quickly. :O Hmm... so is Jack really just using her? His attitude confuses me a bit... I know there was a lot of anger going on, so maybe that's to blame. I'd hate to think he's actually just using her though.
But I think the fact that he didn't take the time to analyze her paintings like Alex did, says something. Idk. I loved how Alex did that and then there's Jack who can't tell the difference between a make-up brush and a paintbrush. lol.
Gail questions "What have I done?" at the end of her POV. I'm a bit confused on why she's feeling guilt, but I guess that may be explained later.
And as for the POV switch, I'm glad you took my advice on that. Recapped a bit with what we missed with not seeing Alex's POV, but then just went straight into the new. That's the way to do it. :) Great job.
This line:
Jack nods as she pulls on his hand with a devilish grin, she's letting him inside. Leaving me dying to get in too.
I saw what you did there. ;)
"Of course you do. You wouldn't do any of these if you didn't." He glares
*any of these things, you'll want to put here, lol.
Hmm... what else... just a very interesting update, I'm glad Alex opened up a little more. :) I laughed when it was first announced he was the caller. Knew he would be jealous haha. :P
Can't wait to see what's next in store! :)

@Nanook ahaha yes I figured that also about the timeline, i'll have to make adjustments about the timeline then. As usual, thank you for review! Sorry once again for any grammatical errors, I'm trying my best to minimalize it! :)

Great job with the update! Ooh, so her date with Jack appears to have gone well.
One thing I want to point out, considering timeline... if this in fact takes place when ATL was in high school, that means it would be set in 2006 or before... the movie Insidious didn't come out until 2010. Unless of course you're setting this later, that would be a different story. But that movie is a good example of a movie that's really scary and creepy, lol, I'll give you that. You'll want to go with what makes sense for that time though if you're making this true to date.
There were also several grammar things I spotted; I won't be annoying and point them all out, but just something to be cautious with as you're writing. :)
But loved the chapter and can't wait for more! :)
And in response to your comment, awesome how you met them! :) And lol, same.

Haha. I hear ya! I did some crazy shit in high school and still do when I really drink lol. Ex: me riding in the truck ( the trunk is open to the rest of the car hut divided by a wall ) of a crossfire pressed up against the glass, drunk off my ass, singing blink songs. And that was a normal Tuesday. " lol

@Nanook lucky! I've met Neck Deep twice and I also met Pierce the Veil, I shed a tear everytime ahaha I'm too obsessed with bands this is becoming unhealthy :(

@hopeless1313 oh you have no idea how fun I am at parties :-)

Fun fact: I literally read the one beginning sentence as "I look up to Jack, who's just dropped a plastic cup onto my table" instead of "case." LMAO. I read it again and then it took a third time to realize it said case, idk what's going on with my brain today. XD But needless to say, I was so confused before I finally saw what it said, lol.
Ooooh, Jack asked her out. This is gonna be goooood. XD Does he know of Alex's secret feelings? I'm so excited to see Alex's reaction, is that bad? XD lol.
And was Alex really working on math homework? He "just read the questions"? What? XD So what was he doing that whole time, I feel like it doesn't take that long to read questions. Idk, maybe it actually did lol.
One thing I spotted:
It's not like the other songs we'd listened last night, this one is acoustic.
Missing the word "to" between listened and last. lol.
But great job with the update! Things are about to get interesting. Mwhaha.
As for interesting drunk stories... hmm... well, I actually haven't had too many since I'm in the U.S. and have only been a legal drinker for a little over a year now, lol, since legal age is 21. But a few months ago when I was at The Rockwell when Jack was there, I told him I loved him? XD Yes, I have met the members of ATL and yet I still read fanfics, sue me.
But yeah, I told him that and did not hear what he said in return (loud music), but he did hug me, so it wasn't awkward, lol. But yes, I have generally been a nervous mess each time I've had the chance to meet them sober, but when I get a few drinks in me, it helps settle the nerves and I tend to get a little more carefree in general, lol. But yeah, if I had the nerve to talk to him sober I would probably still tell him I loved him or any of the members for that matter, since their music has changed my life. <3 :)

I was thinking Jack would ask her out. I wonder if she will say yes or not. And the whole being scared of numbers thing, I seriously laughed out loud. So funny. haha

@Nanook I didn't realize! Thank you and as always, loved every feedback you've given!

YAASSS. I was on here reading another update and got the notification that you updated, haha. :)
Great job with the chapter! Hm... interesting how they're being civil with her now. Or friendly, I guess. They weren't exactly not civil before, aside from Alex, lol. Does Jack know how Alex feels? Or will Jack himself try to make a move?.... hm...
Idk, when Alex made that comment when Jack was teaching her, seemed a little spite-filled... lol.
One thing I noticed with the update, you mentioned how he was gonna make her a mixtape twice, lol.
"But they're like, living legends! I'll make you a mix tape tomorrow, for references. A punk rock 101 from Jack Barakat. I might as well get you to dye your hair crazy colours."
And then shortly after that:
"Hey, let me make you a mix tape. I can put some other songs similar to Green Day." He adds
lol. Probably a slip of the mind or perhaps you changed something with one of those lines and forgot to go back and change the other.
But overall it was solid, and I enjoyed the chapter. :) Excited for the next!
Oh, and glad you liked my feedback for the last chapter. :)

@Nanook noted! Thank you so much, I'll keep that in mind for the following updates!

@hopeless1313 welcome and thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it :)

Just started reading (already caught up) and I love it! Can't wait for more !

Aw, no problem! I'm glad they do; that's my point with leaving them. :)
Bummed that no one else is leaving you feedback, but you still got me here. :)
As for the new update...
I like how the ending gave us a bit more into Alex's thoughts. It let us know how he knew to get the corsage, and the comma thing, I honestly didn't realize that was intentional. But that's so sweet how he did that. :)
But yeah, if that's one thing to note: make sure you have two m's in comma. lol. One m makes it co-ma. Like the induced sleep in the hospital, coma? lol.
As for the rest of the chapter, I kind of found it just a bit repetitive and honestly feel the story probably could've gone without this chapter. Other than the ending, I feel like we didn't learn anything too new. Which is fine, perhaps that's the point... to leave Alex confessing his secrets later. In that case, it should just probably continue on in Gail's POV instead of just writing a scene again in his POV, you know?
Just trying to leave constructive feedback. Because, with the beginning, we still didn't find out more about the him Alex refers to (although I can probably assume who he is going by other fan fics), and we also don't really learn much about his feelings towards Gail or why he's acting the way he is. Other than, again, that little romantic moment they had and then towards the end with the corsage moment.
But yeah, hope you didn't feel pressured to update girl. I would rather wait for a chapter where something more happens as opposed to the POV changing in the same scene without much more being revealed, you know? Just something to think about as you continue. :)
But still loving this story and can't wait to see what happens next. :D

@Nanook your comments seriously encourage me to write and update more! Thank you so much and I'm really glad you enjoy it!

OMG.
I'm seriously, like, near tears at the cuteness at the end of this new chapter.
He got a corsage, in her dress color. He was expecting to go with her. Awwww....
A little creepy he knew what color her dress was, but awww... XD
This story gives me butterflies at their little exchanges, because, idk. XD
And psh, when he said he didn't know what he was doing because he was drunk. C'mon, Alex, you know what you were doing. That was probably my favorite moment of the chapter other than the end part. It got so intensely meaningful in a blink, lol. :O
It's amazing, though, that he can still be so crude to her. He's a great actor for sure.
Great job with the update! Excited for the next, really enjoy your writing style. :)

@Nanook coming up soon! :)

Oooh... kind of wondering how to visualize her dress now, since it was so flawless. :O
Sometimes it's good for change, with the haircut and all. I've actually considered doing the same, kind of getting tired of my long hair lol.
And hmm... so Alex was dressed up but he didn't go to homecoming... hmm.... maybe he did and she just didn't see him? Or if he didn't, what happened exactly? A few different questions there.
Can't wait to see what happens next! :)

You're welcome. And oh, gotcha, I totally understand, that makes sense now with how some words were switched around then. It definitely gets confusing as it switches languages. You're doing fairly well then for this being your third language. :)
And awesome, I'm happy to hear that! Hope you're able to update more then. :) I'll be here.

@Nanook Hey! Thanks for the comment and the nice words! I'm sorry for the errors for English isn't my first language, it's my 3rd ahaha. I speak French as my first language and Indonesian as my second (my parents are indonesian and belgian) but I'll try my best to go over the story again and correct them! And also, I've actually written about 20+ chapters in my journal, I'm trying my best to update as often as I can. Love from Belgium!

I love this.
Being honest, some of the words are off, either verb tense or every now and then it'll seem like sentences are worded weirdly. But it's been a while since I've stumbled across a teen ATL fic that I've loved.
And even though this only has six chapters going, it's just awesome.
Alex totally loves her. :DD He's so jealous it's funny. XD I love how he tried to play off asking her to Homecoming by like, asking it while talking to Gail's mother.
He shouldn't hate on her so much, and maybe she'd like him too. ;)
I'm interested in seeing where you go with this. Love Gail's character, she's very smart and just very honest with her words and analyzations.
I saw your one update where you said you were going through a rough time, so I also wanted to comment to let you know I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Sometimes it's nice to just vent to someone.
But yeah, this story is seriously great and I really hope you continue it. :)